Feeling drained....advice?

Hi Everyone,

So I have a little boy in my dayhome a little over 3 and he has a bad habit of not trying anything. The only thing the kid will eat is grilled cheese which I have told the parents I supply meals according to the Canada health food guide and if he won't eat it that's not my problem. I wouldn't mind as much but the kid won't even try the food and the parents don't care, they just give into his demands. Now I have noticed it is starting to affect his attitude. He won't even attempt to take off or put on his shoes or jacket. If he tried he could but he won't cause his parents jut do it. He also won't even attempt to pull up or down his pants. When I brought it up to the parents they said he is lazy so I told them to encourage him but they aren't. Now he is stealing toys from the other kids and when I tell him to give it back and apologize he drops to the floor and screams. I don't give in and let him scream but it's obvious he gets whatever he wants at home.

I have 3 kids younger than him that I mostly need to do shoes and jackets for although they do try to do it themselves. It is starting to wear on me that the kid won't try anything and the parents don't care.

Gahhhhh what do these types of parents think the world will do for these children? How will they be expected to function in school if they won't pull their own pants down or put their shoes on. What will they do in the workplace?

It really annoys me to teach children to be so utterly helpless. It will be a mean world when these kids leave daycare.

I have a DCG who turns 3 next month she is a pretty great kid overall but she drives me up the wall in that she can speak in full sentences but when she wants something she has no clue to ask. Every day I hear "my cup is empty" as she holds it up to be filled. My response is always "yes, it is". Then she sits looking at it and me and repeats and then eventually forgets she wanted more. My 2.5 yr old daughter will then ask for more water and I make a big deal out of it "oh, you want more water I would be happy to get you more water since you asked so nicely" DCG just sits, staring at her empty cup. For crying out loud child.

While this child can completely dress her self (thank goodness) when she can't get a zipper she just comes and stands holding it up saying "see" once again I respond "yes, I see your zipper" then turn my body looking away and she will stand there for 5plus minutes saying 'see', 'look', and eventually she manages to do the zipper herself because she can't ask for help.

Granted she ends up doing it herself so I can't complain too much but she is so used to her parents doing everything for her without her asking that she has no clue to ask. Even when reminded to ask or when my daughter is asking and getting help.

Parents do no service what so ever to their children when they train them to be like this.

Anyways...if the weather is warm enough (cold but not frost bite cold) then send the child out with no shoes and no coat to sit on a bench/chair until he puts it on himself. No shoes-no coat no play. Eventually, even if he just choses to not play, he'll get sick of sitting on his own and the cold will teach him to get himself dressed.

I would start this ASAP before it is too cold to do it that way. I guess if it is too cold the other option is to set a timer. He has 5minutes to get himself fully dressed. If he is not dressed when the timer s done then you dress him and he forfeits the right to play outside and has to sit and wait while his friends play.

The food is easy enough he doesn't try it he goes hungry...he wont starve as mom and dad will fill him up on his favorites.

If he wont pull down his pants let him pee himself then he can sit there until he takes off his wet pants to change to dry ones. He will soon enough decide to pull his own pants down. Make him feel the consequences of being lazy and helpless.

Agree.....100%.

So frustrating!

When I've had kids like this in the past, I would bring their outdoor clothing out to the playroom and we would literally practice putting on and taking off our shoes, jacket, mitts, etc.

Do you bring all the kids outerwear to practise, or just the child that refuses to do it themselves? I have a similar problem, but mom thinks it's totally ok that he won't even try to put on his shoes, etc. This kid even waits on the cot for me to lift him up after nap. I don't lift him up, but he still tries every day. One day, he waited so long he missed snack time.

I bring them all out and it turns into a game of who can do it faster usually. Doesn't single out the one or two I'm doing it for and they all need practice at getting faster anyways..,,win win :)

Lee-Bee the more I read your posts the more I wonder if we are two people sharing the same mind. ;)

OP, I think you've received some good suggestions. I'm just going to add that if you don't already have a "screaming spot" it might be time to make one. Then when he starts to scream you can send him to the screaming spot - removes him from the situation so he's not getting attention for the screaming and it will save your ears a bit.

I used to have children that went through a phase of refusing to put on their stuff. Everytime they freaked out about it I would just cheerful remind them that "you know how to do that. you don't need my help." Once or twice the rest of us ended up sitting on the porch while he was just inside the door (I could see them the whole time and the entry way is small and gated) with their stuff. When there wasn't an audience, they would quickly put on their stuff and join us. For one particularly stubborn child, she went for a walk a couple times without her coat. I had spoken to mom about it and that was actually her suggestion.

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Originally Posted by flowerchild

Lee-Bee the more I read your posts the more I wonder if we are two people sharing the same mind. ;)

OP, I think you've received some good suggestions. I'm just going to add that if you don't already have a "screaming spot" it might be time to make one. Then when he starts to scream you can send him to the screaming spot - removes him from the situation so he's not getting attention for the screaming and it will save your ears a bit.

