Not Sure What Happened Here

Had a meeting with some parents. They expressed concern over how I keep their little one (15 month old) safe on our outings. Apparently the child's grandfather saw the child while we were out and claimed that child was a large distance away from me and I was chatting with a parent.

I have no idea what they are talking about, but of course since this was a family member, they believe them (and I would too if I were the parent).

The grandfather's girlfriend also told them that this child wandered away in the park and was shoving woodchips in her mouth. I actually remember this one. I as sitting on the bench with some park ladies I see every day with my little ones in front of me. I saw this child wander away and got up to go get her. she had gotten wood chips in her mouth. Lol it was like she went around the play structure to hide in order to do it. See was out of my sight line for maybe 30 seconds while I walked over. This lady told the parents she watched her for a while and was finally going to help before I finally showed up.

I am the safety NAZI! However, I am not constantly ON the babies. I give them some room to explore and keep an eye out to make sure they stay safe. This is how hey learn and grow!

I feel like these parents were grossly misinformed about my dealings with their child. But how do you get over this? For now they are still in care. However, if I put myself in their shoes, I would have lost confidence in my care provider and I'd be out the door.

I asked the parent who dropped off today and he said everything was fine and they felt good. Said that they just wanted to air their concerns so they weren't holding onto things and getting upset.

What would you do?

This is one of the main reasons I barely go on any outings. People around you are so quick to judge even though they only get a glimpse of what is really going on.

I would be afraid that they were spying on me or something....maybe I'm just paranoid, lol. That would make me very uneasy.

Kids will fall, put things in their mouths, try to run off...it happens. If I had someone report to parents for every little thing, that would drive me nuts!

That sucks that they told the parents a very different version of what happened. However, it is understandable as we have all done this at some point ( misinterpreted a situation). I'm glad to hear the parents discussed this with you instead of just believing the story and pulling from your care. It sounds like they are satisfied with the discussion and are happy with the care you provide. I would try my hardest to let this go and move on. You did nothing wrong and nothing bad happened and it doesn't sound like the parents are holding a grudge.

I wouldn't let this stop me from going on outings. I would go crazy if we stayed home all the time lol. People are going to judge, it's human nature to do so. Let them.

We have a local forum that people can post threads on much like this. It's a gossipy site and often has "dear the person who did this or that" threads and goes on to criticize that persons actions. Well one day in the summer I only had a pair of siblings and I took them out for lunch. Long story short, the 6 year old had to use washroom and the 2 year old was at the table eating. The 6 year old came back because he wouldn't use washroom by himself so I made the decision to quickly run him there but told him he'd have to go in alone and make his way back to the table because I couldn't leave his brother long. When their mom picked up I told her that if a thread popped about this horrible person and their parenting that it was me! She laughed and said she would have done the same thing.

I think all things considered the parents handled it quite well. They could have easily blown it out of proportion and been awkward with you but instead met with you to discuss what happened. Yes they were misinformed but no harm no foul as these parents did their own investigation by talking to you. What the parent said at drop off today really reinforces that. I think you lucked out and they sound like great parents.

In response to 5LM I can't believe there is a forum like you described. That is horrific. How is it even allowed...its just mass slander....This would be illegal in the UK as slander is against the law and would have sever repercussions. I hate the nerve these people have to go online and use the animosity the internet gives them to badmouth people when in real life they just don't have the balls.

I personally would not have left the 2 year old alone unattended for a moment. To bad you are eating kid, I would have scooped them up and taken them with me unless the bathroom door I was stood outside of was directly opposite the other child with no obstructions which may have been the case. Even if the mother would have handled things the way you did, that is her child not the providers...its very different and for the very reason you told the parent, the liability is huge even when you do everything the right way with forums like that around. Definitely not an online community I would want to be part of that's for sure.

Oh no worries, the 2 year old was perfectly safe and within my vision! My point is that someone else could have seen the situation and judged me because they would not have known all the facts and may not have realized that I could still see the 2 year old. There are many ways to handle the same situation but just because it's different from someone else's doesn't make it wrong or right.

As for the site, it's not really slander if the persons name or business isn't mentioned. It's just someone's opinion and judgement of something they witnessed. Don't get me wrong, it annoys me big time when people post those threads but it's not slander IMO. There are many other threads and useful info on this site but it's definitely a site that you have to have a thick skin if your going to be part of the discussions. There's also classifieds, weather, entertainment and local info on the site. It's ran by a very strict person and slander of people and businesses is not allowed and people get banned from posting on the discussions often.

