Printable View
There have been a lot of posts lately about loving dcks, crying over them, begging parents to stay, allowing late payments, letting people verbally abuse. Am I the only one that would never tolerate any of this?
I do not LOVE my day care children. I am not cold, I am very fond of them but I would never cry over a client leaving. I am running a business.
I'm sure I'll get some flak for this but I honestly don't get it.
Ohhh...you won't get flak from me....Nope. No way. This is a business. I care and nurture. I fix and kiss boo-boo's. I feed hungry bellies with good nutritious food. I teach some of them their first learning block foundations in life (ABC's, shapes, colours, etc.), how to treat others, help prepare them for JK, Give them a hug when they reach a milestone. BUT when they leave out my door...that's it. There is not shed tears, no reminiscing...Nope.. .to busy either trying to fill the spot or transitioning a new child. And we know how much fun that can be sometimes :laugh:.
And I have and WILL terminate for any disrespect from a client. Why should anyone tolerate that.
I think it depends of people's personalities. We all are different. I do love my kids. For me is hard not to. This is the way I am towards children. I have had the odd kid that I wish I could terminate, too (the one that terrorizes others). This is the job that I have liked the most. I still see it as a business. My parents pay on time, they pick up and drop off during daycare hours only, they treat me with respect, they follow my rules, etc. As another daycare provider said my hearth is for the kids and the business part is for the parents
I 100% get what you are saying. I am not there yet, but am learning to have tougher skin, not to be so attached and treat every aspect as a business. Funny thing is I had to deal with difficult people all the time in my previous career, never bothered me. My mistake with this profession is that I was/can be too concerned about the parent and how I would feel if I had to leave my child with someone else.
These emotions are gradually passing. Thankfully.
Exactly. This is me.Quote:
Originally Posted by Other Mummy
I am the same way.Quote:
I do not LOVE my day care children. I am not cold, I am very fond of them but I would never cry over a client leaving. I am running a business.
I too do not love my daycare kids, I like them .... But my love is reserved for my children. Daycare kids come and go and really ....that's business .... I would be an emotional basket case if I loved them. So nope ... No flack from me ....
I was so worried that would be such a job hazard for me; getting so attached and they move on. But, no worries. It's a proud moment to see them move on and know that you have cared so well for these little ones. They (and you!) are often ready to move on.
Yep, this is me as well.I do my job well and I enjoy it (most days lol) BUT it's still a job at the end of the day .Quote:
Originally Posted by Katskids
You gotta cut some slack for the newbies though as we are learning.......I took way to much shit from my last parent and learn a huge and valuble lesson did I bawl yes not because its just business because dkm was a friend for 2 years and there way alot of history there.....I WILL NOT take a friend as a client again and now being thru it know have a thicker skin.
I just had an interview where the parents said that they are looking for a caregiver to love their child as if she were my own. I don't think that's possible because that would be an insult to my own children. I adore my dckids and give them 100% every minute they are with me but how can people actually expect that? I've heard dcproviders say that before, but I don't believe it.
I have become attached to some of the children and thankfully I have lots of alumni families who visit me as much as they can so I can watch the children grow. They miss me and we have lots of hugs when we see each other and catch up just like old friends.
I will not allow anybody to treat me with disrespect or break any of my contract rules, nope, never. I deserve respect for my hard work and if people are going to leave their children in my care then they must be happy and trust me to nurture, teach and keep their child safe daily. How could they disrespect and treat badly a person who is caring for the most precious part of their life?
I was about to post something to this effect. I think when we are new to this job, many of us tend to get more attached to the kids...we don't really realize that they can be yanked away from us without notice at any time or that in all likelihood, we will only have them for a year before mom goes on mat leave, etc. In the beginning, I know I poured my heart into it too much and that is why I became so attached to my first dck's. Now, having seen kids come and go for various reasons, I don't really feel like that anymore and definitely will not cry when any of them leave. I care for all of them and give them my full attention, care and affection, but I no longer "love" them like I did in the beginning. I think we have to go through heartbreak to learn to be tough and businesslike...it is something that is hard to learn from others (especially for those of us who tend to pour our hearts and souls into what we do).Quote:
Originally Posted by mommylove
So, did you turn this family away? Too high of expectations? Or did you try to explain to them that it is not possible to love their child as if they were your own? I think sometimes people don't really think about what it means to "love a child as if he were your own"...I have had parents write reviews of my daycare and some of them said that I loved their child like he/she was my own...LOL. I don't love any of them as if they are my own, but the level of care I provide and the genuine affection I give to the kids is what the parents are referring to...and in the end what every parent is probably looking for. They probably wouldn't even like it if we loved the kids that much because then it would be impossible to stand by and let them make decisions that we don't agree with, etc.Quote:
Originally Posted by Momof4
Ladies I don't let daycare parents walk all over me, mine pay on time and are respectful for the most part. But I do love my daycare kids Monday -Friday, 7:30-5:30 lol.
