Am I crossing a line?

I was a little frustrated with this one DCG and her family today and have been for a while. Today she starts freaking out when mom says "hi" over the fence then goes inside to get her kids' stuff (without getting her first) and runs away to the back of the backyard. I leave her and when mom comes, I tell her "I'll get her" because with them everything is a choice and it drives me crazy! Example "Suzy, can you please ride in the front of the stroller so your sister can sit here?" "Can you please walk?" It is always a pleading/begging tone too. And when she doesn't want to, she doesn't have to. I have seen her father carry her on his shoulders all the while pushing a double stroller because she doesn't want to walk/ride in the stroller. So I go to get her and she hides under the slide. So I go to grab her hand and tell her to come out, she doesn't so I take her out and carry her to her parents (she's 3.5 yrs old). I think they were a bit surprised as they have never bee remotely this direct with her. I think I am just sick of their crap but I wonder if I overstepped now?

They do other things like let their kids bring toys to daycare when they know it is not allowed and I have spoken to them about it and so they make a big deal about it at drop off "remember what we spoke about, it has to go in your back pack" so they freak out and I get to deal with it. They send them with all kinds of stuff as they "want to pick their battles" which is fine but their not dealing with it or saying "no" usually impacts me!

I am not passive in the least and speak up...they just drive me crazy some days

I don't think you did!

My handful was like this....the parents didn't parent at all and when they did do something, it was never successful because they weren't firm enough and there was never any REAL consequence, just empty threats. I on more than one occasion would step in and I know mom likely thought I was over stepping my boundaries but I figure, my house my rules and if you're not going to respect your parent than I'm going to step in and you are going to respect me.

They eventually left (did the happy dance) and I am positive one of the biggest reasons was because they thought I was too hard on her. Oh well...let me know how she is when she's older!! She is a bright little girl and has learned very early on how to get what she wants through manipulation...kinda scary when you think about it!

Nothing wrong with what you did! I have a boy who I have put in timeout on multiple occasions when mom is picking up because he goes crazy when she is here and becomes aggressive to the other kids (and mom sits back and watches). She was shocked the first time I did it but she got over it. He had already learned that I back off when mom shows up so once he realized that it didn't matter whether mom was here or not things got better.

I've dealt with this as well, over the years. Parents that let their kids screw around in the front hall at pick up and don't say anything....they just laugh because they think it's cute or something. I've had to chime in, saying sternly "it's time to get your shoes on and go home, I have to get back to the other children". Or it's even worse when they are the last kids to leave and they can plainly see that our dinner is ready and on the table. That's usually when I say that my day is over and I have an appointment to get to.

Also now, when they bring toys when they aren't supposed to, I just take the toy from them and hand it straight to their parent to take home. I don't care if the kid has a fit. I just say that this is always the rule and it's not going to change just because you happen to bring a toy with them.

I'm sick of telling the parents that this is what the rules are and they think that we are just going to ignore it when they don't follow them.

Totallly within your rights to keep control of the behaviour on your property. I've carried many tantruming children to their parents/ or those that want to run thru my house or dump toys right at the end of the day. Your house, your rules. Somebody has to set the limits!

I think we have all had "those" parents at one point or another...parents who don't parent. It can be SO hard to sit back and watch the nonsense. I don't think you did anything wrong at all! If anything I would start stepping in MORE moving forward and making sure DCG gets her ducks in a row when it's time to go home!

As for the toys coming to daycare...OMG I cannot express how much I hate this, I do not allow it ever! I would mention either in person or through email that children must part with their toys either at home or in the car, not here at daycare at drop off! :no:

Nope not crossing the line at all. Your house, your rules. I discipline all my daycare kids here and the parents are fully aware of my policy from day one. It is mainly because they don't and I found that the parents get the message very quickly that they need to be firmer. I make a point of dealing with scenarios where a parent "asks" a child to do something and they respond with defiance or "NO!" with a very quick " I don't believe it was a request, do as you are told please."

I have a constant issue with my AP child and his mother. She makes everything into a positive thing, excusing everything, and literally everything she says to her son is like a "pretty little song" Gahhh I want to scream at her sometimes lol When she drops off, his bottom lip comes out and his eyes fill up. She is generally good now at leaving him quickly but she always verbalizes "Oh you are going to cry so I'll go" Seriously lady, he is a little guy, 16 mths, but not stupid, so don't say that. He feels your anxieties!! Yesterday she texts me saying how she handled it poorly and should have stayed and comforted him. Well I thought if you are going to text this to me, then you are going to have to deal with my response. I told her that leaving quickly was the best thing for him so he could transition into the group as soon as possible and that staying would have only escalated things. I went on to tell her that she needs to ignore his response because any kind of acknowledgement or verbal anticipation of him becoming upset is likely going to make it worse. She never responded, dad picked up and dad dropped off this morning with no bottom lip and a nice happy bye bye and a wave. Dad understands that she is a problem with her approach to parenting but obviously wants an easy life from HER even if it means they don't have an easy life with their child. This is the kid who is allowed to pull his mums top down and breastfeed on demand at any time, even at pick up in my house and she laughs at him as though it is cute. Hey lady, be a frickin adult and parent the child. He is clearly in charge of calling the shots in the household. These types of parents drive me round the bend at times because you are right, we have to deal with the aftermath of their undoing and this kind of behaviour is what is making my daycare day so bloody disruptive because this child can not and does not get this kind of treatment at my house. Some people!!

Thanks everyone.

