Hey!! New here. Please I need your help.

Hey everyone just found this today. Thank goodness I am going through an issue with two of my kids. They are brother and sister and their parents are going through a nasty devorce. She doesn't want the father or grandmother to pick the kids up from fear she won't get the, back. But the father just called and said he is picking them up today.. I don't know what to do. I know she was served with papers saying she is not allowed to taking them any where but day care... I don't like being in the middle. My husband says to terminate at the end of the month... What do you think??? Please help...

Hi! Welcome to the forum!

I went through my own nasty divorce. I can say that schools and daycares can't deny the father picking the kids up without a court papers stating that. She needs a court order stating that she has sole custody and that only SHE can make decisions surrounding the children's day to day lives. I had the papers, but even with that, schools and daycares don't like to be in that position. The deal I had with the school was that if Dad showed up, the kids would be taken to a different classroom and I would be notified immediately of his arrival, so I could come and get the kids.

The very best you can do is to allow the kids to go with dad (ask for ID) and call the mom right away to notify her. So far as the grandparents go, I don't think they can pick the kids up without written authorization from one or both of the parents. I'm not sure of all the legalities and it also depends on where they are in the divorce proceedings. If it's just Mom saying she doesn't want it to happen without any legal back up, she's out of luck. I'm a bit concerned as to why she is only allowed to take them to daycare....that's odd. Sounds like she might be considered a flight risk???

Honestly, I'd be on the side of your husband. I'd be looking to extricate myself from the situation. If they're early in the process, it's only going to get uglier (if my divorce is any indication). You certainly don't want to get yourself ensconced in the battle, picking sides or any of that. It may backfire on you.

That's just my opinion :)

i agree, if it is bad. I have been through 3 divorces in my near 10 years and niether were fun for me or the child...not to mention, due to the change in custody or the moving from one home to another by one parent or both, I also lost care all together eventually or part time care. That is something you need to consider too, are you ready to posibly lose that income. They may tell you they want their child to stay with you, but just as their marriage is ending, you never know the future. you should safe guard your finances and consider looking for a replacement. Not to mention, you are in the middle and will be in the middle as long as you are involved with the child. Unfortunately we can't fix everything for these little ones and you need to protect yourself and your business if you think things may get ugly. and unfortunately with divorce, they usually get bad before they get worse.
Not sure if you are in the states or canada, but i know in the states, you need a court order IF one parent doesn't want the child to go with another. IF their is no court order you have to release the child with either biological parent, that can be tough for you, if the Mom says "dad can't pick up" and Dad comes to pick up? you have to let the child go, unless you have it in writing from the courts that he may not have the child on such and such days. Then you will have the Mom breathing down your throat for letting the child go with Dad, and you have a mess on your hands. Not to mention, who will pay for care? there is always that battle that arises as well, Mom says Dad is to pay, Dad says Mom. you don't get pd. Yuck! I say you get out before it gets bad, who knows you could end up in court for one reason or another before the end! Find a replacement soon! :)

Been there and I would never do it again. I say get out as soon as you can. Without a written separation agreement on who is responsible for daycare fees, you could have a problem. First thing I would do is ask for a copy of whatever agreement they have regarding childcare fees. If they dont have one, then you need to establish upfront payment. I would be asking for fees for the whole month to protect myself. I agree with others that you cannot deny a parent access to the child just because mom says so and as for the grandmother, have they indicated in your paperwork that she is allowed to pick the child up? Either way I think that you should send home a letter to each parent stating that given the circumtances that if they want the child to remain in your care that you will not release the child to anyone other than a parent. If they dont like that, they can leave.

Ultimately my best advice is to give notice to this family. Its only going to get worse before it gets better. The family I had divorced quickly enough with little issues but the issues came a few years down the road when dad got a girlfriend and decided he wanted shared custody instead of joint.. that battle went on for over a year and it was the little boy and me who were caught in the mess of it all. I was trying to please everyone and dad got downright nasty to me because he thought I was on mom's side and the only side I was on was the kids.

