Parents Not Communicating

Oh god I really need some help with a new client and I have NO idea what to do.

I have a new client who is suppose to start mid Sept. I asked her to confirm her start date asap as I am making a schedule and need to know a start date, pick up,drop off etc. She came back with a date that I had another child starting. I told her that date is taken but we can do the next day. She picked the 11th for example and I said no that won't work but we can do the 12th. I have had to message her about HER child care schedule and I am constantly messaging and not getting a response until a few days later.

I find this so rude bc I am trying to have everything ready so I know my hours for my own personal life. I told her last night in email and text that if she doesn't get back to me today she wont be able to start until October (my current family who is moving wants to stay until than). This women has put a deposit down for her spot back in March. I am at the point where I will ask her to give me an answer within 24 hrs or else the spot is going to get filled with a family who actually communicates with me. What is even more rude I extended my morning hours for her to help her.

Would this be okay....I just don't know what else to do and its frustrating!!

Ps I have a transition program that I tell parents helps a lot. Ex we start 3 days a week for a couple hours and after two weeks of 3 half days a week we start full-time. I find this helps ALOT if the child who start full-time and cry ALL day long doesnèt cry so much on their first full-time day. If a parent starts their child full-time (no half days just the full days) and that child crys ALL DAY do you ever call the parents to pick up..

thank you thank you!!:)

oh I just thought of something else lol does this seem like a red flag to anyone else. I am worried now that if her child gets hurt or sick she will never answer her phone. Or what if she is late she wont answer if I am calling to see where is. I have been waiting for a response since Thursday and I have re messaged and emailed last night.

Is it possible the family is on holidays and doesn't always have access to internet. In the grand scheme of things it is possible to start more than one child on the same day and to have a varied integration - some cry anyways even with several months of integration and others start cold turkey and adjust fine - it depends on the child and how socialized they have been.

I understand that it is possible to start more than one child on the same day and that may work for some but I don't do that. For me that's not an option the issue I am having is the lack of communication .

Vacation or not she can still reply. I have been having an issue with this for 3 weeks now

Seems odd that you took a deposit without a signed contract noting the start date. What does the contract say? what ever it says, stands since it is in writing. If it merely says start date of mid-September then you legally can't withhold care until October because of slow communication.

It is still a month away, they may not be in the mind set of knowing fine details yet, she may be trying to get a hold of work to set those details and just not communicating that to you. They could be out of town, or hosting out of town company.

Being slow to respond to email/text doesn't seem a big issue to me. If you NEED to know these details you should be phoning her. Texting just isn't an effective form of communication.

Also, if you have set days she is NOT allowed to start then this needs to be given to her before she tells you the start date she needs (at your request). You have given her the freedom to chose the day, both in your text and by not declaring a set day in the signed contract you can't then take that freedom away.

I would be quite upset to have put a deposit on care, then having been asked which day I want to start to be told, "oh that day won't work". Maybe she isn't responding because she is annoyed. Or because she expected to start on the date she given and your saying she can't means she is having to try and find alternate care.

I totally agree with Lee-Bee.

Contract should have firm start date and their start date isn't subject to what suits you but when they need care. Negotiating these detail should happen before contract and money exchange.

It clear e-mail isn't getting you answer in time frame you prefer but they likely away. If I wasn't starting work until September, I would be making most of family time before and not checking in with things that a month away just because someone wishes I was.

Phone the house and try and speak to her.

If she needs care from 11th, it seems really obstructive to offer next day! Why not offer earlier date since not having two on same day is totally about your preference and convenience. I'd be fuming if I paid back in March to secure care, was asked when I wanted to start and then was told I would have to wait until next day or worse, next month!

Change your contracts so firm start date is on them and all this can be avoided in future.

It seems like poor planning and making things over complicated.

I agree. If you knew a start date like the 11th was out of the question then u should have told her that and not ask her when she wants to start. Also stop texting and email.....call her. I'm sure you can get everything you need by one phone call. For,future I usually get the times and dates signed in my contract with the deposit. If they sign early and don't know their work schedule yet I make them sign in the contract that they must let me know 2-3wks before their start date.

Why we are talking about a contract is beyond me bc I specially asked a question regarding parents who take two weeks to respond. She needed care for Oct. and I said THAT was fine. Now she wanted care mid September (this was never agreed back in March so if you want to fume over something you never gave someone a date for ahead of time that would be your problem) I started messaging this women back in July to get a clearer start date and she got just got back to me now. ALSO her officially start date is mid Oct and she wanted to start transitioning mind Sept

I asked her and another family when they would start (one is coming back from vacation and has been away all summer) the first family got back to me right away and this women got back to me a week later and by the time her royal highness got back to be that date was taken.

