Terminating Care

I have this one child/ family I have decided it is best I no longer provide care for. I have been trying for months to make it work with this child but it is just too stressful now and has gotten to the point that I can't take her out. I am always very vocal with my concerns to her parents but they never seem to do anything. I know they must see it coming but I feel bad bringing it up. I don't just want to send a letter home in her bag.

Any ideas on how to bring it up. I know it's for the best but I still feel terrible.

Also, they always pay on time and I have found a new child to start in 1 months time (my contract requires me to give 2 weeks notice to the family).


Ahhh!

Have you considered sending an e-mail ? It would allow you to take all the time you need to compose your message, and it would give everyone time to process the news - you don't want anyone going into a meltdown in your front hallway while their child is standing beside them. =) Stick to neutral language and focus on how the current situation is not in the best interests of the child; you can also identify a few specific situations where the problem behaviour has occurred and list the different ways that you've tried to help the child manage better so that they know you're not just throwing in the towel at the first hint of trouble. Ultimately, have faith that you (and you alone) make the decisions about who you care for. Of course the parents will be put out - they now have the chore of finding another caregiver, and no one likes that. However, you're giving them a month's notice to find another caregiver which is very reasonable, and that's the best you can do.

I have always put a letter in the bag or handed it to them on the way out the door. I let them know that they need to take a look at it when they get home and I will available after 7pm to talk if they have any questions.

I did send an email once. I sent it because they did not see it coming... blind to anything they did wrong. I knew there would be an issue in the hallway if I gave them the letter as they had joked about it before. If I gave them their reciept in an envelope she would joke... "this isn't "THE LETTER" is it? ha ha ha" So, I waited until the EMT went through on a Friday night and sent an email the following monday.

If you have a good relationship and they are good people then I would just give them the letter on their way out the door and let them know when you're available to talk. And maybe if you want you could follow up with a phone call later in the evening.

They don't use their email often, so that's out. The Dad comes to pick-up and he barely talks. I am lucky to get a yes or no out of him. So I kind of feel like it would be pointless talking to him. The Mom is the huge talker. I think I am just going to write a letter in her communication journal and put the termination note in there as well, then say she is welcome to call. I know she will call and give me a huge sob story about how her daughter loves coming. Her daughter HATES coming- it's just easy for the parents.
Confrontation sucks!!

Darn, I was going to say email. I have had to do that with a family. I felt that I couldn't talk to them in my entrance room with all of the interruptions of other parents coming in etc. And I also did not want to upset their children by speaking about letting them go right in front of them.

I don't agree with just sticking a letter in the bag or their hand and saying read it when you get home. Have a letter ready but speak to them at pick up and explain the troubles you are still having (hopefully you have mentioned these issues at least once to them before). have a dialogue with them. I generally have made out a point form list of all the points I want to touch on so that I don't forget something I want to say. Then I say regretfully I won't be able to continue care after xxxxx date. Then hand them the letter and say this is for your records. The letter just has to be brief in that you are terminating care and the last available day for care would be xxxxx date. I read all the time in this forum that we aren't taken as professionals and as business owners. Well we can't hide behind emails and letters just stuck in the bag to be read later..... We have to act like professionals in order to be treated like a professional . JMO

I am with Crayola ... as much as I dislike conflict I think this is something that should be handled both 'in person' as well as in writing ... I always put everything in writing just to cover my ass however I would first TALK to the clients as well at pick up ~ if need be arranging for someone else to be home to watch my kiddies so I could talk to them in 'private' so no drama overflows into the daycare with other kids there. I would give them the 'written letter' for their records and later reflection if need be on what I had said.

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Originally Posted by Inspired by Reggio

I am with Crayola ... as much as I dislike conflict I think this is something that should be handled both 'in person' as well as in writing ... I always put everything in writing just to cover my ass however I would first TALK to the clients as well at pick up ~ if need be arranging for someone else to be home to watch my kiddies so I could talk to them in 'private' so no drama overflows into the daycare with other kids there. I would give them the 'written letter' for their records and later reflection if need be on what I had said.

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I was thinking about writing a note in her communication journal asking if the mom could meet with me after hours to discuss it. I do think by doing this though she will suspect what is coming and have an excuse for everything I tell her. I am prepared to stand my ground. I wish I could just bring it up to the Dad (who barely talks) so she won't be as upset after having time to think about it. Even though they aren't a good fit for me I still like them and want to have a good parting.