Cadillac, I feel torn over your post...on the one hand, we all make mistakes sometime and it sucks when there are ppl there to actually witness it! On the other hand, I myself never let a 15 month old or similar aged child go very far from me, ever. I am almost always right behind them, and when I have kids this age in my care I am never ever sitting down because IMO, this age group needs constant supervision. I always say to my hubby how I am not a fan of the 12-18 month age group because I feel like they are on a mission to kill themselves! Always getting into things they shouldn't etc.. It's tough because with my own kids I am more laid back and let them do more, but not the daycare kids because of the liability. They can explore and get into trouble all they want at home, but no one is getting hurt on MY watch! I also think that the parents handled it pretty well, and I feel like if the child was in true danger, his relatives would have jumped in, so clearly it could not have been that bad.

My question is: Why were the child's grandparents at the park while you were watching them?? Spying?? And my first thought I "You know how grandparents are". Both my parents and ESPECIALLY my inlaws are insane helicopters with my kids and it drives me bonkers. Just because THEY would have rushed over and hovered, doesn't mean that that's your style. I, too, let little ones wander and explore but always within my sight. And kids that age are constantly putting things in their mouths, do the grandparents not know this?
It sounds like the parents heard what the grandparents had to say and just wanted to raise the concern with you to hear your side of the story before making assumptions. And it sounds like they have sided with you, because if they believed their child was unsafe then there is no doubt they would be issuing notice.
That being said, I would have a huge issue with feeling like I couldn't go out anywhere without the grandparents spying and making judgments. And I don't think I could let it go without raising the issue myself. I would say something like. "Thank you for meeting with me, and discussing the concerns you had about _____ safety in my care. Health and safety is, and always has been my number one priority when it it comes to the children in my care. That being said, I can't shake the uneasy feeling that whenever we venture out for fun activities away from the house I will be spied on and judged for my actions as nobody wants to feel this way while working. If your parents are out and about while I am also out with the children, please have them come over and introduce themselves so we can also get to know each other. Thank you and have a great day!"

fun&Care - I have to say I disagree with your style (not saying it is wrong). Kids need to explore and wander around. I am big on free play especially outdoors and I usually sit on my chair and just watch the kids play. My yard is huge and not fenced but the kids know there invisible boundaries even the little ones (I have had as young as 11 months in my care). Kids will be kids and I let them crawl/run/play. They put dirt/sticks/leaves/rocks in their mouth and I do discourage it but I certainly don't have to follow behind them. I usually just call them and say "yucky" and they spit it out. Kids need to be kids and letting them play and explore is a huge part of learning and growth IMO.

^^^^agreed ^^^^^

LOL thanks everyone

I'm not going to stop going out, i wont even be doing anything different. I know I'm good and safe with the kids and I'm not going to change my style because something was misconstrued.

I was joking with a nanny today tat ANYONE could be the spy . . . IT MIGHT EVEN BE HER! I cant worry about these things too much I guess. It was just such a blow and insulting to me and worrying to me that people are seeing what i do and getting it SOOOO wrong. but . . . . I'm over it.

I feel better about the situation and that my relationship with these parents may even be salvageable.

Thanks for all the support

Quote:

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Originally Posted by mickyc

fun&Care - I have to say I disagree with your style (not saying it is wrong). Kids need to explore and wander around. I am big on free play especially outdoors and I usually sit on my chair and just watch the kids play. My yard is huge and not fenced but the kids know there invisible boundaries even the little ones (I have had as young as 11 months in my care). Kids will be kids and I let them crawl/run/play. They put dirt/sticks/leaves/rocks in their mouth and I do discourage it but I certainly don't have to follow behind them. I usually just call them and say "yucky" and they spit it out. Kids need to be kids and letting them play and explore is a huge part of learning and growth IMO.

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Just to clarify though that I do this when we are on outings and not here in our enclosed yard...two very different environments. I can let them do whatever when we are here and I certainly don't need to hover because I've set up the yard so it's very safe. But when I'm at the park, I do feel the need to watch pretty closely. I guess it also depends on what kind of structures you have in your neighborhood park and if you are lucky to have one with a play structure suitable for toddlers but in my case the structures are more for big kids so I do need to be "on"....especial ly because my current 18 month old is a total handful and I'm honestly starting to find he is taking FOREVER to mature...still always getting into everything, doesn't seem to understand "no" and still puts EVERYTHING in his mouth...I guess it depends on the child!