Reasons for Termination...

Have you ever terminated a child who just won't stop crying? I have a child who started in August, and this child is such a handful. This child won't play with the other children at all... only ever wants to be held by me (and this child is 2 years old). This child cries a lot of the time when they are here and it makes it hard to continue with our routine. This child also doesn't nap well... normally throws a temper tantrum at naptime and when they finally go to sleep, only sleep for an hour and then scream at the top of their lungs until I go get them. I'm starting to wonder if it's worth it to have this child here, as I'm starting to dread each day I have this child come. How long would you put up with this before you terminate? This child comes only part-time, so I know it takes longer to integrate, but I've never encountered someone who cries past the first couple of weeks and is so needy from me. It's frustrating that they never want to play with the other children.

Also, any tips for dealing with this type of behaviour would be very helpful! I would really like for this dck to socialize with others and not be so dependent on me.

Its really unfortunate when there is a child like the one you described that comes into our daycare. Its really hard emotionally on us providers.
I had a 13 month old who started this past July and lasted 1 month. The parents were such nice sweet responsible people. They interviewed in Feb and paid a deposit AND holding fee until she started.
Dcg was the only child... long awaited (fertility issues) and only grandchild. Found out quickly she was held all the time when at home and at grandparents. hind, Developmentally, she was quite a bit behind. She didn't know how to feed herself or eat anything other than baby pureed food or goldish crackers/arrowroot cookies (which parents sent for her to eat each day) OR hold her own bottle or sippy cup. I had given parents back in Feb all kinds of tips on how to prep her for group care and had stressed the importance of her being able to feed herself and be on table foods.
After 2 weeks of screaming ALL day long, not wanting anything to do with the other kids (who were quite upset by her behaviour) not wanting to get put down, not wanting me to leave the room and not eating (since I don't feed them, they must feed themselves at 13 months old) and basically spending her entire day in the playpen, I gave Mom the 2 week warning. Drop offs got better, she would play when she was right beside me on the floor but if I moved... Oh boy she screamed! When out in my backyard it became a safety issues for the other kids because she would scream if I left her side to help the others in the swings, slides, etc and I had to pick her up or risk the neighbours calling Childrens' Aid on me. Finally at the beginning of August, on a Friday I told parents they need to come and get her that I couldnt have that anymore. My other daycare parents were beginning to say something at drop offs and pick ups concerned their child was listening to the screaming all day long.
I had to let her go for my own sanity. It was such a relief to not be stressed out each morning before she arrived. Days are now so much calmer.
You have to do what is right for you and all of your other kiddos. Good luck!

When you start to dread your work days due to the continuous upheaval of a dck, then it is time to let them go despite your best efforts. Some kids are naturally clingy and then couple that with being coddled continually and you have a child that can not adjust to daycare. Unfortunate.

Unfortunately it is a fact of life that not all kids can handle daycare. Sounds like this one might be one of them. He sounds as if he needs a nanny, not group care.
I'd term and tell the parent(s) that you simply cannot provide the type of care (one on one) that he requires.

If they are willing to work with you in helping him to develop some independence, great...but if they are not doing anything to help him and are only carrying him around 24/7 and giving into everything, I wouldn't bother.

Whether I termed or not would depend HIGHLY on what the parents are and aren't willing to do to fix this.

Err... once again this dck is screaming and crying after sleeping for only 40 minutes. This is so frustrating and this child has been coming for almost 2 months now :( Every other child who has integrated here has never taken this long, and they actually want to play with other children.

I have terminated over crying too but with a 4 yrs old (almost 5!!!) She cried all day for a month and a half and it started to bring the group morale down (the littles started covering their ears and crying). I gave Mom a two week warning for improvement but Mom decided to pull her immediately anyways...it went well, Mom understood and felt bad for me and the other kids, lol.

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Originally Posted by mimi

when you start to dread your work days due to the continuous upheaval of a dck, then it is time to let them go despite your best efforts. some kids are naturally clingy and then couple that with being coddled continually and you have a child that can not adjust to daycare. Unfortunate.

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yes. This.

It isn't worth what you are making! I would give notice and terminate. I would tell the mom that it is too disruptive to the other children and they aren't getting the proper sleep they need. What if this child's behaviour put you at risk of loosing your other families - would you terminate then? It isn't fair for the other kids in your care to have to listen to this.

Oh man do I feel for you!! I had a little boy start in September and for the first 2 weeks it was a nonstop cry all day, no exaggeration!!! I thought about terminating a few times because it was just insane, I was at the end of my rope and didn't know what to do. I very rarely drink and I was drinking wine after work a few times!! lol. I had seen what he was like when they came for visits so I knew that he had it in him I just didn't know how long it was going to take to see that boy again. Almost exactly 2 weeks later the crying stopped!! He is now well adjusted and one of my easiest children in this group. He is full time though and part time can take longer. If you don't think you can do it any longer then I would suggest terminating before you burn out! I understand the frustration, devastation, feeling like you are failing, the exhaustion etc that comes with an all day crier so I wouldn't blame you for terminating.

