I need some "Mom" advice...feeling like a failure!!

Hi ladies, thanks so much in advance for any advice given!!
I feel comfortable talking about this here, as I need Mom advice and daycare!

MY son is the daycare child that is driving me nuts and it totally breaks my heart! The whole reason I didn't go back to my career was so that I could be the one to stay home and raise my son and daughter, but I am so frustrated with my son that I constantly threaten to send him to a different daycare (I know, horrible)! I usually have amazing patients but I am on my last straw with him.

He constantly is taking toys from others, I think he wants the reaction. He will wait until they have something and then grab it! He wanders around never really engaging in anything very long unless I am sitting right with him. The other toddler here tries to play with him and it starts out nice then just turns into a non sharing war! I can't even get my foot out of the room before I hear the other kid yelling at him to give whatever back! We practice nice words, how to share, how to take turns, etc. I have tons of activities set up, so he isn't bored. I have realized that he is an attention seeker, even when daycare isn't going on, my husband and I can hardly talk without him making a huge racket on purpose to interrupt out talks. He tries to talk over us the minute we start talking! i tell him how rude that is and he usually ends up having to sit (time out). he gets tons of one on one attention, and special days just for him, but even with that...if I spend a whole hour sitting and playing with him, I get up and he says "will you play with me". Ahhh he ends up in time out so many times a day and I feel so guilty because I end up yelling at him. He has always been like this, even in his old daycare (that he went to from 10 months to 18months) they said he always took kids toys and wasn't good at just playing by himself!
He is such a sweetheart...but I am seeing him as "that kid" the ones that a lot of us complain about on here! Oh he is 2.5 ....I haven't worked with a lot of toddlers, is this typical? What should I do? Would he benefit going to a different daycare part time? I don't want to punish him and I am glad right now I am the one who is seeing the behaviour and can try and work on it, but I feel like I am so much more short with him then with the others because he is driving me nuts with the constant attention seeking! I give him TONS of positive attention, tons! And it isn't like having other kids around is new, we were the "play date house" when I was on mat leave. We always went to drop in too so he has been well socialized....I'm really bad at ignoring his negative behaviours because I want him to share and be a nice friend, but maybe I need to? And just let the other toddlers tell him? I don't know! I'm so sad and so frustrated and feel like a failure of a mother and that I made a horrible mistake staying home! The only time I can catch a break from him is when the tv is on or he gets to use our iPad, but both these things I try to limit, although they are really the only thing he engages in!
On a side now, has anyone read "the happiest toddler on the block"? If so, would that help me?
Thanks so much for reading this!

Oh, I hear you. And I feel your pain. Don't know if you read my post yesterday "Way to go moms" It was clearly for you! Check it out.

I went through this with my son...so tough. First off, I would not send him to another daycare. Others may disagree with me, but I imagine you're doing daycare to be able to raise your own kids..... Perhaps a pt preschool at 3 and 4....which is what I did and was SO grateful for the time he was there and what he learned and how he matured...

Does he have his own toys? He needs to have things that are HIS and only HIS and are separate in HIS room where he has access to. If you're not already doing this, it is vital. Daycare toys are not his possessions any more than anyone elses, but anything he's been given as gifts are to be kept in his room. And at 2 1/2 he should be able to go have time in his room alone...not as punishment, but if he doesn't want to share or play with the others, fine..."go play with your stuff in your space"

It is important, as you said to ignore negative behaviours, however if he's taking toys from others, you can't ignore that. Observe perhaps to see if the other child will stick up for themselves and let them tell him as you said, but if not you have to intervene so he doesn't think "cool I can take whatever I want"

Patience, consistency, patience, routine, patience, space, patience, special time with him, patience, giving him some responsibilities and OH....did I mention patience!

And in all honesty it is IMPOSSIBLE to make him equal to the other dcks and not bend rules and give him special privilleges! IMPOSSIBLE and UNREASONABLE. He's sharing his mom, his home, his possessions.....he deserves some perks as well! It will never be equal. You will always be torn in 2. You will need to be in 2 places at once, be 2 people at once.

And before you know it, he'll be in school! How long have to been at it? A year I imagine if he went to dc until 18mos and he's now 2 1/2. Good luck and cheers when you pour that well-deserved glass of wine tonight! ;)

and playdates are playdates...now they're infinging on HIS territory! Totally normal. Imagine another woman living in your house. Talking to your husband. Making him dinner. I won't go on! LOL

Oh gcj, totally bawled reading this!! Thank you so much, you have no idea! I have had such a heavy heart over this! I did just read your other post, after I had already written this, and bawled over that too!
I LOVE the idea about him having special toys he doesn't have to share, in his room. This is such an amazing idea! I did make our whole downstairs (where the kids room is as well) a "no toy" zone because our whole upstairs is the daycare...but I think I need to revisit this rule and allow him special toys of his own! Even quiet time away with those or the iPad would be good for both of us!
Oh I have only been at this a month lol. My son and my daughter are 18 months apart, so he was out of daycare by the time I had her....everything has been shared, all his toys became daycare toys (or were bought for him with the purpose of them going in the daycare) so I think that is really going to help, giving him some special toys back! Thank you thank you!

you bawled. Great! That means your passionate about this and you're going to make it work. And the good news is your daughter is young enough that this will be her way of life, and she probably won't react like he is. That was my experience, anyways.

