New baby - need some positive thoughts!

I had a dcg start this week, and it's not going well. She 12 mos, parent are pretty attachment-y and I have a feeling she's never been left to cry and even though they told me that she loves older kids, she afraid of everyone here. And gets so upset when another child comes to talk to me or sit with me. Yesterday my son sneezed at the table and set her off on a screaming fit for the entire lunch. She's miserable at all times besides her naps and the brief time while the kids are napping and she's still up. One on one she's fine, but let's be real, it's not often that happens.

I'm at a loss. I've tried holding her on the floor, sitting next to her, bringing toys, comfort objects, giving attention when she stops crying (which, I've found only sets her off again), and I'm now on to letting her cry while the kids and I watch tv (I'm on the floor with her, but she's still screaming). It's been 20 mins non stop.

Oh and knowing today would be rough, I went to Starbucks last night and got a coffee to warm up this morning. While I was focused on trying to calm new dcg, my son knocked it over. I know this shouldn't be such a huge deal... But I could cry over it right now.

Someone please tell me it gets better? Does anyone have any suggestions? Happy thoughts to get me through the next 20 mins?

Well it is only the first week and if the parents are "attachment-y" then it's going to be rough. I am not a coddler not even with my own kids. I'm a "suck it up" type. So I would not give into her her demand to be held. I would just keep saying to her "your ok". Hopefully she naps twice a day still if not maybe she needs a little break in the am in a pnp on her own.

Thanks :)

I know it hasn't been long... And teething is an issue too. So mainly just ranting/looking for a way to maintain my sanity.

She does still nap twice which is good because it gives me time in the morning to do craft, circle time and have some non-screaming time with the other kids. I feel like it's getting to them too, so I'm hopeful next week will be better.

It's just frustrating that she seems to hate the other kids. It's nap/quiet time for everyone else now and it's like she's a different baby. Playing on her own next to me and chattering away. But when the kids are around she just screams.

She has probably never been around other kids and she is not used to the commotion .... I'm sure it's very overwhelming for her. Is she walking? Maybe she's afraid of getting run over. When i have 12 month olds start i set up a super yard (the 6 sided one) and put the wee one in there with toys and that way there is no worry of them being stepped on or tripped over. How is she in a stroller ... Take the kids outside for fresh air in the back yard or for a walk. ..... Nothing like fresh air to make sleepy Hungry babies....

Aw, that sounds pretty normal these days unfortunately. It seems to be normal around here for a new 1 year old to cry and scream for a couple of months when they have attach-y (I like that by the way, haha) parents. I sympathize that these children are in a new place with strangers and they may be scared out of their minds so I comfort them a lot in the first few weeks. It's exhausting I know, but hopefully she comes around quickly for you. It's so wonderful when you have a few come in without the screaming for a change.

She's not walking no, but I'm always right beside her on the floor (or she's sitting on me), not really a huge risk of being run over. I don't have a super yard, but I did block off the entryway to our circle-time area and set it up with some toys for her, but she hasn't taken to it yet. I feel so bad, she sits and cries, even when I'm with her.

This morning I'm feeling mor and more like I just can't comfort her.

I'm with Crayola, I'm a "suck it up" type of person as well. She's safe, she's loved, nothing and no one is going to hurt her. Just let her express her emotions. I know it's hard on the other kids because all they hear is crying, but it's the process that the little one must go through.

I find that coddling, holding, sitting with etc only prolongs the process. I find they adjust much quicker if you continue to tell them "you're ok" Let them explore and scream and cry and move them only when you need to. You are a stranger to her still and our normal reaction to a stranger is to look the other way. She will bond with you when she's ready.

It's so hard to listen to the crying, but it's important we remember that this is the only way they can communicate their feelings. When your coffee dropped you felt like you could cry like her I'm sure, but you didn't. babies only learn that control with time.

So, ear plugs? A quiet nap room and some fans with the other kids to keep them down? A glass of wine at the end of the day? And counting down the minutes until it ends. That's my advise.

Thanks ladies!

We're outside and she hasn't made a peep in 10 mins. And crawled 10 feet from me (last week outside time was more or less the same than it was inside). Progress (even if temporary)!

I've kind of decided she doesn't like my playroom. It's a bit busy (or can we say stimulating;)), and might be adding to the overwhelming-ness of the transition. She's better on our main floor and living room, so we might try to do more upstairs until she gets a bit more comfortable.

