WTF was that???

So I have one dcg, she's 3.5. There are some sharing issues: she plays with a toy, puts it down and walks away, but if another child picks it up, she freaks out. Today, my daughter picked up a toy that was sitting on the floor, and she grabbed my daughter's arm and started pulling it trying to get the toy. She's quite a bit bigger than my daughter and I was afraid she was going to hurt her. Then Mom and Dad showed up, and before the I could even say anything, burst into tears and started crying hysterically and hugging her Mom. She put up such a fit that the rest of my kids started going berserk, and dcg was whisked out the door. I think I will be having a talk with them tomorrow regarding this.

I should mention that this same dcg has growled at me, and screamed at the other kids on a consistent basis. She has screamed in my 16 month dcb's face for touching her arm. The list goes on....

Wow, 3.5, screaming in people's faces, throwing fits, dramatic manipulation of Mom, and GROWLING at you?? Sounds like a real peach, this girl! :eek:

Without knowing how long you've had her there, or what her other circumstances are, as well as the level (or lack of) parental cooperation... I think I'd be tempted to say a big ol' "NEXT!"...

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Originally Posted by JennJubie

plays with a toy, puts it down and walks away, but if another child picks it up, she freaks out.

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. Uggggh this so happens every day with my 2.5 year old DCG....the worst is when you don't see actually what happened...and both say they had it first, and you are torn between believing one over the other because it has happened so many times.

She's been here for about a month. She started off okay, a few quirks... but then as she's gotten more comfortable I've seen more and more of this. I feel bad, because she really hasn't been here that long, but just in the last week she's gotten comfortable enough to tell my kids that they aren't allowed to play with the toys in our house, that they are "hers". If another child is singing she yells "stop it!" and tells me they need to be quiet. She even tries to tell me what we should be doing.

It's a lot of little things, and I'm pretty understanding about behavior quirks. As I've mentioned my son has diagnosed behavior issues. That being said, though, I still discipline for poor behavior, (of course!) Mom and Dad are very nice people, but the problem is that they don't even like the 1,2,3 method. They support that I use 1,2,3 and time outs, but I do not believe that they do it at home.

I'm just not connecting with this girl. I find her exhausting. I find her behavior exhausting. Is one month enough time to have put in before I consider terminating?

JennJubie, sounds like you aren't and won't get the support system from the parents. This won't help dcg's cause though. I would advertise and terminate. She sounds exhausting and I wonder how long it takes before it affects your whole crew.

sounds like my niece. She too would growl at people. My sister thought it was funny. She would take toys out of kids hands. Well, the problem was that they babied her and never disciplined her. So now she is in school and is causing rukus there. My sister won't say the extent of it, but she has been moved around esp at lunch because she's so loud and telling kids what to do. She also tattles alot.

Considering how old the child was when coming to care I am guessing you are not her first caregiver. Parents sound like they are totally in denial blaming everything and everyone else for what is their problem and the problems they created in the child.

Sometimes when it gets to the point that I don't care if a family up and leaves or not I start calling the child out on behaviour, language, actions whatever and am not all nicey,nicey about it either. They know that I am angry and not going to tolerate it anymore. Don't care if it "hurts their feelings" or not. Someone has to stand up to the child and say enough is enough and if the parents won't then since I am in the place of the parents during the daycare it becomes my responsibility. And if it ticks the parents off well ok go bug some other caregiver then no problem. But just maybe giving the child a taste of her own medicine helps to meet her half way and shows her that she is not the boss. Then once you have her at least listening you can work on the how to behave instead. If child is not disciplined at home it shouldn't take being too "mean" to get your point across as it will be something totally new to the child. Think of it as doing everyone a huge favour in coping in society.

At 3.5, that is unacceptable behavior to me. I would be having a chat with the parents. You all need to be on the same page for this to be corrected otherwise they are just allowing it to continue. Come up with an action plan, and if they don't stick to it and her behavior continues or worsens I would say "goodbye!"

I actually tend to be the opposite and somewhat leave the parents out of it in the sense that 95% of the time they are the reason things are the way they are. I work strictly on the child and my expectations for behaviour in my house. If she then learns to carry it over to home great and if not as long as my days go better and I know that given the need she can behave properly such as down the road in school then I have done my job. At 3.5 she would be read the riot act and told what behaviour she is expected to show etc. When all that fails then fine parents are told to take their kid and go elsewhere cause I have tried and am done. Surprisingly when you call a child out it is amazing how often they turn around and cooperate. When they cry to parents at drop off or pickup that is when you can start to work on the parents by dealing with the child in front of them - teaching them parenting skills. Remind the child of what is expected at your house - my classic line of I don't care what behaviour you are allowed to use at home but while you are in my house you will act like a proper girl with social graces or something to that effect - stern but not mean, to the point and in your face for the parents to get the oops we better do something too hopefully. And as I said if they get miffed and up and leave oh well we will go on with our calm fun day knowing I at least planted seeds of hope for them.

So a little update. I've got a bit tougher with this dcg, it seems to be working well. She responds well to stern JennJubie. But we'll see as it's only been a few days. The talk with her parents actually went better than expected, as they almost seemed relieved that I was bringing it up. At that point they shared a few of their concerns about dcg with me.

I hope it continues to improve for you! I am in a similar situation except that the child is younger (just turning 2). Been with me almost a month now and some not-so-flattering behaviours are surfacing that concern me. She still screams through every meal because she doesn't want to sit in her seat (and then will try to grab food off the counter and eat because she is starving). I think she's used to getting her way because she had a babysitter at home until now. Not sure if I have it in me to work for months and months just to get her following basic rules and routines...thinking about extending my 4 week trial by 2 weeks as a warning to parents that there is only so long I can give for her to adjust.