Just giving him back his own toys should help immensely. It's really not fair to essentially take away what Santa gave him (as an example) and give it to another kid. It's his to cherish and play with. Santa (or whomever) have it to HIM, not to your daycare. He can decide when he's outgrown a toy and wants to "donate" it to daycare...

Daycarelady,

I went through the same thing with my youngest, when I opened my dayhome. I feel for you!

At first all the toys and rooms were available to the dhk, but I eventually realized it was not going to work that way. My sanity and my son's were way too important. His toys are in his room and he can bring some downstairs if he wants to share with everyone (I have set aside time in the afternoon for him to do this if he chooses). He started in preschool a year and a half ago and loves it. During quiet time he has a choice of looking a books with the other "big" kids or hanging out quietly in his room. He still has his moments when he has difficulties sharing his home, mom and any toy in the house, but it is much better.

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Originally Posted by DaycareLady

The only time I can catch a break from him is when the tv is on or he gets to use our iPad, but both these things I try to limit, although they are really the only thing he engages in!

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Oh my gosh I swear we have the same son! Mine is 3 1/2 and I admit seems to have tamed down slightly (now that he is the oldest this year and I delegate a lot of helper tasks and leader roles to him). But man does that resonate with the IPad and my husband and I rarely getting a conversation in! He starts school in the fall. I should also add that a couple of months ago we worked it into the budget to get a babysitter one evening a week...that one evening out just gives me a whole new level of patience (he and I get a chance to miss each other, if that makes sense?).

Some REALLY good advice, so far!!!
First; yes, I would say that this is "normal" behaviour from a 2.5 year old. My daughter was 3 when I opened the daycare. She requires a lot of attention and positive praise, etc. She acted out, in slightly different ways, but still.
From day one, my kids's bedrooms have been off-limits to daycare kids. And I am very glad for that choice! They are encouraged to go and play in there if they need a quiet space or some downtime. They have some special things in there, and if they don't want to share them, they don't bring them out of the bedroom.

Hi,
I'm not a daycare provider but my Aunt has run her own daycare home for 15+ years and has 3 kids of her own. She always had a separate space in the house that was for her kids only. They could keep toys that were just their own in this space and spend alone time alone there as well. She also let her kids pick special activities every week for the daycare kids and let them help her set things up when they go a bit older. HTH!

Oh yes....my son is my biggest handful as well. He is now 4 and at school full-time, but that 1/2 hour at the beginning and 1/2 hour at the end of the day when I have him and the daycare...well those are the longest 1/2 hours! My daughter is 2.5 and can be a handful at times, but is mostly not a problem during the day, but my son is like a hurricane going through the room. I felt bad too, but I was so relieved when he started school and it has improved our relationship because he is not driving me crazy all day long. I am embarassed when he acts up in front of daycare parents as I feel like I should have the best behaved kid because I do this for a living :o Thankfully, he has never been aggressive with the other kids or a toy stealer, but he certainly knows how to push my buttons with the whining and crying and attention seeking (yep, mine is an attention seeker too!). Hang in there! Before you know it he will be in school and you will have a bit of time to breath during the day ;) You are not alone and you are not a bad mother or a bad daycare provider...we all do the best we can!

Thank you SOOO much everyone, you have no idea!! After I wrote this and read some responses my Son woke up from nap. I asked him if he wanted some of his special toys to go back in his room, just for him...he was SO excited, he started picking a few and saying "these are my very special ones"...he was in such a better mood the rest of the day! This is really going to help,thanks so much! I love this group!!!

2.5 is your biggest reason for the beahavior and a close second is that, this other kid is in "his house" playing with "his toys", he is not quite at an age to fully understand what he is doing but definately at the age to be redirected and corrected. Watch him closely, when he pulls a toy away, tell him to give it back and appoligize. have consiquences(sp) ;) for his actions, for example if after having him give the toy back and say "sorry", he returns to do the same thing again? take him to a designated spot you have for him to spend some time alone and inform him he is to stay there until he is ready to play nicely with the other child.
What you are going through is completely normal behavior for a child of his age, with the situation you are in (Mommy having a Day Care in the house) ...you are doing the right thing by staying home and what he is going through is just a phaze (as long as you work on it) ;)
When my son was about 2 he started the same type behavior with the daycare kids, he is now 9 and loves having them around. It is a lot to get used to on their part, and it comes with the "bad" as well as the good. I realized my boy needed his own space, and needed ONLY his Mom during some portions of the day....maybe you could lay all others down first for nap and them lay with him and read books for a while before nap (if you don't already) or...set aside a certain time of day that you and him sit and snuggle on the couch while watching all the others play, just to let him know.."you are still his".

There were many times i allowed my son to go to his room and play ALONE, with his own toys during the days when his emotions were high and he seemed upset that the "invaders" were here. ;)

love all this advice, thanks so much ladies!