Toilet Training Troubles long, but plese help

I have a 3year old dcg who's parents say she is potty trained, all I have to do is asked her every hour if she needs to go (I have written about her before). Her parents are now sending 1 to 2 pull-ups per day. The problem is she still is not only not telling me she has to go but also telling me that she doesn't have to go when I ask her.

I change all diapers and TELL every child that they have to go before we go out, before and After nap, before afternoon snack and about 30 to 60 minutes before they are to be picked up. I also change diapers if I notice they need it.

I have looked at the girl and have known she has to go. So I get down to here level and ask her if there is something she would like to ask me. She will nod her head yes. So I wait, then tell her its okay to ask. Still nothing, so I tell her to go the the bathroom. Even with all the times she does go she has still had accidents in her pull-ups.

I have rewritten my toilet training policy.
(there was a thread a while back where people shared their policies, some said we could copy, others asked for their policy to be rewritten. (I can not find the thread now) I have used these as well as add my own info. (if I have not rewritten enough, please let me know so I can fix it.) Will add a copy of my policy to the bottom of this thread.

I gave the mom the new policy yesterday at pick up, told her that her and her husband need to read and sign it. Today at drop off, the father didn't have the policy or mention it. I didn't say anything as I know he had to get to work, and I was not fully awake.

What I want to do is: if the girl doesn't start asking to use the potty to have her either put into diapers and I will changer her like I change all the others in diapers or to be given more pull ups and treat her like she is in a diaper but she can still use the potty if she likes. (I will not pay for her pull-ups or diapers) Is there any treat that I can us to have her tell me when she has to go. She asks me for water and if she can play with a toy, so I don't understand why she can't ask to use the potty. Her parents say she is shy, and at first yes, but she is no longer shy here.

I would love any and all advice
(I am not fully awake yet, so I hope this thread make sense)

Toilet Training Policy
So, you want to start toilet training at daycare.

We need to work as a team to insure your child's success. Communication between us on your child's readiness is key to a happy successful training.

The signs of readiness to toilet train at home are often different than in a group setting. In a group the child face challenges that can delay their readiness; such as: fear of missing out on something. This can cause a child to wait until the last second.

Step 1: Is your child really ready?
Does your child communicate a need to go to the bathroom to other adults?
YES _____ NO_____
Can your child use a potty unassisted? (can get on and off the potty by him/herself, can dress and undress him/herself)
YES_____ NO_____
As a caregiver I am watching more then one child at a time. I can not always assist a child at the potty.
Does your child stay dry for at least two hours at a time?
YES _____ NO_____
Does your child show interest in going to the bathroom? (does he/she follow you into the bathroom and want to sit on the potty.)
YES _____ NO_____
Does your child understand what the toilet is for? ( does he/she ask to be changed when wet or dirty?)
YES _____ NO_____
Does your child have regular bowel movements with soft, formed stools?
YES _____ NO_____
Does your child seem to recognize at least a few seconds ahead of time that he/she has to go, and can tell you before it happens?
YES _____ NO_____
Is your child in a willing receptive mood? (If your child is going through or about to go through within the next 3 months a major transition, such as: a new baby arriving/ has arrived, starting school, moving, etc. These and other major transition can delay or degrees training)
YES___ NO_____
- If your child is going through or about to go through within the next 3 months a major transition, such as: a new baby arriving/ has arrived, starting school, moving, etc. These and other major transition can delay or degrees training.
Does your child show a desire to be independent?
YES _____ NO_____
If your child meets at least 7 of these criteria then your child is ready to try training.
If there are any major transitions in your child's life now or with in the next 3 months I would wait until your child can adjust.
Some fully trained children have been know to degrees back into diaper when under stress.
If your child meets 6 or less of these criteria, wait a month or two and re-evaluate.

Please keep in mind that every child develops at their own rate. Please don't push "your readiness" on your child, it can do more harm then good.

Step 2: Let your Caregiver now.
Please make sure that you let me know when you are going to start toilet training at home.
Also please keep me up to date on the progress.

Step 3: Starting Training
Toilet training should be done at home over a long weekend or holiday.

Once your child has been trained successfully at home for at lest 4 weeks, your child may begin wearing training pants with rubber pants to cover them or a pull-up here at daycare.

