Parent accusations

Has anyone ever had petty accusations made about you by parents? Yesterday I had an irate parent call me and accuse me of losing half of her child's Halloween costume...which I had never even seen! When they brought the costume I put it straight into the child's bag and took it out to dress her before our Halloween playgroup...I dressed her at home so the costume never left the house. There was only one piece in the bag..I assumed it was the entire costume...didn't know there should be tights, wings and antennae with it! Not only was I accused of losing these items that I had never seen, I was then accused of taking the child around bare legged to the Halloween events we attended! I put all the childrens' costumes on over their clothing and found it quite insulting that they would think I would take her out with bare legs. I am pretty organized and think i would have noticed wings, tights and antennae if they were here and had fallen out of the bag! I amy at times have a hard time locating socks which the kids are constantly taking off and leaving around, but this was an absolutely false accusation! I am still trying to decide how to deal with it (let it go, tell them how unhappy I am with their rudeness). AHve any of you had similar situations? How did you deal with it?

I have a 3-strike and your out policy here, and it's written in my manual/contract, which they signed! Pretty much sums up, you will respect me, my property, and anyone in my home. If you cannot do that, you're gone.

I would tell her bluntly that I am upset, and that you don't need someone to treat me in this manner. (i'm mad for you!). And then give her a strike (and let her know how many she has left, and write it down in some type of journal).

I've had one parent that was dumb as fuck. I made a promise to a friend that I would take her for the month. Well, within that month, she had 3-strikes (which I told her each time). Then at the last day of care, she asked for another month. I just looked at her confused, and told her that I cannot trust her as a client.

Thanks Play and Learn. These clients are actually only with me until january as they have decided to put the child in a daycare centre. The child is extremely challenging in many many ways, but I have had her since last March and thought I can manage until January...but when the parents are disrespectful on top of it all, it makes me wonder if I should bother. At the very least I think I will let her know how I feel about it as you suggest...otherwise I will sit here and fume.

Wow. I am sorry you have to deal with this. I wouldn't let it go. This will set precedent, and they may feel free to treat you with the same disrespect in future exchanges. Maybe telling them just as you have told us from your perspective what happened will make them realize that they were asses to accuse you. If not, then at least they'll have an idea what is going on next time they're rude, and you terminate care. :p

I would say something like "I know Halloween can be hectic and stressful but what came up yesterday about the costume concerned me. It felt like you were accusing me of something and questioning my honesty and that troubles me. I would never take Sally out bare legged in October and I was somewhat shocked that you would think that. I was quite upset by the tone of that phonecall.

I think it is important to say something so they know that it was not appropriate but try to also acknowledge they might have just been frazzled coming from work, finding part of the costume lost etc so that the communication doesn't get nasty. Maybe they are now to embarrassed to fess up that the mistake was on their end.

I feel bad that you had to get accused like that. Yikes !!

Oh, yeah, that would make me mad. ONE, if a parent can not trust you enough to think you would NEVER allow a kid to run around bare-legged when it's freaking 10 degrees outside then that parent needs to go.

I would be livid. I hope you said something to them. That might get them a termination notice around here.

Any chance you took pictures of the children dressed up - that would support your no wings, wore over clothes point - not that should have to verify or justify anything but it would totally take the sail out of the wind for the parents. You could use the picture with a here is a picture from yesterday I expect an apology for the accusations you made regarding my level of care.

Thanks for all the support! Judy: I have actually considered termination because of this plus the challenges I have already been facing with this child...I'm glad to hear I am not out of line here. Playfelt: yes I did take pictures and I will be sending them to all the parents as soon as I get them trnasferred to the computer...they will definitely see their child wearing pants under the costume even though we were inside and there were definitely no wings, tights or antennae! I am in the process of writing an email along the lines of what Spixie suggested, but want to make sure it says exactly what I want to say, so I'm taking my time on it and trying to word it carefully.

Come on you took it and wore it tricker treating yourself! That’s crazy rudeness on there part. Even if it did get misplaced stuff happens.

Well, I sent them an email stating that I was not happy with the direspectful way the mother had spoken to me. She has not responded (it's been two days) and the dad (who does pick-ups and drop-offs) hasn't said a word. This combined with the fact that their child takes way more energy than any of the others and I am worn out, has led me to decide to terminate them on Friday. I believe they are trying to find somewhere else to put her anyway and I don't think this parent-caregiver relationship is working anymore :(

Have being offering childcare fro 38years and have dealt with this type of issue many, many times, first off, a job as a childcare provider is considered a low class job even though we are offering a service which I feel is more important than lots of high paying careers. Lets face it if something goes wrong in our line of work it could be life changing for everyone. So being treated like a moron seems to come easy with some parents, I however have learned over my many years to respond in a mature and adult like manner as I explain one time only that I'm not responsible for whatever they may be accusing me of and if they have a concern with my trustworthiness or honesty than they need to make arrangements for other care. I explain I do not wish to discuss the issue again. If they trust me with their child for 10 hours everyday but can`t trust me with their clothing, dressing them, feeding them, etc.... there is a problem. What ever you do don`t lower yourself to their standards as its what they want. It takes very special people to care for and love other peoples children everyday while providing love, safety and life skills and I have found after 38 years that some times parents don`t like the fact that we provide more than they may receive at home. Smile through it all, hold your head high, as the children are really all that's important. Good Luck

all of our familys sign a zero tolerance of abuse contract

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Originally Posted by carla

all of our familys sign a zero tolerance of abuse contract

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That's a great idea! I would be interested in hearing how you've worded that? The children I can handle, but some parents......

