Daycare Provider Was Bashed By Parents Online For Terminating AP Child

Good morning everyone!!!

I hope everyone has been having a great week so far!

On a more serious note I wanted to share with you providers and incident that occurred a few days ago and I am so outraged at the behaviors of parents (mainly moms).
A friend of mine told me to look on a local group "baby wearing mothers" because they were bashing a local home daycare provider. To be honest I didn't really believe too much as my friend tends to exaggerate! Lol But in this case there was no exaggeration. A provider terminated daycare with a client because their child was unable to get adjusted to daycare and made no progress in terms of napping. The provider told them she has the right to terminate the contract and withhold the deposit after a 2 or 3 wees time time but told the family she didn't want to do this that she in fact wanted to set up a sleep training schedule and have they family set up a napping routine that is realistic for a daycare to do at daycare with for other kids. She said as soon as a routine is set in place we can start full-time care. The family wanted the provider to wear the child or have the mother return to daycare at nap time to nurse the baby every day at nap time!!!!!!!!! She said no way and if that is what you are expecting then I cannot help you. They terminated their own contract.

What really gets me is that all this happened in October and the bashing occurred I think on Monday. The provider commented on this post and set them straight lol What was originally being said in the beginning is that she terminates families with no notice and keeps the deposit but after she explained what happened no one brought this up then they starting bashing her for not allowing AP clients and that she was a terrible provider for stating that AP children are not for a group setting and that she does this job for money not for the love of children, someone else said how good daycare dont terminate children because they dont adjust they work with the families and the child, another starting. From what I have heard the provider is very upset as she feels everything she worked for was runnined in a few minutes and she fears to advertise on facebook becuase she thinks people will leave more negative comments.

Has anyone else ever been through this?

My friend has. She had a one day a week child. Parent were pain from get go with late fees, etc but she sent reminder each time. Then got message saying Dad lost job and would be let them off notice period, that their daughter be sad not coming and seeing her friend and that they loved the time in care. It was one day a week for 4 weeks so 4 days paid care. She said that notice period applied, sorry he lost job but she not able to let them off. It got nasty. Mom said she not paying and carer had to be firm and say that they had a contracted agreement and client not able just ignore that when it not suit them. She did get money after reminding them that she would seek it in small claim where they would then also have pay late fees and court costs.

Then she hear this parent saying their daughter had horrible care so she shared the e-mail where they singing her praises but wanting be let off notice period. She had lot of negative press and had send a "cease and desist" letter about them ruining her reputation unfairly.

But it not possible to measure damage (if any) done by these rumours. Not fair because she is exceptional carer.

crayolamom, I am part of the facebook group you are talking about and saw this thread. While I believe fault lies with the parents for not prepping their child for group care (which CAN be done under AP style parenting), I think many moms took issue with the fact that this was not an isolated issue (comments ranged from extra hidden fees, fee increases without notice, several children screaming at dropoff and not adjusting and immediate termination, random blocking of people who she was speaking to for no reason they could determine) and others had issues with this provider as well as how she started "her side": "xxx and xxx are a lesbian couple that do attachment parenting". No where in her whole story does sexual orientation matter, but she insisted it did, in several spots throughout the thread when she was questioned, and yet never addressed it, which makes her come off as homophobic and seem like there might be more to her terminating than a child not adjusting and keeping the money. Not trying to defend those commenting nastily, but you may want to include the whole story. Not to mention, these were posted in a babywearing group...generally the members tend to be AP style moms anyways, and if that is not the sort of client she would like, she should not be advertising available spaces there.

This sounds really familiar. Is the provider in this situation on daycarebear? I swear I remember reading a very similar thread - AP parents, difficulty napping, wanting to return at nap time to nurse, etc.

Regardless, it's too bad this issue didn't stay between the provider and the parents. I find it so ugly when stuff gets dragged out on social media.

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Originally Posted by flowerchild

This sounds really familiar. Is the provider in this situation on daycarebear? I swear I remember reading a very similar thread - AP parents, difficulty napping, wanting to return at nap time to nurse, etc.

Regardless, it's too bad this issue didn't stay between the provider and the parents. I find it so ugly when stuff gets dragged out on social media.

