Swallowing my pride, admitting I took on too much, and letting a family (of 2) go

Me again….my very first post to this amazing forum was asking for advice if I had taken on too much. I know in Ontario I can take on 5 plus my own..and that is what I did. I just opened in January and the clients I had set up have been slowly coming in. The thing is, I have a 2 year old and a 1 year old of my own and then the 5 spots were filled with 3 more babies and 2 toddlers!
I have now realized that I can not handle this. I feel for the safety of everyone that I only want to have 5 total…only taking on 3. This is going to really hard financially but for my well being and everyone else my husband said that we can make it work.
I plan on letting go a family of 2 that are scheduled to come Mon-Wednesday. They are my only real part timers as the rest come full or at least 4 days a week.
The Mom of the 2 JUST started transitioning one day a week….but the thing is, daycare around here is HARD to find…she asked me when she was pregnant with her second!! She has been counting on me and even made her whole going back to work schedule around me and my times!!! She is kind of a friend, we chat on facebook, get together for play dates, etc I am already bracing myself for how this will go.
I chose to leave my career so I could be home with my kids, and now having this may kids around is affecting me even being a good caregiver!
I plan on e-mailing this Mom so I can get it all out…any advice? I do not take deposits so that wont be an issue. How can I even begin to tell her?!

Can you get someone to come and assist you? Perhaps some help in the mornings? If not, I would be honest with her and let her know this is a safety concern for you. I would offer to help her find alternative care. There might be someone on this forum who has space. Just type in your postal code. Good luck, I understand how difficult this is.

I thought about getting someone else just for a few hours in the morning, but I can't seem to think of anyone who would do it...and I don't really want a "worker" in my house...I feel like it will be just one more stress to add to my plate. Thank you for your support mimi.

Oh that sounds like you are in a tough spot.

I would apologize profusely and just say that you did not realize (until you did the transition days) about how hard it would be. Just tell her that you thought you could do it and were 100% committed to doing it but then you realized that during the transition days that you were torn in too many directions.

Maybe you could offer to give her a longer time until she can find someone else or offer to help her find someone and help call around?

Also....on a totally different note - are you sure it isn't just the transition dates that are awful? Transitioning kids are often more clingy/demanding and they should settle down. On the other hand - there is no idea how long it might take and how much of your sanity you have left by then. It sounds like you have made up your mind. Good luck. I think honesty is the best policy and I would tell her as soon as possible.

I think a phone call might be better since you are semi-friends.

I understand that starting out with that many children can be a real challenge. If financially you are going to be strapped for cash you might want to take a minute or two to sit down and think about your day and how it is spent. Are there ways to streamline your day - making more food the night before right down to cubing the cheese and having it ready to serve. Can you change your menu to be more prep time friendly. Can you streamline things like where and how you change diapers - ie just do everyone at the same time unless they poop and realize at the age they are now it doesn't have to be done hourly but can be 3 or more even in modern disposables. Let programming go in favour of freeplay with the exception of reading a few stories and then instead get down and play an activity with the group means less prep time and less mental effort. Gradually all the babies will get onto the same sleep schedule so you will just pick a time like 9 am and then change and put them all down one at a time. That leaves only a few kids to deal with for that hour.

Also realize two of the days you won't have the extra kids anyways so there are only 3 days that you need to be extra organized. Allow 2-3 weeks to get the kids into a routine. My point is yes you are feelign overwhelmed and that is normal right now but it does get better. Decide if you want to slow down and then gradually build up your daycare again later, if you can find a way to save you some time to save your sanity and forge ahead as planned or some combination in between. Only you can decide what you want to do but realize that what you are facing is normal for someone starting out and not necessarily a reflection on your ability to handle the group.

Thank you so much everyone. It may very well be that it is harder right now because a) there are SO many babies to transition in so most of the days they are in tears which is stressful and b) they are all transitioning at once!
I think in a few months I could advertise for ONE more, full time spot if I can....I think right now I just have to let them go or I will just end up throwing the towel in all together and going back to work!

That is definitely a lot of kids, I personally would not be able to handle that much. If you can't do this, then terminate. Don't let yourself get so overwhelmed that you burn out. Letting that family go will be hard, on you AND on the mother, but it doesn't matter. You are not doing anyone a favor by pushing yourself to the edge. Terminate, then as your current crew matures a bit, maybe then you will feel like adding more kids. Take things slow, especially at first. I just recently started too, and there is so much to do in the beginning even when you thought you had it all covered, it helps to have a few less kids so you can get organized. Take care!

