Having them dressed at pick up *rant*

Tonight was the LAST STRAW for my almost 4 year old and his family dicking around at pick up.

This kid has never been awesome at pick up, he doesn't listen to his parents, they end up having to dress him entirely (he's almost 4 and capable of doing nearly everything on his own). When we go outside during the day, I lay out his snow pants, boots, and coat, tell him to get ready and he does. With his parents they play little games and dilly dally to get his things on. Ends up taking 10-15 minutes, not including updates or anything.

So tonight dad picks up (and he's worse than mom) asks him to get his stuff on and he ducks between a wall and my little hallway stand in my entryway to play hide-and-seek. Dad tells him a couple of times to come out, he doesn't, I ask him to, he just laughs, doesn't move. I sternly tell him "no joke, you need to come out now, or I'll help you out." Still doesn't move, so I grab his hand, tell him "I'm going to help you now" and guide him out. Then the waterworks start. Bawls and screams bloody murder, wants to hug dad, heartbroken (mid-hug smiles and sticks his tongue out at me). Meanwhile I have dinner cooking, my husband is home, and we have an appointment tonight. I walk away, tend to the stove, come back and dad is leading him outside without anything on, to show him "it's pretty cold out, don't you think we should put our things on?" They come in, dad dresses him (again, no help from dcb), asks about his day and they leave. By this point it's 10 minutes past my closing time and I'm livid.

YOU ARE THE ADULT. Your child does not get to choose whether or not they want to get dressed and when to do so. Dress your kid and leave. This kid has no expectations or consequences and he knows it. They've lost the choice now. He will now be getting dressed at 4:40 and he will wait by the door until his patents come.

I totally agree with having kids dressed and ready to go at pick up time. My dcks all get picked up between 5-5:30 and by that time of the day, I just want them gone so I can be with my own kids and get dinner going.
My routine is to start to clean up all the toys at 5:15, get everyone dressed and then we sit and wait for parents to come. While waiting we sing songs or do silly rhyming words, I spy, whatever. When parents come, I whisk them out the door, quick update about the day, and say bye-bye.
Then off I go with my own dear children to my tidy house. I feel much better when my DH comes home to a tidy house too :-)
There is no way I would be having any nonsense at pick up. By that time of the day I am done!

Oh man, I feel you. I have an almost 4-year-old dcg who is the same way. Mom is completely useless when it comes to discipline, and she freely admits it. Dad puts on a show in front of me, which does absolutely nothing. She whines, cries, screams that she needs a drink of water before she can get anything on, the act goes on forever. I now have both her and her sister waiting and dressed in everything but boots in my kitchen until pickup. I just feel bad because Dad is constantly late (as in 20-30 minutes) which is a completely different rant of mine, but the kids are sitting there sweating in winter jackets, but there's not much I can do about it. If they can't get dressed properly, I'll get them dressed ahead of time, and I have to have them ready for when Dad is supposed to be there.

I never know how firm I should be with the kids in front of their parents. They're still in my house, but I don't want to look like I'm trying to undermine their parents authority. Then again, these particular parents obviously have zero authority anyways, so maybe it's a moot point!

Good luck, and I think you're completely right to have him dressed and ready if that's how he's going to behave!

I feel for ya!! I had the exact same problem with my handful! Her mom even told me once that she picks her battles and if she doesn't want to wear ski pants than that is fine. Ummmm, NO. It's been -35 to -50 this winter so ski pants are a must in my opinion!

Mom always sent a text when she was on her way to pick up so I would ask her to start getting ready than. If we were upstairs already I would also stand in the doorway so she couldn't get past me to watch tv in the living room.

I agree. I never know how firm to be either. Like you said, they are the parent and you don't want to undermine them but at the same time, this is my home and you will be respectful while in it. There were many times that this mom thought I was too firm but I just didn't care anymore. Their last day was last Friday :)

Ugggh what a pain he sounds like!