Please keep in mind that with caring for 5 young children I will more often then not have time to be rinsing out soiled training pants. There fore all solid training pants and clothes will be contained in a plastic bag to be taken home each evening by parents.

Please send your child in clothing that is comfortable and easy for your child to remove independently. (No overalls, tights/leggings or multiple buttons etc.)

You must provide me with:
1. At lest 2 complete changes of your child's clothing (this includes socks)
2. One extra pair of shoes
Under NO circumstances will your child be allowed to potty-train in regular underwear.
This is for sanitary reasons. regular underwear can not contain urine and feces to prevent the spread of gems in my home, to other children in my care, and to my family and pets. Please cooperate with me on this matter.
If within 2 to 3 weeks, your child shows no signs of progress, I reserve the right to put your child back in diapers and try again at a later date.
Step 4: Wearing underwear to daycare
I use a sticker chart to keep track of your child's progress here in care. In order for your child to be aloud to wear underwear to daycare he/she must get 20 consecutive stickers on his/her chart (equaling 20 consecutive daycare days). In order to get a stick on his/she chart, he/she must complete the following each day. If he/she does not do one of the two of the following then he/she gets an X for that day.
1. Asks to use the toilet
2. Leaves in the same dry pull-up/training pants he/she came in

If at any time after your child has been fully trained at daycare and he/she has an accident, I reserve the right to start the training process here at care all over again.

Once I have given your child permission to wear his/her underwear to daycare you must provide me with :

Pull-ups for naps or other extended periods until I say otherwise.


Important Note:
What happens if you don't follow my toilet training rules
If you send your child to care in his/her underwear without my permission, you will be called to either pick up your child or to drop off the proper training products.

You will also be 100% responsible for all replacement costs of the following, but not limited to the following:
Furniture
Flooring (carpets, mats, rugs etc.)
Toys
Any and all other items that come in contact with the urine or feces, if your child has an accident well in my care.

The replacement cost must be paid in a reasonable amount of time. A payment payment plan can be discussed with me and my husband.

Acknowledgement of Policies

I, ____________________ _____ and ____________________ _____ have read and understand all the Toilet Training Policy for Valerie's Home Daycare run by Valerie E. M-------
We agree to abide by all policies stated in the Agreement. We understand that we will be notified in writing of any changes in these policies.

We also understand that any breach of policies may be grounds to terminate childcare. A two-week notice will be given in such circumstance unless the infraction is severe enough to warrant termination without notice. We also understand that any breach of the polices that causes damage to any of the above mentioned, but not limited to the above mentioned will result in having to pay 100% of the replacement cost of whatever has touched my child's urine and/or feces.

This arrangement will come into effect on ____________________ _______
Parent Signature ____________________ ______________

Parent Signature ____________________ ______________

Caregiver Signature ____________________ ____________
Today's Date ____________________ _________________



I am I going over board by having parents sign it??

Toilet training is such a difficult thing and it is so different for every child! I have so many questions going through my head.....
What kind of method are the parents using at home? Are they actually bringing her every hour without her asking? It is so important for consistency between home and daycare, although the child's reaction to it could be different.
Is there older kids in your care that are toilet trained? If so, using them to encourage her and always identifying when x asked and is going to the bathroom.
I always use cheers and songs as well as dancing when they go or sit. And try to progess this to them acknowledging they have to go and them with them asking.
Does she seem to know or care when she has an accident in her pull-up?
How long has this type of training been going on? Are the parents open to trying other methods at home because once pullups are thought as another type of diaper they are not a training tool anymore?

As for your toilet training policy.... I find that the part about being responsible for paying for damages is really scary! As a parent I don't think I would want to sign that. I think it is our responsibility as providers to determine when the child is ready to wear underwear in our care and we then accept the possibility for accidents (as they unfortunately sometimes happen). If the child is not ready to be in underwear and come to daycare dressed inapropriately, they should simply be refused at the door. We work hard enough and do not need to be cleaning messes when a child is simply not ready.
I wish you luck with this... continue to be patient, have a good discussion with the parents and go from there! :)

My policy states that the child must be dry AT DAYCARE for 2 weeks before I allow them to wear underwear. The child must be able to TELL me he has to go. I will NOT take him every hour. They stay in diapers or pull ups until I feel he is ready to wear underwear.

