Advice needed - Do I "rat out" a fellow care provider?

Here's the situation:

I attend OEYC play groups twice a week (sometimes more in the summer, as they are held outside in alternating parks). Let's call this child "Susie". She is 16 months old, and a sweet little thing. I know her mother through these play groups, and we chat often, but are not close friends.

A couple of months back, I met a fellow care provider in the park across from my home. She is very sweet and personable, but I noticed that she wasn't really paying as much attention to her kids as she was to me. She also attends the same play group, and has recently begun caring for Susie part time.

Today, we are at the outdoor play group, and the fellow care provider is there with Susie and two other children. The care provider sat and socialized the ENTIRE time we were there, which was at least two hours. I was playing with my little ones, and Susie was following us around, as she kinda knows me. Three times, I had to intervene with Susie. One time, she was climbing a ladder on a play structure designed for older children, and nearly fell about five feet to the ground. Another time, she got her foot caught in a chain rope. The third time, she fell on her face, and had sand in her eyes. Her care provider did not once glance back at her cries, or as far as I could tell, to even see where she was or what she was doing.

So do I say something? And if yes, to who? The care provider, the mother or the agency through which she was hired? I feel nervous to confront any of them, but I would feel terrible if anything happened to Susie when I was not around. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

oooh tricky one, yes, for I am a big coward and hate to cause stuff....
I think obviously this provider is NOT in it for the children, that is clear. I wonder what woudl have happened if you werent there...did she just assume that you were 'looking after' her, and that is why she didnt even glance over... I think next time you see her at the park, and she looks as if she is engrossed with socializing, bring Suzie over to her and say 'maybe XXXXX will help you up the ladder thsi time, we dont want you to go up by yourself...' I have to go play with Billy and Tommy....
and also next time you run into Susies mom, tell her you were with them at the park and had to help her up the ladder, off the swing, she fell over etc etc etc, hopefully the mom will ask where the provider was and that will give u the chance to say "oh, she was there, I dont think she saw any of that becasue she was busy talking with somebody....She hardly noticed...Luckly I was there to help little Susie..."
I knwo waht you mean , you dont want to be responsible for anything that coudl happen in the mean time, like a fall at the house, and then you would feel as though you should have reported her.
But lets give her the benefit of the doubt that it was a one-off thing and she truly thought you were really close with Susie and so she didnt want to interfere with you two 'playing'.
Good Luck!

Well, first off, I don't PLAY with the kids at the park either. That's THEIR job. I don't play with them - ever!

But, that being said, I DO supervise them and do it well. I have also been known to meet up with a fellow provider at the park and socialize with her too. But then again, I always have eyes on my kids and my dckids are well behaved and know the rules.

If I honestly thought it was a risk to the kids then, yes, I would say something but I would likely say it to the provider FIRST to see if she improves without overstepping my boundaries and going to the parent.

Oh, see, I do PLAY with the kids. But that is my choice, and I enjoy it. I am not suggesting that this provider needs to play with her. I am suggesting that when she is being paid to care for someone's 16 month old child, that she at least know where she is, or turn her head when she hears a baby crying. I also sit and chat with other providers, but when a child is that small, I think it is unrealistic to set her free to navigate a city playground on her own.


Kingston Mom, I like your idea of bringing Susie back to her w a benign comment like that - gets my point across without being too confrontational.

Along with the idea of bringing her back to the caregiver is to also convey the idea to the caregiver that you are there to play with your own kids and it isn't your job to include the other child no matter how much she wants to play too - that is the other caregiver's job.

If you do see the mother at a playgroup or whatever you could maybe bring up something like oh Susie looks so much cuter without her face covered in sand. I felt so bad for her when we were at the park last week, month, etc. she tried to climb the ladder and couldn't, got her foot caught in the ropes, fell into the sand. I tried to brush off as much as I could.....

then leave it at that as in actually try to get away at that point so you don't have to answer any more questions but you have put the seeds of doubt in the mom's mind. Then if she does confront you again about where was the caregiver you can say something well seh was chatting to another provider at the time but I noticed because I was in the sandpit area playing with my two charges.

My kids are all a bit older in the summer anyways, I dont normally play a lot with them at the park, I do a bit when we are the only ones there... I like to go as early as possible so we get the park to our selves for a bit b/c once 10am hits..... I think every other daycare is at that park. When the park is busy like that I do not play with the kids b/c I feel I should be standing back so I can see everyone and make sure they are all ok. But, my kids are all at the age that they can play independently at the park. When I do have my 1 really young one (14m) I stick close to her but when the park gets busy she goes in the swing so I know she is safe and I can see the rest of the kids. I do chat w/ the other providers there, however, I also am constantly doing headcounts so I know where they all are and if they are ok, behaving, etc.

I too like the idea of returning the little one to her provider, with a smile and an FYI- "she was climbing and nearly fell" etc.

