How long to let child cry during nap?

I have a new little one who is having a hard time without her Mom. She's 12 months and her mother still breastfeeds her every three hours. She's with me 10 hrs a day, 5 days a week. Her mother doesn't want her to take a bottle and gives me pumped milk to give her in a sippy cup. I can never get her to take more than 2 oz a day. Over a month ago I had asked Mom to try not to breastfeed her during the hrs that she would be with me as it would help her transition into my care. Mother is not doing this. I also advised them that I nap the kids here twice a day (smaller ones only), 9:00am and 1-1:30pm. I had asked them to start getting her onto the same schedule which would also help in her transition. The child will not sleep! She is here for 10 hrs and cries during the entire nap. I don't know how long to let her cry. Her parents rock her to sleep at home and also nurse her to sleep. I'm not doing that here and she needs to learn that nap time is the same time everyday and that she needs to be put into crib and go to sleep on her own. I don't want to traumatize her by letting her cry for two hrs (no tears by the way), but I don't want her to think that I"m going to go in and rock her to sleep either. I've been going in every half hour to tell her that she's ok and that I'm here. I even sing her a song sometimes. Should I stop doing this and just put her down and let her cry? She does not cry herself to sleep...just cries. Any suggestions would be much appreciated. In the past two years, I have not had a child cry for this long. I'm at a loss.

If the Mom is not on board with your program or schedule it won't be an easy transition. It is selfish and not fare to you at all. I would give notice and suggest a nanny.

I think the Mom went back to work too soon. The baby was premature and is underweight as it is. My 10 month old daughter is 3 lbs heavier than her. She also only eats pureed food ( I told parents they would have to provide this). One of the main reasons I only take kids 12 months and over is so that they can feed themselves for the most part. While they're eating, I can do up the dishes so the afternoon is free for play.

I jst went through this. I felt that part of the problem was that dcg was used to being nursed to sleep. I told mom that it was only going to prolong her crying at naptime. she tried to stop but as soon as she gussed at home she would go back to nursing. I stood my ground and said that she must learn to self soothe and i use cry it out method. Honesty it took 6 months to get her to nap. i ddnt have issues the rest of the day though. even now, she still earlier than the other kids which is frustrating because she wakes them (they sleep in one room) but when my daughter moves out for univeristy in the fall, i'm putting her in a seaparte room.
I would suggest that mabye she doesnt like the sippy cup mom may need to get a bottle similar to the breast
On another note, if the parents dont take your suggestions seriously about working with you on her schedule etc, start looking to replace. YOU are doing all the work and that wont work in the long run.

Did your little one cry for a full 2 hrs?

The 3 new 12 mo that started a few weeks ago are all breastfed at home. Only one of the families listened to me and prepared the baby for daycare. The others did not bother and anybody can see big differences for their transition. Fortunately the other two set of families are currently listening and working with me. These moms are currently breastfeeding in the morning or night and trying to follow my routine. It would have helped even more if they started preparing their kids long time ago... If she is not cooperating how can you compete with rocking and nursing to sleep.

I have tried different approaches to help new ones to sleep. The one I used with these 3 little ones (suggested by Momof4) was that I stayed with them the whole nap time during the first days and help them back to their playpen when they wanted out or gently shush them if they were making noises. That worked very good for this crew... If you are using the cry it out way let them cry, don't go pat them or speak to them until nap time is over... I never have had the non-stop crying during nap time with dck, but I had it with my son when he was a baby. There was a time I used the cry it out way with him and just waited until he fell sleep while watching him in the video monitor. He is a good napper now (2yo) after a very rough sleeping time.

if the parents are rocking her to sleep then this is going to take a long time. if you are letting her cry it out I wouldn't go back in at all till nap time is over. you could be just escalating her in the sense when you come in she is getting false hope that you are going to pick her up and when you don't she goes back to shrieking. I would let the parents know that the longer they keep rocking her the harder it is on her to adjust. I let me parents know at interview time that I don't rock and that children must be able to go to bed awake and fall asleep on their own. I don't have a problem with the sippy cup unless they are expecting you to hold her and feed it to her ....no no no it goes on the high chair tray and they pick it up themselves and drink it. ......does she eat any finger foods? if not then I would tell the parents she needs to start casue you don't have time to feed her every meal. the rocking thing would be the deal breaker for me ...as long as a kid sleeps I can manage the rest.

I find that children quickly learn that there is the "home way" of doing things and the "daycare way" I would let this little one cio with of course monitoring. She will quickly learn this is the way it is a dc. I wouldn't have a problem the sippy cup, though the breast feeding dcm's I have had as clients do their breast feeding before and after daycare and let the child drink water here if they don't want them to have milk.

She won't settle down because she's not getting any real protein and nutrients. She will get some carbs out of the puree but you will find that she will want huge amounts of it to make up for not getting the milk. The few calories she gets in the two ounces over ten hours is being consumed by her effort and stress drinking it sip by sip.