And probably wine tonight too :D

I think you are along the right lines by limiting the number of places the new child needs to adjust to all at once. I too have an upstairs and basement play areas but when I start a new child we stay upstairs for the first couple of weeks so they are getting used to that first. Because they are generally babies the older kids go to the basement during baby naptime so it also means we are further away from the crying which helps.

So I know I've beat this thread to death, but I need to vent...

As you know from the above posts, I'm having a rough go with my new girl. I know it's nothing new, just new for me. It's like having a colicky inconsolable baby - with 4 additional kids running around. Our crafts have been crappy this week, circle time is rushed to get everything done during her nap, and the older ones have been on their own doing independent play a lot more while I try to console this kid. Again nothing new, just to recap.

I got an email from dcm tonight... Complaining because she was hungry when she got home - cried all lunch and refused to eat, even when I went off my menu for one of their favs.

AND asking why I haven't done any crafts or messy play with her? DCM is well aware that she's having trouble transitioning, I've been upfront with them about everything. I almost wanted to write back "the answer to all of your questions are 'because she wouldn't stop crying.'"

I'm so mad! It's been a lot of work and I feel like I've been doing all I can, and I get sh*t on because their 1 year old isn't crafting?

Ughhhh. End rant. Now on to that wine we talked about earlier...

Not the thing you want to hear - sure shows parents have no idea what we go through with the kids and the issues the parents created in them. This kind of thinking makes me so mad. I don't do a lot of crafting with the babies anyways. It is not my job to make something for the parent's refrigerator so they can brag about how great their kid is. If they want fingerpainting they can do it themselves.

Not sure what the supply and demand for kids is in your area but this situation is sure not starting out very well. Unreasonable demands, not hearing what you are saying - I assume you have mentioned that child is taking extra time to settle in and get comfortable.

Sorry but I would email back and say exactly that .... I'm sorry there has been no crafting but it's difficult to craft when xxxxx is having a hard time and is only happy when I hold her and that makes it tough to set up a craft for all the children and get them ready and offer help where required when she crying. The other children are very disappointed as well. Perhaps try to not carry xxxx at home and let her play on the floor more as this will help her immensely at daycare where I cannot possibly hold her all day. Here's to better crafting days in the future"
I myself hate crafting and I rarely do it.... Only for special occasions. I find that with 5 one and two yr olds it ends up just being my creation. Crayons and chalk are available at all times.

Thanks everyone :).

I emailed her back right after. It was polite, but long winded and not overly warm or friendly. I really want her to feel silly for even asking me that at this point. I just explained that at this time I'm not comfortable taking on the prep and clean up of an activity like that with her, as she isn't comfortable enough to let me do that without screaming and crying. I told her that her nap schedule is also a barrier, but in the future we can possibly do some more open-ended sensory/messy play that she can partake in as well. But I reiterated that it is only her 5th day, and that my goals for her are to be happy and comfortable, as well as eat more, and until those goals are met, crafting and messy activities will fall by the wayside. I also explained to her that the other kids have suffered in this too, as prep time for all activities has been reduced or eliminated. I have been telling her all along that she's having a tough go, so I was surprised that she was expecting me to have done that kind of activities at this point.

I didn't make any suggestions about what to do at home, but I think I should have. It would have put some of the responsibility on them. I'll have to from here on out. My friend put it best when she suggested that I "ask for some suggestions to undo her overly attachment parenting style that isn't practical for childcare" lol.

Demand is high for this age group, and to be honest, I was leaning that way anyway, just due to the issues transitioning (I've been trying to tough it out as it's my first new to day care kid, and I thought perhaps this was no different from any other little one), so this certainly doesn't help. I'm going to see how she responds and we'll go from there.

But I'm not impressed.

I'm glad to hear you emailed her and used the tone that you did because seriously this parent is totally out to lunch. If you've already told her the child is having a rough coping time in all areas due to the attachment issues this parent has created then what did she expect???? Did she seriously think this kid would one home with a portfolio of art work in the first week? Some kids take months to transition and unless this parent gets with the program and realizes her child is not the only one that you care for this is going to be one of them ..... Doesn't really sound like this is a parent that is going to work with you with this issue or future ones. Makes me very thankful for the parents that I have in my program.