Seriously though in order to teach love, respect and patients we must 1st show it! It's a different kind of love but it's still love. I am losing a child next week and she was the easiest to transition and the easiest going. I have had a few tears, my group is going to really miss her too.
I just hope for a good fit to replace her.
I'm a newbie and I disagree that anyone needs to cut me some slack just because I am new.
I went into this business knowing FULL well that parents who work outside value their income/material things much more than they value the idea or thought of staying home and raising their own children.
I went into this job knowing I was going to be caring for other people's children but in no way did I ever think or expect that I was suppose to love the daycare kids like my own. That is a really dumb expectation from parents. If I loved their child like I loved my own, I wouldn't have them in daycare and I certainly wouldn't be letting someone else spend 90% of their waking hours with another caregiver.
I opened my doors for business with the goal of making money. I don't love children (other than my own) or feel all warm and fuzzy about them. As a matter of fact any loveable traits children used to have as a whole has been ruined by overindulgent parents, entitled behavior and adults who can't set boundaries and rules for the very people they are suppose to be raising and guiding into adulthood.
Do my feelings mean I am not a good child care provider? Absolutely not! I provide lots of good care and supervision while I have the kids. I have a warm, welcoming and inviting space. The daycare kids all know I am NOT their parent and don't plan making up for any shortcomings their parents may have.
My daycare kids are served warm healthy nutritious meals, provided a comfortable and cozy place to sleep/rest and have more toys, activities and playmates available to them than they ever will again in their lifetimes. I doubt any of them are scarred or damaged by the fact that I don't love them and don't stress or worry about them during my off hours or my closed days.
I have never had a payment, schedule or policy issues because I am VERY clear about my expectations during the interview. Anyone who enrolls in my child care knows I am doing this to make money and provide for MY family who comes first for me. They know I will NEVER put their child/family before mine and I expect the same from them.
Enrolling families know I am not going to make up for their shortcomings and provide their child with a temporary "mommy figure" as that is just weird to me. I run a business and the goal of my business is to make money in any and all ways that I can.
I enjoy what I do and consider that a perk to the job....but I certainly don't do this because I love children (in general) and want to make a difference in the world. My goals are centered around MY world and MY financial goals.
Does that make me money hungry or greedy? LOL!! I doubt it, because if that were true then we all know child care wouldn't have been my first career choice.
Well I do think it depends on your own personalities. One or the other ... I don't think being on one side or the other makes you better or worst it's just different. I love my daycare kids of course not like I LOVE my OWN children. I have cried over a child however and I will probably cry again. I do put a lot of time and effort for hem and I do get attached. That does not mean I will allow anyone to disrespect me in anyway. I am in a business and will do what I have too. I'll feel sad and horrible maybe ... for a day and I'll move on. No biggie !
I am the same as crafty, I could never do this job if I didn't love my kids. I'm greatful for providers like this as that's the kind of daycare I sent my DD to. The emotional side is due to seriously caring about each child's well being and developmental milestones. It's tough when we give our all and parents don't really appreciate everything we do. All I can say is that if I know I'm giving and caring 150% then The rest speaks for it self. I have only had one family in 3 years that I was happy to say goodbye to and it breaks my heart the lifestyle that child is exposed to.Quote:
Originally Posted by crafty
I think we are missing the whole thing here. Of course we are not going to love the daycare kids like our own and I seriously doubt that is what the parent is looking for anyways. She is equating "loving her child" with doing the best you can for him, caring about what he does, what he learns, what he eats, that is is kept safe and healthy - all of the things we do for our own children.