So yes, technically I can with hold care until October bc I was never under any kind of impression that she would need care as early as Sept so if I get back to her with a date that is taken bc 1 she took to longto respond and 2 we never agreed on that. Luckily I only take 3 kids now and have the flexibility of doing that bc I have extra spaces.

If you need care a month prior to agreed start date then yes I believe she should be checking in bc I need to know who is even going to here for Sept.

Why would it seem obstructive to offer care the next day if someone who was suppose to be here for that month to begin with got back to me a week ahead of time! I do not transition more than one kid on the same day. Never have never will.

How is it poor planning if a parent doesn't know their exact start date. Am I Sylvia Brown from the Montel Williams show that I can predict people start dates for childcare also how is it complicated by asking...what day did you want to start....

this lack of communication isn't due to me saying no this has been happening for a while. If she doesn't get back to be by Tuesday I will call her Wednesday

We aren't mind readers either, you stated in your original post she has a start date of mid September. You lacked all the other details that you are defensive about.

Who said anything about you being a mind reader. She was suppose to start mid September so I am not sure why that confused you so much. I didn't add every detail of my business bc that's not what my post was about and if there was some confusion ask before assuming someone took a deposit

I'm not sure why you are so upset. You asked a question and people were trying to help you. No one was being rude but merely pointing out some things you may have missed based on the initial info you gave. I get it, it is annoying to not have parents get back to you when you are trying to make plans but don't take this out on people in here.

I never take a deposit without a firm start date.

I also give them start options. For example September 2, October 5 (Just a random date) etc. I would give them until October to make their final choice regarding care, this mom probly has a zillion things going on.... (Waiting for her job to get back to her re: start date, sorting out driving times, arranging back up care)

I also never start a client mid month unless its urgent, and we work out a payment plan for those days...but that is my preference.....

PS: Don't shoot the messengers, we are only trying to help.

I agree with the others. When my contract gets signed, it specifically has the start date and hours of care needed. Plus, if you already have a deposit from her, I wouldn't worry about it. If she doesn't get back to you, you keep the deposit and move on.

I suggest learning from this experience by maybe confirming start date when deposit is collect and contract signed for next time. For now, I would call her and instead of texting or emailing.

I disagree and feel that majority of the comments were geared toward telling this women that she didn't do her job properly and that she is a poor planner (totally unnecessary)and the other half are saying not to sign a contract without a start date. Other than the last few comments how did anyone try to help her because I didn't read anything about how to deal with parents who aren't communicating with you and I myself was curious to see.

I have many many times signed clients on without a start date. People have different jobs and not everyone knows exactly when they will start and I do not think that you did anything wrong other than chasing this parent.

I never chase anyone for care ever! If she is planning on starting in Sept she is honestly probably really busy with work etc. Like someone said you have a deposit don't worry so much.

If you have a bad feeling follow your instinct and start conducting interviews for October. If she doesn't get back to you sometime in the first week of sept try calling her and if it doesn't get anywhere terminate care and put on someone new.

I am sure everything will be fine. As a parent I would never put a down payment down if I wasn't serious or not ask for the money back for whatever reason so I am sure she is just bus.

Goodluck and I hope it works out.

Maybe just explain to her that you understand she may be busy, however, you are trying to accommodate a start date for her in mid September and in order to do that you need to hear from her by such and such a date; otherwise, she'll have to start in October as originally planned.

Try to take things with a grain of salt on here. You sound stressed and defensive. Take a deep breath, you'll work it out. We have to be more patient with some parents than others. I'm sure once she starts daycare it won't be so hard to communicate with her.

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Originally Posted by crayolamom

oh I just thought of something else lol does this seem like a red flag to anyone else. I am worried now that if her child gets hurt or sick she will never answer her phone. Or what if she is late she wont answer if I am calling to see where is. I have been waiting for a response since Thursday and I have re messaged and emailed last night.

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Maybe, but at this point, it's hard to know. The mother gave you a deposit in March, correct? I assume you met with her then, at least once. Have you had any other communication with her between March and July when you started asking for a start date? When you do reach her, either by text or voice, maybe schedule another meeting. Short, and informal, just a chat. If it won't work in person, do it over the phone, but let her know it has been concerning to you that she isn't responding, and that you are worried this will mean she will be unreachable once care has started. She might be surprised that you have found her unresponsive. Not everyone has the same idea of what 'soon' means.

