Bad eating habits

Hi ladies, just a vent today lol

I have 2 boys that are terrible eaters. 2 year old ("B") and 3 year old ("C"). C takes forever..... And I mean 45 minutes to eat 1 carrot! He takes the smallest bites and tends to sit and not chew. I sometimes have to fish food out of his mouth because I am done waiting and he cannot go down for his nap with food in his mouth. I always make the kids start with their veggies first so of course he gets upset when I take the other food away. I mentioned to mom the other day about his slow eating. She said the feed him supper right after daycare (special meal just for him) because he is hungry (ummmmm Ya! He barely eats here). They let him take as much time as he needs which is usually an hour. I doubt in that hour he eats much. She has mentioned his breakfast usually consists of a half piece of toast.

Next is B. He has always been a terrible eater. Was hard to transition off baby food. Just generally very picky! With lots of hard work he eats good for me. Mom tells me this morning she can't get B to eat at home still and he also gets special meals made. I did tell her that it was a terrible habit to start.

Sigh.... So both my problem eaters get special meals (not healthy ones either) at home! I am just baffled!

I am tired of fighting with the kids at meal time to eat, chew, swallow, try new things. Sometimes I wonder why I bother.

End of rant!

I have one dcb who is extremely picky. Won't eat anything healthy. So he usually gets hungry here. If I ask him to take the smallest of bites from any vegetable he cries and pouts and refuses, or spits it out amid tears.
Anyways, his mom tells me he never eats dinner with the family. "All he wants is fruit gummies, chips, popcorn, or sweetened applesauce. So he picks all afternoon when they get home. He just turned 3. Many times she tells me that he got indigestion from eating too much junk food the night before.
Boggles my mind!!!

I just can't wrap my head around it. I serve child friendly foods but we also eat lots of fruits and veggies. I am in no way perfect with my eating habits. But if it wasn't for the fruits and veggies I make the kids eat they would have zero nutrition!

Also what are these kids going to do when they get to school? They only have a set time they can eat, they can't graze all day. Sigh....

Sounds like a power struggle. I'll put food in my mouth and leave it there and you'll sit around waiting, or take it out.

So not worth it. Our job as adults is to prepare and serve a large variety of healthy foods. Our job ends there. Put it on the plate, put it in front of them and ignore them. Don't comment on anything they do or don't eat. Don't cheer, don't 'yeaaa', don't comment they didn't eat anything at all, don't push or ask or beg.

Serve and remove the plate at end of meal.

We choose the foods served the kids choose what and how much of that served food they eat. Yes, they will be hungry...but being hungry is the natural consequence of choosing not to eat. If they ask for food later a simple comment along the lines of snack will be in an hour, you chose not to eat now your tummy is hungry" and leave it at that.

Don't stress, don't fret. Just know you did your job as the adult to provide a good meal. The rest is on the child.

I'm trying to take an approach like lee bee's. I've never really had picky eaters but I have one now who really only likes fruit, crackers, bread, cheese and yogurt. She used to eat Mac and cheese but hasn't in a few weeks now. I find she goes through phases...one week she ate ham and sausage and I thought "yay!!" But than the next week she went back to eating no meat!! This week has been good, she's ate spaghetti with hamburger and sauce, tomato/mushroom/cheese omelette and roast beef and rice!!! That is AMAZING for her. I'm sure next week will be a no eating one lol. I just give it to her and if she eats or not, I try not to care. I take away her plate and she gets dessert when the others do (fruit). I hate putting her down for nap when she's probably hungry but I try not to worry anymore...she always eat snack so it's not like she's starving for long. I don't use food as rewards or consequences.

At home they have 2 older girls (preteen and teen) and I know they don't make her a special meal. When I asked dad what food she'll eat he said "feed her what you give the others. If she doesn't eat, that's on her." He said they don't have time for that nonsense and they don't worry about it lol. I know mom does try a bit harder than dad but I know she isn't eating (much) junk at home.

I have a 3.5 year old who was sorta a picky eater and still goes through phases. She's come a long way and will try every food I give her but if she says she doesn't like it, I don't push her. I used to say "take one more bite" and than she'd puke, dad said he noticed she did that at home too so now we've both stopped. She knows when she doesn't like something and that's fine!! I was tired of cleaning up puke at the lunch table!!! She eats much better when just left alone (I think for her, some of it's texture issues)

Have you tried cooking the carrots? Might be quicker to eat lol

C doesn't care if he goes hungry. Why would he , he knows as soon as daycare is done that mom will serve him what he wants when he wants and however long he wants it. I am not about to let him pick and choose what he eats on his plate. here if we don't eat the healthy things we don't get the treats. For C it is more the time issue. He will eat something but takes so long, it's painful!!! If I don't end up fishing it out of his mouth he would sit there all day and that's not happening- we have things to do. The other kids are tired of waiting for him to just finish what he has in his mouth. I can't just not feed him! Lol. That would be my only solution.

