Had a parent ask if they could pay late, now things are awkward

This is more of a 'get it off my chest' post. Friday at quiet time, dcm texts me "I really hate to ask you this, but can I pay you for this week next Thursday?" Of course I said no, and right away she apologized and said "Nevermind, I'll pay the full amount today". I got a story about how they had to replace tires on both their cars just this week, and funds were a bit tight...

I like to think I'm a pretty understanding person. But this is business, not friendship. My husband and I have been running back and forth between cities for weeks taking care of my MIL and her move to a retirement home. We just bought new furniture for our upstairs, we have our own bills to pay, and Christmas is coming. My point is, most people have tight funds nowadays.

I find myself feeling awkward about the whole situation now. I feel like she thought I was too stern about it.

I would probably bring it up to her and say I really feel bad that I was not able to accommodate your payment request but unlike a large business with multiple layers - if you don't pay me my weekly fee I don't have the money I need to buy food for your child to eat this week. I have my own family expenses to handle and can not or do not feel it is fair to take money from my own family to feed your child. When the mom realizes it all put into perspective it should ease some of the awkwardness. Then add something like however I do appreciate that you asked and did not just assume and for that I am grateful.

We did talk at pick up, and I was very polite about it, (as was she). I could be misreading her discomfort as resentment, or it just be my own discomfort speaking.

It could be a bit of both. I find sometimes parents see things we buy and think oh must be nice to be able to afford that off what I pay you. We bought a new camper 2 summers ago and ended up having to buy a newer vehicle for my husband to go to work with as our other vehicle died. I also have a house cleaner who comes 2x a month. What I do with my money is my business but I know I have sensed the tone of voice when comments are made.

You can't worry about what she thinks. She asked and you said no. Don't think about it too much. If you make carry on as nothing has changed then hopefully she can get over it.

I too have run across different scenarios...as far as paying late...I tell them "I don't have a problem if you need to pay late (extenuating circumstances of course) but I do have a late payment of $10.00 a day...." watch how fast they come up with the money....I also had a parent say to me "must be nice to be able to afford to go on a vacation".....I turned to her and said...."how old are you"....she said 27....I looked her in the eye and said...." I have 20 years on you....where do you think my paycheck went for those 20 years"....to my mortgage, to my bills...to my children's education....etc. etc. I deserve a vacation now and yes....you are helping to pay for it...I earned it looking after the most important person in your life...YOUR CHILD..... AND AT 3.00 AN HOUR IT TAKES A LOT OF HOURS TO SAVE FOR A VACATION! NOT THAT IT'S ANY OF YOUR BUSINESS.....IT SURE SHUT HER UP REAL QUICK.

sandylynn - that is excellent!! Good for you. I haven't had a parent outright say it but I know they are thinking it or there is the tone when they say OH I see you got a new vehicle/camper etc.

My contract states that I have a late fee of $15 per day (including Saturday and sunday). Payment on payday is due Friday morning at drop off and if they don't come with money then they are not allowed to leave their child for the day as well as the late fee begins Friday at pickup. Also children are not allowed to return to care until payment is made. Because this is in my contract I have never had a parent ever ask to pay late and therefore we avoid any uncomfortable circumstances.

OMG sandylynn, good for you LOL! I just raised my daily rate by two dollars. I am just waiting for Mrs "oh, we absolutely can not live with out granite counter tops" and "shopping for our Aruba vacation this time of year is such a pain" to say something. Can I refer her to you?

As for the denial for late payment, please do not feel bad for standing up for your business. That client I am sure would not feel bad for you having to alter your spending to accommodate her missing payment. We as women are usually good at second guessing our selves, even when we know we are right. :rolleyes:

I do have a late fee, mine is $5 a day. It still adds up, if I had accepted it would have cost her and extra $25. I said no because A) I am a REAL business, and I think that sometimes dcp forget that. B) If I let it slide even once, I am setting myself up for future problems with them. The whole if you give an inch, they take a mile theory.

I also had a parent ask me if they could pay for last week with this week's payment. I know they are good for it, and this is the first time, so i said yes, BUT this is a special exception and it's not usually how i operate. Each one of my DCkids took turns being sick last week including hers on Thursday, and i closed on Friday when my daughter got the bug.