You have to demand respect to get respect. I have it covered at the end of my contract:

Termination of Agreement/Contract__________

Two weeks verbal and written notice by the home childcare provider or parent is required to terminate this agreement. Payment by the parent/guardian is due for the notice period regardless of whether or not the child is brought to daycare.

Failure by the home childcare provider to enforce one or more terms of the contract does not waive the right to enforce any other terms of the contract. I reserve the right to enforce or waive any term at my discretion after considering the family situation involved.

The following are grounds for immediate termination and deposit may be forfeited and become the property of (me):
 Failure to pay tuition fees on time
 Failure to pay late fees
 Dishonesty
 Abusive language by parent or child
 Excessive aggressive behaviour by parent or child
 Failure to follow policies
 Failure to provide requested information, signed contract or medical form

There will be a one month probation period for newly accepted families and if the contract is terminated by either party within the first month payment is only required for the days for which childcare was provided.

I like your verbage momof4.... might "borrow" some of it for my contract! :)

I had a new kid last month. She peed in her pants and her mom said something must be wrong with my house cause she peed in her pants. She isn't here anymore. lol

LOL! that would have been an AWESOME reply< yeah sorry i had to have it and wear it trick or treating then roll your eyes and stare at her waiting for her to come up with a response :laugh:

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Originally Posted by mom-in-alberta

I like your verbage momof4.... might "borrow" some of it for my contract! :)

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Feel free to borrow, that's why I posted it. Someone else helped me write that when I started in the business because I didn't have a clue how to word it so I'm paying it forward.

I don't have anybody asking me any questions about anything that happens here. I tell the parents my plan for the day every morning or earlier if it's something really special. I quickly update parents about what happened throughout the day at pickup time or I email sometimes about the babies when they are transitioning to give new dcMoms peace of mind. I let them know how any little bruise might have happened.

You have to garner trust right away when you have a child start at your daycare, but if you're dealing with a problem parent then don't stress about it. I have one client where the parents couldn't care less what happened in their daughter's day so I don't even waste my breath. It makes me so sad. However, I know they trust me completely.

Since this thread was dragged back up (lol), I will update and say that I ended up terminating the family in question. I first confronted them with my unhappiness with their rudeness and then it went downhill from there...they started complaining about my lack of communication (which is laughable at best...I communicate more than any provider I know and actually spent way too much time communicating with this particular family...in addition to my nightly emails telling all about our day and telling the dad at pick-up how the child slept, ate, pooped, etc, the mother actually seemed to think I should send her an individual email with her child's details every day!!!). In addition to this, the child was extremely challenging from day one and was getting worse and worse to the point that I was a stressball by the end of each day. I terminated and I am so glad I did! My life has been peaceful, daycare has been enjoyable and the stress is gone! All kids misbehave sometimes, but the group I have now all put together do not misbehave as much as that one child. Since this child was my first daycare child, I didn't actually realize how calm and enjoyable daycare could be until she was gone! By the way Greenboro...I had the same issue with the peeing the pants and parents asking why it only happens at my house (the kid was 23 months)! Grrrr!

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Originally Posted by kangaroomama

Since this thread was dragged back up (lol), I will update and say that I ended up terminating the family in question. I first confronted them with my unhappiness with their rudeness and then it went downhill from there...they started complaining about my lack of communication (which is laughable at best...I communicate more than any provider I know and actually spent way too much time communicating with this particular family...in addition to my nightly emails telling all about our day and telling the dad at pick-up how the child slept, ate, pooped, etc, the mother actually seemed to think I should send her an individual email with her child's details every day!!!). In addition to this, the child was extremely challenging from day one and was getting worse and worse to the point that I was a stressball by the end of each day. I terminated and I am so glad I did! My life has been peaceful, daycare has been enjoyable and the stress is gone! All kids misbehave sometimes, but the group I have now all put together do not misbehave as much as that one child. Since this child was my first daycare child, I didn't actually realize how calm and enjoyable daycare could be until she was gone! By the way Greenboro...I had the same issue with the peeing the pants and parents asking why it only happens at my house (the kid was 23 months)! Grrrr!

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It only happens at daycare because they are having sooo much fun they hold it until the flood gates open up!

Yes there is a very different version of the "potty dance" we see at daycare and it isn't happening because they had success on the potty it is happening because they don't want to go to the potty in the first place - which means chances of actually getting there in time well doesn't always happen.

((Hugs)) Nothing worse than having someone disrespect you in your own home. It stings even more when you know you do your best for their little one.
Sounds like your doing what is best for you ~ and you have to as they are removing their little one for a center. Just end it and get the stress it's causing you gone.

Thanks for the update on this situation kangaroomama and I'm glad you kicked them to the curb. hope you got a great family to replace them.

I did :) In fact I have two new families whose children are lovely and have had no problems so far :)

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Originally Posted by Momof4

Thanks for the update on this situation kangaroomama and I'm glad you kicked them to the curb. hope you got a great family to replace them.

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