Forcing my child to sleep?

My daycare lady says that all daycare children must be "respectful of quiet time" she never forces them to sleep, but they must lay down with the blanket and stuffy... for 2 hours....

My son usually falls asleep like 10 min. into the book he reads (he is 2.5 and she gives him a picture book in his bed) I want the nap phased out, and she says no..he doesn't wake until 4 o'clock..(She starts turning on lights and stuff at 3:15, but won't make him wake up.....)

She says even her 4 year old follows the same thing, and she claims he goes to bed early like 8pm... Really? I can't get him into bed before 11 if he naps....

Well, we aren't forcing children to sleep because if they fall asleep then their bodies need sleep. If they can sleep through lots of noise as the other children wake up and the curtains are drawn to let in the light then they need the sleep. I don't shake children awake, I let them wake naturally. I have a 6 year old grandson who has been joining us on his PD days and he lays on his cot in the other room reading books and playing with puzzles, etc. but if he falls asleep for part of quiet/nap time then he needed a little rest. That's my policy.

However, that being said, my naptime for the children starts at 12:30ish and if they are still asleep after 2 1/2 hours (which is right now) I start turning on the lights in the adjoining room and preparing the snack and that's enough to wake the first few children. Then the rest wake naturally, but by 3-3:15. I wouldn't want them to sleep any later than that or it may affect their evening sleep. But they NEED the afternoon nap.

I do naps for all my little ones.. We start getting ready at 12:30 for nap.. They're usually sleeping by 1pm-1:15.. Nap time is over at 3:30. But all of my kids usually wake up between 2:30-3. When they have woken up I just pop in a video until nap time is over. Maybe she could put your little one down last.

I stop naps the summer before they go to school. NOw that they have full day kindergarten, it's not in the childs best interest ( in my opinion ) to still be in that habit.

Just like we expect parents to prepare their child at 12 months for our routine, I try to prepare children for the schools routine. It makes the transition easier.

I still require "quiet time" The big kids are away from the sleeping area and have an assortment of things to play with until quiet time is over. Some days I take them outside, but it's still quiet activities.

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Originally Posted by 1kidmama

My daycare lady says that all daycare children must be "respectful of quiet time" she never forces them to sleep, but they must lay down with the blanket and stuffy... for 2 hours....

My son usually falls asleep like 10 min. into the book he reads (he is 2.5 and she gives him a picture book in his bed) I want the nap phased out, and she says no..he doesn't wake until 4 o'clock..(She starts turning on lights and stuff at 3:15, but won't make him wake up.....)

She says even her 4 year old follows the same thing, and she claims he goes to bed early like 8pm... Really? I can't get him into bed before 11 if he naps....

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Sounds to me like you need to find new daycare.

If the policies and rules your current provider has isn't working for you, why would you expect her to change what works for her in her home for her business just because it isn't working for you??

If she requires nap time and you don't want your child napping then the solution is super simple......

.....find a provider who doesn't have a required quiet/rest/nap time.

I guess, but if not resting its movie/book time with the lights out for most in my area...daycare center's here have staff in the room to make sure they sleep...

I think you will find that most daycares require at minimum a quiet time. It is actually recommended and backed by research that young children need a rest period in the afternoon. And in kindgarten they actually still have a naptime (it is 30-40 minutes)...so I do not take nap away for children starting school soon. If they are sleeping it is because they are tired and need the sleep...nobody can actually force a child who is not tired to sleep...you can force them to stay quiet, but not sleep. My 5 year old often naps still when he is home and he sleeps well at night. He goes to bed a bit later in the summer because we are out enjoying physical activities such as biking and playing at the park etc...so he then has a nice rest in the afternoon. He still goes to bed by 9 at the latest. When he goes to school and has only 30 minutes of rest and doesn't actually sleep...he is so tired he is a wreck when he gets home and he has to go to bed by 7pm. I like our family time in the evening, so I prefer he naps and goes to bed a bit later. 11pm is too late for sure...but be sure it isn't because your son is going through a phase of sleep resistance. I had a daycare boy who did this recently (actually most kids do it at various stages)...finally his parents took my advice and let him cry it out in his room for a few nights until he got back to going to sleep. He always naps 2 to 2.5 hours for me...nothing changed in his naps, but he is back to sleeping at a decent hour at night. Sometimes it isn't lack of tiredness, but testing of boundaries (my kids have all done this to me as well and if I stay strong and firm, it passes).

All the children in my daycare sleep from 12:30 - 3 and yes all children must be respectful of quiet time .... However I have fans running throughout the quiet area so that if someone is challenging that rule they are not disturbing the others

Everyone needs some downtime in their day. It is required by law in Ontario daycare centres and in full day JK they still have a quiet time and some sleep in the afternoons.

