DCK just pulled from my care :(

Hey everyone,
I just wanted to start off saying that this forum has been great in helping me start my home daycare. All the advise given here has been amazing. I've never posted here before, I just really need to vent right now!
So I've been providing care for a daycare kid for about a week, (we were still on a trial basis). I wanted to start off with only one child just to see how my kids reacted to having to share their mommy with other kids, and they were doing quiet well until today. Mommy dropped off the child here this morning and my three year old son who had just woken up and was in a grumpy mood decides to come downstairs and say to the mommy "I don't want him coming here, everyday"
My son is a very friendly kid, and he's been very helpful with the dck sharing all his toys and including him in activities that he was doing and dck was very happy here, he'd jump out of mommy's arms to come to me. I apologized to mommy and told her that my son was not in a good mood this morning. And told my son that thats not a nice thing to say and reminded him that he likes playing with dck.
But mommy came back after 20 mins crying and told me that she did not like what my son had said and wanted to take dck home and she may not continue care.
Me and my family are going through a very rough financial time right now, I had quit my job to start a home daycare because I had a bad experience with my son's daycare provider (long story short he was being bullied and physically abused by her 22 year old son). I spent a lot of money on toys and daycare equipment and now I feel like if I am not able to find another kid to fill this kid's spot soon, I may have to start work again. Uggghhhh so frustrating!

I am so sorry to hear about this. But don't give up. It always feels more difficult and stressful in the beginning when you're first setting up and trying to get parents.

Unfortunately, this parent really over-reacted. Most of them understand that it's an adjustment for your own children. I explain to parents, that often the relationship between their children and my own children become like a sibling relationship. They can play great most of the time, but then they can fight and argue and say things. These parents will witness both. My kids somedays will still say things...it happens. Often for me it's my 5 year old getting grumpy at the end of the day, wanting the kids to leave and sometimes saying things to parents. I always correct her behaviour, but I also understand where she's coming from and so do my parents.

Perhaps this parent just wants to be reassured that this doesn't go on all day, or she's having other issues, separation anxiety since this is new to her.

Don't give up though...we all go through this at one time or another. Good luck, keep us posted.

Sorry to hear this! Agreeing with zen that the mom has overreacted. Maybe you could call her this evening and tell her that this kind of thing is normal, and that your son and her child get along really very well. Sounds like the mother just needs reassuring. Hope it all works out, and I wouldn't worry about ds - he is likely just adjusting, but will get over it for sure.

obviously this mom already felt guilty about having her son go to a daycare, any daycare for that matter.
I went through the same thing with my kids, they HATED having a daycare here.. they are a bit older now and it helps.
Hang in there, things will get better.
As for this family, believe me when I say if it wasn't this that made her go , it would have been something else. Children, including ours are entitled to their opinions.
I say you dodged a bullet with this one lol

I agree with Alpha - I would give the mother a call this evening and apologize and explain that this is a transition for everyone INCLUDING your child. It is quite normal for your child to feel that way and not understand why another child is suddenly in THEIR home all day.

My own 5 yr old daughter and son still make comments at times that make me think they don't get that this is my job and I am not just inviting these little 'friends' over as my own playmates. lol she still asks me if I love her more than the kids who come here every day. It is hard on our own kids and your child is bound to voice their concerns at times. It is hard on them too.

I would hope that having a good heart to heart convo where you explain that it is quite normal for your child to have moments where they feel possessive is normal just like there will be times where their child will go through stages of which parent they like more, whether they want mommy to go to work or not, etc.

I totally agree as well. The mom over-reacted and is probably having a hard time sending her kid to daycare in the first place.
calling her this evening when she has a chance to think about is would help. I like the sibling relationship analogy mentioned above. comments will be said, the will play like best friends, adn they will fight like enemies. Its all part of kids being themselves and expressing every thought that pops in their head!
I do hope she agrees and sends dck back soon, and in the mean time, continue to advertise to fill a second spot. It could take some time to find more so may as well start now.
It would help with the financial part of things thats for sure!

Good luck, and keep us informed!

I definitely agree that you may want to call the mom and ask her if she would like to come over one day and watch the 2 kids playing, maybe that will instill a sense of security. If she does not understand how children think and how they react then she may not come back. Let her know that it takes at least a couple of weeks for the children to get to know each other and feel comfortable together. It is hard for your own children to share their home with strangers, he may feel threatened by the attention you give to the daycare children. I had the same problem with my 2 boys (expecially the younger one), until we bought a home where the daycare children are downstairs and do not enter my boys bedrooms or living area. This seemed to help a lot.
If this mom does not come around you may be better without her and put the word out for someone else. It is a tough time, but we have all gone through issues such as these with parents. Sounds like a first time mom to me. Good Luck:)

I agree on making a call to the parents. Might even do it this afternoon during naptime rather than waiting till this evening. Call with the idea that you are sorry the parent was feeling so upset today and you hope they are feeling better. Say something about how you know it is hard to put their child into daycare and natural to be concerned. At the same time (I am assuming she is a mom to one and you have more than one so more experience on your side.) say I know that sometimes children aren't as tactful about what they say or totally mean what they do say. My son is realizing just what it means to have mommy do daycare. While he loves the fact that mommy is home with him he will gradually get used to the fact mommy is still working and that means giving some attention to other children too. It is a learning curve for everyone. Let the mom know that you are prepared to welcome her and her child back to your home and that you will work with each child as they enter the daycare group to fit in, make friends, become comfortable. If she still says no then as others have said it wasn't about what your son said it was her fear of daycare in general. Keep the faith, there are children out there needing care.

