1 year old doesn't eat, drink or nap... :(

Hi everyone, I have siblings starting next week (dcb 3 years old and dcg 1 year old). The dcb was here before his mom went on mat leave and he is happy to come back, its the dcg I am worried about. Mom and kids came for a visit last week and are coming back this week before they start next week. Mom tells me last week that dcg refuses to eat or drink anything, not even from a bottle or finger foods or purees, ABSOLUTELY NOTHING. It was am snack when they were here last week so I handed dcg an arrowroot cookie, she took it, put it up to her lips and then stopped and started playing with it instead. She even refused a sippy cup. Mom is still breast feeding her and is stressing over what will happen when she returns to work (they are coming for 2 weeks before she goes back to work so if any problems mom is at home for first two weeks of daycare). This little one won't take food or drink from anyone, only breast feeding. The only good thing is she doesn't even put toys in her mouth. I am worried that she will starve and be so thirsty when she is here as they will be here for 9 hours a day. She has been to the doctor and he said maybe its some kind of oral problem that she doesn't like things in her mouth. I think they are getting a referral to a pediatrician so hopefully that helps. What would you do about this situation? I am totally stressing over it! Any help is appreciated, thanks!

PS - Apparently she doesn't nap either :(

My son was kind of like that... She lost lots of weight about 1 year old, because he only wanted breastfeed. The doctor asked to see him frequently to watch his weight. He also started to be super picky with foods. I reduce the amount of breast milk and he started to eat more. It took some time to get him to eat well and stop being a picky eater. I think she will eat better when she is hungry and see that breast milk is not an option at daycare... My son still breastfeeds, but only during mornings and nights when daycare kids are not here... My son also had troubles to nap when he was a baby...He now naps 1.5 to 2 hrs...Something that help him to sleep better when a baby and breastfeeding a lot was for me to avoid anything with sugar before breastfeeding. Some kids are sensitive to it. He was super active and full of energy since he was a baby I guess extra sugar was too much for him...

Has the mom tried pumping and feeding breastmilk in a bottle? At least that would be something to keep her hydrated while she transitions to learning to eat and drink other foods.

Sunnydays, yes the mom has tried pumping and bottle feeding and she said dcg refused bottle and freaked out to the point it took them awhile to calm her down. :(

My daughter did have oral issues and was 18 months before we were able to transition her to a bottle. She just didn't have a strong enough suck reflex to make the milk come out. With breastfeeding once she got it started it just kept flowing for her.

Also when she did start on the bottle she wouldn't take it from me at all or from anyone if I was in the house. She would eventually give in if I went out for the evening but then only took enough to keep her going till I got home and could feed her.

She still has chewing issues (she is 20 years old now) so I need to grind/mash/etc. her food still and make sure that it is moistened enough as she chokes if it is too dry.

Mom should have started several months ago to work on the transition including pumping and feeding the milk herself to the baby - using a bottle with a preemie nipple which is softer and flatter than regular ones and has a hole that allows milk to flow easily. You might have some success with that now.

In an emergency there is always the possibility of using a syringe and squirting the warmed expressed breast milk into her mouth like you would do with medicine. Very time consuming but if you are concerned at least it would hydrate in the summer.

Experiment with hot and cold temps too. I have one that had to have it so hot it hurt when I tested on the wrist as in not boiling but very hot. Was like this from day one in the hospital and it was the nurses that figured it out. Even now at 18 months she prefers room temp milk or warmer but we are working on it.

How stressful! I'd be concerned in your situation as well!

With any luck, in a few days she will realize that mom isn't here and she'll have to try something else. It might be easier for you than with her mom - age might put up more of a fight because with mom she knows its an option. And a 1 year old not napping? That's the stuff nightmares are made of! She might pick it up once she realizes it's routine at your place to do so. The increased activity might do it for her as well.

I really hope it works out and she doesn't give you too hard of a time!

She's not ready for group care. She needs to be able to eat and drink without adult involvement.

Why is the Mom waiting so late to stop breast feeding? She should have started weening her a few months ago?

Also why hasn't she been introduced to solid food?

Skysue...not sure why the mom is still breast feeding. She has been introduced to solid foods, finger foods, purees, baby cereal and formula but she refuses to eat anything. Anything put in her mouth she just fusses or cries and spits it out or won't even open her mouth.

I got a text from mom tonight saying they did a cake smash photoshoot with her today (its her birthday) and she didn't even lick her fingers, just played in the cake.

daycarewhisperer...b y no adult involvement for feeding/drinking are you meaning that the child should be able to totally eat and drink on their own with absolutely no adult help before going into group care??

It is entirely possible that there is some sort of physical/physiological issue in place here. BUT, chances are there would be other issues/concerns, no?
If I had to make a guess (and of course, there could always be more to the story), I would say that this is less the child's issue and more the parents. Most kids when introduced to new tastes and textures will reject them at first. Especially if they have waited too long to do so.
Honestly, this is not a child that I would be able to care for. I need the children to be able to hold a cup or bottle, feed themself finger foods, and at least be working on using a spoon, etc. It is unreasonable to expect a group caregiver to give that much attention to a single child.
It is strange that she doesn't try to mouth anything, or eat the icing, etc. If they really feel that there is a "problem", they need to get that checked out immediately.

Well, we are not tuned to starve ourselves or allow ourselves to die of dehydration so my guess is she WILL eat and drink on her own once she is off the boob. I don't understand parents who KNOW their child is going into group care and don't properly prepare them. It's akin to abusive, IMO, to set your child up to fail miserably the first time they are off on their own without the parent.

Now, napping is a whole other ball of wax. The eating thing does not affect YOU or the other kids but the not napping DOES affect you. I would be telling that mom exactly what sleep routine she expect her to follow and she starts it TODAY. And tell her that not napping is grounds for termination to give her some incentive to get that kid on a napping schedule.

Personally, if I had the head's up on a kid like this there is NO WAY I would accept them into care. There are far too many "good, normal" kids with "good, normal" parents who actually know how to parent than to settle for a nightmare in the making.