End the screaming

Alright ladies help me out,

I have a 14.5 month old that was doing great for the last 2 months then just up and lost it and started screaming non-stop. I sent the kid home thurs afternoon and told them to keep the child home Friday as the child was not eating or drinking and was just screaming non-stop and clearly was just not fit for group care. I then went on vacation for a week and we are back and it is the same screaming non-stop.

They took the kid to the doctor and were told he's perfectly healthy that it is likely a combination of teething and personality and that "most kids go through this phase" gahhhhh I'd like that doctor to come hang out for a week and say that at the end of the week. I have worked with many kids this age over the years and I totally get that they go through phases and they throw tantrums and have bad days and phases where they are miserable due to teething etc. BUT tantrums have a start and an end and do not last 10full hours EVERYDAY for weeks. This is not 'tantruming' sure it could be teething...could be personality...but it is inacceptable in group care. The other kids are walking around with their hands on their ears in distress.

The parents said they have started to ignore it at home and the child tends to stop. Great BUT...I can't completely ignore it here...well, I can but the other 4 kids don't and they are too young to learn to leave the child alone so they try to bring toys to quiet him etc.

So, I pulled out the playpen and when the child screams the child now goes in there until calm. BUT... when the child does stop the child starts right up as soon as I make way to the playpen. So, do I still let the child out out and see if the child recalms in a minute and if not put the child back in...or do I just leave the child in the playpen?

I know the ladies on here tend to say don't remove a child from the table and when they scream to squeeze their hand and say 'no' but this does not work for this child. It worked months ago when transitioning into care but now the child just immediately throws everything on the floor and screams nonstop. The other kids are not eating because of the screaming banshee at the table. So I removed the child and sent to playpen nearby. The child did not eat any snack. Should I bring the child back to the table to keep trying (when calm) or just give one chance and be done? I don't particularly care if the child blows it and gets no snack but I don't think being hungry helps with the screaming all the time!

Any advice? What should I do outside? I don't have a playpen or anything to contain him in. I suppose I could bring a highchair out to strap the child into? Today we'll just skip outside time and keep the playpen going as I just started that an hour ago and I think it'll take a few days to get the idea.

Any advice? Thoughts as to why this would start over 2 months into care? The child used to be so happy, easy going and totally engaged with their friends and now there is pretty much zero playing or engaging at all.

I will give it some time before giving probation notice. How much time is reasonable? I don't much care to just terminate a child but I will not allow my typically calm easy going daycare to become overrun by a child that just screams 24/7. It is not fair to my other kids (or myself).

I'll accept ideas to end this screaming! The parents are likely to be onboard with anything to end it...despite my usual gentle approach with young children I am ready for the mean, hard approach as I believe this is the only option right now!

Oh so sorry you are dealing with it.

I currently have a boy who is around 15 months. He started in Feb and was a hard kid to transition. He is quite a sucky child and a momma's boy. I get the feeling mom holds him constantly at home and picks him up the second he cries. I only had him 1 day last week and he was cranky. Well of course today he decides he wants to scream. OH it is so annoying. I just let him scream and ignore him. He will walk around and scream and then suddenly quit while he plays, then starts up again. He will eat though and is currently napping with not much issue.

It is all about how long you can handle it. I had a boy a couple years ago that I terminated after 3 days. I couldn't take his scream and the other kids were walking around covering their ears. Some kids are just not a good fit in certain daycares.

I personally don't agree with confining a child to a playpen or high chair. I have never used those things as "punishment".

Why not just put him on the ground outdoors and let him scream. Maybe he will eventually decide to go and explore?

My advice would be to just let him scream, do not remove him from the table, from the area etc. Just carry on with your day. If it get to be too much to handle and isn't getting any better then mention to the family that maybe they need to find a different daycare.

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Originally Posted by mickyc

Oh so sorry you are dealing with it.

I currently have a boy who is around 15 months. He started in Feb and was a hard kid to transition. He is quite a sucky child and a momma's boy. I get the feeling mom holds him constantly at home and picks him up the second he cries. I only had him 1 day last week and he was cranky. Well of course today he decides he wants to scream. OH it is so annoying. I just let him scream and ignore him. He will walk around and scream and then suddenly quit while he plays, then starts up again. He will eat though and is currently napping with not much issue.

It is all about how long you can handle it. I had a boy a couple years ago that I terminated after 3 days. I couldn't take his scream and the other kids were walking around covering their ears. Some kids are just not a good fit in certain daycares.

I personally don't agree with confining a child to a playpen or high chair. I have never used those things as "punishment".

Why not just put him on the ground outdoors and let him scream. Maybe he will eventually decide to go and explore?

My advice would be to just let him scream, do not remove him from the table, from the area etc. Just carry on with your day. If it get to be too much to handle and isn't getting any better then mention to the family that maybe they need to find a different daycare.

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Oh, I was all against the playpen idea as well. BUT after days of the screaming I need to. He is the type of kid that is not just screaming and wandering...he is right there in the other kids faces. So I am trying to engage the others to keep them busy and he's smack in the middle of them. If I am busy with a task then he just follows the kids. The kids are all young (14-19months) they cannot escape him.

