Parents coming in at drop-off

I don't know if this is how it's usually done but typically when kids get dropped off or picked up, the parent stays at the door and the kids is passed on. On more than one occassion I have had one particular child pull her mom in and the mom actually comes in. One time she sat on my couch for about 30 minutes. Today she came up the stairs, didn't bother taking her shoes off and sat on the couch for about 15 minutes chatting away. I finally said to the little girl "Okay, say bye to Mom, she has to get home now." (Mom isn't working for the summer.)
How do I tell her not to come up before she actually does?? I need to get on with my day when the kids are here (as she is usually last to arrive) and just because she has all this free time doesn't mean I do.

I would just tell her you do not allow parents in your home during daycare hours. Period.

These parents sit in our interviews and ask for our police checks and our liability insurance. They interrogate us on who comes and goes from our home during daycare hours. But THEN they feel they can just sit in your home with the other children when it so suits them??

I don't allow ANY parents in my house during daycare hours. I don't know these people. Where are THEIR background checks? Where is their personal liability insurance policy? And when did they ask all the other dcparents if it was okay that they, a stranger to the other families, hang out with the other kids??

It's NOT okay. Just tell her.

well said Judy lol
I have had to do this in the past and believe me, the sooner you tell her, the better. She clearly has no idea how this daycare thing works so it is your job to teach her. I'm sure you won't have any more issues with her once she knows you don't allow it.

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Originally Posted by mlc1982

I don't know if this is how it's usually done but typically when kids get dropped off or picked up, the parent stays at the door and the kids is passed on. On more than one occassion I have had one particular child pull her mom in and the mom actually comes in. One time she sat on my couch for about 30 minutes. Today she came up the stairs, didn't bother taking her shoes off and sat on the couch for about 15 minutes chatting away. I finally said to the little girl "Okay, say bye to Mom, she has to get home now." (Mom isn't working for the summer.)
How do I tell her not to come up before she actually does?? I need to get on with my day when the kids are here (as she is usually last to arrive) and just because she has all this free time doesn't mean I do.

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I'm sort of on the fence with this one as I understand both sides! But why is her child with you if she has the summer off? She seems like she feels guily for taking her.

I also understand both sides, I had my own son in daycare for a few weeks and I used to do this ( aghhh I know, I know...) It made it worse for my son, I see that now and this poor daycare provider must have been sooo uncomfortable ! Looking back though, I wish she would have told me if it bothered her... I was new to this and needed to be told what to do !

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Originally Posted by Sunflower

Looking back though, I wish she would have told me if it bothered her... I was new to this and needed to be told what to do !

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The problem is if the caregiver had told you there is a very good chance you would have left but also taken your son with you. Part of our job unfortunately is dealing with insecurities on both parent and child. And truely parents do not understand how a home daycare works - or in the case above doesn't work as long as the parent is in the way. I am lucky in that I have a small area at the front door where the cubbies are, etc. and a gate to enter the rest of my house as a way of keeping the little ones from the front door, wet mat, shoes, etc. So I stand there in such as way no one enters the house. That isn't saying no parent ever enters but only certain ones and usually at pick up if the child has been doing something like building with blocks and wants to show mom but we have an upstairs playroom. Moms never come in at drop off. Everyone runs to the area when someone arrives and the child is usually glad to go off with their friends at least after the first few weeks.

If the little girl is only with you part time over the summer there is a good chance they are going out to playgroup, park, museum, etc. on the other days so mom has become her playmate. You may need to use that to help them both see that on daycare days she plays with friends and mom drops and runs to do her own thing and they will be together to play after daycare - I always say after naptime as it has meaning. By then they are into the day and it is less than an hour till mom would be coming anyways.

Nope, I would not be okay with her waltzing in and "visiting". The next time her little one tries to say "Come in, Mommy!" I would say "Well, it's time for mommy to go, and for us to play with the other kids! We will tell her all about what we do at the end of the day, ok?"
If she physically tries to enter, then I would have to say something. "I hope you don't take offense to this, but I am actually not allowed to have parents come in and stay with their kids! Sorry, haha, I know it's silly, but it's really for the safety/comfort/security of the other kids and their parents. I wish I could, it would be nice to have some adult company, but what do you do, right? hahaha" If she tries to come in at pick-up, I would say "Oh, you stay there, so you don't have to TAKE YOUR SHOES OFF (lol) I will go grab her!"
I am guessing that she does feel a little bad dropping her off if she's not working, but as long as you guys have an agreement, that is her issue to deal with, not yours. She probably also has no idea that it's not ok, and just needs to be gently told so.
If approached properly, things should be fine. She will probably apologize ("Oh, sorry, I had no idea") and forget about it. If she does take offense.... ppssshh. Good riddance! I don't think any of my parents would have trouble understanding this point. It's for the good of everyone involved, since other kids also see someone's mommy coming to play and want theirs to stay too. Kids need to understand that we say goodbye to mom/dad at the door, and then we play, and see them at the end of the day (at the door!). My open-door policy means that you are more than welcome to pop by unannounced TO PICK UP YOUR CHILD. That's it. It does not extend to chit-chat when I am taking care of x-number of kids!