Yes cooked or raw doesn't matter. He still puts it in his mouth and then sits there.

I just can't believe these parents cook special meals for their kids at home. They are not doing these kids any favors.

I also believe that kids need to try new things to see if they like it. If you just serve them food and then just take it away without a word they won't ever try anything. I myself have a very limited foods experiences. I grew up on macaroni and ground beef. I struggle with my weight and variety. Maybe that is why I feel it so strongly about giving kids a good head start as a child with better eating habits than I have (fruits and veggies daily)!

That's frustrating! What kind of cup does he drink out of? Straw cups are better (from what I've read) as they help the child use and strengthen the muscles they need to swallow. Do you think something like that could be the issue...maybe he doesn't know how to chew and swallow properly?? I've never had a child hold food in their mouth but maybe someone who has could offer suggestions!

I would give C very very small portions and if he finishes he can have more. Maybe it overwhelms him?

We don't have treats around here very often so I don't worry about whether they ate or not to get their dessert. Maybe decrease the treats? When we do have a treat, I do try to make sure they've ate a good portion of their lunch though. If we do have a treat, it's usually at afternoon snack....I don't want them all sugared up LOL

IMO...I've had better experiences by just giving the child the same food over and over versus making them eat it. They eventually will taste it when they realize you won't quit making it...or they get hungry enough lol. Like lee bee said, you don't want to get into power struggles. Remember there is more to eating healthy than just daily fruit and veggies.

He will eat and actually today he is doing well. By teats I mean whatever grain we are eating. He would eat only grain/carbs if I let him which is why I don't allow him to just pick what he wants. I give him the smallest portion but really if I made it smaller he would get nothing. He drinks with a straw cup. He also consumes very little liquid in a day as well.

I have a picky eater too. She's been with me for 2 years and to this day will not even TRY drinking a smoothie. Everyone else loves them so I serve them often. There are some days where she almost doesn't eat at all. She will eat the carb portion of the meal, then say she's done and leaves the table because she knows that if she wants seconds she has to have to veggie/fruit/protein portion of the meal as well. she gets a (junkie) snack as soon as she gets home so she will starve herself anyways.

I've talked to parents and they've told me they encourage her to eat healthy at home. Which is a total FARCE!!! DCG has been telling me herself that mommy and daddy give her Kraft noodles while they eat "rice" or something. She talks about Kraft noodles ALL THE TIME. That and goldfish and milk I think are staple in her diet.

There isn't mich we can do. As lee bee said it's our job to put healthy food in front of them and thats it. I know I am not going to get into a big power struggle over it nor am I going to force her to eat. The parents know how I do things, the rest is on them.

Have you tried smoothies? Ice cubes, milk and frozen fruit is what I use but you could try the kind of juice that has fruits and veggies in it. You said he drinks with a straw cup, if you make it smooth enough that might work. I actually give my kids spoons with the cup. They think thats fun. I obviously haven't seen this kid in "action" but if he would drink 1/2 or even 1/4 of a cup in a reasonable time then maybe then he'd move on with the meal.

From what you are describing, it sounds like he might have swallowing issues, like 5LM said. I have worked with kids that do. It is a physical thing he has to learn. I am only suggesting because he eats so slowly at home too which suggests that it isn't about being stubborn with you. If it is physical, maybe a little occupational therapy might help. Is there any other 'warning' signs too? Does he talk, sing, blow? Does he seem to have a strong gag reflex?

Maybe his teeth hurt. Has he been to a dentist yet? Maybe he has a really strong sense of taste. Maybe he doesn't like the taste of anything. When I was a kid, I couldn't eat most veggies cooked because they tasted like dirt to me.

He is just pokey in everything he does. He is stubborn. I don't think there is anything wrong with him. I have had other children over the years who have been bad for holding food in their mouths.

I guess bottom line is I am frustrated. I have really stepped it up lately and tried to eat a balanced diet. Then to hear from 2 moms this week that their child lives on peanut butter sandwiches at home. Makes me question why I give a dam, spend good money and encourage THEIR child to try new things.

Have they always been like this or just since you changed the menu? Could it be that they're just getting used to the change in your menu?

I would keep up the good work and keep feeding healthy and nutritious food and just let it be. They will either eat or go hungry. Don't go back to giving "crappy" food

I don't know if it is learned behavior or temperament or a combination of the 2 but it really sucks when such young children are so picky. To have determined at such a young age that they won't eat a large selection of food items is just concerning. What are they going to be like as adults? Do they suddenly decide to like the foods or just stay with their very small selection of comfort foods?