Don't engage the parents in a discussion about it. Potty training is not negotiable.

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As for your toilet training policy.... I find that the part about being responsible for paying for damages is really scary! As a parent I don't think I would want to sign that.

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this is just if they don't follow my rules. My husband wanted me to add that part. but I also think that its the parents responsibility to follow the rule. I do check in the mornings, but this father runs out the door so fast to get to work, that I don't always get to check to make sure she is in a pull-up until after he leaves. But I have been rethinking this part of the policy.

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What kind of method are the parents using at home? Are they actually bringing her every hour without her asking? It is so important for consistency between home and daycare, although the child's reaction to it could be different.

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The girl has her parents well trained, they say they put her on the potty almost every hour. I do not have time to do this. I really feel that she just isn't ready to be trained.
When I try and talk to the parents about potty training here its like talking to a brick wall and they can't run out the door fast enough.

When dealing with these types of parents I find you have two options:
1- schedule a meeting after daycare hours and sit to talk. I believe talking with the parents is important.... only to try to work together, not to change your protocol or ways.... but to maximise the child's success
2- demand diapers or pull ups and do not accept the child for care until you have them, simply say that you do not find she is ready and that you will let them know when this changes
Option two is hard but the reality of i...t if they do not want to respect you enough to discuss the situation and options that you might suggest that they try at home.
Parents often think that we could do the potty training and that we are available to bring kids to the bathroom on a timer.... but that is not our reality and I feel we have to make this very clear to them.

I have a 2 year old who has been with me since beginingg of september. she is apparently fully trained at home but will not tell me when or if she needs to go here. she is willing to sit and does go on the potty but only at my suggestion. while she ison the potty i will ask if she went pee and she will say yes but she hasnt. I have to add that mom and dad speak a different language at home which i have told them isnt helping. mom says that she wont ask to pee anywhere else but at home and i'm tired of dealing with pull ups. this little one is extremely stubborn, we have eating issues as well. other wise a very pleasant girl but i find it odd that she can be totally trained at home and have no problem sitting in a wet pull up when she's here.

gramma - this little girls parents also speak a different language at home. in fact the mother hardly speaks any English at all.

Not many kids are going to "tell you" they have to go potty, when first attempting to train them.....the way I see it, you are "training" the child to go to the potty, meaning you are teaching them to go every hour..two hours..what ever. asking will get you no where. You are the one in charge and they don't grasp the feeling of having to go yet or the urge. That is why you have to take full control and say "let's try the potty now"....don't give them a choice. If I were you I would have the child try to go every 1.5 to 2 hours, each time they try they should sit for a reasonable amount of time (10 minutes maybe) and should be given a reward each time they go. As they continue to have "surprise" pees and poops, they are slowly learning how to trigger the urge or feeling on their own. so, the first step of training is getting them on a schedule of trying, the second step is getting them to control the urge or "feeling", to go on their own. Most kids will not choose on their own to go to the bathroom, and even if they have to go and you ask them, they don't completely grasp the urge yet and they generally don't care. If you make them go, not only are you developing a pattern or routine but you are rewarding them often, and it will encourage them to "want" to go next time, and next time. pull ups and diapers are a double edged sword for me.....I hate them, I don't think they are a great method of training (the child knows when one is on therefor wets and poops because they know the diaper will catch it) however...I hate the thought of cleaning up poop and pee from my floors or the childs clothes.
All kids are different, some need a little scolding for poop and pee in pants or diaper (nothing big, but they need to know it's no longer ok) and some kids do really well with a small reward for going potty in the toilet (small candy, sticker, big hug :0)
None of your work will do you any good if the parents aren't on board all the way. If I were you I would suggest the parents plan a weekend to stay home and go with nothing on the child (pants of course:0) but no diaper, no pull up.....potty every hour or two. pull up for bed and naps and report back to you...if the child does successful with Mom and Dad, i would give it a shot at my house. Up to you though, i understand the poop and pee on the floor but IMO kids train the best (when ready) if you go comando....they will have one accident or two and after that, the potty becomes their release of choice. Good luck.