I used to have children that went through a phase of refusing to put on their stuff. Everytime they freaked out about it I would just cheerful remind them that "you know how to do that. you don't need my help." Once or twice the rest of us ended up sitting on the porch while he was just inside the door (I could see them the whole time and the entry way is small and gated) with their stuff. When there wasn't an audience, they would quickly put on their stuff and join us. For one particularly stubborn child, she went for a walk a couple times without her coat. I had spoken to mom about it and that was actually her suggestion.

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I take great comfort in knowing there are other people out there that have a similar mindset because I am losing looking at the people around me! My friend (back home) has a13minth old. She has her ECE and has worked daycare. But she is now 'one of them'. Theynare flying up for a visit and just sent me a grocery list. The kid only eats one brand and flavor of yogurt. Eats 2 packs of fresh blueberries a day (ummm $12 a day, but mom says she really likes them). And on and on. Sighhhhhhhhhhh

How do people get like that? My friends response when I commented maybe her child is try new things while watching my daughter was "it's ok she can just have her grapes and cheese instead".

I wont even get on the topic of sleep.

I just dont get it. This is someone that has her ECE and has worked the toddler room in daycare for years (stopped 5yrs ago). She knows how letting these bad habits starts effects the kids later… but here we are.

2 packs of fresh blueberries a day?? Doesn't that give her really runny BMs? My kids love blueberries, but they certainly don't eat two packs a day. I'm sure they would if I would a.) let them and b.) provide that many blueberries.

Such a shame because she's really missing out on the key opportunity to expose her child to a variety of flavours and textures. I get having preferences. We all have them, but to only ever give her one flavour of yogurt??

Not to mention that it's pretty ballsy to give your host a grocery list. If there was only specific things my kid needed, I'd be swinging by a grocery store at some point to pick them up myself.

I know someone who mentioned (in the course of a conversation) "the other morning when I was getting xxx dressed for school" the child was four. Four. I almost bit my tongue off to stop from asking why she was still getting him dressed at four years old.

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Originally Posted by flowerchild

2 packs of fresh blueberries a day?? Doesn't that give her really runny BMs? My kids love blueberries, but they certainly don't eat two packs a day. I'm sure they would if I would a.) let them and b.) provide that many blueberries.

Such a shame because she's really missing out on the key opportunity to expose her child to a variety of flavours and textures. I get having preferences. We all have them, but to only ever give her one flavour of yogurt??

Not to mention that it's pretty ballsy to give your host a grocery list. If there was only specific things my kid needed, I'd be swinging by a grocery store at some point to pick them up myself.

I know someone who mentioned (in the course of a conversation) "the other morning when I was getting xxx dressed for school" the child was four. Four. I almost bit my tongue off to stop from asking why she was still getting him dressed at four years old.

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She sent an email transfer for the money. I do my groceries with Loblaws...order online and pick up so I added her stuff to my order. That doesn't bother me in the least lol. We don't really have crackers and easy snacks in the house here so I expected she'd want some snack food on hand.

The kicker is that the same brand yogurt was half price in the multi flavor packs. So I confirmed it HAD to be the one flavor...yes it did!!

Well...baby has a rash...but it is from 'teething' hahahaha it almost cracks me up. I did suggest the other day that that many blueberries does not help a 'teething' diaper rash.

My daughter loves blueberries as much as I do but we'd go broke eating them this time of year so we switched to melons a while back. Still juicy and sweet but the same price lasts numerous sittings.

I am seriously curious HOW families become like this though. What is it about those people that go all weird with food and such for kids. I swear she was NOT one of those people. We've been good friends for 10yrs. We did our ECE together, worked daycare together and I just did NOT see this coming.

Makes me very worried for the human race...

Quote:

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Originally Posted by flowerchild

I know someone who mentioned (in the course of a conversation) "the other morning when I was getting xxx dressed for school" the child was four. Four. I almost bit my tongue off to stop from asking why she was still getting him dressed at four years old.

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I can top that! Getting carried in from the car. Every day. For 5 years!

As for the getting dressed themselves. I have written policies (this helps a lot) and they state that I expect the children do do the things they know how to do. So if they know how to put their boots on, but they refuse, well, then they are going outside in their socks. Some kids learn this lesson quickly, others, it takes longer.

Heh heh, I went through this today! My one DCB refused to undress himself fully (he did his hat and jacket but refused to even try and do his shoes and splash pants). I left him on the mat until he did this (much to my assistants horror because he screamed and she felt we could just do it). Luckily I'm the boss and I told her more than once to ignore him and go play with the other kids. 5 minutes later he was undressed and he joined us.

My assistant is a lot like the parents described above. She also questioned me when one of the kids refused to eat lunch and asked what I was going to make him as an alternative? When I told her nothing she was mortified. 10 minutes later he had a clean plate.