We lucked out with my daughter (again not sure if its her or the way we are raising her) but she eats great. Last night I served my husbands favorite Hungarian dish. My daughter HATED it. Like she gagged every time she got some in her mouth but I couldn't help but laugh because she tried it like 16times during the course of the meal. I served it with other food I knew she would eat and as she happily ate the other foods she would take a yet another big mouthful of the Hungarian food. I didn't expect her to like it as she's never had it before because she just recently somehow outgrew her milk protein intolerance so never could have it. She hadn't had any dairy in her first 2 yrs of life and she is weary of dairy as start to offer her it. It is my first taste of her hesitating with a food item. Normally she just eats what she is served but suddenly there is this new food group in front of her and it just doesn't quite taste like anything she knows. Makes me realize that the children that are served only bread and plain pasta likely feel this way about anything else that is served. BUT, it doesn't mean we'll just stop serving any dairy because she doesn't like it. Frankly it means we will have to serve dairy with every meal, every day for a long time until she is so used to it so no longer has any suspicions about it!

My DCG girl has been with me for like 15months now. She eats a VERY limited diet of mostly carbs. It took 14months but she JUST started eating pasta with sauce (the only way I serve pasta). At home she gets plain pasta. I don't get it. Plain pasta is essentially carbs and nothing else. I make homemade sauce full of veggies and meat. The whole point of pasta is to get all those veggies and meats in all the flavor and taste and enjoyment is in the sauces!!! It took forever but she finally picked up her fork and ate a full plate (a few times now). No idea why she changed her mind but if I switched to plain pasta (like home does) odds are she'd never start to like the sauce. She possibly would like the pasta sauce sooner if I MADE her taste it each time. But that's just not a battle I care to try. It would stress me out too much.

No idea if this child is picky due to lack of exposure (and constant offering of favorite foods) or if she is constantly offered favorite foods because she is picky. But it is sad to see!

As for being slow...no idea what to suggest. Sounds like you have experienced this before with past kids so likely have a couple strategies. Have you tried a kitchen timer? Set it for a reasonable amount of time and after that remove his plate. Is he old enough to understand if you recorded how long everyone took at a meal and graphed it out. Look Johnny at lunch it took Sarah 14minutes to finish her meal, Timmy took 17 minutes, Jenna took 18 minutes and look, it took you 54 minutes. Look at the bars on this chart. it took you over 3x's as long. Why do you think that is? How can we help you eat faster? What do you think is a reasonable amount of time to eat your lunch Johnny?

I can see a kid spending that long if they were EATING a substantial amount of food! But it sounds like he is just filling time! That would drive me bonkers!!!

My menu is relatively the same except I feed more food groups now per meal and have cut out a great deal of our afternoon treats and substituted that with healthy alternatives - still things the kids like.

I have had slow eaters but this boy takes the cake!! I have tried getting him to start sooner but he is easily distracted by watching the others play. He really has no understanding of time. He also has a very limited vocabulary. I often warn him that if he doesn't hurry he won't get to eat the rest on his plate. I also tell him he needs to hurry or I will have to take the food out of his mouth before nap. He doesn't like when I do it and gets upset when I take his plate away. He just doesn't get any faster.

Ah well!!!! I think it has just been a long week!! Lol

So many of the things I hear that parents do at home baffles me, but not much we can do but offer the best we can at our Daycares. I heard really good advice on this forum early on and it honestly enters my mind every time I have a frustrating food situation.

It is our job to offer healthy options. If they actually consume them or not is out of our control.

Lessons I've learned are to serve very very small portions of everything to start (more to follow if everything is eaten on their plate), I serve the slow eaters first (and clear everyone's plates away at the same time whether slow eater is done or not) and I serve drinks at the end of meals and snacks. I do have a '1 bite' rule that they please try a tiny bit. If they don't like it, no biggie. I don't tailor my menu at all over what one may not like (I keep having them try it). I don't stress, or react at all, in fact, if they eat very little or very slowly (I've found any negative reaction really just gets them upset and gets us nowhere). Just some things that have worked for me. I wish you much luck!

Lee bee, that is how my 3.5 year old dcg is...she will taste anything I give her now but she is such a gagger!! Your daughter sounds like an awesome eater....good job!!

Yesterday we had cherry tomatoes in the omelettes and she gagged but didn't throw up (mom says she eats them at home all the time??) and my almost 2 year old dcb gagged as well but I told him to relax and breath and he was fine and swallowed. At the time I was just hoping they didn't puke but it is kinda funny watching kids eat sometimes.

I have a 3.5 year old who has just decided...WE DON'T EAT ANY VEGGIES ANYMORE...OK...fine by me....if veggies are mixed in with my rice, chicken dish...she won't eat the meal at all....I used to offer something else (yogurt, fruit etc.) so they at least had some food in them..but I have STOPPED THAT....I told the mother I don't play her daughter's games and she is completely onboard with me....mother flat out said...remove her food and don't offer anything until snack time after nap...I do ensure she gets her liquids though....Looking after 5 children under the age of 4 takes teaching, learning, patience, tolerance, imagination, forgiveness, nursing, (we are their 2nd mothers) though I question that I am most of my dkc's FIRST mothers....bottom line....I DON'T HAVE TIME TO PLAY GAMES WITH CHILDREN UNDER THE AGE OF 4 and I won't do it....I LOVE MY JOB :)