I am with the others - I have all my kiddos ready and dressed to go for when their parents arrive.
My family has way too much going on each evening as I have 3 older children with their various programs so we need to eat early and leave so its mostly free play and tv for that last hour until I close.
I have a general idea of all the parents pick up times so I get all the kiddos ready. They all get ready for me with no problem and even help me. I do notice a big change in that should parent arrive earlier without letting me know and their child is not ready. These kids fight their parents and give them all kinds of hassles trying to get them ready. Usually I just in and say something like "xxx let Mom/Dad put on your xxx" and I will help quick if I can". I also have a mudroom so depends on how many kids are left at that poin whether I can help out too much leaving the other ones unsupervised.

Oh I hear ya!! I have had children just like that! It amazes me how parents let their children behave. The children are never like that with me and they know the second their parent walks in the door they begin to act up. My contract says that while parents are in my home they are in charge of disciplining. I have begun to speak up more now. The one thing I can't stand is when the kids run away from their parents and the parents chase them. Luckily my group right now is pretty good other than the 2 little ones kicking and screaming while the parents put their stuff on them.

I see nothing wrong with having the kids dressed and ready. Unfortunately for me all parents come at different times. Our routine here is cleanup from 4-4:30 (some get picked up during this time) then TV until 5. I always shut the tv off as soon as the last parent arrives and start shutting out lights.

This is perhaps the most annoying part of the day! Moms and Dads need to parent up and take charge. I remember as a kid that my parents would give me a certain look and I knew they meant business and I behaved. All I see is parents coddling their children and trying to negotiate getting dressed by sweet talking and bribing.
Now, I have the kids dressed except for boots sitting on my living room couch waiting for pick up. Once I see a car pull up, my hubby takes the child and puts their boots and hat/mitts on lickity split and hands them to parents as they come in. The kids love my hubby but when he uses his deep voice they know to listen LOL

I know, I never want to undermine the parents either. I've also never done it before now (he's always been a PITA at pick up) because they're my last to go and I didn't want to give the impression that i was trying to rush them out the door. But that debacle last night was too much. It's frustrating for me to watch him walk all over his parents.

It works out. My last pickup is anywhere between 15 mins to 1/2 hour before his parents, so when they leave I'll start his dressing (because despite what he does for mom and dad, he CAN do it on his own). Hopefully he won't be in his clothes too long.

If only there was something I could do for drop off now ;)

2cuteboys - get him dressed and ready even if he is wearing it for 15 mins. When parent arrives walk him to the door holding your hand and say to the parent what you usually say (ate "xx" for lunch did "xx" special today etc) then say "Gotta go we have "xxx" tonight Have a wonderful evening" and shut the door.
That kind of nonsense from this kid AND the parent(s) is ridiculous. Who is in charge there?

2cuteboys....your dck sounds exactly like mine was! There were mornings that I had to PRY her out of mom's hands (she's 4!!) and there would be tears in mom's eyes and than the daughter would start crying.....it was a gong show 3-4x a week!!! I couldn't hide my annoyance anymore and I know mom knew and saw that. I felt like I was raising the both of them and training them both on how to do successful drop off's! lol. Thankfully they decided to put her in full time preschool in the afternoons and she will stay at home with dad in the mornings. Mom even had the nerve to ask if dad needed a break from her if she could come here....NO!! You raised her, you deal with her. Plus why should dad need a break from one child but it would be okay to send her here so I could have her plus my other dcks?? LOL

Good luck at pick up time today! I used to have mine ready in her ski pants and jacket undone. Than all the parents needed to do was put boots and mitts/toque on and zip up the jacket!! (altho, she was fully capable of doing this too but whatever...)

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Originally Posted by mickyc

The one thing I can't stand is when the kids run away from their parents and the parents chase them

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Oh, I totally agree! It is heaven when we are already outside at home time and have everyone ready to pop in the car. Otherwise, my playroom, unfortunately is on our lower level below our entrance and I can hear one parent chasing little one around my kitchen/living room (with a cream shag area rug!) in boots!!! Last week I popped up to casually gesture toward the long bench and child's chair in my daycare cubby area; " feel free to sit <DCK> there while you get ready; I find that really helpful when I'm getting them all ready myself." Alas...the chasing routine continues...sigh. They are all so well behaved when I'm getting them ready for outside; sitting nicely until I get the next ready.

