What the hell Vent

A 2.5 weeks ago I gave a family notice that I was no longer going to care for their child. The boy was with me almost two months, He wasn't napping(and keeping the other kids up) or eating or even drinking. Every day I sent home a daily report and I would verbally tell them the issues we had that day. On his birthday we has a small party and I even sent home a gift, every day he came he was smiling and happy, same with when he went home. I was pleasant the hole 2.5 weeks and mom was still chatty and nice to me. Yesterday the dad picked up the boy and was an ass. He said he was going to call in a complaint because his son yells now and never did before he started here.as well I gave them notice the weekend of mothers day and that wasn't professional. I told him I wish him well and he said he doesn't wish me well. He said this a few times. And he didn't like my add up on kijij looking for another kid. I told him I was filling the spot. I am so upset I couldn't sleep last night, my stomach is flip...I am so sick of this, I am seriously thinking of shutting down.

You just ran into an adult who doesn't want to have a no come his way. He's just saying words to you. The complaint to the state is a serious series of words so I would be prepared for a visit.

It's okay that he doesn't want your no. He has a right to his little feelings. Just suck it up and poof them out of your head. Be happy he told you in advance of the complaint and get your house ready for an inspection. In my experience, when a family is termed they almost always make a complaint. It is part of the process. You can't take it personally. It is their final gesture to remain in the one up position in the relationship. When you term they aren't on top. When they cause harm to you by opening the door to an inspection and possibly having their complaint be on your public file, they are back on top.

If you do everything right by being professional and giving a fair notice then the parent will focus on HOW you termed and WHEN you termed. There's really not anything else to gain a position. There isn't a secret formula to tell them "no" and have them be understanding and fair about it. You can be kind, generous, fair, sweet, etc... but what they focus on is the NO.

Parents want to term YOU. They want to be in the employer like position and tell YOU when they will use your service. It doesn't really occur to parents who haven't been termed before that you can or will do that. When they are hit with a term they are blindsided because they look at you thru the eyes of that you are there to serve them and you want their money. When the service ends and you aren't interested in the money AND they have to find someone else to give them the deal you are giving them or better for the same or less money then they realize that they weren't the boss of you after all. That's a hard pill to swallow so they lash out with what YOU did and try to right their position by having the final say by filing a complaint.

What a jerk. I am sorry that is happening. I don't think he would report you but who knows. Some people are just like that. Hopefully you are able to replace quickly.

I've never heard of a complaint leading to an inspection... who would inspect? Isn't this a private business? Unless I'm going over ratio and breaking rules in the DNA, who would be authorized to inspect my home based on a parent complaint? I'm curious, because I've never heard of anyone having the authority to do this unless it's a DNA violation.

File a complaint because their child is yelling? Sigh. DaycareWhisper hit the nail on the head for dads reaction to hearing "no" and the one upmanship scenario. What an idiot. Should you have to deal with an inspection, be confident and give good eye contact as you have nothing to hide and did nothing wrong.

Tree holm that's what I was wondering !! I guess if the guy fabricated a bunch if crap like saying she's over ratio or something. But generally when someone says "I'm going to report you" they are just blowing smoke up your ass....

I'm with an agency, so in my case that's who they'd be complaining to, and who would come to inspect if that was to happen.

The ladies I answer to with the agency have told me that they really try to weed out what actually happened, rather than taking a parent at their word. Ultimately it would be up to them to decide if a complaint is valid and if it should go in our provider file. I'd think that a complaint after a termination would be pretty common, whoever is dealing with it should be able to take your side.

In the case of an agency like mine, I might give them a call first and explain the situation so they get your word before that awful dads.

If you think he is even going to complain... Like the others said, he might just be trying to freak you out.

Thanks guys. In Winnipeg I think it is the better business bureau. I just hope he doesn't bash me on kijij where I place adds.

Wow. What a jerk. Sorry you've got to deal with him. You've done nothing wrong. I don't think your agency would inspect you because he says his kid learned yelling from daycare.....even if they did you haven't done anything wrong. If your agency calls, explain the scenario to them and his unprofessional and childish behavior. I hope you have a much better day today!

Hi,

I have had angry parents call on me before, and here's what happens. Early Learning (it depends what province you are in as to what they are called) comes to your door, and they say they've had a concern come in that they need to address then they come in check how many kids you have and leave...(Early learning can only check child ratio)

Now if he actually calls Child Services and alleges abuse.... Someone from Child Protective Services will go out and check if a concern is not noted they shred the document and you can go on with your day....

Hope that helps

If the parent does make a complaint to I think it is or used to be ministry of community and social services or CAS and if a complaint is made no matter how silly it seems they need to investigate. A really silly one usually results in a phone call just sort of checking on the other side of the story. Any complaint about ratios or anything in the home and they will make a visit and yes they can visit any place that children are in care including a private home daycare.

Doubtful the dad will follow through if that is the best excuse he could come up with. I mean really if he complains his child yells now but didn't before then they are likely to laugh at him and say well then it sounds like caregiver was right to let the screamer go.

Who cares if he likes you ad although I am going to assume it doesn't make any reference to why you have an opening coming up.

