Having so issues with parent

Hello:)
Sorry this is long looking for any advice
SO I just opened my day home beginning of December I have a 3 year ole full time and just started a one year old. ( two kids of my own 10 months and 3 years). Anyway the one year old that I have just started his mom works shift work so she pays me full time rate but he's only here at most 16 days per month. The issue I am having with her is she keeps telling me what to do! He has been here for 6 nights (2-11:30) she has an issue with my bedtime which is 7:00 as my kids are tired and ready to go to bed she wants him going to bed at 8. She tells me what to feed him when she drops him off, she questions everything I do and why I do it, she doesn't like my nap schedule, he is one and she wants me to hand feed him and help him drink. My 10 month old does more than this little one and I'm trying to teach him to be independent but the mom wants more. The last straw was tonight she's supposed to come at 11:30 she texted me as she has to work an hour late! I asked how often this will happen as I can't stay up that late as I have kids showing up at 6:45, she is arguing with me as to what the big deal is its only an hour. She never told me in the interview this would be a possibility and now she questioning me as to why I don't want to do it. We have argued everyday for the last 6 days. Am I over reacting or should I terminate care on someone who just won't let me do my job my way?

Thanks
I'm so frustrated

I don't do evening care. There is no way I could be up that late (well I am anyways but I'm not working so it's different lol) and than be up early for the other kids. I could be out to lunch in my thinking but why would it matter if he sleeps at 7 or 8 when he's going to get woken up at 1130 anyways?

What does she want you to feed him? Does she not think you are providing healthy food? As for the independent eating, I would approach it like " we had soup today and little Johnny did so well with the spoon!!! He's going to get the hang of it soon!" And make a big deal of this as it's a milestone that is important.

An hour late at such a late time already is unacceptable. Where is her back up? I make it very clear that a back up (or 2,3 etc) is very important if they're going to choose hdc.

Parents questioning what and why we do is normal and totally part of the job IMO. (We question each other on here so why wouldn't a parent question us?) However, their attitude and tone of voice while doing so makes a big difference between a concerned, involved parent and a high maintenance, my way is the only way parent.

From past experience, when a parent and everything about them starts to annoy me, it's time to consider terminating. How is the child though? Can you deal with moms behaviour because the child is a sweet heart or are they both draining to you? Also, what does your contract say?

Without touching on the topic of respect and you not being a nanny and all that my first thought is: fter having done this a few times do you see it lasting long-term? Can you continue to be awake until 11:30pm (or an hour later) and still get up to greet children (including your own) first thing in the morning? (I could NOT)!

My thought is that most home daycare providers that do late night care likely don't also do early morning care. They likely have a set 10ish hours that they are open...because it is draining to work 18hr days. Watching children isn't easy, you need rest to stay on top of everything long term.

If you are feeling like the schedule isn't going to work, on top of the mom and you clashing then I would lean to terming. If you are fine with the hours then I would think there is a good chance you can set the mom straight in how you run your daycare. Keep in mind this mom is leaving her baby for the first time and is working shift work. She may be acting out of character without knowing it because of first time jitters. Also, some cultures just really raise kids differently and don't want heir toddlers to be independent so it could be a cultural thing (which of course she needs to come to terms with if she is having you care for her child). But, ultimately if she wants control over everything she needs a private nanny.

Thanks for the reply:) I guessing she wants him to go to bed later cause she wants him to sleep in. She has also made a comment that after she picks him up he's up for a half hour cause he's going to bed to early. She's wants him to have veggies with every meal which is fine I do that anyway I told her I gave him beans and she argued with me that beans aren't a veggie then she realized I meant green beans. Lol she thought kidney beans. She was saying she could send veggies that I could warm up for him. When she drops him off she says he hasn't had lunch you could make him an egg and .... I have given her my menu and told her many times that is what he will be eating I'm not cooking separately for him, and every time she drops him off she has imput. He is good but he's an only child and gets lots of attention so he wants to be carried a lot he cries a lot during the day cause he wants to be held.i can terminate before 2 weeks with no notice I've given her my daily schedule and menu plan. I do have late fees but she gave notice she didn't know she was working late till she got to work.

