Mat leave goodbyes

I have a little one leaving this week to go off on mat leave with his mom who just gave birth.

The parents seem to be building up the departure and I am sad about it too but I am not sure to what level I should go and say good bye.

I'm wondering what others have done in the past when a DCK goes off because mom had a baby. Do you throw a party? Do you give a gift?

I give a memory book to children who leave daycare after 3 years to start JK but not too sure what to do this time when it's only been 15 months.

Suggestions? Thoughts? Experiences?

I do a big brother or sister shirt with them with their handprints. And get them a little gift and a gift for new baby. I don't throw a party but will have a treat like cupcakes for afternoon snack. It's sad to see them go, no matter how long they've been with us :)

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Originally Posted by homeschoolmom

I give a give a new baby gift to the family (I knit, so usually a little hat or sweater), and this book to the sibling: http://www.chapters.indigo.ca/en-ca/...=Home&ikwidx=4

I must say though, that it drives me a little batty when parents do a big 'build up'. It feels almost like they're telling me how to feel about the child leaving, when in reality I'm sometimes relieved :)

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Yes exactly ! The big buildup the past few days makes me feel pressured to do something and feel like I have to make it a big deal.

I was going to do treats and a card. I already gave the baby a present last week when he was born so I am not sure where to say enough is enough.

I like the idea of a handmade tee with the handprints
:)

Special lunch of his fave foods. Ask mom if she wants to bring desert.

I actually talk about when a child is leaving to all of them for about 2 weeks prior. It's a big change for everyone...me, the parents, the child leaving and the others who are loosing a friend. We talk about why the child is leaving and how we will miss them etc.

Their last day here, we have a fun lunch and treat and we give a goodbye gift and hugs at pick up time.

I've only had one leave on mat leave and I knew she would bring them back for a play date once baby was born so I gave baby a gift then. If I didn't think I'd see them soon or even again, than I'd give a gift on their last day for the baby. Usually, if I know they aren't coming back, I give a family gift though.

I always give a gift when a child leaves. I usually spend less than $20. I write a nice card to the parents, get their final receipt done and include it in envelope. If there is a new baby I always give a baby gift.

We also talk about the child leaving at daycare. It's hard on everyone to have a child leave. I have had a few sudden departures and it was very hard on everyone.

A card crafted from the other kids is nice and if u have any photos of the child over the course of time they were with u, put in a little photo album. Fifteen months still a fair amount of time in your care. For baby I usually give a children's book the siblings can enjoy too.

This has me umming and ahhing to be honest. I always buy a new baby gift that's for sure. But the child leaving...well I'm not sure why I would buy that child a gift?? I always buy a gift for a child moving up into kindergarten, but it is kindergarten related. A Kindergarten themed story book, or a lunch bag/box or pencil and pad or something similar. That is a milestone worth celebrating, but leaving because of maternity leave, shouldn't I be the one receiving a gift as way of a thank you for everything?? lol Why does the kid get a gift? Can anyone tell me? I give gifts as a gesture of thanks or in celebration, but I see none of these reasons for a child leaving due to the parents circumstances. I'm not trying to be an ass, but there is a certain amount of entitlement that kids have growing up and I think it's the adults in their lives, me included, who are responsible for this. It is learnt behaviour. Then they grow up expecting gifts, which I think is a disservice. It's like when your child has a birthday and the sibling gets a gift too...that is not okay in my mind. There is a lesson to be learned in not being the centre of attention on your brother or sisters birthday, and by being pacified with a gift for fear of them acting out, is not a good thing. I see this as similar.

I would write a nice card of thanks, if applicable, for being such a great family to deal with and for the opportunity to be part of their child's life and upbringing. But I wouldn't buy this kid a gift. I think it's totally unnecessairy. A party for the kids with party games and something fun that is saved for special occasions is more than enough. And the kid won't care about not getting a gift.

The gift is a goodbye gift when they are leaving daycare. I give all my kids that leave a gift. It's usually something they will use - crayons, coloring book, story book, play dough, bubbles etc. never a toy.

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Originally Posted by mickyc

The gift is a goodbye gift when they are leaving daycare. I give all my kids that leave a gift. It's usually something they will use - crayons, coloring book, story book, play dough, bubbles etc. never a toy.

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I understand what you are saying, although they are still toys IMO and received by the child in their mind as such. Still not something I see as necessary and just not what I do for the reasons outlined above.

I have always been given goodbye gifts in the past (from work, from school friends, even if just changing departments in the workplace etc) so to me, goodbye gifts aren't uncommon. I give the families goodbye gifts and most give me one as well. It's a small gesture to say that they will be missed and I've enjoyed knowing them/caring for child. In some cases, I didn't get a chance to buy a gift (either forget or not enough time) but they always get a card with a heartfelt message written by me.

I've only had the one leave for mat leave but even when friends or families have a new baby, I have always given the older sibling a small gift as well...sort of like a "congrats, your an older sibling now". If there are multiple older siblings already, I give a gift they can all enjoy. If I attend a wedding and there are children blending into one family, I give them a gift too, as it's also a special day for them.

I understand what you're saying sparks and self entitlement is one of my biggest pet peeves.....but I'm a gift giver!!! Lol. However, if I felt the child or family EXPECTED a gift from me, than you bet I wouldn't give one!