Another question. I chatted with the mom this morning and asked her to get their stuff from inside the daycare before coming to see them in the backyard and she agreed. I also checked in re: tantrum yesterday and she said she was fine 2 mins later. This kid has these big fits and turns it on/off like a faucet. Her emotional regulation seems pretty low at times more in line with a 2 yr old!

Today, she was told that another girl gets a chance to wear the one costume she had been wearing all morning (it was put away as we were doing a craft). She flipped out and carried on and screamed/cried for close to 10 mins. I separated her and let her have her meltdown but it was pretty ridiculous.

Questions:
1) How much of this is just 3/4 yr old little girl behaviour? I ask this because my daughter who is now 4 started doing this as well but I wonder if it is "just a phase" or a learned behaviour from DCG?

2) What else can I do to curb this behaviour? I find all the kids are a bit more "dramatic" these days and blow up over little things that used to not bother them.

3) Should I have a meeting with the parents of DCG or just do what I need to do and continue to discipline her in front of her parents??

All I can say is that my son (who turns 4 this month) has started overreacting and crying to EVERYTHING!!! He has completely "forgotten" to use his words and instead erupts and carries on if things aren't going his way. At first we just repeatedly said "I don't know what is wrong if you don't use your words. Use your words. When you are ready to use your words I can help you." But he carries on and it *#$%*&@ annoys me (and he knows it, lol), so now when he starts up he goes straight up into his bedroom and can return when he's ready to use his words.

Sometimes I wish I could have someone observe my daycare and give me feedback as to what to do different etc...or where the problem lies

Is this pretty recent behaviour when you're referring to the other kids as well? Another thought is they are adjusting to spending long days outside in physical activity, and the tiredness is bringing out their inner drama queens.

I personally don't allow that sort of behaviour (big outbursts/tantrum's). It is an immediate time out. Out of all the kids I have had over the last few years there was only one boy that gave me a run for my money! He would melt down over the silliest things. Instant time out and then he would have his tantrum in time out. He quickly learned that the longer he carried on the longer he sat in timeout. I also had to find other things that I could use - for example - he hated being last and if he happened to be last at something and threw a tantrum over it then he would be made to go last for the remainder of the day. He soon learned that his undesirable behaviour resulted in undesirable consequences. He was exhausting for the year I had him but I had to be consistent. He would give a big production when he would get picked up. It was ridiculous.

The behaviour is more recent. The more I think about it, it started around the time I had an assistant start and I have been having challenges with how she doesn't really discipline. I have been considering letting her go. It is more an issue that her son comes with her and he has zero limits it seems.

The kids do go on time out when they have a tantrum. Fr this one DCG, it doesn't seem to bother her though. I will look for other currency to use with her.

I think you are not over the line !! I'm constantly trying to get dcks out the door without drama ! I have my backyard split into two sections , one is for me , grown up size definition not fun for a child and dayhome side , beautiful cedar playhouse with matching sandbox , chalkboard and water table . Everyone knows the rules , they stay on their side , which is super easy because my yard is L shaped only a little 7 ft passage seperates the play areas . Dcm comes and guess wherey dcg runs to ? Looking at me ? My assistant took her by the hand and told her no , but dcm just stood looking !!
This weekend I'm installing hooks on the outside of the fence all dc bags will be there , then as soon as mom pulls up , I'm escorting dcks out ! I'm getting tired of the" I'm not going " drama every night !
And in my dayhome entry , my dh just made pallet swinging gate , I couldn't find a gate long and hardy enough , so that I can bring dck to the door and keep the drama low then too !!
On a side note , had a parent play with their child in brand new cedar playhouse ,at pick up, we were inside because it was raining , the child broke the shutter and they left , no heads up !!! Day one of the play house !!!
So I had dh remove them , door is next !! Geez doesn't anyone play properly anymore ?!!!
Sorry getting back on topic , I'm not sure why parents think it's ok to stand chat at pick up ? Just because your off doesn't mean we are !!

I had the same incredibly over-reacting behaviour with a previous dcg, almost 4 at the time. In this case, it became pretty clear that there were ZERO rules at home, and the meltdowns worked on her parents. She freaked, they gave in. She freaked here, she was put in time out, and she had no idea how to handle it. There's only so much we can do to teach appropriate behaviour if it all goes out the window at home. I kept at it for 6 months before I had to throw in the towel. Six months with meltdowns every other second, that would last for an hour quite easily, was just too much. Some parents just don't seem to realize that letting their child have everything they want the second they want it just to avoid a tantrum is TERRIBLE parenting and makes our job nearly impossible. I doubt my previous clients' new daycare will last much longer than I did. You may be in the same boat if the parents don't start actually parenting. Good luck!

Some kids are just very emotional. My two nieces are. One will cry at the smallest things with deep heartfelt sadness. The other bursts into angry fits very easily (getting better now that she's 4 though). I've watched since they were tiny and I think it's temperament. Mom has tried many different things, but all we can seem to do is teach them to handle these intense emotions in a more positive way. They just seem to react very strongly to things, by nature.

I think the best thing is just to re-direct and teach appropriate reactions. Hopefully over time she will learn to moderate her emotional reactions. Some girls can be emotionally more intense, but I think it's temperament more than gender.

Bravo to all the providers who stand up to the melting down kids at the door. If more parents had the same backbone life would be so much easier everyday. I have 2 brothers in my daycare that turn into horrid children the minute mom and dad come to pick up, so now they text me when they are 5ish minutes from my house, I get the 2 boys ready and we wait at the door to avoid the unpleasantness. I don't have to watch the parents begging the boys to get ready over and over and it goes much quicker to sweep them out the door (thank goodness cause we all know quitting time can't come soon enough)