So done with potty training!!

Arrrrrrrgh!!!

So dcb, age almost 4 (and yes, this is the one with the pick-up issue - he truly is a joy to have here), not toilet trained. I've had him almost a year now. I've tried off and on, nothing has been successful, because mom and dad don't put in the effort or try anything for more than 5-7 days.

He's been in pull ups a full year now. He's not at all motivated to train, has everything done for him at home, no expectations or consequences, all that jazz. I've been putting him on the potty before and after nap every day for a few months now, he will always bm, sometimes pee at either time, but I've given up beyond that.

Monday he pooped his pants 3x. I changed him the first time, did the normal "you can tell me if you need to go, if you go on the potty you get a treat, etc." and away we went. Second time I send him to the potty to get started on his own. I asked and double asked him if he'd pooped , didn't smell anything, so I let him start undressing while I strapped the other kids in, went to check and he had taken off his pull-up (full of poop), and made a huge mess. I sternly asked him why he didn't tell me, then "you need to tell me the truth, this is not ok." Then he starts shriek-crying, I'm sad, dont tell my mom, etc. pretty unusual behaviour from him (though he did the same at pick up last night, so maybe it's the new fun thing to do).

Yesterday, Changes and potty were completely back to normal. We made a deal that if he asked to go to the potty, we would drop everything and he'd get 15 mins of tv (as nothing else motivates him). Today I try "spoon feeding" him. I prompted him to ask, reminding him that he'd get tv after. He asks, we go to the bathroom, hooray! I start him undressing and leave him to check the other kids. Come back and he's squatting over his pants, peeing on them... WTF?!?!? I'm sure it wasn't an accident, he managed to take off his pull up, put it in the garbage and instead of sitting on the potty (right next to the garbage), he came 2 ft out of his way.

I'm at a loss. I'm thinking of telling mom tonight at pick-up that I'm done with training him for now. This is beyond just inability, he's purposefully doing things wrong or lying to me about it.

I won't be taking him to the bathroom at all and will be changing him at the change table. I'm going to ask mom to bring diapers instead of pull ups, as pull-ups are difficult to put on when lying down.

What do you all think? I know it's not good to step backward, but staying the same hasn't worked in a year so clearly he needs a wake-up call. And he's displayed his unwillingness to follow directions on many occasions, in my opinion he's had fair chance.

Oh I feel for you. I say go for it! Can't get any worse!

I posted this on another potty training thread yesterday .....he needs a deterrant .....in other words to be punished .....he is not 2 ...he has been training for a year ....seriously ????? punish him ..... these are not accidents ..this is his choice ...he is choosing to pee and poop in his pants and not say anything...he needs a reason not to do it .....what ever his currency is then use it.... time out? removing a favourite toy ? what ever and clearly the tv is not motivation enough ....tell his parents he needs to be trained .....maybe tell them they have to take time off work to get him trained but changing a four years olds shitty diapers is gross

If it were my kid, that's what I'd be doing. The agency I work for frowns upon that for potty training and I know the parents won't go for it either, so to me it's not really worth the fight.

I've done something similar though. If you poop your pants because you don't want to leave your toy, that toy is gone for the day. And when he poops his pants and I need yo change him, he heads to the bathroom and lays down when I notice, and I take my time getting there so he has a chance to think, and even after that he still sits on the potty for up to 10 mins. So he's missing out more this way than if he'd just gone on his own. But for whatever reason, it's not clicking.

I just don't understand why discipline is something to be frowned upon! I think that is what majority of the issues we deal with daily are because of - lack of discipline. - end of rant lol

Well maybe term then if you can cause this kid sounds like a nightmare on all levels

Love it! I'm about getting there... I've had bad luck with my clients ever since my golden family left this summer!

Where I am, kids over 3 are tough to find, and I'm full for under 3s until June (ratios... Gotta love em). If I termed him, I'd have to be prepared to go that long with only 2 clients, and right now that's too many months with decreased income.

But I know my limits. I will term him before closing my doors!

Can't you just get a private client ? I'm not with an agency so I'm not familiar with the rules

In Alberta it's not just the clients who are private, it's the whole day home - so I'm subject to ratio limits. I'm licensed and accredited, so I can only take 2 under 2, 3 under 3. If I went private I'd forfeit my wage top-up, which is almost 2 clients worth of $, so not worth it. I'll go without one clients pay for a few months before I'd let that sweet deal go.

I agree with discipline but not for potty or food issues. HOWEVER, in this case, I agree with it. Like it's been mentioned, he clearly knows what he is doing and the "potty accidents" are behavioural now.

I would also mention to the parents that this can not continue and if you don't see improvement soon he will either have to go back to diapers or find another daycare.

With all of my training kids that are getting to the point of just lazy or who are actually reaching the point of success same process - Either me or mom puts a happy face on the pullup with a sharpie marker first thing in the morning or if me with first pee of the day. IF the child goes home with the happy face diaper they get their reward - whatever method parents want to use. That allows me to praise the child at daycare for keeping their happy face without having to dole out each child's prizes and others not get. They soon catch on and get really upset when the happy face has to go in the garbage.