Oh man, do I ever hear you on the idea of having the parents replace whatever gets ruined. My carpet looks absolutely disgusting since I started caring for my little "puke baby" about 5 months ago.....however, as much as I would love to tell the parents they must pay for a carpet cleaning or daydream of handing them a bill for it.....it is the down fall of the job. Babies puke, kids have accidents..that's part of what we signed up for when starting this job. I would take out the "replacement" part of your contract.....as much as that stuff can anger us, it does come with the territory. :)
I do however completely agree with the comment made about, sending the child home if they don't come dressed proper. That makes perfect sense...these parents are obviously NOT LISTENING to you, so make them! Good luck.

I too agree kids train best if in underwear or commando .... However I wouldn't allow it with out a a rubber/plastic pant over top for obvious reasons. I also agree in the beginning a child will not tell you they have to go because they really don't know. I always tell them it's time to go potty and I do get them to sit for several minutes because in the beginning it's not instant and I do it at certain times ... At arrival, before we go outside,when we come in , before lunch before nap, after nap. They get used to this schedule and when they go they get a sticker. After three straight weeks of success I up the ante and I start asking them if they have to use the potty and This makes them start taking ownership of their potty training and once they are successful with that I let them know they need to tell me and I stop asking .
continue from there

I insist on large bags of diapers/pullups to be left at my house and I tell the parents when I need more. I do not accept the two in the bag each day method. Somedays child needs more than others and I need control. And especially when training because I take them usually every hour - hour/half and if they have already wet the pullup then it means changing them. Usually after wasting a bag quickly with this the parents back off and say ok lets wait a bit and bring me diapers instead.

This is one area where I'm strict because I have rugs everywhere, beige ones and a beige couch! My policy is that there must be 30 days without an accident before I will allow a child to use underpants only and I still put the pullup over the underpants for naptime. I want the children to train and will do all I can to help but once they are able to run out to the bathroom on their own and know when they have to go then I stop worrying about accidents. That usually happens after they are about 3 to 4 years old. Parents expecting a 2 year old to be that advanced are dreamers in my opinion, that's still the 'training' stage which spells accidents.

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Important Note:
What happens if you don't follow my toilet training rules
If you send your child to care in his/her underwear without my permission, you will be called to either pick up your child or to drop off the proper training products.

You will also be 100% responsible for all replacement costs of the following, but not limited to the following:
Furniture
Flooring (carpets, mats, rugs etc.)
Toys
Any and all other items that come in contact with the urine or feces, if your child has an accident well in my care.

The replacement cost must be paid in a reasonable amount of time. A payment payment plan can be discussed with me and my husband.

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after a huge fight with my husband, I have removed this form my policy. I didn't like it there to start with.

Good choice. Just make sure you stick to your guns and if they bring that little one "unprepared" for your house...have them take her home and come back prepared. Hard to do (not sure if I could) but neccesary with these ones, sounds like they will take advantage if you don't enforce your rules/requirements. Good Luck!

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Originally Posted by mamabear

My policy states that the child must be dry AT DAYCARE for 2 weeks before I allow them to wear underwear. The child must be able to TELL me he has to go. I will NOT take him every hour. They stay in diapers or pull ups until I feel he is ready to wear underwear.

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I have the same rules! If they can not communicate to me that they need to go then they don't get trusted without a pull-up/diaper.

My 3yr old dcb has been potty training since September and was great!! Went 4 straight weeks with no accidents, would go to the potty, flush & wash hands on his own without my help! Even sleep through nap with undies and stay dry!

Suddenly within the last 2 weeks he's had a accident daily even at home. I had a package of pullups here and I've been putting one on him each day this week and he's had a accident each day. Yesterday he did great and told me at playgropu twice that he had to go and went again on his own at home. Today I though lets try no pullup since we're home and bam! My poor floors & mom are tired lol

I spoke to mom saying from now on he needs to come with a pullup on until he is accident free for two full weeks here & at home. Mom didn't understand since "he's been doing good." I explained to ehr that one ot two good days are not a sign of doing good.....she then asks that I take him to the potty every hour. NO.....to ME this case is different. He KNOWS what to do! He KNOWS when he has to pee and he KNOWS where the potty is etc. he's done it on his own for over 4 weeks already so NO I will not 'baby' him again. Either a) he's got a kidney cold and can't control his baldder or b) wants the attention and 'stickers' again.

A) is mom's job to find out and I've mentioned it twice already
B) not going to happen.....you don't get stickers forever, at some point they have to stop.