Not listening!

I have a 2 yr old dcg and she speaks and understands pretty much everything I say or ask her to do. In the last week or so, she has stopped following direction. For example: I will say "xxx come here please", or "Come put this away" etc... Instead of doing as she was asked, she will just look at me with a kind of snarky smile on her face and sometimes even say "no" and will also sometimes laugh. I remind her that she is being rude and then ask her nicely again to "Come here" and she will continue to just look at me and smile. After me repeatedly asking her nicely and politely to do as she is told, I walk up to her and take her hand, and walk her over to where I originally was and tell her in stern voice that I wanted her to come over here and that I would like her to listen, etc.... I'm not really sure what else to do in this situation as she is still young (turned 2 last month). What have others done in a situation like this? Is there something else I should be doing or saying to her to get her to listen and not think that it's a joke?
TIA

I have one like this. Mom's on mat leave right now so she's only here a few days a week. And when she goes long enough without my structure she tends to challenge me on her return.

I do what you do, but I only ask politely once. If they don't listen the first time I walk over and take them by the hand and move them to where I need them. I'll also spend more time in the day giving her direction so she get's that what I say goes.

I also spend lots of time giving her positive attention when she does something good.

I think you're on the right track. Kids challenge. That's what they do.

I like the way you handled it. Using a stern voice, directing her gently but firmly, telling her that she is not allowed to say no to you, and I'm glad she didn't fight you. I do not negotiate or count to 3 or anything like that. When I say something I expect the children to do it, period. I'm too busy for defiance and if our days are going to run along smoothly we need children in care who are co-operative and ready to have fun, follow rules and enjoy our day.

If I were you I would be having a very serious talk with the parents at pickup time about her behaviour and asking them how they handle it at home. They need encouragement to stand up to this petulant child the way you are doing and let them know that you're ready and willing to help them to teach the child that she cannot behave this way. Tell them that if you do the same thing at home and at daycare it will work faster so get them on board with your method. I bet they aren't working hard to fix the problem so let them know they have to start NOW!

Let them know that you MUST have ALL the children behaving properly and this isn't something that can continue. In other words, put your foot down now!

Children in my care get three warnings and then it's time out. The first time I give the direction, the second time I ive the direction and tell them why, the third time I tell them that they have had two chances and if they don't listen they'll have to sit out. If they still don't listen it's time out.

I find just taking them by the hand and talking sternly doesn't work for all children. Everyone learns at an early age about consequences. Taking a child by the hand and taking them to where they need to me isn't impacting their day, so there's no need to listen next time. If they have to sit out, or lose the toy they were playing with then their world WAS impacted an they have a reason to listen next time

After reading Cadillac's response I thought of one more way of putting it for the parents. I use timeouts as well when it's really important to teach an extra stubborn child that you will not cave in to their tricks. I'm going through a bit of a power struggle right now with a 22month old and he's learning that it's going to be my way only.

Anyway, tell the parents you are giving the child choices, clear choices, she can choose to follow your rules or she can sit in the timeout chair. She can choose to behave nicely or she can miss out on the fun. She can choose to come to eat her meal or she can go hungry. If she's decided to push her boundaries she has to learn quickly that it won't work.

Can you tell this is one of my pet peeves for power struggles with toddlers? It's tiring but you can do this! :thumbsup:

Ok, so it's not even 9am and she has tested me 3 times! So, I did in fact take away her "baby" and sit in a chair to sit her out. She screemed and cried for a few mins. After that I went over to her and explained to her why she is sitting out and she refused to look at me. She kept closing her eyes and turning her head. I said "Where are my eyes" to get her to look at me. She did look at me for a second and smiled and then looked away again. Finally I said to her "Ok, stay sitting here, I will back in a few minutes when your ready to talk to me" and walked away. When I came back, she did the same thing as before.... Now what? I don't know why she is doing this or acting this way. I've had her in care for 5 weeks now and this just started maybe last fri and is progressivle y getting worse by the day. I mentioned yesterday to her parents that she was having a hard time with listening, but I think at pick-up I will mention it again and ask them if she does this at home and how they deal with.

One of my big issues with time out is that the child gets what they want - they don't have to do what was asked. Making them do it hand over hand or whatever it takes to accomplish what you asked for teaches that what you say goes and that is final. It is not a choice to obey. It is just a choice whether they do it willingly and move on to the next fun event or if they do it the hard way and then lose a privilege because we have run out of time.

If a child won't pick up then from that moment on they get only toys with no parts and are told why as you switch them out. As soon as they go to a toy with parts you go up and move them or take that toy away and give them a toy with buttons and knobs but no parts - ie one thing to put away and that is it so easy for hand over hand later if necessary. Remind them when you do the switch or redirect that it is because they are unwilling to pick up and put away when it is time so they don't get the privilege of playing with the fun toys. Again makes them suffer in the midst of the action so there is more learning going on. After a couple days or even a couple hours depending on child you can gradually let them have more but make sure to start them cleaning up a bit sooner so they have time to protest before complying. If you have to do any part of the pick up then they go back to no part toys again.

Problem with home is that there is not a group mentality. Doesn't always matter to the parents that she takes forever to do something as no one else is waiting for her to finish.

In my daycare I ask once only and there are no warnings because in my experience this only teaches them that they can ignore you the first two times without repercussions. The only time I would repeat myself is if there was a chance the child didn't hear me due to noise level.... But that's rare because I always call the child's name and when they look at me I give the instruction so if they are being defiant it's pretty obvious.

Thanks for all the insight and ideas. She totally did the same thing again at lunch when I asked her if she was done eating. She just looked at me and smirked. Hopefully, the afternoon will be better! :)

If she won't look at you . . . so what? work on that later. She hears you believe me and the time outs will work once she realizes that every time she tests, there will be a consequence.

Work on eye contact and 'talks' after two. right now saying no hitting or time out, or 'you listen or you sit' will work. it WILL TAKE A FEW DAYS OF HARD WORK. bu it WILL WORK

I agree that parents need to be on board so teach them your strategy and not only will mot parents be grateful but the promise of a more zen household will be too much to pass up

It's funny that you use the "where are my eyes" to get them to look at you. I use... "where's my nose" to refocus them. Not in a situation where they're not listening, just in a situation when I need them to refocus on what they're doing. Works every time.

haha! Yeah, well I just figured that when people are having a conversation, it's polite to look poeple in the eyes when your talking to them. It's the first thing that came to my head to say to her. :)

After tantrums or timeouts I get them to hold my hands and we look into each other's eyes and have a talk about what happened. I've been doing that for years (well decades if you count my own kids) and it works well.