Advice Please Ladies :)

Short version of my story. I have a dcg who will be 4 in August. I have had her since she was 2. I have a few issues that I have posted about before: coming in the same dirty clothes, no having a bath often enough, etc but now its worse. She refuses to use the potty here and its quite gross. She pees in her pull up (that I insist she wears until she will use the toilet) and my whole house smells like urine all the time. Its got to the point where other parents are noticing it at pick up and drop off if she comes near them. I have her change her pull up as often as I change the diapered kiddos but it doesn't help. She pees all day long and comes back the next day in the same skirt. Always a skirt with no shorts/undies underneath just the pull up. They leak and its all over my floors and mats a couple times a day...I'm at a loss with the potty training and now her parents say just to stop trying and let her be. She is going to school in sept!

But, the bigger issue is her lies. She lies about everything and I'm at my wits end with that. I had a little one poop in the playpen and play in it during nap, gross but happens he's only 18 months old...but...she went home and told her parents that she was in a playpen and played with her poop...seriously!!! Then my little guy needed sunscreen for school so I called hubby and asked him to bring some home with him, she went home and said I told her that her sunscreen was empty and that she needed to bring more (they had brought a bottle the day before) so yesterday she decided to rip apart my foam mats because quite frankly she was being a brat...simple as that...well I told mom about it and they replaced the mats but apparently she told them she did it because another boy pinched her. She did it while the little ones were napping and the boy she accused wasn't even here!

I'm just really sick of having to explain myself when she lies about stupid stuff! I'm pretty much ready to terminate...she is my first arrival and last pick up (11,5-12 hour days even when her parents are at home). Is it wrong to terminate because I just don't like her anymore???? They aren't huge behaviour issues by any means just frustrating and time consuming coming home each night from the gym and having to answer mom's emails about her childs lies...wwyd?

Sorry so long!

i would find a replacement then terminate.

In Ottawa a school has the right to refuse a 4 year if they are not toilet trained. Do you really want to have her for another year????

I would also terminate. The lying and having to explain yourself..that would be the icing on the cake for me personally. The constant peeing in her pull up and the fact that her parents don't seem to be on the same page would have me writing up the termination notice ASAP.:no:

Time for the parents to take some time off work and train this child. I would terminate as this behaviour and uncleanliness is too ridiculous to continue to put up with. Time for some serious parenting.

For the love of God terminate!!! That is beyond gross and disrespectful... not to mention a health and safety issue. The icing on the cake is the parents reaction.
I am not sure what area you are in or what age group you have in your care but I am in East Oshawa/Courtice and I am getting calls weekly looking for care (babies) hence me having all 1 year olds in my care. You don't need that family!
Its not worth the stress. Good luck!

I would terminate because the lying is a liability for you. She could tell her parents that you do something horrible to her and then you will be in all kinds of trouble. Her parents are doing their due diligence by checking with you about what she is saying but you would think by now they would know how she is and not give her so much power when she tells them something.

The potty training is another story. It sounds like this child is being neglected at home and this is leading to the negative behaviour to get some kind of attention from them. This is a recipe for disaster. Although neglect cases are hard to prove, the not bathing her, having her in dirty clothes is concerning and warrants a call to CAS.

The 12 hour days would be enough for me, without any of the other issues thrown in there! Sounds like it's a lot of stress for you and that is not good :(

Thanks Ladies. I am going to terminate. Now do I give them until September or just my one month's notice?

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Originally Posted by michellesmunchkins

Thanks Ladies. I am going to terminate. Now do I give them until September or just my one month's notice?

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Whatever amount of notice time you have stated in your contract. Don't keep them on any longer than you have to.

No later than the end of June - do you really want that smell during the heat of the summer.

Too many issues with this child to keep them - the lying for me would the big one because it is not my job to tread on eggshells with anyone or fret that anything I do might be questioned.

i can't believe you've held out this long...although i know it's hard to terminate a family you've had in care for a long time. it's amazing what we put up with sometimes, and how black and white it is from the outside looking in. that's why i think this forum is so wonderful. it provides that outsiders objective perspective and often helps to confirm what we already know.

i agree with the others. terminate with the minimum notice required in your contract!

Omigosh, I threw up in my mouth a little bit reading that post. Michelle, you know you have tried and tried and it's time to pull the plug. You deserve better. The entire situation is soooooo disgusting!

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Originally Posted by Momof4

Omigosh, I threw up in my mouth a little bit reading that post. Michelle, you know you have tried and tried and it's time to pull the plug. You deserve better. The entire situation is soooooo disgusting!

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Hahaha I laughed so hard I almost spit my tea on the keyboard. :laugh:

Gross! Just terminate already. That is disgusting.

i would give them 2 weeks notice. Really why have one month, one whole month of stinky pee smell in your house. Just curious, what do the parents say about her wearing a diaper, what is going to do in september for jk or is she not going.

Thanks Ladies, termination it is :) Its so disgusting especially now with the warmer weather here. The parents say she is completely trained at home but they also ask her every 5 seconds and reward her with candy every time she goes. I will not reward a child for doing what they should just do in life most especially with junk food and candy. She controls the parents in all aspects of life. It takes them 10 minutes to even get her in the car after work because she refuses to leave and they have to 'barter' with her to get her to go home. The drop her off and promise her mcdonalds, candy, chocolate etc if she pees on the potty. The send her eating chocolate, freezies, candy and crap almost every morning because they have to bribe her to get out of bed I feel sorry for whoever she gets as a teacher next year. This is also the child who refuses to participate in anything (crafts, outdoor play, simple colouring) because at home she gets treats for doing something and she is just expected to do these things here. She watches more tv at home than I can even tell you. She talks about her pizza/movie party almost every day of the week and the parents don't hide the fact that she eats tons of junk and watches tons of tv! Its a very frustrating situation all around because they are not helping her, they are setting her up for failure in life. Not that it matters but both these parents are in high standing/class jobs in Toronto! so I expect even more of them in regards to parenting.