How much do you comfort the dc kids?

Sometimes I wonder if I am just a cold person but I don't feel a strong connection to my dckids like I thought I would. If my own kids are to have a minor fall I don't make a deal about it. However if they are hurt I comfort them. I feel a physical reaction within myself if my own kids are upset or really hurt themselves, this I am sure is quite normal. However this does not happen with dckids (not that I would expect it to but not at all)

I have a new dckid today and she is crying. It's her first time in dc and she is having a hard time being away from mom. Does anyone comfort the child? I will give a few comforting words like "mommy will come after nap time" and offer a hug but that's about it. Another dc boy was having a hard day (I think triggered by new girl's upset) and he misses his mom. He needed a lot of comfort wanted lot's of hugs, held my hand outside. I guess what I am saying is I find too many hugs etc just feeds into it and so I am more along the lines of encouraging them to go play and have fun and mom will be here before they know it. Am I a horrible person? he heh sometimes I think so.

I think everyone has their own style and personality. I am a hugger mostly, but there are times where I just tell them essentially to 'suck it up' lol. It depends. As long as the kids are happy and well taken care of, HOW you comfort them really has to fit your personality. They will smell a faker from a mile off lol. :) Go easy on yourself.

I am the same as you Torontokids. As far as comforting them when they are new, I had a new 12 mo start recently, I was comforting at first, but instead of helping him feel secure, it only seemed to make him super clingy and not want to leave my side. So I went the other way and stopped holding him so much, and when he came to me I would tell him in a friendly voice to go play with his friends. It took a day or two but today he had an awesome day, played independently it was wonderful. And now that he is not crying and clingy so much, I play/ interact with him a lot more...so he gets rewarded when he stops crying.

Also wanted to add that I have found the DCK are not that fond of being comforted by me when they get hurt or are sad. It depends on their personality, but I have had a few who really only want mommy or daddy when they are upset. So I kind of back off now, I offer some comforting words, a little back rub etc. but I'm not totally in their face.

I tend to just get to know them 1st, not to many of us want hugs from people we barley know. We need to build a trust bond 1st then affection comes as it comes.

I kiss ouchies all the time but I also say "suck it up" when I need to. Balance is the key!

For sure I don't give the daycare kids as much as I gave my own but you also have to look at the source of the discomfort and tears. Falling down and getting hurt is one thing, having someone say something really mean and hurt their feelings is another. But too many of the tears we deal we deal with are because of situations beyond our control and I don't feel compelled to make it all better. By that I mean so what if child is sad mom is at work and they are my house for care - welcome to your new reality in life now go play. For sure dwelling on issues makes them feel that there really is something to be upset about so I do downplay those kinds of things and save my reactions for when they are really needed. Hugs in general are part of our day but they are different than comfort hugs and those are meted out as needed not according to demand.

I'm glad you started this post today! I had a 12 month old start recently and was feeling a bit cold as well.

I've never transitioned a new one before, and this one cries... A lot. She's only happy when I'm holding her and standing up... Seriously, I'll usually sit on the floor and let the kids sit with/on me, and she will still bawl her eyes out. Picking the kids up is generally a no for me (unless I'm helping up the stairs or something), because I have a 2 year old with a tendency to be clingy if I allow it and my own 20 month old who would love to be held up too; and I just can't do the stuff that needs to be done while holding someone, and I don't want them getting accustomed to it.

But yeah, despite my reasoning and wanting her to grow more independent, I still feel bad too.


If a kid is genuinely hurt (physically or emotionally), I'll give hugs and comfort them with words. If they miss mom or dad, I'll tell them 'I know you're sad, but mom/dad will be here soon' and encourage them to play. My pet peeve is kids who cry for attention, so if the child says their ok and want to continue playing, the tears stop there. If they continue to scream and cry I tell them they might need a break (to sit with me) before playing again. That usually solves the problem as if they really are hurt/upset, I'm still there to give comfort (I don't dote on them though), so it's not like a punishment, and if they are 'exaggerating' they don't get to play

I think you are perfectly normal Torontokids and I find the caregivers who say they "Love the daycare children as if they are their own" are actually lying or delusional. Of course you don't love the daycare kids, you care for them, nurture them, protect them with your life and keep them safe but at the end of the day you give them back to their parents who love them.