You have to do what you have to do! It is always crazy when you are transitioning a new child...let alone 5! When I started, I started with one and then another one month later and a third a month after that. Then I waited a few months before adding a 4th and it wasn't until more than a year in that I finally took the full 5. I think you are wise to recognize your limits, especially as a new daycare provider and with your own kids being so young as well. Just be honest and I am sure the mom will eventually appreciate that you were honest and her kids are not in a choatic, stressful situation. Good luck!

I think you are doing the right thing! 100%! That is a lot of kids and it takes a big person to admit that you just can't. I sure couldn't. Not without sacrificing everyone's well-being....including most importantly yours!

I can only imagine how mom will react, but I think you just have to get it over with, be honest and hope for the best. You can only stretch yourself so thin.

Good luck and congrats on making a tough decision. You're doing the right thing!

Good for you for listening to your gut and knowing your limits. That takes professionalism. But even the seasoned daycare provider pro, would be downing espresso's by the hour to handle that many babies! I'm getting stressed thinking about it :)

I was going to suggest staggering the ages. I know some providers prefer the same ages (eg. babies, or 2 yr olds, etc.) I found that only having one daycare baby at a time and then older children to fill the other spots helped tremendously!

When I started, I had a 13 mo. old and was transitioning a 12 mo old. They are now 2 and it is much easier.

Transition slowly with the 3 daycare children and see how you feel in a few months time. Good luck and let us know how it goes.

You should be very proud of yourself for knowing your limits and making wise decisions so that you don't get exhausted and burned out and lose your mind from stress. 7 children is a lot of work, especially when you are new. Maybe next year you will feel you can handle it better as your own children grow. Be honest with your client and explain your reasoning, that's all you can do.

You need to do what is right for you. If you feel you took on to much then you need to fix it so you are comfortable and confident. I have 6 kids here under the age of 2 plus my 2 school aged kids (this week anyway, they are off school) and although it's busy, my daycare is a well oiled machine and it runs very smoothly. Transitioning more than 1 baby in at a time is hard and I never ever do that...I transition in 1 at a time. It's easier on them and you. You just need to get yourself organised, find your groove and everything else will fall into place.

As a side note, I would change that policy in your contract about no deposits...you're going to get burned if you don't look out for yourself. That deposit and contract ensures clients will do as they say they will do and if they don't, you are compensated for it.

Too much too fast it sounds like. You're not the only one out there I'm sure.

I trickled kids in slowly. I have rarely had 5 at one time and most of them over 2. I'm just now, after being open for 2 years, going to start 5 full time in November. It's taken me that long to work up a system that everyone is safe and I'm happy and confident.

Simply let her know that the reason you stopped working was for a better life for you and your family and the amount of kids you have is taking away from that.

The email has been sent....there is a reply and I am too nervous to even read it right now!

I do feel that in the future I can take on more, but as everyone is saying, too many transitioning at once!

I need to fix my contract a lot and add a deposit...how much do you ask for? One week or two?
I am also thinking of telling future clients that part time is minimum 3 days but they will pay more as I won't be filling those other spots? Does anyone charge more for part timers?

Thanks sooo much everyone, I don't know what I would do without you!

Have you thought about offering before and after school to fill the other 2 spots? It may help the pocket book a little.

LOL. You have to let us know what she said! :p

I agree with Fun and Care, too much to chew- take it easy- $ isn't everything and I think the safety of the chidlren and your sanity is way more important,,, I'm planning to open in April and have my own kid too, but only want 2 or 3 in the beginning- if I were to get 5 signed up, I'd be needing to hire a helper for a few hours in the morning,,,
All the best!

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Originally Posted by Fun&care

That is definitely a lot of kids, I personally would not be able to handle that much. If you can't do this, then terminate. Don't let yourself get so overwhelmed that you burn out. Letting that family go will be hard, on you AND on the mother, but it doesn't matter. You are not doing anyone a favor by pushing yourself to the edge. Terminate, then as your current crew matures a bit, maybe then you will feel like adding more kids. Take things slow, especially at first. I just recently started too, and there is so much to do in the beginning even when you thought you had it all covered, it helps to have a few less kids so you can get organized. Take care!

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