There is no real advice to give that will help. The mom has it set up that she needs her own adult for eating and sleeping yet hired out an adult who has more than one kid. Very very bad parenting. It is most likely working out awesomely at home because the kid is starving and exhausted when she gets home. Mama gets to feed the baby to sleep right when she gets home and puts her down so she can have some serious me time. She most likely gets up mid evening and eats again and then rocked to sleep suckling. Perfect deal-e-o for the mom. She gets to say words and gets handed a kid who has been up all day screaming.

She said the words "do sippy cup" but didn't transition her onto one. She needs to SHOW you the kid can CHUG a sippy cup. She needs to video tape her drinking and sucking continuously on a cup. Have her sit on your couch and SHOW you that the child can easily manage a cup.

She needs to come get the child if she is unable to drink at your house every day. If she goes to noon without taking the cup she needs to come get her for the day and try again the next day.

The baby will be wanting more and more puree because she's hungry and she gets you to do her if you are hand feeding her. That will be what happens next. Stick to normal serving sizes and don't get into the trap of overdoing food to compensate for not drinking.

I nursed all 4 of my children and I will go the extra mile for bf babies because I believe it's important and the best nutrition. I've had frozen pumped breast milk come in little bags as well as liquid in a little container and I feed it to the babies in bottles or sippies no problem, whatever is best for the baby. Some bf babies won't drink out of bottles at all, my youngest was one of those! MamaW2, you hit the nail on the head about bf babies being rocked and nursed to sleep - that's the problem.

I've had bf babies take up to 2 months to settle down at naptimes so I feel your pain there. But I also think that we need to bond with new babies in our care. Put yourself in the position of that baby, scared out of your mind, where are you, who are these people, where are your parents, what the heck is going on? Screaming babies make us absolutely crazy and the other children in the daycare suffer too. So stress that to the dcparents. If they want their child to fit into your daycare they will be doing their utmost to help their baby adjust to daycare life. If they aren't doing anything to help you settle in the baby to daycare life you are in for a long, difficult road with this one. Best of luck.

Thank you all for your advice and words of wisdom. It is so nice to know that there are other people going through, or that have gone through the same issues I'm having. I have been very honest with the parents and told them that if they keep lying with her at home and driving her around in the car to get her to sleep (they told me that's the only way they get her to sleep), that she is not going to adjust well. I told them that I am worried about her health and well being as she is already an underweight little girl and she is only taking 2 oz of liquid throughout the entire day. She also does not know how to take a drink from her own sippy cup. I'm trying to teach her by leaving it on her tray while the others are using theirs in hopes she gets it. I still have to help her though, or she won't get any liquid throughout the day. I told them that I let her CIO and they know that. I told them that it is really stressful on her little body and any help they can provide from home would only be helpful towards her.

She is also afraid of the grass. I spend a lot of time out in my backyard and at the park with the kids. We have a mini pool, sprinkler, slide, sandbox, playhouse and so many toys. Every time I put her down on the grass, she screams, puts her feet up and falls backwards. Her mother told me that she doesn't like the grass and they don't put her in it because of it. I told her that she was just going to have to get used to it because I can't and won't carry her around and we are going to be spending a lot of time outdoors.

I really hope that the parents take me seriously, and help this little girl adjust into my care. I know if she does, she'll have a great time. My other one cries when her parents come to pick her up because she doesn't want to go!

I have decided to give it another two weeks. I know she won't have transitioned completely by then as she is a special case but I should see some improvement. If I don't, I'm going to look for someone else to fill the spot and advise the parents that I think they should maybe look into getting a nanny. They are looking for special care and I can't provide what they are looking for with 3 other children to care for. My own daughter is still only 10 months old!

Again, thank you for letting me ask questions and rant. I love having you all here to bounce questions off of. I hope you are having a great summer so far.

One more thing though, I've never had a child start with me who was 10-12 months old who wasn't already eating table food, chopped really small, they are always off the puree by then. Once they start eating table food they fill up faster and have more nutrition, can you have that talk with the parents?

I have a little boy who is 1 year old and he's afraid of bloody EVERYTHING! I've been slowly getting him to toughen up and encouraging his parents not to buy into his fears. Of course if they go reaching for him with oh, oh, it's okay, poor baby (yeesh!) he's never going to get over fears, even if they are legitimate because he's learning to control his parents whether he's really afraid or not. So it's important to break babies of this habit quickly. Ask the parents not to buy into the tricks. Babies are smart little cookies. They know what they are doing.

I did tell them during the interview that I would not be able to feed her purees all the time as I am cooking, chopping, cleaning, and getting bottles ready to give little ones when they finish they're lunch(they can feed themselves their bottles). I told them that I would try to introduce her here to table food and she would likely go for it as the others will be eating it. I asked them if they could start it at home as well. I was able to get her to take some yogurt with Kiwi pieces in it today. She only spit out one of the kiwi pieces:)
She is smart through...she sits in there crying for an hr and a half and not one tear...ever!

Update: Little one has been asleep for an hour and a half now:)