Over the years we get attached to a few of the children who really touch our hearts more than others and I have some ex-clients like this who bring their children back for a visit now and then and I love that. I get to watch these children grow up and know that I had a huge part of forming their personalities into the wonderful kids that they are today.

Ok, all that being said, I treat all the children equally and fairly, that includes hugs and praise and discipline and rules. But new children are scared out of their minds and I do hug them, but I agree that they have to learn that a quick hug and encouragement for them to play with the others is important right away too. It depends on the age of the child but they do need comforting when they are new, when they hurt themselves and when they need praise. Those are the times I hug them.

I don't have children so I can't say "i love them like my own" but I can definitely honestly say that I have loved daycare children. I am a very comforting dcp and will hug/cuddle/hold on lap throughout the day "just because". There are some children who love this and some who don't so obviously I don't push it. I have stronger feelings for some children over others though and I think this is normal. I treat them all the same when it comes to showing affection (if they want it!) and disciplining.

When I am transitioning a child though, I provide comfort when they cry at drop off time. Then as the day goes on, I sit on the floor with them and play and show them the toys and other children. If I am holding them and they cry I set them down and explain that I won't hold them if they are crying for no reason. If they calm down I will hold them for a bit again and I keep doing this for as long as needed. I have to say that I have been lucky and have had pretty easy transitioning. (well until this newish group but that's another story!! lol)

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Momof4

I think you are perfectly normal Torontokids and I find the caregivers who say they "Love the daycare children as if they are their own" are actually lying or delusional. Of course you don't love the daycare kids, you care for them, nurture them, protect them with your life and keep them safe but at the end of the day you give them back to their parents who love them.

Over the years we get attached to a few of the children who really touch our hearts more than others and I have some ex-clients like this who bring their children back for a visit now and then and I love that. I get to watch these children grow up and know that I had a huge part of forming their personalities into the wonderful kids that they are today.

Ok, all that being said, I treat all the children equally and fairly, that includes hugs and praise and discipline and rules. But new children are scared out of their minds and I do hug them, but I agree that they have to learn that a quick hug and encouragement for them to play with the others is important right away too. It depends on the age of the child but they do need comforting when they are new, when they hurt themselves and when they need praise. Those are the times I hug them.

---

I love the daycare kids. I love them with every cell of my being. I would give my life for them. I don't love them in the way I love my son. I don't love anyone the way I love my child.

I don't think you have to love kids to be a good child care provider. I don't think you even have to like kids to be a good child care provider. The best staff assistant I have ever had was with me for 7.5 years and she didn't really LIKE kids. She was dang good at taking care of them but she wasn't attached to them. It didn't matter what kids were here thru the years. Once she learned the craft she could take care of any kid and know them... understand them a couple of weeks after she met them.

It's like any other job... you can be great at it but not necessarily LIKE the job or the customers. I get attached easily and I fall in love but that is just my thing. Not necessary to be great at the job.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by daycarewhisperer

I love the daycare kids. I love them with every cell of my being. I would give my life for them. I don't love them in the way I love my son. I don't love anyone the way I love my child.

I don't think you have to love kids to be a good child care provider. I don't think you even have to like kids to be a good child care provider. The best staff assistant I have ever had was with me for 7.5 years and she didn't really LIKE kids. She was dang good at taking care of them but she wasn't attached to them. It didn't matter what kids were here thru the years. Once she learned the craft she could take care of any kid and know them... understand them a couple of weeks after she met them.

It's like any other job... you can be great at it but not necessarily LIKE the job or the customers. I get attached easily and I fall in love but that is just my thing. Not necessary to be great at the job.

---

Ok you may love your daycare kids and I love mine too but that crock about someone who doesn’t like kids can be a good provider I just don't buy.

If you hate your job then there is no way you will be amazing at it not in a million trillion years. I run from people that do daycare and say that they only do it because they love the kids and it's not about the money.