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Sadly, I am certain I read all this here as well. It does not belong on social media. The sole purpose of putting it there is to ruin a person and get revenge for hurt feelings. In the end, it is the parents that look like fools. Hopefully the caregiver can over come this and come out stronger. Hopefully none of us end up with this family in the future!

Mama2boys I saw the comment she made about the sexual orientation and it was never geared into a negative one. She simply stated that she wanted to help the couple as the mother who didn't give birth didn't feel a connection and thought AP was the only thing that helped bring them together. She said she sympathized because she has a sibling who was gay and helped them get through daycare and wanted to do the same for the clients and offered care past the termination mark so how was she trying to get money from them?

She has a contract that they signed that had a 3 week mark if a child is still having trouble adjusting she can term contract and keep the deposit. If this is an issue why did they sing? If provider was soooo terrible then didn't they leave on their own. Since they felt so strongly about it they had to bash/verbally abuse someone on social media.

She didn't have to explain herself to anyone but she took the time to post on that group t explain everything and I LOVE how poster shut her mouth as soon as she did!!! The best part her own clients defended her!!!

Even if she did post on here clearly she was looking for help and that proves she wasn't trying to take someones money. That family left on their own, she gave them an option to stay which was attending for half day go home establish a napping routine then come back for full days!

Since you are apart of that group I can see why you would be taking client side who is AP as you too would feel the same is someone term you for that reason. But nonoe term she gave option they left on own

That's unfortunate! We can't stop what parents are going to say about us after they leave and that's why word of mouth is SO important to our business. I do agree though that things like this should be hashed out in person and off of social media

I hope it doesn't affect your friends business too much!!

First, I apologize if it came off that I am on someone’s side. I most definitely am not.

I think this is a clear case of a bad fit between provider and client. There were errors made on the provider’s part, and on the client’s part (which she freely admitted to as a first time parent looking for care).
- The client should not have posted on social media about it (although it technically is within her right). She did however note that this provider would be more suited to an older child who is used to sleeping on their own and to have the contract reviewed by a professional. So she did not say not to ever consider this provider.
- The client should have done a better job preparing her child for group care, and perhaps selected a different provider who could meet her needs better.
- The client likely could have been more thorough when enquiring about what types of transition methods would be used during the three weeks (making an assumption here as obviously we don’t know what was discussed).
- The provider should not advertise in AP-leaning FB groups if she is using methods that typically are not compatible to AP practicing families.
- The provider is constantly advertising; I see posts about spots on at least a monthly basis, indicating to me that something else might be going on since she cannot keep clients – after reading that thread, I believe her screening process for clients is flawed.
- The provider should have taken more time and developed a well thought out response to everything on Facebook and posted and left it at that rather than engaging further and impulse posting. Starting her whole response with a sentence about sexual orientation also set an unprofessional tone and was still pretty irrelevant as her issue was with the parenting method, which is what her response should have focused on.

After all that, alienating a subset of potential clients is not the end of the world. It seems like these are not the types of clients she wants anyways so in the end this could be doing her a favour in reducing her time weeding these types of clients out. However, these are the types of clients that tend to gravitate to the type of care she specializes in (Montessori). She had one client defend her. Not multiple clients. And that’s wonderful. That means they likely are a good fit. Not every provider is a good fit with every client, that’s why everyone does things slightly different.

Also as an aside, your username is the one that posted on here the exact scenario described in the Facebook thread, on October 28, 2015. You seem to have more inside info than what was posted on the Facebook thread (your original post indicates a friend told you to check out the thread and amazingly you happened to be in a babywearing group and yet I gather from your posts you don’t really follow AP methods which is a bit odd in itself). Things are curiouser and curiouser.

I don't agree with bashing or bullying on social media. It's awful and it's a big reason why I dislike social media. I feel for all those who've had it happen to them.

But I do have to agree with the above poster that this is starting to get a bit confusing. At first it sounded like the daycare provider being bashed was a stranger to you. But then it kind of sounded like a friend. And now maybe it's actually you? Though that would mean that you and another member on this site are the same person (or you both just happened to write about difficult AP parents around the same time in October and have the same 3 week termination policy). Again, I'm still against online bashing, but this does sound a bit strange, to be honest.

Never have I posted on daycare bear about having issues with AP parents involving things that were stated in the thread nor on this website. I have in fact had issue with AP family one time and have decided after that experience that type of parenting style does not work for my daycare setting and i is not welcome, lastly I am AP which is why I wanted to stay at home with my children. The most recent issue I had with same ex client is getting harassed for deposit since end of September which escalated to small claims . I am sure I am not the only one who has had issue with AP.