I have the following policy:

Custody Arrangements
It is my recommendation that all separated/divorced parents provide a copy of the custody arrangement. I would be UNABLE TO ENFORCE any custodial parents requests WITHOUT legal documentation.

This copy should include the following.

TITLE PAGE (this states who is involved),
CUSTODY PORTION (this clarifies the agreed upon arrangements), and
THE JUDGES SEAL & SIGNATURE (this confirms it has been reviewed by a court of law).

Otherwise either parent has the right to pick up. As for the grandparent, unless you have it in writing from the parent that signed your contract that they can pick up. Sorry, they can not pick up the kid.

But yes I agree with your husband. This is trouble either have them come up with some kind of arrangement in writing or terminate them.

Ladies to terminate is there anything I make sure I do so they can't take any legal action against me?

Give the proper notice, as per your contract, verbal and in writing. I would even have them sign a paper stating they acknowledge receipt of the term letter and understand they are being terminated. You don't have to give a reason why just as the parents don't when they terminate as per the contract rules. If they ask, just tell them it is a business decision. I went through this and the parents were always fighting who had to pay me! :no:

About a week ago, she came to me and told me at the end of the month they would be leaving. She has yet to tell me different. So I am still going off of that. Should I just write it out for both parents that, that is what she said.

Then write a confirmation letter of termination and have them sign it, If she "forgot" she said this then give her the verbal termination with letter to follow.

I agree awesome advice so far ~ I would not be put in the middle of a nasty divorce and my handbook and policy states that ... even though I have never had to 'deal with it' in my home based business I have the policy in my handbook just to be proactive so I never find myself in a situation such as this ~ where you've been put in the middle of their battle :(

My policy is very similar to what BlueRose has shared with some additions about how communication between parties will be handled and that clients are expected to provide a united front in front of the child while here in the program ~ any disrespectful, rude or inappropriate talk about one parent from another or to ME, any problems with payment or communication issues of messages or belongings the child needs not being passed on from one parent to another that affects the child while here in PROGRAM will result in immediate termination of the contract on BOTH parties and they would forfeit the security deposit ... they can take the issue that 'one of them' cost the other their child care arrangement up with the courts cause their inability to plan, cooperate and be civil to each other for their child's sake will not become MY business liability!

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Originally Posted by DeeDee

About a week ago, she came to me and told me at the end of the month they would be leaving. She has yet to tell me different. So I am still going off of that. Should I just write it out for both parents that, that is what she said.

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I would do this ~ and print out TWO copies and give one to the mother and one to the father.

I wouldn't let them put me in the middle either. But if my contract was signed by both parents then they are both my clients and I would have to let the child go with whichever parent arrived. If my contract was signed by the mother only and she gave me instructions not to allow anybody else pick up the child I wouldn't release the child to anybody but her. That's as far as I would let them involve me until I had any court ordered papers in my hands, simple.

I am in the similar situation, but parents haven't had a nasty divorce yet, but they still are trying to drag me in the middle of their quarrels. A year and a half ago we signed papers according to which I was allowed to release the child with both of parents and grandparens from both sides. Even when the parents decided to separate, there were no problems when father's mother and father took the baby home. However once they have filed divorce paper online (https://onlinedivorcer.com/online-divorce-colorado it is possible here, which was a huge surprise for me) the mother started being unreasonable if I can say so. They've signed separation agreement according to which it's mother's duty to pick up her children (as she is a sole parent or smth like that), but from time to time she calls me and says that she wants me to call her husband and say that today's his turn, and as far as he is often on business trips, I have to call either his parents or his new GF. It's been a couple of weeks since the mom behaves like that and I have notified her thath I am not going to take care about her personal issues right after she shouted at me after she discovered that her XH new GF has picked up her children ( and according to the new contract which we have signed, the new GF is mentioned there and the mother has also signed that too). I believe that I am gonna quit it.