I think I would have said "I don't appreciate your tone with me; I find it disrespectful. You and your child are not welcome to turn effective immediately."

No just that I have an opening at of June 3. I think he was more mad that I gave them notice the weekend of mothers day. He said I didn't worn them but in the daily reports I put the issues down the day it happened. So they had warring the kid wasn't fitting in so well. The mom even said she expected this.

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Originally Posted by Big Hearts

No just that I have an opening at of June 3. I think he was more mad that I gave them notice the weekend of mothers day. He said I didn't worn them but in the daily reports I put the issues down the day it happened. So they had warring the kid wasn't fitting in so well. The mom even said she expected this.

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How many people get a warning when they are terminated/fired. Not many that's part of life. My husband was wants laid off on Christmas Eve. It doesn't matter when it happens its still going to hurt. He is just using the Mothers Day thing to make you feel bad. He's an ass. I can't stand people like him. He is a "small" man who is using this to try and make himself fell "big". If he comes back and treats you like this again, tell him he is no longer welcome in your home and that the mom will have to do pickup/drop off until they are done.

It sounds like you did what was best for the child. He obviously wasn't doing well with you. Sometimes we aren't a great fit for some kids. It doesn't mean we're bad providers or the children are bad kids, it just isn't a good match.

As for the dad... I bet that caught you off guard. However, I would be inclined to let the mother know that dad is no longer aloud on your property. I hope this is the last day and you don't have to deal with this family.

Try to let it roll off your shoulder. He's just lashing out. You never know... he may have had a really rough day and you were the easiest one to let it all out on.

As for the complaint? Ya.. right. I wouldn't even worry about it.

And he wonders why his kid acts the way he does? Geesh, I wonder. :rolleyes:

I have only ever had ONE termination go well in all my years. What you are hearing is pretty much the norm for parents whose child gets terminated from care. The parents don't like it. They got a big old NO from someone they thought (wrongly) was just a desperate woman who looks after kids because she doesn't have any other prospects. Who the hell do you think you were giving him a NO!? :laugh:

Don't let his asshatedness make you quit. He is so not worth it. You do important work and deserve better than that.

Besides, now for your next termination you will be ready for it. After all my years it doesn't even phase me anymore. I don't lose a second of sleep over it.

My first and only termination went horribly....even though the parents had multiple warnings they still claimed to be blindsided by the termination notice...they were given 2 weeks to correct/work on the issue before I even issued notice. They said they were anygry because they felt like they were"fired" and well YES they were...said they were going to put me out of business etc etc....I think no matter how professional and polite we are with our terminations, at the end of the day, the parents will most always be offended/disgruntled...nothin g we can do about it except let it roll off our backs..no sense loosing sleep over idol threats from parents who threaten to complain and slander.

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Originally Posted by dodge__driver11

Hi,

I have had angry parents call on me before, and here's what happens. Early Learning (it depends what province you are in as to what they are called) comes to your door, and they say they've had a concern come in that they need to address then they come in check how many kids you have and leave...(Early learning can only check child ratio)

Now if he actually calls Child Services and alleges abuse.... Someone from Child Protective Services will go out and check if a concern is not noted they shred the document and you can go on with your day....

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In Manitoba if they call the Early Learning and Childcare government agency they can't come into your home unless your are licensed (like I am). If it is an issue of an unlicensed home being over their allowed number of kids they have to catch you in the act, they can't just come into your home unless you invite them since it is a private residence. If they do catch you (like by sitting outside your home and counting the number of families and kids coming into the home) then you get a fine. I don't know what they could do if they received a complaint from a parent about a situation like yours.

Involving child and family services is a whole different situation though.

Yes I should have mentioned that, you can refuse them entry...but I do not as I want us all to be on the same page.(I am a private home)

I had to terminate a family this year and the father went from devastated to furious with me in the course of 15 minutes or so but it seemed like an eternity and they didn't come back. But at least he was professional and sane! Your dcDad is being a petty, vindictive, childish brat! Rise above it sweetie and push on.

I know it's easy to say and hard to do but hold your chin up high and be proud of yourself. You are a businesswoman, it's your right to work with whomever you choose. When people are in your home or your daycare they should be respectful and mature and sensible. You deserve nothing less. Don't let the petty people pull you down to their level. The next family will renew your faith in people I hope.

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Originally Posted by PattyCake

My first and only termination went horribly....even though the parents had multiple warnings they still claimed to be blindsided by the termination notice...

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I see this time and time again. Every parent always claims to be blindsided. Good Lord. I know that most providers mention the issues plenty of times before they terminate. It doesn't make sense that a provider wouldn't tell parents about issues. Let's face it....it's easier to fix a problem and keep a kid in care than it is to just terminate on a whim and have to start all over with interviewing, transitioning, not to mention the loss in income. This is why when a parent of an older child calls me looking for care and tells me they were "blindsided" by their last provider they get a big old................. ......NEXT!

Parents aren't "blindsided", they just aren't listening or taking things seriously.

Judy is so right. The Dad who received my termination this year used the word "blindsided". Ok, I had told him over and over and over and over about all of the issues and he hadn't heard a word I said.