His only option right now is playpen of new daycare. It is the only way the other children can get an escape from the highpitched, intense screaming. My husband is home today. He can hear the screaming 2 stories above us. He needs to be separated...as much as it goes against my preferences.

Also, he does not stop when held, talked to, distracted, ignored...anything. He doesn't stop to play with toys then start up again. He just screams...completely disengaged and screaming.

I would say then you need to call mom and just say it isn't working out for you and your group. He is clearly unhappy there. It isn't fair for anyone having to listen to that and it isn't good for him to spend his day screaming.

I have run into this before with children who started young. I had an 8 month old start and was great for the most part. Transition went pretty well. Than a few months down the road, the screaming happened. Not to the extent of this but I think it was because he started so young, that he didn't play shy or anything (didn't really know what was going on so to speak) and than as he got older it's like it finally clicked....hey I'm at daycare and mom doesn't come pick me up right away!

I normally go about my day and try to struggle our way through the activities and such. However, if the crying/screaming becomes too out of control than the child needs to be separated. Just like an adult, children get overwhelmed and it's not fair to them (or us and the other children) to keep them in a situation that is obviously stressful for them. I use the playpen method and IME, it works great. They are allowed out when they are ready and calmed down. If they are doing it because the situation was stressful for them, it allows them time to calm down and refocus. If they were screaming/crying because of anger, they learn quickly that a time out in playpen isn't as much fun as whatever the activity we are doing is.

If it goes on like this for longer than a month with no sign of improvement, I would probably be tempted to term. I have never had to do this for that reason though as the playpen method usually works. I would let the parents know the month probation is starting now.

I had one child scream/cry the whole day he was here for 2 weeks and I did the playpen method as well as continuing on throughout the activities. Exactly 2 weeks later, he was well adjusted and became one of my easiest children!! Good luck!!

He's very young, I would try a more nurturing approach to help ease his fears or sadness. Something is up, and he needs help calming down...maybe he needs to rebuild trust, or is going through a severe separation anxiety phase. How long has this been going on for? It seems like maybe only for a few days? But I can feel your stress, so something has to give. In order to secure trust and a bond with one of my dc babies was to hold her...as often as I could, all day in some cases even if I was just sitting on the floor. And if I couldn't hold her, I would wear her in my boba wrap. She needed that extra closeness, and loved the security of the wrap. After a week or so she began to slowly venture out to play with toys, knowing I wasn't going anywhere on her, and she has since been a dream dck!
Maybe try coming at it from an empathetic angle and see if any progress is made over a week...if no progress...time to go :(

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Originally Posted by Lee-Bee

Alright ladies help me out,

I have a 14.5 month old that was doing great for the last 2 months then just up and lost it and started screaming non-stop. I sent the kid home thurs afternoon and told them to keep the child home Friday as the child was not eating or drinking and was just screaming non-stop and clearly was just not fit for group care. I then went on vacation for a week and we are back and it is the same screaming non-stop.

They took the kid to the doctor and were told he's perfectly healthy that it is likely a combination of teething and personality and that "most kids go through this phase" gahhhhh I'd like that doctor to come hang out for a week and say that at the end of the week. I have worked with many kids this age over the years and I totally get that they go through phases and they throw tantrums and have bad days and phases where they are miserable due to teething etc. BUT tantrums have a start and an end and do not last 10full hours EVERYDAY for weeks. This is not 'tantruming' sure it could be teething...could be personality...but it is inacceptable in group care. The other kids are walking around with their hands on their ears in distress.

The parents said they have started to ignore it at home and the child tends to stop. Great BUT...I can't completely ignore it here...well, I can but the other 4 kids don't and they are too young to learn to leave the child alone so they try to bring toys to quiet him etc.

So, I pulled out the playpen and when the child screams the child now goes in there until calm. BUT... when the child does stop the child starts right up as soon as I make way to the playpen. So, do I still let the child out out and see if the child recalms in a minute and if not put the child back in...or do I just leave the child in the playpen?

I know the ladies on here tend to say don't remove a child from the table and when they scream to squeeze their hand and say 'no' but this does not work for this child. It worked months ago when transitioning into care but now the child just immediately throws everything on the floor and screams nonstop. The other kids are not eating because of the screaming banshee at the table. So I removed the child and sent to playpen nearby. The child did not eat any snack. Should I bring the child back to the table to keep trying (when calm) or just give one chance and be done? I don't particularly care if the child blows it and gets no snack but I don't think being hungry helps with the screaming all the time!

Any advice? What should I do outside? I don't have a playpen or anything to contain him in. I suppose I could bring a highchair out to strap the child into? Today we'll just skip outside time and keep the playpen going as I just started that an hour ago and I think it'll take a few days to get the idea.

Any advice? Thoughts as to why this would start over 2 months into care? The child used to be so happy, easy going and totally engaged with their friends and now there is pretty much zero playing or engaging at all.

I will give it some time before giving probation notice. How much time is reasonable? I don't much care to just terminate a child but I will not allow my typically calm easy going daycare to become overrun by a child that just screams 24/7. It is not fair to my other kids (or myself).

