Just plain dumb!

I've mentioned my frustration with my almost 31/2 yr old dcb parents who are just getting a clue (after me telling them he is ready) about training their child.
Problem is, this child is allowed to decide things for himself and parents comply with his wants.
So now dcb comes in pull ups because I said no more diapers here. He comes 3 days a week so today mom brings him and says he told his father yesterday (at home together) that he will only wear diapers not his pull ups. OK son. GRRR
She then (on her knees in front of him like he's being worshiped) thanks dcb for wearing his pull ups today. She says she appreciates it. WTF?
dcb smiles and pats moms head.
I have had him on the potty off and on most of the day. I tell him if he does something I will be proud and we can have special playtime together. (I don't like to offer treats) Well, he's produced nothing and I know he is holding it for rest/nap time.
Any ideas how I can get the "king at home" to use the potty?

nope! IF they are not willing to work at home and this kid is worshiped by the parents (like so many are these days) you are better off to stick a sharp object in your eye than attempt the suffering you personally will endure trying to get this "tiny king" to follow direction with you when he's not with Mom and Dad. it is possible to get him trained with just you but will be like torture, I wouldn't do it. i had the very same situation this past summer, the STUPID (sorry but true) Dad would drop off the 3.75 year old boy and say "I asked him if he had to go potty and he said No!" DUUUUUUUH! of course jacka$$! (sorry but true) if you give them the choice they will sit and play rather than sit on the pot......geeez!!! So, I approached it differently about a week later, I told the parents IF the child was not potty trained by 4 years, I could no longer provide care.....they brought him the very next monday in underwear and he never had an accident after that! hhhhhmmmm, it's not the kids, its the parents. I say, give the parents no choice. ;) good luck!

omg ridiculous!!
I think at some point, when it is no longer an "accident" pooping in your diaper or pullup, then there should be consequences. Such as loss of activity of privledges on a toy etc. This child is old enough to know what he is doing and has his parents in his little power struggle.
Does he ever use the potty? For a pee or anything??
Id be curious to see what others have to say, because I am in a similar situation with a 3 yr old boy.

Thanks kidlove and kingstonMom he will sit on the potty and is happy to do so yet refuses to go. Should I leave him on the potty until he goes as I see we are having a stand off.

I would.....the first step with most kids is knowing they can go in the potty. the next step is realizing they can go when they want, and the next step is knowing the feeling they have when they have to go. then they are done! The biggest growth in self esteem is seen when kids master the potty, maybe you can give the parents a comment of such nature, to push them to push him to grow his self esteem. Kids are so proud of themselves and it seems the turning point from toddler to big kid.....what kid doesn't want to be reffered to as a "big kid!" ;)

I have left kids on the pot as long as 30 minutes to have a little pee, if you have a hard surface out in the play area away from others and toys you can place the pot, that's what I would do, give him positive encouragement and allow him to feel a part of the group rather than isolated in the bathroom and you may be surprised, he may be surprised when it comes out! then have a big to do about it, give him a special something to take home, I have little certificates they take hom to put on the fridge, this tends to get parents more involved and excited to take part as well!

My daughter was very stubborn as well and I tried a lot of different strategies but she was having none of it. Then I just started treating everything in her day as privileges and took away the power struggle. E.g I let her watch TV in the morning before breakfast but then TV only went on after she went potty. She got her stories before nap etc after potty. Before we went to the park, she had to go potty. Or if she didn't care about where we were going (she never seems to until we are there) I would just bring her where ever and then get her to go potty or we'd go home. She knows not to call my bluff by now because I am serious about following through. My daughter was 2 when I did this (not as old as your DC child) and showed no interest in potty training prior to starting. I trained her because "I was ready." She was fully trained in 2 wks. PS- I hate potty training. There should just be some sort of overnight camp we can send our kids to for 2 wks.

Good advice kidlove. I will explain it to parent that way. Only problem is his first name is "big kid xxxxx" :rolleyes:
I think I will adopt the withdrawl of priviledges as he is in refusal mode instead of not ready mode thanks torontokids

Heh heh, just reread my post and it sounded kind of militant. There was also lot's of praise, rewards and celebrations mixed in as well. I just had to remove the power struggle and she then had control to decide if she wanted whatever it was . Plus, it sounds contradictory but I also gave her tons and tons to drink so she had to go potty lot's and therefore got lot's of practice and had lot's of successes as well.

Um, what? I can't even believe that parents are this ridiculous. They don't even deserve to be called parents. Why can't they understand that they aren't doing their child any favours by letting him rule the house?

Ok, if it were me I would put the boy on the potty once every 2 hours and that would be it. How do you have the time in your day to do that? We have potty/diapers at 9am, go outside, come in at 11am and have potty/diapers, then after lunch before nap at 12:15ish is another potty/diapering then after nap at 3ish. That's it unless a child tells me they have to go in between those scheduled times.

But I don't even bother with potty training until they have reached the point AT HOME where they understand the concept and know what is happening and actually go in the potty and tell me when they have to go as I said. I'm way too busy to waste my time. I have 5 children to care for, not 1. I'm still flabbergasted by the kid patting the Mom on the head part. My jaw is on the floor after that story.

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Originally Posted by mimi

....Any ideas how I can get the "king at home" to use the potty?

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IME pottying training issues are the same as picky eater food issues .... the more 'concerned' the adults are around the child not doing what the adult thinks they should the more CONTROL/POWER the child feels they have and the more hoops they will try to make the adults jump through to see what they can 'get' from them ... there are very few things most children have control over in their life and what goes into their body and what comes out are TWO major ones they can control .... the reality is unless you want it to get really UGLY you cannot force a child to eat or use the toilet ... they have to be motivated by hunger to eat food they do not 'like' and they have to be motivated to use the 'potty' because it has more benefits to than going in the diaper!

Basically you need to find a way to motivate him to want to do it without him thinking you want it MORE than HE does .... you have to stop the power struggle that is being created between home and program and if the parents are not on board with it you are fighting a loosing battle cause they will consistent undo anything you are trying to do each night and every weekend ;)

I personally do not try to train a child who is not motivated because I do not have any interest in power struggles over training ... IME when children are motivated and truly developmentally ready they will basically train themselves with very few accidents or stress on anyone's part ... sometimes it happens before they are 2 and sometimes not until they are just about to start school and sometimes anywhere in between those ages .... but it is always 'easy' and that is the way it should be!

But I don't even bother with potty training until they have reached the point AT HOME where they understand the concept and know what is happening and actually go in the potty and tell me when they have to go as I said. I'm way too busy to waste my time. I have 5 children to care for, not 1. I'm still flabbergasted by the kid patting the Mom on the head part. My jaw is on the floor after that story.[/QUOTE]

I agree, it sucks somewhat for me as a few of my parents feel I should be doing it.
I have mostly 2 year olds, I sent home a potty training guide on how to train in under a week. One Mom said she tried and her dd wasn't interested, she said her dd screamed the whole time on the potty so she stopped. The Dad told me the real story he said that after 2 accidents on the carpet Mom called it quits. This is my point why should I make an effort if the parents don't even want to try. :( All I ask my parents to do is dedicate 4 to 5 full days then I will be on board to assist. One of my Mom's did this in the Summer and we got her DD accident free in 3 weeks. Yes we had a few accidents but we did it together.

We are way to busy to do this solely, any parent that feels otherwise is just downright selfish.