I choose to play and interact with my kids as well but at times it can be difficult as I need to have my eyes on everyone. I would have said something right there and then as I'm a bit bold especially when it comes to the kids getting hurt. Say something to the provider but it sounds to me like that poor child is not getting the love an attention that she so needs! What a shame!

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Alphaghetti

Oh, see, I do PLAY with the kids. But that is my choice, and I enjoy it. I am not suggesting that this provider needs to play with her. I am suggesting that when she is being paid to care for someone's 16 month old child, that she at least know where she is, or turn her head when she hears a baby crying. I also sit and chat with other providers, but when a child is that small, I think it is unrealistic to set her free to navigate a city playground on her own.


Kingston Mom, I like your idea of bringing Susie back to her w a benign comment like that - gets my point across without being too confrontational.

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I will admit that when we are at the park, etc. I am pretty much a supervisor.... I feel like I need to maintain a bit of a distance to see them as they all tend to spread out, lol!! Plus, they don't really seem to need me, and I am getting waaaaaay to preggers to be climbing and sliding.
Maybe I am a coward, but if I knew that she was working with an agency, I might go to them first. I would probably want to see if this was a pattern before doing that, though. Perhaps you caught her on a bad day, when she was a little distracted or whatever. Then again, as care providers, we can't really have those days. That is exactly when someone gets hurt.
If you feel like the kids aren't being watched properly, I would approach the agency responsible. Keep us updated!!

I actually mentioned the story to a neighbourhood mom who is a provider on mat leave, and she said that this woman was actually rather well known for this kind of behaviour. She hadn't realized that "Susie" was going to her, and told me that she was going to talk to Susie's mom!

There. Bock bock. http://www.imageenvision.com/150/414...n-by-djart.jpg

Hahahaha.... thanks for the laugh!

I am glad that, one way or another, it will be brought to the mom's attention. :)

I don't play with the kids at the park either as I need to be watching them all at once and the best way to do that is to sit or stand back and watch and make sure everyone is playing in the appropriate area, manner, etc. I do talk to other providers at the park, but I talk with my eyes on the kids at all times and I would certainly make sure a 16 month old is not climbing a ladder etc. My younger dcks are not allowed on the play structures until the are more aware of danger and able to climb, etc.

I really do not feel as though providers need to actively engage the children at all times. Not my point at all. I am by no means judging her based on this. The reason I am able to play is because I have very wee ones and must stick very close by if they are on the equipment, and because I want to.

In my opinion, if you have children as young as Susie in your care, you either have to confine them, or you have to follow them around from structure to structure. It is unreasonable to me as a caregiver AND a mother to think that a 16 mo is capable of navigating a playground without direct supervision.

That is all. I just want to be clear that I am not judging care providers who strictly supervise free play times.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Alphaghetti

I really do not feel as though providers need to actively engage the children at all times. Not my point at all. I am by no means judging her based on this. The reason I am able to play is because I have very wee ones and must stick very close by if they are on the equipment, and because I want to.

In my opinion, if you have children as young as Susie in your care, you either have to confine them, or you have to follow them around from structure to structure. It is unreasonable to me as a caregiver AND a mother to think that a 16 mo is capable of navigating a playground without direct supervision.

That is all. I just want to be clear that I am not judging care providers who strictly supervise free play times.

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I understood what you meant. Because even though I don't play WITH the kids I AM a psycho when it comes to safety and I consciously shadow the little ones and even ban them from some areas of the park if I deem it as too developmentally advanced for their physical capabilities.

I, too, would be shadowing a 16 mth old.

I agree with alphagetti and Judy. A 16 month old cannot be let loose in the playground! I don't allow them on the structures at this age unless it is a toddler structure. They are happy to play in the sand with sand toys etc. If you are letting them on the structure, you absolutely have to be right there with them. Not doing so is definitely an unsafe practice!

Of course you should say something- that DCP is not doing her job- and the safety of "Susie" is at risk, I would talk to her and tell her about Susies accidents, tell Susies mom too if you see her ,,, absolutely unacceptable of that DCP

Playing devil's advocate here. My girlfriend was the mother of a 'Suzie' and when another provider told mom of current daycare's bad reputation, mom thought she was trying to drum up business.
Would that ever cross your mind ladies, sort of shoot the messenger type scenario?

I have to admit I am paranoid of parks...we have a beautiful neighborhood one just down the street that I rarely use. It's just I don't feel comfortable if I can't see all my little ones every second...as someone said, they do spread out & unless I go at 8-9am (which is when I do on the rare times I go) it's busy. As for actually socializing with other providers, I just can't risk taking my eyes away from them. That's why I much prefer my big fenced in yard:). I also like the suggestion to bring mention of 'Suzie's' incidents...then if no I improvement go next level (parent).

Just wanted to quickly point out that this thread is nearly two years old. ;) I got some excellent advice!

It's funny how some old ones resurface