I would suggest sitting on the floor with him or near him but don't allow him on your lap. I would explain to him that crying for no reason is not nice and the other children don't want to hear it. I would ask "do you want to play or do you want to lay down for a bit?". If he says yes, put him in his playpen for a few minutes and give him time to calm down. Once he is calm bring him back out to the playroom. Keep doing this as often as needed. This is what I did with my all day crier and it worked well.

Other than that, I would just tune it out as much as possible and carry on with your day like normal. Once he sees that he won't get a reaction out of you, hopefully he will learn to play with the other children.

Good Luck!!!

That was an ugly termination! I talked to the mom at pick up and she just went into attack mode. Every chance she got, she'd take another stab at me. I stuck to the facts that this dck was not playing with anyone, would not nap and would wake the others, and spent most of the morning always whining/crying. When I said this dck is only happy when playing one on one with me, mom's response was "Imagine that, actually having to play with (child's name)". So rude! She lectured me on how I should just deal with this behaviour and it's unprofessional for me to terminate, because of a child not integrating and meshing well with the group. Mom also lectured me on how she doesn't think her 20 month old child needs naps. Needless to say, I'm so glad it's over. It's obvious their child rules the house and it wouldn't have gotten any better.

Sorry about the personal attacks that does nothing to make the situation easier for anyone. But it for sure underlines the concept that the parent has no idea what group daycare is all about. Besides what makes her think her kid is so special you would want to spend your entire day coddling them anyways. The good news for you is you know she is going to have the same issues anywhere she goes and by the third dayhome maybe she will have that lightbulb moment and realize wait a minute maybe it is me or my child.

It's true! This was their first daycare experience, and I definitely can't see any other daycare provider putting up with this type of behaviour long term. I definitely think the same thing is going to happen wherever she goes and she will continue to be terminated.

Omigosh, I'm so glad you terminated but sorry for the bad experience. If this parent verbally attacked you, maybe it was just a matter of time until that happened anyway. You are better off finding a nicer family. Best of luck and pat yourself on the back for getting it over and done. Enjoy your weekend.

Thanks! I already feel such a sense of relief that I don't have to deal with this child anymore. It's so much more peaceful when this dck isn't here!

been there and done that. Don't feel bad to term, because if they do it at my house I know they do this at home, the only difference is that I don't give in.

omg i am in exactly the same boat...she's been with me a month and is 12mths old. she will play with the others but once she hits tired, hungry, cranky whatever...she is inconsolable and loud. She is fine if I hold her. She is usually happy and ok till about 11, then the rest of the day is more or less a write off. my whole routine has been off since she started ( which I expect in the beginning but it has been a full month now)

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Originally Posted by Kimangeline

omg i am in exactly the same boat...she's been with me a month and is 12mths old. she will play with the others but once she hits tired, hungry, cranky whatever...she is inconsolable and loud. She is fine if I hold her. She is usually happy and ok till about 11, then the rest of the day is more or less a write off. my whole routine has been off since she started ( which I expect in the beginning but it has been a full month now)

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You already stated your answer in your post. Tell the parents they must encourage her to be independent and not to pick her up at her first whimper.

I have told them that...they say they're not doing it..so it's my thoughts about it against their word. :S

Kimangeline it sounds like the child needs a morning nap still. By noon she is so overtired she can't cope with anything.

Exactly what I was going to say playfelt .... Put that child down for a short nap (30-45mins) at 8am that way she can cope for the rest of the morning and still be tired for her aft nap.

yep she is still readjusting from two to one nap...and if I lay her down in the morning, she still just yells the whole time ( usually...sometimes she sleeps) Putting her down at 8 isn't really an option with our schedule ( school runs, etc). It will just take time I suppose...I'm trying to focus on all the positives but when she's yelling..its tough lol

Kimangeline, I have a baby under 1 year who sleeps in the stroller at 9ish when we head out the door to go to the park. Can you get your little one to sleep while you travel on your school run and kill 2 birds with 1 stone so to speak? I find my dcbaby naps better in the afternoon if he does get his 1/2 hour morning nap and we've had days this week when he didn't sleep all day. I'm tired! It's a work in progress. Unfortunately, it takes time to get to know these children when they are new and figure out what works best for us and for them. Keep experimenting and from one exhausted provider to another - best of luck!

thanks momof4...sometimes she will fall asleep in stroller or wagon in the morning, but it hasn't made a difference for her afternoons at all. :( it is definitely a work in progress..

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Originally Posted by KellyP

Unfortunately it is a fact of life that not all kids can handle daycare. Sounds like this one might be one of them. He sounds as if he needs a nanny, not group care.
I'd term and tell the parent(s) that you simply cannot provide the type of care (one on one) that he requires.

If they are willing to work with you in helping him to develop some independence, great...but if they are not doing anything to help him and are only carrying him around 24/7 and giving into everything, I wouldn't bother.

Whether I termed or not would depend HIGHLY on what the parents are and aren't willing to do to fix this.

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100% agreed! I had a child who did something similar, and while I could try and try and try, reality is, in a group setting, I am not going to be able to hold the child the entire time. If they can't handle that, it becomes disruptful to the group. I ended up suggesting to the parent that they try a nanny or an unlicensed, but registered daycare (because they only have 2 children).