OMG that is horrible! Luckily my back entrance is right at the top of the stairs from my basement so there is no need to go through the whole house. I find it worse when we are outside. Kids run and hide, whine they want to go on the slide one more time. What drives me nuts the most is that the invisible barrier that the kids know is there goes out the window when mom/dad show up. My yard is not fenced (on an acreage so not worried about traffic etc). The kids know they are only allowed in the back yard. It amazes me how parents let them run around the house and go running after them or run in the driveway when they all know full well that other parents will be picking up. I just wonder what they are like when they go shopping or to the park in town. The kids know they do not run from me. What I say goes and drives me nuts to see parents not acting like parents.

I have two little ones that do this. One mom is great, she's all business, gets him dressed and scoops him out the door. The other mom not so much. She laughs about it and then lets him go and he takes off running back into my house with his boots on :( I've started getting him dressed and ready to go as well because he'll do it no problem for me.

I don't blame you at all. ..especially if it goes on for so long. I think having the child ready will at least send the parents a message that you want to get on with your own night.

What about parents who let the children go and reenter the house several times and run away from them several times. The parents then stay in my front hallway saying various things to try and entice their child to come to them.

I tend to get impatient and physically bring the child back to the parent and then I get 'frowny face' from the parents that I am manhandling the child.

Well....sorry but I don't like to watch you try to convince your child for 10 minutes to come back to you:no:

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Originally Posted by Spixie33

Well....sorry but I don't like to watch you try to convince your child for 10 minutes to come back to you:no:

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Right? The kids should listen to their parents! It's like these parents try to convince the child that they want to go home for supper. Not how it works. I'm all for giving kids choice and empowering them to make decisions, but at the end of the day, if things need to be done, they either listen, or it is done for them, kicking and screaming, if need be.

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Originally Posted by 2cuteboys

Right? The kids should listen to their parents! It's like these parents try to convince the child that they want to go home for supper. Not how it works. I'm all for giving kids choice and empowering them to make decisions, but at the end of the day, if things need to be done, they either listen, or it is done for them, kicking and screaming, if need be.

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Or I offer to go get their child since I don't have shoes on and the parents is like "it's okay...just leave them. I have a bit of time."

Um...well....maybe I don't.

Okay...calming breath. Those moments just drive me up the wall and back.

I bring everyone in our entry and gate us all in . That way I can sit while they dress themselves or help little ones . If they run when dcp comes it's not far . I have had a dcp complain that dck too hot but basically they are dressed for about 10 min and we are sitting , getting papers and art ready to go . I usually just have coats and jackets on and do hats and mitts when parents arrive . So I really don't think they are too hot ,

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Originally Posted by 2cuteboys

Right? The kids should listen to their parents! It's like these parents try to convince the child that they want to go home for supper. Not how it works. I'm all for giving kids choice and empowering them to make decisions, but at the end of the day, if things need to be done, they either listen, or it is done for them, kicking and screaming, if need be.

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Children should only be given a choice when there is a choice .... Do you want to wear the red pajammas or the blue pajammas not do you want to get your pajammas on ? ....... Do you want carrots or broccoli not do you want vegetables ?..... Never ask a child a question or to make a choice if there is no choice ..... Like ....Are you ready to go to bed? And my fav is when a parent picks up and says ...... Are you ready to go home? Seriously?????? 90% of the time they say no..... So now what ???? You make the provider the "bad guy" that's what ..... Cause now the provider has to say "well sorry but its not an option mom/dad is here and it is time to go ". This is basic parenting 101 Give a choice when there is a choice !!!! Why can't parents just parent? You can be your kids friend when they are adults for now just be a parent !

Crayola - I feel the same way. I give the kids what I call a "forced choice". I give them two choices which still result in things being done the proper way.

Yes, I agree with you crayola and Jenn! I give two choices that I am okay with. That way either choice they pick, I am happy with.

Oh yeah, this is something I can not STAND. When dck's suddenly act up, or act like helpless babies when their parents arrive. I have had one boy who always tried to run into the house, but I'm always right there and stop them. I don't care what the parents think, it's not cute or funny to encourage your child that not listening is ok. The one who I am referring to also becomes helpless baby who can't do anything for himself (3 1/2).
Another boy, gets hyper and fights his parents at the door. Dad gets super frustrated and I can tell he's afraid to be stern in front of me for what I might think, Mom ignores the bad behaviours so I always get him ready before she arrives. And even then it can be a gong show, lol.