I find some aspect of AP difficult in group care. I think we all do depend on what aspect parent embrace. Laying with child to sleep is something that will make me decline client and wearing child too something I find hard to wean off in daycare.

But from this, the lesson I think is not interact and get into back and forth with client on-line and not try justify reason by share details of business issue.

If must comment, and it wiser not to, something simple like 'I sorry you feel this way. The termination was within agreed terms of contract and I had done all I could to try and resolve issues with you. If you would like to discuss further, please contact me privately and I am happy to do that." You cannot get into justifying details on line with group strangers rubbing hands and enjoying show. Most people in groups like this will never be a client anyway - not because they AP but because only handful people in any group on-line or real life, will be client. This could be church meeting and only handful people only ever be client. This would been under radar if handled better but now, large group have poor view of professional and they will remember name. If it come up in conversation now with their friend or family, this incident will be remembered and repeated.

The damage not done by the client because these group always have some bashing from opinionated persons with half facts. The damage done by provider choosing get involved and make business matter, public.

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Originally Posted by crayolamom

Never have I posted on daycare bear about having issues with AP parents involving things that were stated in the thread nor on this website. I have in fact had issue with AP family one time and have decided after that experience that type of parenting style does not work for my daycare setting and i is not welcome, lastly I am AP which is why I wanted to stay at home with my children. The most recent issue I had with same ex client is getting harassed for deposit since end of September which escalated to small claims . I am sure I am not the only one who has had issue with AP.

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The post history shows it was not crayolamom that created the post. She, along with many of us, had numerous posts on the many pages of posts within that thread but it was created by another member.

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Originally Posted by Lee-Bee

The post history shows it was not crayolamom that created the post. She, along with many of us, had numerous posts on the many pages of posts within that thread but it was created by another member.

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Lee-Bee, it was a completely different thread that Mama2boys was referring to that was started by crayolamom. I wouldn't have thought much of it, except there were some similarities (both cases happened in October, involved AP parents and both providers have a 3-week transition policy in their contracts). And I still wouldn't have questioned it if Mama2boys didn't mention that the poster seems to have more details about this case than what's written on the facebook page (which I cannot verify since I haven't seen the facebook page). Plus, there was another thread on this forum back in September started by crayolamom (which sadly got a bit nasty) and some members questioned on that thread whether crayolamom and the other member that we are thinking of were the same person. So it was for these reasons that I started questioning it. But I will happily admit if I'm wrong and apologize if I am.

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Originally Posted by MommaL

Lee-Bee, it was a completely different thread that Mama2boys was referring to that was started by crayolamom. I wouldn't have thought much of it, except there were some similarities (both cases happened in October, involved AP parents and both providers have a 3-week transition policy in their contracts). And I still wouldn't have questioned it if Mama2boys didn't mention that the poster seems to have more details about this case than what's written on the facebook page (which I cannot verify since I haven't seen the facebook page). Plus, there was another thread on this forum back in September started by crayolamom (which sadly got a bit nasty) and some members questioned on that thread whether crayolamom and the other member that we are thinking of were the same person. So it was for these reasons that I started questioning it. But I will happily admit if I'm wrong and apologize if I am.

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Ok...I don't know for sure but this post sounded very familiar to what was posted on here in October by a caregiver. It sounded a lot like what was being mentioned on this post. When I checked back to clarify I noted it was not crayolamom that had started it.

Who is involved in what, I have no clue. People get so weird on online forums and things can get messy fast. What ever is going on, hopefully the party being wronged can keep their head up and those that are acting poorly can move on without doing any further harm.

Parents can parent in weird ways. It can make an already hard job even harder on us caregivers...so parents do need to realize that sometimes their parenting style will results in being terminated...it is for the benefit of all involved. Parents just need to accept it and find more suitable care. They really do not benefit from trying to force others to change their ways to accommodate.

I just dont see the purpose of a member having 2 accounts and posting the same issue @ the same time on this forum with 2 different accounts. That would be a piece of cake to decode and i wouldnt be that stupid.
anyway regardless of who posted what on what thread i was just curious about your opinions on bashing a provider on social media

Thanks to all that responded