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Originally Posted by crayolamom

If a parent starts their child full-time (no half days just the full days) and that child crys ALL DAY do you ever call the parents to pick up.. .

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Nope. Don't want to start the habit. "If I cry long enough, I get to go home." On the other hand, if a child who doesn't normally cry, starts crying for no reason and won't stop and is miserable, then yes, maybe.

We can only help with information given. Your first post was not clear and many gave good advice using information they were given.

No, I don't call a parent to get their child if they are crying. The only time I call parent during day is if child is sick. We don't always get smooth days and that same in any job. Crying child is part of job.

And no, I don't see her not responding to you as a red flag. If child in your care, most parent will answer phone when you call. But child not in your care right now, and she has own schedule and commitments. Most parent prioritise calls. When mine home, if phone rang, I would glance at caller ID. If school calling, I would answer if during school hour and my child there. If school called in evening when my children home and safe, and it was not convenient, I would not always answer. They could leave message and I get back when it convenient. No urgency if my child is home and safe.

Okay thank you everyone.

What do you do if you have a child who won't stop crying. I mean cries from am to pm and starts to make throwing up noises from crying so hard. How long would you let it go until you call or would you even call at that point.

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Originally Posted by crayolamom

Okay thank you everyone.

What do you do if you have a child who won't stop crying. I mean cries from am to pm and starts to make throwing up noises from crying so hard. How long would you let it go until you call or would you even call at that point.

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I had a child cry 24/7 for 2 weeks. No lie, no exaggeration, ALL DAY crying!! I was just about to lose it. I'm not a drinker and I was drinking wine almost daily after work lol. It was so stressful but I would just go about our day and try to include him. He cried during it all but slowly started participating (while still crying lol). Than that 3rd Monday he came in, waved goodbye to dad and was one of my easiest kids EVER!! We have a play date with him on Wednesday actually :)

I expect a transition period to last up to a month. Some are far quicker and some are longer. As long as i can handle it and i can see some improvement, I give it a go.

I too have had to deal with a child crying all day. It was the younger sister of a boy that I had for 3 years already. He was the easiest child, but his sister? She was a year old and cried bloody murder for at least 3 weeks. She was a serious momma's girl and I thought I was going to lose my mind! Well she is 5 now and you would never know that she was like that. She is like part of the family and is so comfortable here.
You have to give them time to adjust. Some kids are easier than others...that's just part of the job.

I terminated a boy once because he screamed all day. By nap I couldn't take it anymore. His cries were so high pitched I just couldn't handle it. I was already the 2nd daycare. She lasted 1 day, I lasted 3. Mom was totally understanding when I said it wasn't working. My other kids just covered their ears the whole time. It was a horrible experience. His 3rd daycare clicked and he didn't cry as much. Who knows why. He was the only kid I had that I called mom by nap. I have never had a child like that since thank goodness! It usually takes time to adjust but boy did that kid scream!

Also if a child throws up no matter the reason they go home.

Do you have any brief moments the child stops?

Oh my god!! That was funny to read but I know it the moment it is not funny at all!!!! It hasn't happened to me yet but I am preplanning when the new child starts. I don't know why I am so nervous.

I once had a child I terminated the day of because whenever I didn't hold her she screamed not cried screamed! She made everyone else cry because I couldn't hold her the whole time. If you were holding her she was great but as soon as I put her down omg!!

Nap time she screamed the whole time! I put her down and she ran after me and did a face plant. Her face was really bruised and I almost had a heart attack. I terminated right after the because I was honestly to scared too keep her.

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Originally Posted by crayolamom

Okay thank you everyone.

What do you do if you have a child who won't stop crying. I mean cries from am to pm and starts to make throwing up noises from crying so hard. How long would you let it go until you call or would you even call at that point.

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I would never call for this.

Likewise, I would not pick up just because they crying. Instead I make sure lot of close interaction, without picking up. Lot of change activities to occupy. Lot of texture play like sand, play dough. Keep busy. I have had many cry for week or so but after third day, it less frequent and by second week, much better. It big adjustment. Different house. No Mommy. Group care. Huge difference. But I send child firm message from get go that I not carrying around just because they wish for. I not able to carry all, or multiples so I not set myself up for that. Unless child hurt, or ill, I only cuddle when reading time or playing. Lot of time for love but can't be on demand or to pacify because sooner or later, child need to not be picked up constantly.