Potty issue

At what age do you as daycare providers stop wiping a child's bottom? I have a four year old that won't wipe his bottom after a bm because his mom does it for him. I insist on him doing it himself when he is here as I feel he is more than old enough to do it. I have three year olds that wipe their own bottoms. I continue to get him to wipe himself but he still just sits on the potty waiting for me to wipe him. I remind him that he goes to preschool so he needs to learn to wipe himself. Am I expecting too much?

I teach bottom wipe when toilet train at 2 years. I have to check for that age that they are clean. And make sure child wash hand after. By 3 year, children typically wipe own bottom here.

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Originally Posted by Goldilocks

Am I expecting too much?

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No, you are not expecting too much. If nothing else, he'll need to be able to do that for kindergarten, so you could stress that.

Does he call for you to come and wipe his bum? Or just sit there and wait for you? If you've explained to him that at Goldilock's house he needs to wipe his own bum and he is able to, I might be inclined to wait it out a bit and see if he'll wipe his own bum when he realizes you aren't coming. If he calls for you, I'd just remind him calmly that he needs to wipe his own bum.

I do tell him to wipe his own bum and he does. I have to tell him this each time. His mom does everything for him. So far I had to teach him to do up his own jacket, put on his own shoes, etc. I tell him this is to be ready for kindergarten. I used to work at an elementary school so I know the expectations of kinders. Frustrating that mom does everything even undress him when he arrives. I've said gentle reminders that he needs to do things in his own to be ready for kinder. But mom continues to baby him.

If they are old enough to use a potty they are old enough to wipe. It is part of toilet training. Obviously we need to then follow up and double check the youngest for awhile. But by age 4 the child should be doing it on their own.

Learned helplessness is hard...hard on you as the caregiver and hard on the child because he has been trained to be helpless. That is really hard to untrain.

Keep insisting he do it on his own. Make sure he doesn't get too much attention for it though, ignore him for a good length of time then walk by and simple state wipe your own bum and keep going without paying him any attention. He may be continuing the helplessness because it gets him attention from you.

I have had child who need reminding each stage of some process despite long time of set routine. Was a child who everytime we go outside, he need telling, put shoe on, put coat on, put hat on, line up by door - and would not just get ready as whole routine but pause and wait for next instruction. It very frustrating.

Only suggestion maybe change term you use. Might help, might not. Maybe literal child where put shoe on literally mean shoe only.

Think about wording. Maybe if you saying "go poop" if he gassy, he literally doing that part and no more? Perhaps need phrase which cover whole process? Or even sentence of instruction "go poop and when you done, remember to wipe bottom and wash hands". Might be worth try.

Once they are potty trained I do not wipe their bums either. I will supervise and make sure that they did a good job, but they do it all on their own.

They will not get assistance once they start school so they better learn how to do it themselves. Having said that....I'm sure many 4 and 5 year olds still have a lot of dirty poopy streak marks on their underwear at the end of the day. But, it's all part of the learning process.

Once they can go unassisted I expect them to wipe by themselves. Each child is different but usually aged 3-4. I too would just tell child to do it and not go. Might take awhile but it will come

I also teach bum wiping during the potty training stage. Once they are fully trained, i usually don't wipe their bum as they go to the washroom throughout the day when needed and don't always tell me if they even pooped. If they do call me, I'll go and encourage them to wipe and make sure they don't need help. I don't want poop streaks on the toilet, floor (I have one who completely takes his pants and underwear off and than sits on floor to put back on lol) or even their underwear if I can help it. Right now I have a 2.5 yo and two 4 yo's who are trained and I almost never have to wipe bums.

Really?? Am I the odd one out again? I still wipe my almost 8 yr olds butt! Hahahaha. On the whole she does it herself but most of the times I do as she makes a mess. Haha

Babydom....just curious, what does she do at school?

My aunt has 4 and her youngest (10) is terrible at this!! She has taught her and used to do it for her but now has given up....she makes her do it on her own AND she is also responsible for washing her own underwear lol. She just doesn't understand why she won't do it properly...her other older 3 are fine and she never had this much trouble with them. She chalks it up to laziness which us why she started making her do her own laundry...in hopes of making her realize it would be just easier to wipe properly!!

Lol. She's doesn't poop at school. Lol. She can very well do it on her own. She prefers its most of the time now that's she's older. Ever since baby she always had problems down there. Always red bumpy, rashes...always. So in my head I'm thinking if she wipes oh gawd she left stuff there and it will rash and or is there stuff all up in there, u know? Haha. It's just me....paranoid mother! But on the whole she does do it herself, I just prefer to make sure she's clean. Ever since birth she always pooped once a wk and sits on the potty for like a half an hr so she usually doesn't do it at school she waits till home. Lol

We all improve new skill, more often we practice. You likely already know it counter productive to clean her. Sooner or later she will have learn to do it herself. It just delay inevitable in doing for her.

I stop wiping around 3.5 years. I've found boys sometimes take a bit longer to catch on, but they need to be independent for kindergarten.