Oh, I have another story...sometimes dcb's grandma comes to pick him up. To help her out, I get him ready for the time she is going to arrive. Last week when she came I was busy with other daycare children so I couldn't get him ready to go and she came in and looked all shocked and practically yelled (she's loud in general) "I'm here and you're not ready?!?!? Let's go, we have to go!" Guess whose snarky remark won't get her help in the future?? lol.

i despise it when the kids act up at pick up time. I have 3.5 yr old DCgirl who, when sees her mom at the door, will shriek, run all over the main level of the house, etc. All her her mother would call etc, she never puts her foot down. She would make a game of it saying "who is going to be ready first, you or I'? 'Do you want to fly into your boots/coat/hat?' 'who do you want to get you dressed, mommy or DCP?" i straight up said "no i can't, i am busy with the other kids, i can't play around right now." She never does this when her dad picks her up because it's rare that he picks her up so she behaves well for him. She only started doing this a few weeks ago, and i got sick of it quick, pick ups here taking like 15min!. I saw that her mother would not control her child so i did- i warned DCgirl that was going to go on a time out if she did not stop misbehaving. She would twist and writhe and cry and pull out all the tricks- mom would let it go but i put my foot down hard last week. I was frustrated and out of breath from trying to catch her and dress her as mom just stood there impatiently saying to the kid "come on, we gotta go to your sisters ballet!" That didn't help because the kid continued to wiggle herself out of my arms and almost knocked me over. Without a word, i placed the child on timeout. I leaned down in front of her and explained why she got a time out. At that point i didn't care if mom was in a hurry to go to the other kid's ballet, if they had to go out for dinner, or whatever. I was pissed but she did her time, then i got her dressed and off they went. Everyday since then, around the time her mom is expected, i warn her that mommy is coming soon and she must behave and get her coat on and go when mommy gets here or else she will get a time out. It has worked in the most part since....except
This past Monday, despite my warnings just a few minutes prior, she started behaving like that again. This time i did not give her a chance to get out of hand. As soon as i saw her try to make a run for it i stopped her, looked her in the eye and said "put your coat on now because it is time to go, or else you WILL get a time out'. Her mom said nothing, but the kid got fressed and off they went. Baby steps LOL but it's working!

All my kids are ready when the parents arrive. coat undone but dressed. If the parent is late, they simply sit in the hallway and read or play games. Makes it much easier as my time is SUPER tight between pickup and when I start my second business of teaching (theres thirty mins in between). Also means a quick pickup and go. also I wind down all the "fun stuff" before its time for pickup (I dont have TV on during the day so its easier).
I also establish a routine for pickup and tell the kids this is whats going to happen and warn them "your mom is to come in a few minutes lets start getting ready".

parents call or text me about 5 mins before they arrive and the kids are ready and waiting at the door. No more arguments cause kids don't argue with me, and it makes my life so much better.

While it is not fun to endure the switch in behaviour once pick up time starts, I still do not have the children dressed to go. The room is pretty much picked up. Everything each child needs for home time is all set. I do gate a smaller area at the entrance way of the daycare and once the parent arrives, then I escort the child (de-toyed already) through the gate for the parent to get ready. I've opted not to have them ready to send out the door as I have overheard and been apart of many parent discussions where they view this as a red flag (or have been told it is a red flag). Some have pulled their child from other daycares because of it. Since we are not inspected this few minutes at drop off and pick up is their few minutes to view the daycare. Is it reasonably clean? How many kids are there? What is the general atmosphere/mood etc. Some say it creates a feeling like you just can't wait to get rid of their child for the day. An unwelcoming feeling, especially if they are picking up well before closing. Then of course there is a few that are the complete opposite and really just want to avoid the gong show at the end of the day and get home. So really you can't win :) I've just opted to limit the chaos.

