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No I don't think you were wrong at all! I wouldn't have done it either! I agree it would send mixed signals to all other kids and could turn into a disaster. The thing is too what if she decides to breast feed until the baby is 2 (or longer) - then what - is she going to expect to keep coming at lunch because you have allowed it. Nope! I think there is nothing wrong with what you did. She can pump and send breast milk if she wants IMO.
I think your answer is perfect. It isn't rude, it's matter of fact and you have explained for very good reason why it's not something you can accommodate. I am sure it's the mother just feeling sad about minimizing the breast feeding experience with the child once she returns to work but it is what it is. It doesn't sound like a need as the little one drinks from a bottle, so can have expressed milk and drinks formula so it's not about the nutrition clearly but more about mommy baby time but he sounds of it. It may be difficult for her initially but I bet once she is back to busy working life she will see that she would never have been able to keep up with it anyway.
I agree with the above posters. There is nothing wrong or rude about what you told the mom.
You handled it perfectly. Don't feel bad, you have to take all the children in your care into consideration. Having mom drop by for a feeding would disrupt and would be sure to create some confusion amongst the children.
I'd try to accomodate her as far as possible IF you can, I couldn't leave my 7 month old to go to work myself and the thought of it killed me, hence why I did childminding taking him with me to others homes up to when he was a year old and breast feeding for me was done (a year max), I did the odd shift nursing in between closer to when he was a year old but not many, on one I even managed to take him with me which is normally a no no but they needed a nurse and I said only if I could take my baby with me or I couldn't do it and the client agreed to it via the agency I worked for at that time.
But! to avoid it affecting your other children under your care, have her come discreetly where you can take the baby to her in another room and then she can tell you how long she'll be with the baby before you go back e.g. exactly 30 mins later, to get the baby from her again so she can return to work, that's what I'd do anyway.. I can understand the mother wanting to do this, and it's hard for her too to part with her baby if you think about it, this way she can still bond with and see her baby and it stops her worrying about baby while at work, if you put yourself in her shoes, I am sure it will stop once she's off the breast feeding. She's probably an attachment parenting parent as I was. One horrible minder my son had just after that age he looked at her nd preferred to go back to sleep, that said it all really, I didn't use her again after those two times, and another put her own child before mine and made him get up from a nap when her daughter woke up even if he only got 10 mins.. so unfair and cruel, he used to run to the door every time her door bell rang hoping it was me she told me, silly woman to tell me that, it told me he didn't like her at all, again I didn't have her after 2-3 days after she told me that, I felt bad for my boy.
Alternatively let her know she can ring you at certain times of the day to check her baby is settled and okay, that will reassure her so she doesn't have to worry all day when working.
Absolutely it was okay to deny this request. You are a day care not a nanny and you have to consider the impact of such a huge disruption to all your children.Quote:
Originally Posted by babydom
I discourage these drop-in parents - regardless of the validity of their requests. This isn't a coffee shop. Parents pick up and drop off and don't come and go several times a day. I've declined parents who have asked if drop-ins during the day are encouraged because they absolutely are not.
Plus it ties all your activities to you being home and available for this drop-in to happen.
I know it sucks when a parent has to return to work sooner than they would wish. My son was 12 weeks old when I had to return to work - and knowing that was all the leave I could have, I actually worked until I went into labour in the office so not to impact on my time but hard as it is to be the one to put the boundaries in place, sometimes it's easier for a parent to adjust when they know calling in and out, isn't an option. It's like ripping off a band-aid - some situations call for hard prompt actions vs seemingly gentle prying which actually hurts for longer.
I have allowed it in the past and one of the issues that came up was baby being hungry and mom wasn't due for another 15-20 minutes. After a few times of handing off a screaming distraught baby to the mom she finally realized the visits were more about her and not the baby and she started pumping at work and bringing bottles for the baby and everyone's lives were much easier. The fact the child is already taking bottles negates the need to come and feed. I would be a bit more tolerant if this was a last minute emergency type of care situation and baby was exclusively breastfed and we did it till baby was comfortable with bottles. I did have one mom that was an extended breastfeeder and she wanted to come in and feed her 2 year old after work - um child just had snack within the hour and supper I assume is as soon as you get home and it is a 15 drive. She used to sit out in her car which she parked on the street in front of my house and feed the child so they could have some cuddle time at the end of the day. I mean really a quick hug at pick up and the child couldn't wait another 15 minutes. After the cuddle the child still had a snack and cup of juice in the car for the ride home. Wonder why she was a poor eater at supper.
I agree with you. I think it would be very disruptive, especially at that busy time. Keep your rules firm and make parents understand why.
I can see both sides I can see how it would be really disruptive- but as a mother, doula, and lactation consultant I also see how important breastfeeding is for a child's development. If you do not want her to come breastfeed could she pump and you serve the milk?
It sounds like she would be coming right before nap time.
That means, that potentially the baby would start having a meltdown/cryfest when mom leaves and then refuse to nap for you.
I think you made the right call.
I can see mom's side too but the potential for disruption and being unable to settle the baby again would be too risky for me.