Very upset parent...

so...this morning at drop off the dcm of my 5-yr old dcg was VERY upset that she had had a nap the other day. all kids go down for quiet time, and i never tell her that she has to NAP, but of course she told her mom that i said she HAD to nap. dcg didn't fall asleep until after 11pm and had kindie the next day. so...dcm said this morning that she didn't call me because she was "very upset", and that "she CAN'T NAP", and that lately she feels her dd is an inconvenience to me. the fact is, i recently took on two little ones, and my days are much busier with the bigger group, and this child is my oldest. her parents want me to have her ready for gymnastics (or remind her to get ready and remind her to PEE!!!...she's 5!!!), they failed to let me know TWICE in one week that she was not coming due to illness...i had to call the dcm to ask if she was coming...which if i have a walk or outing planned ties us all down...one day i DID have an outing planned and dcd informed me that morning that he would be picking her up late morning for doctor appt. we went on our walk as planned and he came and found us, picked her up, fed her lunch. up until now i have not had a policy book in place. this is a large part of the problem and my fault. this family has been with me for four years and dcg is finished for good at the end of june. i feel so frustrated and more than a little upset, but i know it's just for a little longer. at the same time, i hate to see things end on a sour note. this morning i tried to tell mom that all kids NEED quiet time so i can have a break...more needed now with the extra little ones, and that even a kid sitting at the table coloring and watching me move around doesn't feel like a 'break'. we didn't resolve anything as another parent walked in to drop off. i hate this kind of start to the day!!!! oh. and when i told her she didn't understand the need for a break, she promptly told me that she had worked in a daycare for YEARS!
WWYD? just smooth things over and make it as painless as possible for the next month? try to work things out with dcm?

btw, policy book is ready to go out tomorrow! :)

So she thinks her daycare experience and knowledge trumps yours. uh huh, just tell her that all children in your care must rest or nap.
I would look to replace, anyone tries to tell me how to run my business in that manner would be given their walking papers.

I would tell her you need a break to have lunch, get stuff set up for the afternoon and do paperwork. Even if you don't do any of that you still need a break. even an hour just to regroup and have a coffee. That said kid needs to lay quietly till all kids are a sleep or for an hour but she then falls a sleep in the first place. And you are not going to wake her up. And clearly she needs a nap if she falls asleep. And yes get that hand book make up signed by all parents. I have had many times I have had to email or photo copy a page that they signed and highlighted a line showing or reminding the rules they agreed to. I don't sugar coat thing. I will be polite but this is your business and home don't let them tell you how to run it. Every daycare runs differently. I worked in a daycare before starting my own and we did get breaks. every room had two workers and we each took turns taking two 1/2 hr breaks.

The fact you only have a month left I would probably stick to my guns and say child will need to do quiet activities but do them on her mat in the sense that I have things I need to do that means I am not always able to have her follow me around the house and I need to know where she is at all times. Then if she falls asleep so what - generally when moms don't know the kid goes to bed normally.

I don't get a break because my own child doesn't nap - hasn't for over 15 years - yes she is 20 but special needs. I only let older kids not nap that can do the sit in one place and not bug me for the hour. They lay on their mat for the first hour and either fall asleep or get up and do whatever was in their quiet bin for that day while I do my own things - ie I spend first hour on computer with my lunch and then spend second hour doing stuff.

Nap/quiet time is an absolute necessity for us! And for the kids as well. I would continue as you are, and if she is that angry about it, she can go before the month is up. Your policies are your policies no matter what. My theory is if the child falls asleep during quiet time the need the sleep.

I won't get much of a break come summer, as my son will be home and has special needs, but he still understands quiet time. He will play quietly on his own while I clean up and have a rest, and then we have some one on one time while the others are still napping.

I would put on a movie for her to watch. Turn off the lights the put on finding nemo or something. But ya you only have a month so stick to your guns. A kids movie is 90mins or so give you time to eat check email ect.

Thank you ladies. Yes I could just let her watch a movie during quiet time. My ONLY problem with this is then the dcm has marched in, told me what to do and I do it. Had she come in and spoken respectfully to me I wouldn't have any problem with this AT ALL but yhe way she spoke and bossed me made me so mad I don't want to comply with her DEMANDS!

I always turn the nap thing back around on the parents. "Disgruntled Daycare Mom, Obviously I cannot "force" any child to sleep, because if you use the same logic, you would have been able to "force" the same kid to go to bed at a decent hour. Which apparently you could not do. I do give the option to sleep at quiet time, but older children in my care are also given the choice to read books while resting on their mat. They must remain quiet to not disrupt the children who need to sleep, but the choice to nap is theirs. That's unfortunate that you are unhappy with the care. I have my policies in place in order to be fair to all the families in care. If you are no longer willing to honor the contract you signed, then you need to give X amounts of weeks paid notice as per our contract. Please let me know your decision by such and such a date so I can notify my waitlist. They will be DELIGHTED!"

If you require all your daycare children to rest quietly and the DCM doesn't want her dd to rest then have the DCM come pick up her dd at rest time and bring her back after rest time is over.

Or you could hire an assistance to supervise her dd while the other kids rest and you have your quiet time but make sure you charge her for the assistance wages for that time.

I don't accept or keep kids who don't rest during rest time. I could care less if they actually sleep but they ALL rest quietly.

All children nap/quiet time at my daycare and at this point all fall asleep .... Apparently they need it. I had a parent tell me they want their child to nap from 10-noon ..... I said that will not work because then your child will miss outside time/ free play , and lunch and them your child will have to sit quietly by them self for the afternoon since all the other children will be napping. Needless to say their child napped with the rest if the kids.