If your child is falling asleep that fast how do you expect your child to cope for the rest of the afternoon? At the same time I do disagree with the notion of not waking the child. Maybe they do need it but it should wait till bedtime. There should be a cut off time for napping or it becomes a vicious circle of not sleeping at night because they are not tired and then being overtired the next day and not able to cope to play.

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Originally Posted by 1kidmama

I guess, but if not resting its movie/book time with the lights out for most in my area...daycare center's here have staff in the room to make sure they sleep...

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This is going to sound argumentative but it's not intended to.

If most daycares in your area (and it's not just in YOUR area ;) I know a lot of providers!) require that children rest for a period of time why do you think that is? I mean, these are the people in the business of caring for kids. They know kids. They spend 50 hours a week with kids.

The answer to my own question (bolded) is that providers require a rest period because kids NEED that rest time. Most kids are chronically over tired. Most behavioural problems are due to over- tiredness. We wouldn't feed our kids junk food so why do we think it's okay to give them junk sleep?

A child that is 2.5 years old needs between 12 and 14 hours of sleep per day to allow for optimal health, growth and development. If he is going to bed at 11pm and, presumably getting up at least by 7am (because he needs to get up to be at daycare) then that leaves a 4 hour gap of time he was robbed of sleep. He NEEDS the nap.

My guess is that your child is actually OVER-tired when you put him to bed and that is the reason he won't go down. When a parent tells me their child won't go to bed at night due to a nap I know that one of two things (or both) are happening. Either the child is over-tired because the parents put the child to bed too late, or, the parent is not parenting at bed time. It is important that the child understand that bedtime is bedtime and Tom-foolery will NOT be tolerated no matter how much fussing, crying or getting back out of bed occurs.

Your son's night time sleep problems are NOT the result of having had a nap.

An afternoon nap is a healthy choice for everyone. Yes, even us adults would benefit from 40 min to an hour to help us be fully cognitive for the rest of the day. The only time our body heals (rest and repair) is when we sleep. Judy, as usual, hit the nail on the head. A child that stays up to 11 is an over tire child and good bedtime parenting will result in the child going to bed and sleep on time.
A few of my daycare kids I know could easily sleep 3 or more hours in the afternoon due to being up till late evening due to family sports and other activities. My nap time is 12:30 - 3:00. I often do have to wake the children up.
That said, I agree with Kelly P, find another daycare that will suit your nap opinion or work with your provider and let your child rest at daycare.

I wanted to add it doesn't seem by the info the op gave that the provider is forcing the child to sleep it seems that he's tired. However I do wake children by 315. Time to have a chat with your provider and ask her to wake him after 2.5 hours or fond a new provider that is a better fit for you.

I worked in centre care for years and it is part of ministry (Day Nurseries Act)regulations that children rest on their beds for a minimum of 1 hour. I use these guidelines (because they are there for a reason!) in my home childcare as well. After an hour, if the children are awake then they may come up and do a quiet activity or watch a movie but the children are NEVER awake. Because 1) They're little and kids need more sleep than we do and 2) I keep them so busy that they are tired! You can't force a child to sleep if they are not tired. My little man is 3yrs old and naps for 2 hrs per day (I wake them at 3 if they are not already awake) and he goes to bed again by 8 at the latest each night, tuckered out because I keep them busy all evening as well :)

Yep, I'm with all the other providers. Kids that age need sleep...period. I've been in daycare for 20 yrs, including my college placements. I've yet to meet a child in this age bracket who doesn't require a nap in the afternoons. I never force children to sleep either, but they must lay quietly and relax. They ALWAYS fall asleep. I've had different parents demand that I stop naps because the child won't go down at night properly. I've tried to cater to that in the past. Never again! The child was miserable....so tired, unable to cope, ultra sensitive. It was dreadful. Basically, the issues surrounding bedtime at home are not my concern. As Judy said earlier, over tiredness is often a reason kids don't sleep well at night. There are a number of different factors that could come into play including who is putting the child to bed. Here at daycare, my kids always go down easily and are asleep within minutes....and this includes numerous overnights I've done for clients. Totally different story at home with Mom and Dad! This is not a sleep issue....it's a pushing boundaries issue. The child still needs sleep. In fact, we were taught in ECE training that REGARDLESS of what the parents want, the child is always to be afforded the opportunity to sleep. There was no room for compromise according to my professors.

And you know...at the risk of sounding completely selfish....as much as I love all the little darlings, 12 hours is a very long day. Really, if it's not too much to ask, I kinda need a little break or I'm going to be rocking in the corner singing nursery rhymes to myself by the end of the week.....just sayin'.

:huh:

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Originally Posted by cfred

And you know...at the risk of sounding completely selfish....as much as I love all the little darlings, 12 hours is a very long day. Really, if it's not too much to ask, I kinda need a little break or I'm going to be rocking in the corner singing nursery rhymes to myself by the end of the week.....just sayin'.