I have three children picked up at the same time so they all need to be ready to go. Two of them are only 12 months and the other 17 month old has attachment issues so cries if it is the wrong parent at the door. It can be a chorus of cries and I find if they are all sat dressed and ready seeing each other being collected, that they are slowly but surely getting used to this routine and learning to be patient and well behaved. If I have them all dressed and calmly sat on the bottom step ready for pick up things go much smoother. I have made it clear to the parents why their child is ready and waiting for them and if their weren't multiple pick ups at the same time then I wouldn't do it.

All of my daycare parents are very clear on my behaviour policies prior to signing up with me. My house, my rules. I will not get into a power struggle with parents at the door because the child is trying to play us off against each other, so as long as they are in my house, I will enforce my rules regardless of the presence of the parent. I learnt long ago that most parents feel awkward about disciplining in front of me but I can not be doing with the ridiculous behaviours at pick up and the passive parent who does nothing at all or sometimes even worse, some half ass attempt to pacify the situation, which is not helpful and actually ends up making things worse in the long run. I have a 2 1/2 yr old who is picked up last, a good 30-40 minutes later than the others who is a handful. I used to care for his sister also until she went to jk and she was the same and in this case it really is a case of lack of discipline from the parents. I talk to the little boy a few minutes prior to pick to remind him of what the appropriate behaviour is at pick up and sometimes it works and other times it doesn't. I sometimes have him ready if I have zero tolerance for their BS at pick up time because his mother is a pain in my ass for not telling him off. I have peeled him off his mother on many occasion and put him on time out for climbing all over her when he should be getting ready to leave. Also when he has run away through my house and she has laughed at him, I have told her to not laugh at him because it encourages it and teaches him that this is a fun game. I do not work as hard as I do with these children, for parents to undo all this progress regardless of whether they pay me or not. If they don't like the way I do things, then they can find someone else. After a 10 hour day, I do not want to have to deal with a misbehaving child and a parent who can't discipline their child so I work very hard to be consistent and reinforce what I teach the child and take control of the situation in MY house!

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Originally Posted by Discoveries

While it is not fun to endure the switch in behaviour once pick up time starts, I still do not have the children dressed to go. The room is pretty much picked up. Everything each child needs for home time is all set. I do gate a smaller area at the entrance way of the daycare and once the parent arrives, then I escort the child (de-toyed already) through the gate for the parent to get ready. I've opted not to have them ready to send out the door as I have overheard and been apart of many parent discussions where they view this as a red flag (or have been told it is a red flag). Some have pulled their child from other daycares because of it. Since we are not inspected this few minutes at drop off and pick up is their few minutes to view the daycare. Is it reasonably clean? How many kids are there? What is the general atmosphere/mood etc. Some say it creates a feeling like you just can't wait to get rid of their child for the day. An unwelcoming feeling, especially if they are picking up well before closing. Then of course there is a few that are the complete opposite and really just want to avoid the gong show at the end of the day and get home. So really you can't win :) I've just opted to limit the chaos.

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I think you make an extremely valid point their Discoveries with regards to how parents will interpret their child being dressed and ready to go but there is no reason why you can't be upfront with parents on why you have them ready for pick up. If you give them an explanation then they are less likely to think you to be deceitful or preventing them from entering the daycare. I have lots of young ones right now so can not be away from them for more than a minute at pick up time incase they hurt themselves or get in to trouble as they are all cruising furniture right now on their way to walking independently. Also as soon as the door goes they all think it is their parent so start screaming and crying so I need to be able to diffuse that situation rapidly, not chase their child around or entertain them at the door for 10 minutes with casual chit chat. All my parents know that if they need to chat more extensively they can call or email before 7pm and I make sure at pick up they are given any necessairy feedback on the days events, although most parents get a quick update via text or email daily at their request. I'm not just passing the child out the door the minute they step in, they are all very clear from the start that pick up and drop off needs to brief as it is a high traffic time and very busy.

Pickup here takes place over a 45 minute window, otherwise I would absolutely have the kiddos dressed and ready. We actually try to be outside for the last bit of the day, as I find that much easier to handle. When the last kid is picked up, I go inside, so there is no lingering.
I am having this same issue at pickup with one of my dck, and will be laying my foot down. His antics when his mother arrives are getting ridiculous and I do NOT want the other kids picking up these habits!!