I have to agree with bright sparks. I dont understand why a child would get a gift for going on mat leave. Ive never given anything to a child leaving. We do a special treat like cookies or cupcakes on their last day and sometimes I have gotten all the kids to make a giant "card" for the child with all their handprints on it. Kids these days have SO MUCH CRAP (mine included) because we are in such a consumerist society...the amount of junk I have to throw out on a regular basis from loot bags from birthday parties, junk they get from teachers on special occasions and even dollar store stuff because the grandparents felt like buying them crap...again...it irks me to the bone. Maybe because I am pretty environmentalist and I wonder, once this stuff goes into the landfill, how long will it take to breakdown and was it really even worth it!? There are better ways to show kids (and people) that we care that don't involve plastic crap and that they will probably appreciate so much more.

Sorry for the rant :)

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Originally Posted by 5 Little Monkeys

I have always been given goodbye gifts in the past (from work, from school friends, even if just changing departments in the workplace etc) so to me, goodbye gifts aren't uncommon. I give the families goodbye gifts and most give me one as well. It's a small gesture to say that they will be missed and I've enjoyed knowing them/caring for child. In some cases, I didn't get a chance to buy a gift (either forget or not enough time) but they always get a card with a heartfelt message written by me.

I've only had the one leave for mat leave but even when friends or families have a new baby, I have always given the older sibling a small gift as well...sort of like a "congrats, your an older sibling now". If there are multiple older siblings already, I give a gift they can all enjoy. If I attend a wedding and there are children blending into one family, I give them a gift too, as it's also a special day for them.

I understand what you're saying sparks and self entitlement is one of my biggest pet peeves.....but I'm a gift giver!!! Lol. However, if I felt the child or family EXPECTED a gift from me, than you bet I wouldn't give one!

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I am a gift giver too 5LM, but maybe its as I get older and my kids get older and I gain a different perspective that I see that this may not be the best thing to do in order to teach these kids. As I said, entitlement is growing in this generation of children, but it's those older than them raising them and caring for them who instill this into them in the first place. Entitlement is not born, it is taught so I feel an obligation to try to break that cycle by teaching the kids in a way that will likely have a better result in the end. Again, I am not meaning to be a party pooper, but ultimately, gifting has turned from being a special rarity, to much more often and for the slightest of things. Because of this, kids no longer feel the shock and happiness of these gestures, because it becomes somewhat expected and the norm.

I actually agree with you fun and care. I am a gift giver but hate receiving gifts LOL because I hate junk, clutter and things that will go unused. I have actually decreased my gift giving and think more about the gifts I do give. However, I do entirely think that it is possible to give a child both a gift and memories and like to think that I do well at both :)

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Originally Posted by bright sparks

This has me umming and ahhing to be honest. I always buy a new baby gift that's for sure. But the child leaving...well I'm not sure why I would buy that child a gift?? I always buy a gift for a child moving up into kindergarten, but it is kindergarten related. A Kindergarten themed story book, or a lunch bag/box or pencil and pad or something similar. That is a milestone worth celebrating, but leaving because of maternity leave, shouldn't I be the one receiving a gift as way of a thank you for everything?? lol Why does the kid get a gift? Can anyone tell me? I give gifts as a gesture of thanks or in celebration, but I see none of these reasons for a child leaving due to the parents circumstances. I'm not trying to be an ass, but there is a certain amount of entitlement that kids have growing up and I think it's the adults in their lives, me included, who are responsible for this. It is learnt behaviour. Then they grow up expecting gifts, which I think is a disservice. It's like when your child has a birthday and the sibling gets a gift too...that is not okay in my mind. There is a lesson to be learned in not being the centre of attention on your brother or sisters birthday, and by being pacified with a gift for fear of them acting out, is not a good thing. I see this as similar.

I would write a nice card of thanks, if applicable, for being such a great family to deal with and for the opportunity to be part of their child's life and upbringing. But I wouldn't buy this kid a gift. I think it's totally unnecessairy. A party for the kids with party games and something fun that is saved for special occasions is more than enough. And the kid won't care about not getting a gift.

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Exactly ! I agree.
I already gave the family the baby present when the baby was born but the DCK stayed a couple of weeks longer while mom recovered. Getting the DCK a gift just seems strange to me. IT doesn't sit right.

I give the memory book for kids who are here from 1 - 4 years old but I don't think I should have to go to that much effort for 15 months. I give birthday and Christmas gifts but this is not seeming like a 'gift' occasion to me and they are not leaving because of school or moving - it's to go on mat leave. Sigh.

I think a card with some nice words is a good idea and then a homemade tee with it celebrating the older sibling.

I've been talking to the daycare kids about the change over for weeks but quite frankly they are kind of excited because the know the DCK who is taking the spot and are looking forward to the change.

Now I feel under pressure like I will have to summon tears on Friday and I am very rare to cry about daycare transitions.

One of my dc girls has her last day here on Thursday due to her mother's mat leave. She's been here for 4 years. I make a photo album for most of the children that leave daycare, unless it happens too fast. She's bound to miss her friends and this is a good way to have nice memories of the time she spent with her friends. We'll also be having pizza and cake for lunch.
I'm giving mom a present for the new baby. I think it's also a nice gesture to buy the new child a present. A birth is a milestone and this family has been a part of my daycare for a significant amount of time.

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Originally Posted by Spixie33

Now I feel under pressure like I will have to summon tears on Friday and I am very rare to cry about daycare transitions.

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This is a much better situation than having a parent - just never come back - with no opportunity to say goodbye when you have been so close to the child. That is worse. Believe me.

You don't have to fake tears, but be genuine. The dcm might be making a big deal at daycare because it is a big deal for her. Honestly, I don't know of any parents around here that take the older kid out of daycare for a mat leave. Maybe it happens...