We become attached to our daycare children because they represent our income and as such our well being. We cry when they leave because we hate interviewing and starting over. We cry when they leave because we take it personally that the parent is pulling them from our daycare. Some caregivers actually cry, others get angry, but everyone has to deal with the loss in their own way. In some cases it is even cause for celebration once a problem child is gone and the stress level for caregiver and children goes way down.
I have been caring for kids for over thirty years in some capacity and I am sorry, but if I didnt LOVE kids I would have quit a long time ago. Obviously, the LOVE is very different for what I feel for my own daughter. I knew when I was 11 years old that this was what I was meant to do and i take great pride in my work and it shows in the way the children and their parents feel about me. I believe children are not shown enough love in our society today and that is a big part of the problem. Children crave affection and they need it. Yes there have been children that I have cried over but that in no way makes me a weak provider, my parents respect me in every way.
I'm going to kick this thread up a notch with more honesty. I realized that I can't even LIKE all the children because sometimes they have an annoying or grating personality. It's sad but true that not all children are inherently loveable, at least not to ALL people. I don't like all the adults I've met in my life but it surprised me that not all children were loveable. Actually, that shocked me. :)
However, I treat all the children exactly equally and when I'm doling out hugs they all get a hug and they all get the same rewards, rules, and no favouritism ever happens at my daycare. My job is to take the child with the grating personality trait like nonstop tattling and teach them how to integrate into society, solve problems and talk to their friends. I have to mold them into a nice little person who will do well out in the world after they leave my daycare and teach them how to integrate into school life with even more children around them.
That's just one example of a success story. I had to terminate one child because he had too many personality issues and I could not help him but I had the integrity to admit to myself that I was not able to help the child and when I explained that to the parents they did not understand. I hope his new caregiver can help him.
So don't beat yourself up if you don't bond with all the children but for heaven sake do your job and treat them all equally.
I think another sad thing is that often the kids end up paying for the sins of the parents. While I try very hard not to get angry more or not give as many hugs or pats or smiles to some of the kids it is hard when I am having difficulties with the parents to not become annoyed with all the little things the child does. That is the way the world works though in the sense that we go the extra mile for those that go the extra mile for us and have to try hard to meet the other type of parent at least in the middle.
No flak from me either, although I will confess I've only been doing this for 8 months so I haven't lost anyone yet. I have one leaving to go to school in the fall, and I like her just fine, but she is a client. I can't imagine crying when she leaves. I'm sure there will be times I'll think about her, and I think her mom will stay in touch and let me know how she is doing, but if not, that's okay too. I don't think I'm cold, and I do give the children lots of affection and attention while in my care, but they are not my children or grandchildren.
When I taught elementary school, I was always a bit sad to see the children leave in the spring because they had "grown" on me, but I always got over it very quickly LOL
I am very fond of the children in my care. It is a business at drop off and again at pick up, in between it is lovely to hear " I love you" at nap time or whenever the child feels the need to say it, or hear it. What other job would that happen in? I get sentimental but never teary eyed, when a child leaves my care. The same way you would feel after leaving any other person you have spent so much time with, it can be sad. I would not want my child to be with someone all day, that did not at least feel a fondness for them. The same love as your own child? That would just open up a whole world of hurt and heartache, ain't gonna happen.
Momof4, I recently discovered exactly the same thing...and I was shocked as well! I was actually disappointed in myself at first when it hit me that I really didn`t "like" this one child...I tried so hard to make myself like him, but it got to the point where everything he did annoyed me :( I was ashamed of myself at first...felt like a failure as a daycare provider...how could I not like a child? When I finally terminated it was like a ton of bricks had been lifted from my shoulders and I have come to an uneasy peace with it. I like all the other kids in my care and am very fond of them all...so I have come to understand that it is not because I am a bad caregiver...it's just that I am human and some personalities and behaviours just aren't tolerable for me. I now know that if I ever find myself feeling like that about a child, I will terminate again. While, on the surface, I treated him the same as all the others...gave hugs, etc...I can't help but think that he felt the lack of bond between us the same way I did. I do think we have to be honest with ourselves and honest with our fellow daycare providers so we can all learn and grow.