[QUOTE=playfelt;3841]The problem is if the caregiver had told you there is a very good chance you would have left but also taken your son with you. Part of our job unfortunately is dealing with insecurities on both parent and child. And truely parents do not understand how a home daycare works

not necessarily... I believe that good communication is very important, and that anything can be said as long as it is done with respect.
Had she just said, no parents allowed I would have thought she had something to hide BUT had she said what all the other ladies said..security reasons etc I would have reacted ok I think.
I am a reasonable person. I have had to do this myself and it is all in how you say things when it comes to parents !

Thanks for the tips. I think I was more angered by the situation this morning because Mom didn't even attempt to take off her shoes! Anyway, if this problem arises again I will nicely tell her she can't come in and explain safety etc. If she can't accept that, her loss and it could end up in termination.

Judy can you come and live here for awhile? LOL

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Originally Posted by Tinkerbell

Judy can you come and live here for awhile? LOL

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It's all in your attitude and having high expectations for the parents you serve and the kids you serve. It's also two-sided in that you also have to have high expectations for YOURSELF and wha you offer the kids.

IME, if you offer the kids a lot the parents see that and are more likely to follow your rules because they know, in their hearts, that the rules are there to protect the kids.

You are absolutely right! I just had a Mom come for a visit with the husband (as I had never met him during the interview process) and she was talking about the upcoming first couple of days and mentioned coming in with her daughter and 'getting her settled in'. This just teaches them that if they act out Mommy stays longer. I try to enforce the 'Stop, Drop, and Run' philosophy, but I find more and more parents either don't listen or don't care what I have to say. After 19 years doing this you would think I would be prepared for this type of thing. :rolleyes:

I do find there is such a difference in parenting methods these days though. Kids are not expected to take responsibility for anything. They are not pressured to grow up until they suddenly reach 18 months to 2 years and then the parents expect them to have the capacity of a 3-4 year old in the following month. Kids do not hear the word no often enough, have few limits lest their creatitvity and self-esteeem take a hit. Mommy honestly believes that her child could not possibly function independently of her. She will stay till the child stops crying and we all know that isn't going to happen anytime soon. Somewhere along the parenting channels parents got this notion that a child should never experience the realities of life and it is so sad. I try to explain that just as mom has her place to be at work, the child has their place to be at daycare and both need to get on with their jobs and not be distracted by the other one - put as politely as possible while still getting the message across.

Very well said!

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Originally Posted by Tinkerbell

You are absolutely right! I just had a Mom come for a visit with the husband (as I had never met him during the interview process) and she was talking about the upcoming first couple of days and mentioned coming in with her daughter and 'getting her settled in'. This just teaches them that if they act out Mommy stays longer. I try to enforce the 'Stop, Drop, and Run' philosophy, but I find more and more parents either don't listen or don't care what I have to say. After 19 years doing this you would think I would be prepared for this type of thing. :rolleyes:

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This was the first time I was asked the same thing from a mom...she asked if she could come a few times with her child before daycare starts to get her used to daycare and get her comfortable.

:blink:
But how is going on a mommy playdate getting her used to daycare? I think it is much more productive to do a gradual entry where the little one comes on their own for growing periods of time. i.e start 2 hours...then 4, then 6 then a full day. Having mommy come for a few days and then suddenly sending a child for 9.5 hours without mommy seems like it would be even more confusing

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Originally Posted by Spixie33

This was the first time I was asked the same thing from a mom...she asked if she could come a few times with her child before daycare starts to get her used to daycare and get her comfortable.

:blink:
But how is going on a mommy playdate getting her used to daycare? I think it is much more productive to do a gradual entry where the little one comes on their own for growing periods of time. i.e start 2 hours...then 4, then 6 then a full day. Having mommy come for a few days and then suddenly sending a child for 9.5 hours without mommy seems like it would be even more confusing

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Funny thing is I have tried to explain this to parents countless times. Prepare your child appropriately for a daycare setting. Ask advice of your provider on the best way to acclimate the child and proceed as advised. If they trust you enough to hire you then they should trust you enough to take your advice.

I completely agree.... I haven't had any moms ask to join their little one, other than the initial interview visits. If that was asked of me, I would decline. From day one, small people need to know that when they come here; Mom/Dad kisses them goodbye at the door, we play and have fun, and then sometime later, Mom/Dad will come to the door again to take them home. Having Mommy stay a couple times but then not stay anymore is confusing and not helpful for anyone. I will recommend that we start by implementing a couple hours at a time, and then increase it as needed. I explain to parents that it is TOTALLY normal to have tears at the door, and that if I feel that their child is having difficulty adjusting, they will be the first to know.
PS> I also agree with all that you have said about parenting these days. Sad, but true.....

Couldnt you just lock your door and bring the child to the door ready to go when she arrives? That's what I do, doors locked, parent knocks I open it grab the child they get ready and I usually lead the goodbye with telling the child to have a good evening and see them tomorrow...the parent gets the point usually! Another thing I do when it's nice out is have bags ready to go, kids outside playing so when parents arrive they are ready to go!