I'm usually up till 11:30 anyway and Im not taking anymore kids. I didn't open a day home to have an income I did it so my kids had a play date everyday and I'm finding her to much of a stress to do that we've argued everyday and I'm drained from getting so upset with her. I know this is the first time she is doing this but I feel like she has no trust in me and she is thinking of me as a nanny. She has also commented before what's the problem you only have one other extra child! Which is true but I still have 3/4 kids here during the day it's not just her child I have to take care of. She has also commented on crafts that I should do with him ( like handprint molds) she was awesome in the interview but I think something happened no matter what she does I'm going to be upset:(

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Originally Posted by Bon13

Thanks for the reply:) I guessing she wants him to go to bed later cause she wants him to sleep in. She has also made a comment that after she picks him up he's up for a half hour cause he's going to bed to early. She's wants him to have veggies with every meal which is fine I do that anyway I told her I gave him beans and she argued with me that beans aren't a veggie then she realized I meant green beans. Lol she thought kidney beans. She was saying she could send veggies that I could warm up for him. When she drops him off she says he hasn't had lunch you could make him an egg and .... I have given her my menu and told her many times that is what he will be eating I'm not cooking separately for him, and every time she drops him off she has imput. He is good but he's an only child and gets lots of attention so he wants to be carried a lot he cries a lot during the day cause he wants to be held.i can terminate before 2 weeks with no notice I've given her my daily schedule and menu plan. I do have late fees but she gave notice she didn't know she was working late till she got to work.

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Must be because you put him to bed early...couldn't have anything to do with him having slept numerous hours, being woken and taken out into fresh air!! Oh, and NOTHING to do with having been away from mom for 10hrs, and the fact that it is not on a regular basis!!!

It makes me laugh (and roll my eyes) at how parents look beyond common sense to find a way to make the caregiver to be blamed!

I guess I am going to play devils advocate here...this is a first time Mom who is leaving her baby with a almost stranger. She is probably feeling like she is being helpful and it may not be coming across in the best way. Maybe ask her if she would feel better sending meals and ask her to write out a schedule that she follows at home. I find with this type of parent they are hanging on to their child by trying to have you follow their schedule to a "T". Let's be honest here...does she really need to know her child went to be at 7:30 and not 8? This is not an easy business but in order to successfully help people raise their children there has to be an open line of communication.

We teach people how to treat us with the behaviour we tolerate from them. There are always parents in this industry who mistakenly believe they are our boss. I'd start being very clear - from the very next time you see her.

You run a day care. You are NOT a nanny who works for her. She has contracted with you for a specific service. She does not have a say in how you run your business, in the hours you are available, in the food you serve or the times you schedule for events, including bed time. What she does have is the right to determine if your service fits her needs and if they don't, then she doesn't contract for care with you. It really is that simple.

Start being firm. Care ends for her at 11.30pm if that's your contracted time. If she's late, she will pay a late fee which won't be cheap. If it becomes a habit, you will terminate care because you aren't available after closing time.

You are not a cafe. Children will be fed a nutritious meal that you have determined before hand. Bedtime is at 7pm. These are not negotiable. Does she want care to continue or not?

Do you have a contract which clearly spells out your hours of business, your agreement etc?

Also - late fees are applied even with notice. The fact she informed you she was going to be late doesn't mean fees aren't applied. She knew when she got to work that she would be late. You need her to understand that you aren't an option in those circumstances. You aren't available and so if she's expected to work late, she needs a back up which isn't you. In the mean time, late fees apply. If she had been an hour late here, that would have cost her $60 and a clear warning that next time, I'd be terminating.

I think you need to be a lot firmer with this mom. When she comes in and says "maybe you should feed him X for lunch" say "actually we are having X today" if she wants him to go to bed later tell her 7pm is the bedtime at your house. Implement a late fee so that if she is later than 11:30, it won't be for free. She keeps pushing you around because you are letting her. You should be running your business the way you see fit and if she doesn't like it she can go elsewhere.

I totally agree with what everyone else has said. It is hard when you first open your daycare to be firm with parents but trust me you will learn after you are walked on a few times!!

Your house your rules. I sure you have a good contract. If you don't I would quickly get one done up and include a late pick up fee and most importantly you have to enforce your contract. Parents will walk all over you if you let them.

IMO she sounds like a high maintenance parent. I am so over them! LOL I personally think you need to terminate and move on. Start fresh because now that you have allowed this mom to push some boundaries she likely will continue as she sounds like she has a strong personality.

Good luck with whatever you decide.

If you are only doing this for your kids to have playmates then get rid of this one because A) if the kids are all sleeping then they are not playing ....find a family that needs daytime care and B) this parent is causing you way too much aggrevation .... This parent needs a nanny

I'd have to agree...playdates don't really have much play if the kids are napping! Also, as great as it sounds to be getting full monthly pay with 'only' 16 days of care...keep in mind that full time care is actually only about 20 days a month not 30-31 so it really isn't that great deal...if the parent is not a good fit!!

Thanks guys this is what I have been like like she's pushing me around. I have stood firm on what my schedule is we have fought everyday and I keep telling her this is how it is and she doesn't get it! It's problem after problem with her. I just needed reassurance that I wasn't over reacting so thank you I think I will be terminating cause I don't see the issue going away. I think she needs a nanny.

That parent has NO idea how lucky she is. Not many caregivers are as flexible a you. Have a meeting, discuss the rules, if she doesn't 'get it', terminate her. You can only be so awesome!