OP: What Province are you in?

Here in Ontario, according to the DNA, all children MUST have quiet time for minimum an hour.

So, if she worked in a center before, she of all people should know this! Otherwise she's just screwing with you.

I would personally just leave it. Especially considering she's leaving in a months time.

IF she has further issues with it, tell her that she can leave. That you're not changing anything right now.

Good luck!

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Originally Posted by zoomama

Thank you ladies. Yes I could just let her watch a movie during quiet time. My ONLY problem with this is then the dcm has marched in, told me what to do and I do it. Had she come in and spoken respectfully to me I wouldn't have any problem with this AT ALL but yhe way she spoke and bossed me made me so mad I don't want to comply with her DEMANDS!

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In an earlier post you mentioned taking on a couple of younger children. What was the nap policy prior to that as in has this child always napped, just played quietly or what did she do? It sounds like mom is blaming nap on the fact you have babies napping. Just because babies started shouldn't effect what the older child is doing during quiet time.

I feel your pain I had a 2 1/2 year old who is now 3, her Mom made it clear last summer no more naps. It interfered with the child's ability to fall asleep at 8pm, she would freak out if she heard she napped. So I stopped telling her if she fell asleep on her own and it didn't truly interfere with jack. Then a few months ago she comes to me and asked that she take a nap just on Thursdays as she needs her to stay up till 10pm. WTF like these kids have on off switches or something.

My motto is if the sleep its because they need it!

My DH and I are sooooooo relaxed with our DD's bedtime and she is responsible enough at 5 years to tell us when it's bedtime. Don't get me wrong 11pm won't work every night but once I a while is it really a big deal?

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Originally Posted by zoomama

this family has been with me for four years and dcg is finished for good at the end of june. i feel so frustrated and more than a little upset, but i know it's just for a little longer. at the same time, i hate to see things end on a sour note.

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Sour note? Who the hell cares? It's not YOU that is being the ass here. Honestly, they are nit picking and being rude. The definitely have Short-Timer's Syndrome, that's for sure. Ugh.

If a parent told me NO NAP then my reply would have been:

If your child has outgrown their nap then they have outgrown my daycare. You are welcome to leave earlier than June if the nap is a problem for you.


And, no, I am not kidding.

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Originally Posted by Play and Learn

OP: What Province are you in?

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Ii'm in alberta. As far as I know there aren't quiet time laws here.

So... today I put dcg in her own room, not darkened, with books no blanket, and said "you don't have to sleep just look at books quietly" (i never say they HAVE to sleep)".
Checked on her a short time later and she was snoozing up a storm. I woke her and she looked all guilty and said "I wasn't sleeping I was just closing my eyes!" Poor kid.

Meeting with mom after last dck leaves. Shoyld be interesting. Thanks for all your advice and input! I'll update on the outcome.

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Originally Posted by playfelt

In an earlier post you mentioned taking on a couple of younger children. What was the nap policy prior to that as in has this child always napped, just played quietly or what did she do? It sounds like mom is blaming nap on the fact you have babies napping. Just because babies started shouldn't effect what the older child is doing during quiet time.

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I had fewer children so not on such desperate need of a complete break so I would let her watch tv or colour/look at books on the couch (which she didn't actually do...she'd just watch me with a "is it time yet" look which drove me nuts!!!
I have spoiled my families and now that i'm finally putting my foot down they are kicking up a fuss, much like children do when rules are put in place. Fortunately there are fresh families starting and if all old ones leave it's fine. I just don't want a bad rep in a very small community.

That parent EXPECTS you to have her child changed for an activity outside of daycare? Right there, that tells me everything. I hope you are advertising and filling that space quickly, you would be better off without them. I also agree that all children have quiet time at my daycare no matter what their age. If they fall asleep then they NEED some sleep.

so...the end of my day...had a private meeting with said dcm, and realized it had very little to do with the nap and a lot to do with a LOT of ongoing miscommunication for the past months. we were able to discuss things in a grown up, mature way, and really it all ended so well. surprisingly well. her daughter will still be required to have quiet time, and i think part of dcm's frustration is that her daughter WON'T nap for her even if she's sick and needs it...yet here i can't keep her awake if she has 'quiet time'. isn't that so often the way?!

so things are good. i will have dcg very little the last month, won't lose out on the income right before summer (a whole different story), and best of all, i feel like i grew a little in my ability to deal with and handle a very frustrating situation in a positive, yet firm and "backboney" way. all in all, a frustrating day to further personal growth that ended well. things to be thankful for.

thanks for being here...it makes days like this easier to handle...

and i did bring up things like being expected to have dcg ready for outside activities, amongst other things, and i think dcm really 'got it', which felt better than simply getting mad and terminating.
:)

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Originally Posted by zoomama

and i did bring up things like being expected to have dcg ready for outside activities, amongst other things, and i think dcm really 'got it', which felt better than simply getting mad and terminating.
:)

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I'm glad you included this issue when you talked to the Mom. We have to make sure that the parents don't abuse us. We are busy women with important jobs and we're here to take care of ALL of the children. When parents expect extras or special attention for their child that's unfair. I'm really glad this worked out well for you and I bet you feel empowered and professional right now. Good for you!

thank you momof4! yes i do feel empowered, and more in control of myself and my business. you're absolutely right about making sure parents don't abuse us. that was one of several things that i brought up that's gone on with this dcm, and i feel respected and appreciated after our meeting. if only every issue of this nature could end so positively!