I enjoy kids I do my job for my paycheck and yes your kid is going to irritate me sometimes heck mine irritates me most days.

If I didn't like kids how on earth can I be nurturing and loving. There is no way!

I was trying to keep my mouth shut, but this is hilarious. I know how you run your daycare and it's really nice that you love the kids through your computer monitors daycarewhisperer. Didn't you close up your business because you are tired of running a daycare or is that just a rumour?


Skysue, I completely agree with you that it may just be a job for some people and it is a job because we have to earn a living, but holy cow, I wouldn't want to leave my child in the care of someone who didn't at least like kids. Why would you go into the profession of caring for kids if you don't like them? That would kind of be like becoming a nurse but you faint at the sight of blood.

Just my opinions!

I just want to clarify...I like kids, in fact I love being around kids. What I was talking about was comforting kids. I guess I find it harder to comfort kids when I see that it them crying just to cry. If they hurt themselves they get hugs if they are crying for mom and dad they get a hug, if it continues on then they are left to "collect" themselves and they can join the group when they are ready. Make sense?

Makes perfect sense!

Personally I much prefer being with kids than with adults most days. The part about the provider not liking kids is interesting...I do for a fact know a few women who are school teachers and swear they will never have kids :blink: not sure what their deal is, but it makes for interesting conversation.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Skysue

Ok you may love your daycare kids and I love mine too but that crock about someone who doesn’t like kids can be a good provider I just don't buy.

If you hate your job then there is no way you will be amazing at it not in a million trillion years. I run from people that do daycare and say that they only do it because they love the kids and it's not about the money.

I enjoy kids I do my job for my paycheck and yes your kid is going to irritate me sometimes heck mine irritates me most days.

If I didn't like kids how on earth can I be nurturing and loving. There is no way!

---

Child care is just like every other profession.. it has workers that dislike their jobs and dislike their customers. We aren't special. Millions of people go to work every day and dislike it. You can be great at something you don't like doing.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Momof4

I was trying to keep my mouth shut, but this is hilarious. I know how you run your daycare and it's really nice that you love the kids through your computer monitors daycarewhisperer. Didn't you close up your business because you are tired of running a daycare or is that just a rumour?


Skysue, I completely agree with you that it may just be a job for some people and it is a job because we have to earn a living, but holy cow, I wouldn't want to leave my child in the care of someone who didn't at least like kids. Why would you go into the profession of caring for kids if you don't like them? That would kind of be like becoming a nurse but you faint at the sight of blood.

Just my opinions!

---

I just celebrated my twentieth anniversary on Sept 17th and yes I did close my business for three months to remodel my home and sell. The house didn't sell so we will try again shortly.

I absolutely get tired of doing child care. Anyone that works for 30 plus years in the same profession will grow tired of it. It's okay to talk truth. :-)

This convo reminds me of watching Deadliest Catch crew interviews when they are asked if they eat crab. They say NO, I can't even stand the smell of it. Year after year they go back out fishing because the money is great and they are GOOD at catching fish. It aint personal.

I would venture to guess that more than half the kids in this country are being cared for by people... staff... home child care providers that don't really LIKE kids. Many many home providers start taking care of kids because they can't afford daycare when their second child is born. It is the only way they CAN make money from home. It takes next to zero money to start up and no skill set or education required. Those are WAY more common reasons for doing child care than a love or like of kids.

Many many center workers take care of kids because it is a very low entry level skill set and they can get a JOB.

We aren't special in this profession. Having a love or like for kids is a bonus for sure but not mandatory to be great at it. Now HATEING kids... that's a whole nudder kettle o fish.

I do sorta understand daycarewhisperer's POV. When I worked in healthcare I was always told that I was great at my job and should consider going further with it. I just laughed and said I may be good at it but you don't know what is going through my head as I'm doing the job I am paid to do. I did it because the money was good and I loved my co-workers but I was always looking for an out!