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I totally agree with your comment and I could not stop laughing. I think I would be like that in no more than 2 days:woot:

if your child is falling asleep that means your child needs sleep. I don't mean to be a drag but I'm so tired of hearing parents tell us that we can't give naps to their kids and the number one reason is because you as a parent don't want to deal with them. Because let me tell you, I look foward to nap time, I need time to recollect myself maybe even go to the bathroom or eat my lunch. The other day I ate lunch 2pm.

I have a situation in my daycare right now where the little 1 year old is getting up before the sun every morning. Then he started sleeping longer at naptime because he's exhausted. The little boy's Mom is getting tired! So we're working together to find a solution. THAT'S YOUR ANSWER. For heaven sake, make sure you have good communication and trust and mutual respect with your daycare provider so that you can work together to solve any problem.

Whether it is toilet training, sleep, food requests, discipline & behaviour issues or any of the other facets of our jobs that involve helping you raise your children, it is VITAL that parents and caregiver understand each other and work together. I'm willing to go the extra mile within my policy limits as long as my client families are working with me and I know they wouldn't push their limits or ask me to do anything unreasonable. For instance, I agree with the posters who pointed out that I work long days and that break time in the middle of the day is important to me. I still have a lot of work to do after the children to home with their parents. Long days!

I had a parent that had the same request of her 2 1/2 year old, I complied and that child became extremely aggressive and grumpy due to not napping. If she fell asleep due to exhaustion I refused to wake her up. The Mom was always angry with me all she cared about was having her personal time at night. Everyday I had to deal with an over tired grumpy child.

When you get woken up out of a sound sleep think about how it makes you personally feel. Usually it makes you feel more exhausted and lethargic. For a growing child they need there sleep in order to grow.

My other question to you is why are you having a hard time keeping him in bed? I went through a phase like that with my toddler too. I had to redirect her back to bed for two nights straight, she got the message!

With my ds here's what we do: (He has quiet time here too)

His bed time is between 8 and 8:30 every night.

At 7:30 we get him to brush his teeth, wash up (bath depending on the day)
He then gets a light snack, yogurt, crackers, a digestive cookie, or toast
We fill up his water bottle
He goes pee
We read him a story
turn on his night light and glow turtle, cover him up, turn off the lights and say goodnight

Within ten mins he is asleep, and wakes up at 7:15-7:30 each morning. and he is almost 5.

I got a good one. I had a mom who told me not to nap her 3 yr old anymore because the dcg didn't want to go to sleep at night. The problem was that dcg was so tired she was fall asleep on the floor. So for one week I kept her up. I then find out that on the weekend the parents couldn't deal with her so they let her take a nap. Now what I didn't get was, why I couldn't let her nap but they could. So from that day on, I let her nap and just let mom think she didn't nap.

Kids that young do need that afternoon nap time, which can be phased out as they come closer to kindergarten age. But yes, if your provider needs her nap time and you don't want your child to be napping then, it's maybe time to change the provider.

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Originally Posted by 1kidmama

She says even her 4 year old follows the same thing, and she claims he goes to bed early like 8pm... Really? I can't get him into bed before 11 if he naps....

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What is your routine at home? Routine is important.

What are his activities at night? There shouldn't be physically stimulating activities at least an hour before bed-time. The child should have time to wind-down. He should be in a sleep-inducing atmosphere (book reading, no tv, noise level muted etc..,)

Some people find it hard to sleep with the lights on....even with lights from outdoors filtering in. Find out what's keeping him up.

I didn't read every answer. But I noticed that no one brought up the fact that, we, the providers also need a break.

We don't get two fifteen minute breaks and an hour for lunch, we are with the kids from the time they walk in the door to the time they leave.

I agree that children need some sort of rest, and I do wake them up so as not to interfere with the bedtime routine, but I NEED TO REST TOO! LOL. I need a moment to clean up after lunch, do some paper work, and maybe veg on the couch for a few minutes. I need to recharge so I'm not so worn out at the end of the day that I don't have energy to make dinner, play with my own kid, talk with my husband, fold the laundry, do the dishes, prep activities, have interviews (breathe) shower, bathe my kid, disinfect toys, watch some tv maybe? grocery shop, go out?, have a drink without passing out?, etc, ec, etc.

I would talk to your provider about limiting nap (it wont hurt him or stunt his development) so you both can be happy

On the news they did a feature story about kids napping at a nursery school. The teachers all said the same thing, the kids are better behaved, more attentive and learn better if they have napped. I find the best part of my daycare day is after nap. The kids are in great moods and play much better co-operatively......... and yes, I need a break too so I will be in a better mood for the evening portion of my day!!!

Dr. Art Hister also says that kids need a nap. It helps them focus on what they're doing and they also retain more.

I do naps for my two children (3 and 5 years old). They're usually sleeping by 2pm and nap time is over at 4:30. But my daughter (she is the oldest) wake up between -3-4. I don't force her to sleep longer because I think if she is awaken so this nap time was enough.