Thank you all for your help :)
post is deleted!!
Printable View
Thank you all for your help :)
post is deleted!!
" I am just so tired of being sad". Wow, some pretty powerful words. You given a little insight as to your relationship dynamics (perhaps some jealousy/trust issues...only allowed to change the girls seems really odd to me) but only you know your own personal limits as to what you will accept in terms of behavior toward you. I will say that I can't imagine living and working with my partner all the time. That alone would be draining. I wish I had the magic answer as to whether your relationship is abusive, whether to leave or stay...you will find what will work for you. Can you find someone to talk to; a hot line or support group perhaps?
I would seek some outside support and help. The conditions you are living in are not healthy. A partner should build you up, not tear you down. A partner should be a source of support,not control and fear. A partner offers forgiveness, not everlasting punishment.
Excellent words of adviceQuote:
Originally Posted by Discoveries
The previous replies are way too tame. Are you in an abusive relationship - a resounding, screaming YES!!!!!!!
She checks parental rating on movies before allowing you to watch, she doesn't LET you change the boys, she doesn't let you go to the beach, she abuses you verbally????? This is not "odd'! This is not a matter of "knowing your personal limits"! It is not your fault nor it due to your past - people like that seek out partners they can shame, control and abuse.
If you were my daughter I'd back a moving truck up to your house and get you the hell out of there.
I will get the hell away from a person like that. You are worth much more, independently of your past. Don't let people to treat you poorly, be strong and don't let anybody bully and abuse you.
I agree with ahnys! This is absolutely an abusive relationship! She is controlling and verbally abusing you. I still deal with the emotional scars I experienced from a past relationship ~ YOU DESERVE BETTER!!!!
You have stated your opinion and that is fine; it's what this forum is about! You've given some great advice; I'm sure the same advice that is on a lot of reader's minds. But to quote my post and put down what I have given as my opinion....NOT COOL.Quote:
Originally Posted by ahnys
Let's not fight everyone's opinion matters and helps a lot :)
Stop while we are ahead. I think by not allowing to change the boys and only girl is to prevent her from seeing male parts due to partners getting upset from past job in the past and boyfriends upsetting her. I think this is logic of that person. It might come off to some people since it is same sex relationship it may not be as serious as heterosexual one but that not trueQuote:
Originally Posted by Dreamalittledream
I believe that all reading this would 100% agree it is an abusive relationship. I think outside professional support and help is needed, before just bolting. I think a support system needs to be in place. If her partner acts this way now, I fear how she may possible act should leaving be mentioned. Her partner could accuse her of acting inappropriately with the daycare children, or attempt a character bash preventing poster from being able to secure future clients. If things have got physical before, things could escalate during separating. I'm concerned and just want her to have some more resources/support/guidance etc.
No, ottawamommy, it is NOT your fault she's like that. You are an imperfect human being, no different than every other human being walking the planet. If you regret your past, likely you will not make those same choices again. That's it. That's living a life.Quote:
Originally Posted by ottawamommy
Please do not allow shame to bury you. From what you have shared of your past choices, there was one person affected, and that was you. You haven't mentioned killing anyone, or abusing someone vulnerable. You worked in a sex shop, and having the clarity of the passage of time, you really wish you hadn't.
You are young and maybe haven't had the opportunity to learn yet that EVERYONE has some form of shame in their past. Your choices do not make you unworthy or unloveable. You are NOT those actions.
For God's sake, forgive yourself, and don't accept continual punishment from someone who chooses to believe that your past actions permanently erase your intrinsic right to personal dignity and worth.
It is NOT your fault!! We all have a past and things we wish we didn't do. That's okay, that's life!! That's learning and growing!! You are not that person anymore, you have grown, matured and moved on. IMO, it's not healthy to be with someone who lives in the past and continues to throw it in your face. I can guarantee she has things in her past that she isn't proud of either and wouldn't want to re-live it over and over and be judged by it.