I love children and I always used to say that I wanted a home daycare but not necessarily my own children so I understand the childless dcp's. It is awesome to spend my day with children and then I get to send them home and I still get to live my life the way I want too for right now. Now that I have found a partner I want to spend the rest of my life with we have decided to have children. It will be great that we won't need outside daycare but it's definitely not the only reason I started my hdc.

Each person is different and their reasons for having a hdc are going to be different and their feelings towards children are going to be different......and that's ok!!! Our differences are what makes the world go 'round! :)

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by daycarewhisperer

This convo reminds me of watching Deadliest Catch crew interviews when they are asked if they eat crab. They say NO, I can't even stand the smell of it. Year after year they go back out fishing because the money is great and they are GOOD at catching fish. It aint personal.

I would venture to guess that more than half the kids in this country are being cared for by people... staff... home child care providers that don't really LIKE kids. Many many home providers start taking care of kids because they can't afford daycare when their second child is born. It is the only way they CAN make money from home. It takes next to zero money to start up and no skill set or education required. Those are WAY more common reasons for doing child care than a love or like of kids.

Many many center workers take care of kids because it is a very low entry level skill set and they can get a JOB.

We aren't special in this profession. Having a love or like for kids is a bonus for sure but not mandatory to be great at it. Now HATEING kids... that's a whole nudder kettle o fish.

---

I actually disagree with you on the fact that to be a daycare provider you don't need a skill set? It takes huge transferable skills to do this job well. The same goes for teachers a piece of paper is never going to make you a great one, it's dedication and a love for the student. There is a HUGE difference between quality daycare vs cheap daycare.

Yes anyone can open up a daycare but to be successful at it is a whole other discussion. Look at the movie Mr. Hollands Opus, he started out just doing it for the paycheck but he realized that in order to get through to his students he needed to give a dam.

I have been in and out of the "customer service" industry for 25 years and let me tell you if you don't like it you will burn out fast and become substandard. Sorry don't want that caring or teaching my kids!

Completely disagree! You might be good but no way your great not if you don't like it!

I have found children to be like adults, some you like, some you love and some you just don't like. I would have thought this was normal? Pretty sure noone likes everyone they have ever met:woot:

You're free to disagree :) But I know that I did a great job in healthcare even if I didn't like it. IMO, that's the difference between being professional and not.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Skysue

I actually disagree with you on the fact that to be a daycare provider you don't need a skill set? It takes huge transferable skills to do this job well. The same goes for teachers a piece of paper is never going to make you a great one, it's dedication and a love for the student. There is a HUGE difference between quality daycare vs cheap daycare.

Yes anyone can open up a daycare but to be successful at it is a whole other discussion. Look at the movie Mr. Hollands Opus, he started out just doing it for the paycheck but he realized that in order to get through to his students he needed to give a dam.

I have been in and out of the "customer service" industry for 25 years and let me tell you if you don't like it you will burn out fast and become substandard. Sorry don't want that caring or teaching my kids!

---

The average home child care makes it two years. The average center worker slot is filled four times each year. The turnover rate in child care is extremely high. Each year millions of kids are cared for by people who won't even remember their name a year from now and not work where they work now.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Skysue

Completely disagree! You might be good but no way your great not if you don't like it!

---

No way. I've had about seven total assistants over the years ans they were all EXCELLENT and only one choose child care as a profession. The one who loves kids wasn't any better at the craft than the ones before her that didn't love kids.

One became a nursing assistant and has about five years under her belt. She's a phenomenal worker but she doesn't like her job. Very common.

Meh. It feeds her kid and puts a roof over her head and pays the power bill. She will always have a job in care no matter what branch she chooses because she works HARD and FAST and does a great job. Liking it or loving it is not necessary.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Calgarymom

I have found children to be like adults, some you like, some you love and some you just don't like. I would have thought this was normal? Pretty sure noone likes everyone they have ever met:woot:

---

This really surprised me when I started my daycare. I always thought all children were inherently loveable. Um, no they are not. And I agree with exactly what you said, we don't like everybody, man/woman/adult/child, personalities clash.