I'll accept ideas to end this screaming! The parents are likely to be onboard with anything to end it...despite my usual gentle approach with young children I am ready for the mean, hard approach as I believe this is the only option right now!

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I currently have a dcb that was like that. He had and ok transition at the beginning, but after a few months he started crying/screaming/whining non-stop. Instead of the playpen I used the separated nap room (which also gave a break to everybody from the noise). I was very consistent, and I got him up to play when he stopped, if he started again he went again to his cot, and repeated until he stopped it. He went from unhappy, not eating well, not participating, no-cooperating to the current very happy, cooperative, well eater toddler.

It's all about consistency.

If he had a meltdown and refused to eat during mealtime, he had to wait until next meal. He didn't starved and learned to better eat every time food was served.

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Originally Posted by mickyc

I would say then you need to call mom and just say it isn't working out for you and your group. He is clearly unhappy there. It isn't fair for anyone having to listen to that and it isn't good for him to spend his day screaming.

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The catch is he is doing the exact same thing at home evenings and weekends. So as much as he is greatly unhappy - it is not solely a being in this daycare situation. I can term him but he'll be doing the same elsewhere. Perhaps he'd do better with a private nanny but they won't have money for that and if he's doing it at home with mom and dad then who knows if he'd stop with a nanny. Having been a nanny for years I can say that it would be MUCH easier to solve and end the screaming one on one though!!

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Originally Posted by Lou

He's very young, I would try a more nurturing approach to help ease his fears or sadness. Something is up, and he needs help calming down...maybe he needs to rebuild trust, or is going through a severe separation anxiety phase. How long has this been going on for? It seems like maybe only for a few days? But I can feel your stress, so something has to give. In order to secure trust and a bond with one of my dc babies was to hold her...as often as I could, all day in some cases even if I was just sitting on the floor. And if I couldn't hold her, I would wear her in my boba wrap. She needed that extra closeness, and loved the security of the wrap. After a week or so she began to slowly venture out to play with toys, knowing I wasn't going anywhere on her, and she has since been a dream dck!
Maybe try coming at it from an empathetic angle and see if any progress is made over a week...if no progress...time to go :(

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Holding hasn't been helping. Even at home when mom and dad hold him while screaming it just escalates. I can see all your suggestions working wonders if this was just a daycare behavior...but he is doing this at home as well. He has been refusing food at home (he used to eat anything and everything and tons of it). Something is up...and I don't think it's just daycare related.

I wore one of my other dck for the first weeks and she is now the easiest child ever. But it just doesn't work for this one.

Thanks for all the tips so far ladies. I did the playpen this afternoon...he was in it at first for intense screaming. But, he then calmed I set him off to play and he stayed calm for the rest of the afternoon including the trip outside. He whined and whimpered at times (his usual personality) but there was no screaming. Not sure if it was related to the playpen or not. But we will continue tomorrow and see where we are at. His parents are happy with what I am trying. They are experiencing the same constant screaming at home so know what I am working with and are sympathetic and keen to end it.

Hopefully we have improvements over the next few days!

Wow, something is definitely up. Does he have any other personality quirks or developmental delays that you're able to notice past the screaming? ASD or SPD comes to mind. Poor little thing, he can't be happy :(

yes I agree, there is something up if he is doing it at home. It is annoying when doctors don't actually look into something that could possibly be wrong and just blame it on teething. What about suggesting they take him to the chiropractor? A friend of mine had a lot of issues with her child and taking her child to the chiropractor cleared up whatever was bothering her. How is his bowel movements? normal? Is there a certain food that sets him off? Possibly have acid reflux? I have heard of children with that issue too. If I was the parents I would be getting a second opinion. There should be no reason this poor boy is always so cranky.

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Originally Posted by mickyc

yes I agree, there is something up if he is doing it at home. It is annoying when doctors don't actually look into something that could possibly be wrong and just blame it on teething. What about suggesting they take him to the chiropractor? A friend of mine had a lot of issues with her child and taking her child to the chiropractor cleared up whatever was bothering her. How is his bowel movements? normal? Is there a certain food that sets him off? Possibly have acid reflux? I have heard of children with that issue too. If I was the parents I would be getting a second opinion. There should be no reason this poor boy is always so cranky.

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He is definitely constipated...though home has been pushing prune juice and high fibre and we're seeing some progress. I've asked them to keep track of input and output noting that he may be so backed up he is unable to eat and is uncomfortable. I don't know if there is a pattern of foods that cause issues with him...nothing that has been noted but I will start to pay more attention. That said, dairy, wheat and all that is a constant in his diet and the behavior is somewhat new.

I have seen huge progress in just a few days. He has yet to go in the playpen today and has been calm and playing. Yesterday he only went in it briefly a few times (usually related to screaming at meals).

Home is working hard to end the screaming as well...they seem to realize that while the doctor has led them to believe it is all "normal" that it is not acceptable and that they can't handle it at home and I suspect they also realize that status quo would not hold here at daycare for long so they kicked it into high gear to end the screaming as well.