I personally couldn't be with a person like this and would be looking at leaving if things haven't gotten better in 4 years. Life is too short and you're too young to settle for that kind of love. Every relationship has it's own issues but this goes far beyond that IMO. If it was a male partner abusing you, people would be 100% telling you to leave and find protection. The fact that your partner is female should not matter. Abuse is abuse.
Good luck! Please seek professional help :)
I missed the above point in my last reply. Are you saying she is angry at you for not identifying your sexual orientation as a teenager - as a child? You are saying that the very natural process of self-discovery that happens to every teen, gay or straight, makes HER SAD? Do you feel as though this is something you need to apologize for?Quote:
Originally Posted by ottawamommy
Who's business is it? Who's home?
You need to move on and fast!!!!
It sounds like she is VERY insecure. While controlling it sounds like she won't let you watch those movies or change the boys diapers out of fear that you might realize "WAIT A MINUTE I WANT TO BE WITH A MAN, NOT HER".
She needs to have some therapy to get over this. She is very worried about your past and that is isn't enough for you.
It DOES NOT mean you did or are doing or will do anything wrong...but she is in fear that you will. This is on her not on you.
So, you need to sit down and decide. Do you love her, truly and deeply, enough that you want this to work. If yes then get both of you into counselling both couples and individual. Help her over come the fear she is living in so she isn't controlling you. The couples therapy will help the dynamics between the both of you. Her therapy with help HER gain confidence. Your therapy will help you realize you are not the one to blame for your past and you are not responsible for how she is feeling/acting.
Get out now and don't look back even if you have to move to a different town, city just plan ahead and you will be on the other side of your nightmare with this person
Don' to go back to her even if she begs you
Please get out - by writing this you know you are in an abusive relationship and now it's time to live again free of her
I been married long time but we learn some lesson about relationship on way. I not think it matter if relationship is mix gender or same sex, it about finding someone where there is mutual respect, support, and open communication. Without these things, someone will always be unhappy.
I sorry but this sound like very controlling relationship to me, and if this was my child, I would be serious worried about the abusiveness of the control.
In my view, we all have to understand that only person we control is ourself. We can never control someone else and it wrong to try to. Her controlling what you watch, what child you interact with, and expecting you to abide by her rule is very narcissistic and she purposely making you suffer for mistake you made when young. You can see it was mistake, you owned it and you rectified it. It not her job to punish you for it for rest of your life. There not one person on this planet who never make mistake.
It not okay that someone purposely making you sad endlessly. Time draw line in the sand.
If were me, I would sit down and be very clear. The past is behind and you not able to re-write it. You can only do better today and you have been. But, you miserable and repressed and that is not okay when it coming from someone who meant to be your equal partner in life. Either she stops punishing you, and stops controlling you, or you will move on, without her.
That might sound very harsh but life is so very, very short and for 4 year you put up with this. How long before you decide you worth more? 6 year? How about 10 year? Maybe 15?
People with mean spirited partner tend to think if they walk away they wasted the 4 year but how much more time you prepared to waste?
Stop beating self up over mistake from long time ago. Stop letting her beat you up for mistake too. Either she celebrate you as person you are today, or she go torment someone else and make them sad and miserable.
I sorry but at 25 years old, this prime of your life. You should be enjoying life. Taking chance. Doing things you might not have chance to with responsibilities you might have in 5+ year time. This should be happy time of being more sure about the adult you are become, learning who you are, who you want to be. An equal, loving, respectful relationship is one where you can make mistake in safety of knowing there support if you do. Home meant to be soft place to land at end of day, not a walking on eggshells lifestyle.
Do not feel you have to accept this just because you not close to your family or friends. You control your life and whether you have big support system or not, you never allow someone to bully you emotionally.
So what if you had past boyfriend. I did and my husband dated people before he met me too. This not 1950 anymore where people marry first person they kiss, and stick together even when one is selfish, abusive jerk.
It good you want be best person you can be - now stop enable someone from holding you back from achieving your goal.
Think with head not heart when someone not treating you right. That not mean it won't hurt, if you walk away, but at least your head can be held up and you can be proud of not letting someone break you down to their level.
I just show this my husband.
He say - if you always do what you always done, you always get what you always got.