I agree ladies completely but not liking an individual has nothing to do with not liking your job. If all the kids were like the one that pushes your buttons there is no way you would force yourself to do it. Most definitely you would choose or strive for something else. In nursing there are so many rewarding avenues to choose to work in. Your not always doing what you don't like don't give me that. I would think the rewards would outweigh the negatives. But then again its not for everyone.

I have worked in jobs I down right hated and it's emotionally unhealthy.

Daycarewhisper why do you always assume your right on all subjects? I disagree and I'm allowed! Lol

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by daycarewhisperer

No way. I've had about seven total assistants over the years ans they were all EXCELLENT and only one choose child care as a profession. The one who loves kids wasn't any better at the craft than the ones before her that didn't love kids.

One became a nursing assistant and has about five years under her belt. She's a phenomenal worker but she doesn't like her job. Very common.

Meh. It feeds her kid and puts a roof over her head and pays the power bill. She will always have a job in care no matter what branch she chooses because she works HARD and FAST and does a great job. Liking it or loving it is not necessary.

---

Have you ever worked with people that genuinely love what they do? Trust me there passion and love for there work is resonating and so fun to be around. There's lots of ways to clean a home but people that are passionate about cleaning there homes always have the most warm and inviting spaces.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by daycarewhisperer

The average home child care makes it two years. The average center worker slot is filled four times each year. The turnover rate in child care is extremely high. Each year millions of kids are cared for by people who won't even remember their name a year from now and not work where they work now.

---

My point exactly they burn out and run because they hate there job. How on earth can they give 150% if they hate what they do?

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by 5 Little Monkeys

You're free to disagree :) But I know that I did a great job in healthcare even if I didn't like it. IMO, that's the difference between being professional and not.

---

Come on 5 little Monkeys you hated everything you did? What was your position?

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Skysue

Come on 5 little Monkeys you hated everything you did? What was your position?

---

You have added “hate" to this discussion. There is a huge difference between not liking and hating a job.

I'm talking only of child care workers that don't like kids. I'm not talking about hating.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Skysue

My point exactly they burn out and run because they hate there job. How on earth can they give 150% if they hate what they do?

---

Again with hate. The fact is that center workers often just go to another center because it's the only job they can get. Home daycare providers quit because they don't like it, can't manage the parents, and or they can't make money to compensate the hard work.

My point is these workers come and go in kids life as a primary caretaker for short stints. Millions of children are cared for by workers in this cycle.

Skysue.....I said I didn't like my job in healthcare. I was a nursing assistant and I worked in a centre with the same coworkers and clients every day. Even though I didn't like DOING my job there were things I liked ABOUT the job (this is a big difference and probably what kept me there as long I did), I was good at it and most of my coworkers would never have guessed I was always on the look out for another job. Like I said, it's being called professional and doing the job you were hired to do :)

I guess until you have worked a job that you didn't like but was still good at, you wouldn't get it. I would probably have the same view you do if I hadn't experienced it for myself. I however LOVE my hdc and I don't see myself closing any time soon!

I agree with the person who said that children are like adults.....you don't like them all!! lol

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Skysue

I agree ladies completely but not liking an individual has nothing to do with not liking your job. If all the kids were like the one that pushes your buttons there is no way you would force yourself to do it. Most definitely you would choose or strive for something else. In nursing there are so many rewarding avenues to choose to work in. Your not always doing what you don't like don't give me that. I would think the rewards would outweigh the negatives. But then again its not for everyone.

I have worked in jobs I down right hated and it's emotionally unhealthy.

Daycarewhisper why do you always assume your right on all subjects? I disagree and I'm allowed! Lol

---

why do you think you are right? I disagree and have my own opinion. Saying you can't be great at something you don't like is mind boggling to me. It doesn't make sense.

Why does anyone have to be right or wrong? Maybe we spend too much time around kids all day, lol, we are beginning to think like them.

For me disliking something is hating it. Hate is a really strong word but it's the same to me!

I dislike/hate cleaning toilets am I good at it? I do my best! LOL

Have a great day ladies this weather is sooooooo awesome!