1st of all this other child is not 3? Am I right! LOL 3 year olds! OMG the things they say.

You need to call this mother and have a chat with her as she is probobly very sensative as this is new to all of you.

Call her if you already haven't and ask her to come and chat with you. Be very upfront in letting her know how she must be feeling and let her know your son didn't mean it hes just having a hard time sharing his Mom right now and thats its n adjustment period for everyone!

Let us know how it works out!

I feel for you as I know truely how you are feeling!

Hugs

Thanks for the advise girls! I tried calling her but she didn't pick up. So I sent her an email with my apologies and let her know that my son is adjusting to me giving her son (who is 13 months) all this attention. I also sent pictures that I had taken of her son while he was here and in almost all the pictures he has a big smile on his face while he's playing with my kids. I feel like her decision has been made since she decided not to pick up her phone. She is a first time mom and on our interview, she told me that no one other than the parents have taken care of the kid. And she only sent her son to those indoor playgrounds once and her son started crying, and she blamed the playground supervisor for making him cry.
It might just be for the best, because if she does decide to send her kid back, I know she would be watching me and my kids like a hawk. Funny thing was that when she came to pick her son up, the kids were playing happily together. And she ran to her son and picked him up and didn't seem like she wanted to stick around much longer.
I'm so glad that I posted on this forum, I feel a little better. We are going out to put up flyers on mailboxes again. Keeping my fingers crossed to find a good trusting family this time.

Where r u located? If in Barrie I may know of someone!

Thanks skysue, but i'm in Ajax

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Originally Posted by MommyS&E

Thanks for the advise girls! I tried calling her but she didn't pick up. So I sent her an email with my apologies and let her know that my son is adjusting to me giving her son (who is 13 months) all this attention. I also sent pictures that I had taken of her son while he was here and in almost all the pictures he has a big smile on his face while he's playing with my kids. I feel like her decision has been made since she decided not to pick up her phone. She is a first time mom and on our interview, she told me that no one other than the parents have taken care of the kid. And she only sent her son to those indoor playgrounds once and her son started crying, and she blamed the playground supervisor for making him cry.
It might just be for the best, because if she does decide to send her kid back, I know she would be watching me and my kids like a hawk. Funny thing was that when she came to pick her son up, the kids were playing happily together. And she ran to her son and picked him up and didn't seem like she wanted to stick around much longer.
I'm so glad that I posted on this forum, I feel a little better. We are going out to put up flyers on mailboxes again. Keeping my fingers crossed to find a good trusting family this time.

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It definitely sounds like she is probably already guilt-ridden at leaving her son in a dayhome while she works and has those internal mother issues she is struggling with. She has probably had a hard time going back to work and then the comment probably was just the final straw for her guilty conscience.
I remember sending my son to daycare at 12 months and I was every day feeling awful. I would spend my lunch looking for a toy to buy him to 'make it up to him' and I was always on defcon 5 watching the provider and my child to make sure he was happy. I can understand the mom on this

She is over-reacting but it is not about you.:D

I think that was a great idea to send her the pics and the email. Maybe when she sleeps on it then she might come around. Otherwise I am sure you will find another child soon. It seems to be a little slow these days but hang in there and the right person will come along.

try not to stress. Hopefully your little guy is not too stressed about what happened either.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by MommyS&E

Thanks for the advise girls! I tried calling her but she didn't pick up. So I sent her an email with my apologies and let her know that my son is adjusting to me giving her son (who is 13 months) all this attention. I also sent pictures that I had taken of her son while he was here and in almost all the pictures he has a big smile on his face while he's playing with my kids. I feel like her decision has been made since she decided not to pick up her phone. She is a first time mom and on our interview, she told me that no one other than the parents have taken care of the kid. And she only sent her son to those indoor playgrounds once and her son started crying, and she blamed the playground supervisor for making him cry.
It might just be for the best, because if she does decide to send her kid back, I know she would be watching me and my kids like a hawk. Funny thing was that when she came to pick her son up, the kids were playing happily together. And she ran to her son and picked him up and didn't seem like she wanted to stick around much longer.
I'm so glad that I posted on this forum, I feel a little better. We are going out to put up flyers on mailboxes again. Keeping my fingers crossed to find a good trusting family this time.

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that is unfortunate. To be blunt who can fault your kid for being honest? Learning to share and transition is necessary, but not easy.

She seems like she is a high maintenance mom though

Hmmm... If she stays, great. Sounds like she is still learning and suffering working-mom guilt, for sure. I think you handled it well.
My kids are still adjusting in some ways, and it's been over a year. It was tough at first, but I just kept explaining that this is how mommy can stay home with them and still work. I reminded them that if I don't do daycare, then THEY will be going to daycare.
If she goes, then just as well. She does sound high maintenance, and that doesn't always get any better!
Good luck!

This mother is over sensitive. I have had kids screaming their heads off when they arrive and the parents feel awful. I tell them they are fine as soon as the parents leave. What does that tell you? I have even told parents to drive around the block and come back and listen at the front door and they would hear for themselves that everything is okay. I have had parents phone me on their way to work to see if their kid had stopped crying. I have been doing daycare for 30 years and have seen it all...well almost all..there is always something that surprises me! LOL!
I should write a book!

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Originally Posted by MommyS&E

Thanks skysue, but i'm in Ajax

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What was the final outcome with this child?

When reading your last post-- I think that mom needs a huge wake up call, she can't always blame others for making her child upset, not only that as others have already stated she has her own issues to deal with. Don't despair, I am in the same situation as you...quiting my job and all that...and really need to fill my spots but the right families will come along.

Email the mom as you did and leave it at that....

You dont want to reak of desperation hey?