I always try focus not on their child but on the best fit for the group, making decisions that are best for the group and including their child if I feel their needs might be better met somewhere else ... if her behavior is preventing the group from engaging in field trips I would be terminating too ~ field trips are a vital part of my program :(

So focusing on 'As you knew signing on field trips are a vital part of our program. However Little Sally really seems to find outings most stressful and therefore not enjoyable for the group as a whole ... terminating services can allow you to seek a program where field trips are not a part of the program so that everyone's needs are able to be met and Sally can hopefully find an environment more suitable than to her needs in which to thrive.

You are not necessarily saying that there is anything WRONG with Sally to make them defensive or upset persay just that she has different needs that you feel you cannot accommodate ... some children are shy, some get easily over stimulated and so forth and sometimes it is really truly hard to balance all the varied personalities in one program since we are but one person .... IMO part of being a good provider is recognizing what you CAN and CANNOT change and making the hard choices based on what is best for a child even if that means admitting that our program is not 'ideal' for a specific child ... in those cases I always 'take the blame' so to speak 'I am sorry that I was not able to make this work, I really wish I could have found a way to support and accommodate Sally within the program but I have exhausted all my resources and feel it is in Sally's best interest to admit that it is time to explore other options therefore effective X date I will no longer be able to provide services'.

Another thing I have always found helpful (this was centre care based but it would work in a home too) is to create a behaviour management contract with the client BEFORE reaching the termination state ... putting in writing the behaviours that are posing a challenge, the goals and time line for improvement needed and the agreed upon way this will be handled at home and in program to STOP the behaviour and provide the skills needed for Sally to thrive so to speak and than write in the behaviour management contract it states 'if improvement is not seen by X date than termination will have to be considered' ... this way parents KNOW that the behavior is seriously unacceptable in program and it is not just the provider 'whining' to them at pick up or drop off.

Sadly IME parents often become cognitively dissident to what they are told about their children's behaviour by other adults, teachers and so forth ... aka we THINK we are telling the parent how truly bad it is but what the parent is HEARING in those conversations is being filtered into a downplayed version in their mind because they are not seeing it or what not so can fool themselves into believing it is not as bad as it sounded ... seeing it there in 'writing' is much harder to downplay for them!

This helps for when you finally get to the conversation about 'termination' there is no way they can claim it came out of 'left field' on them cause you've gotten a signed behaviour management improvement contract that states they have been informed ... back to that put it in writing to cover your ass so to speak ;)

Inspired, that is a great explanation. I am new and learned from you. I might end up being called as "picky daycare provider" simply because I tend to say no to parents who does not value my programming;for example, daily outings within 30 minute walk time for me, all year round.

Some parents think it is okay to stick their child in the TV for the whole day, they say - "we want junior to be active, but i see such parents who does not connect the dots in the interview" , so once the one week (Accept or Refuse), I feel empowered that this is a business decision. A daycare should run on its routine, your plan and most of all, what you can and transition should be a team work of Parents AND CAREGIVER, . The first week trial - i ask for less pay, $30 a day to make sure that mom or dad stay an hour or two so they know how their darling kids adopt. They can judge themselves, if they are transitioning to fit with the routines, or not. While I have not kicked out anyone after trial, some parents recognize on the first week that darling daughter needs to: slowly adopt to taking turns, and learn the manners when asking for services to their daycare provider. They know when I roll my eyes at them (PARENTS), as darling daughter demand for milk. They know --- they have to work on that and gently remind their child of their manners. When their child runs and grabs a toy in day 1, I observe how parents handle it --- this will describe me how parents/child vibe, and how it would be with me.

They have to come and observe, if they are not interested, I am not gonna let them get away with it.

I can tell you I have terminated care, not because of the child, but because husband and wife fights to the point that I get yelled at. "You are not suppose to give him to my husband". So, i told them " Your child is not a toy. You both need to learn taking turns. ". And until now, they are still fighting court cases such as , "she assaulted me, ....he hit me" --- and these are suppose to be parents? I feel for the child, but mediating adults who never grow up is not my daycare specialty. [oh yeah, i never get paid for one week and half worth of care because the mom said, she got no money, so i have to call the dad. and dd says, sorry i got no money too.sucks to be me, i don't ask deposit from neighbors/client. ]

Anyone has experience dealing with lovey dovey couple on interviews and few days into the care, they go nuts and call police on each other?

Agree with crayola, If you want to do a letter, to make it official and have on file that makes sense, but I think you owe it to them to have a face to face, letting them know how much you care and making it as descent as possible rather than smacking them with a letter tucked in the bag or a surprise e-mail. put yourself in their shoes, treat them well, it will come back to you ten fold. :)

I say, I have something for you and x to read, please take it home, and call me after 7 pm and let me know if you have any questions...I do not go the email..or bag route --then they can say they did not see it.