Funny that I came across this thread. I decided that i was going to send out a letter this week to all parents reminding them of the late payment procedure, as well as review other policies that i feel the parents need a reminder of.

You absolutely made the right decision. If you let it slide once it will happen again (and again). I recently added a very high late payment fee because almost every payday at least one family was paying me late. During the interview I explained that I was ok with Electonic money transfers but that I did not want to have to ask for my paycheck every week so please remember to pay me on time. It's degrading to have to ask for that money and I am not a personal banking assistant - as hubby says, the bank doesn't call to remind us that our mortgage is due. Anyway, the week after I changed my policy one family 'forgot' to pay me and I charged them the late fee. They understood and everything is fine. They have paid me on time every week since. RRecently, another client 'forgot' to pay me and I charged the late fee. It has been a bit awkward since because I think mom saw our relationship as more of a friendship... I'm hoping the awkwardness will pass with time. I find it hard to assert myself in these situations because I don't want to hurt anyone but in the end the amount of stress the late payments cause me warrants charging a fee.

Ugh !! I can't stand when people make things awkward !!! Why can't they be like , wow my child is getting a wonderful experience , good food , crafts ect I am going to do my best to keep my provider happy BECAUSE she's worth it !!! But sadly it is more like take , take , what you will not accommodate my every wish ?? Then I'm sulking !!! Ugh !!! Then it feels like I have done something wrong when I'm just trying to keep the rules !!!

Maybe the mom feels awkward for asking? I know I would!

I had a family start a few months ago. Mom is a teacher, Dad's work can be seasonal. She approached me the first day and said that things were a little tight, blah blah blah, and could she pay up on such and such date. I grudgingly said yes. I am certain she could tell that I didn't love it, and I told her that it was not something I could do on a regular basis.
In the last couple months, they have paid late, paid less than the agreed upon amount, and so on. Last month I ended up telling her "You need to figure out what works for your budget in terms of how much and when (monthly, weekly, bi-weekly, etc). I am willing to work with you, but I cannot accept what-you-can-when-you-can."
That was their last strike, and if we should have any further issues, it will be the end of our business dealings.

Honestly....don't get me wrong....I have been doing this for a long time and I could write a BOOK...THAT WOULD BE A BEST SELLER! I do have a big heart and there is always room for negotiation and extended circumstances....for what parents try to get away with BUT....I will NOT let a parent put their child 2nd....and I will NOT BE TAKEN ADVANTAGE OF, WALKED ALL OVER...AND NICKLED AND DIMED....this is my job....I will do it to best of my ability....I teach your child values, discipline, manners....I will teach them to share and respect their playmates...I will teach them right from wrong...I will teach them how to walk, talk, feed themselves, ..I will potty train them....I will hug, kiss their "boo boo's" better...I will listen to them....but when it comes to money hungry, putting their children second, nickel and diming....and disrespecting myself, my family and my home....the parents will go by MY RULES or they are sooooo...out of here. I have my dignity and pride and they will not go there. Sure....it can be a lousy job....we work our buns off....put up with crap.....but there comes a time where you have to say..."they will not treat me like this"....another family will come along that will appreciate me!

I have often thought we should all collaborate to write our best/worst stories, create a book, publish it and retire off the proceeds as I am sure it would be a best seller sandylynn :rolleyes:

I'M IN!...lol....How about the parent that gave me a "USED" TUBE OF SELF SUN TANNING LOTION.. That's right...USED...NO BOX..NO INSTRUCTIONS....AND A TUBE OF BRIGHT RED LIPSTICK FOR CHRISTMAS!...Serious ly? Just saying...keep your used products....you are only embarrassing yourself....LOL

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Originally Posted by sandylynn

I'M IN!...lol....How about the parent that gave me a "USED" TUBE OF SELF SUN TANNING LOTION.. That's right...USED...NO BOX..NO INSTRUCTIONS....AND A TUBE OF BRIGHT RED LIPSTICK FOR CHRISTMAS!...Serious ly? Just saying...keep your used products....you are only embarrassing yourself....LOL

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I had a parent give me a gift she stole from her place of work..... Long story but I am 100% sure it was stolen and 100% sure, she had no idea I would know. But I do.

That is by far the weirdest gift I have ever received from a daycare parent.