Terming an infant

I know we've all had those nightmares of a child who doesn't adjust. This is different-happy child who sleeps and doesn't scream all day. 11 months, and has been FT for 1 month. Child is exceptionally busy and strong despite being undersized for the child's age. This child can destroy a room in about a minute. Constant dumping of items, and will overturn the easel or train table in 5 seconds flat. Can crawl faster than my 2 year olds can run. Can push my kitchen table across the floor and move the BBQ across the deck when we're outside. Topples the baby gates and the superyard enclosure, so the high chair is the only way to contain this child when I'm diapering or getting other kids dressed etc. The child tries to pull over things like the cubbies/large art cupboard/all the toy shelves etc. I've never seen anything like it(well, not in a child this age) The parents know this child is busy, but it's an only child, so probably don't get the same sense I do, when they only have 1 child to deal with at home. This child has become 1-1 care, and my focus on the other 4 kids has definitely been reduced. I've worked with many high needs kids, both in a centre and in home daycare, and usually when I see behaviours like this surface, they are about 16-18 months old. I'm at a loss, as I can't really let this child run amok during free play. Just one of those kids who can't sit still and is into everything, and destructive too. Help??? Have you ever termed an infant due to behaviour, when it's not really a "failure to settle in" issue. I feel that the extra income is not worth it right now, as I'm so stressed, and so are the other kids. The rest of my group are 2yrs+ and a really calm bunch. Feedback please?? Thanks!

Oh. Yes for sure. U can term for "not fitting in" for alot of reasons. Crying, not eating, not napping, bad behavior, destructive, etc. I had a child like that although he was 2 almost 3. I termed as well. I just said unfortunately, I am finding XXX a bit to busy and destructive for my group. I'm constantly following him around as he destroys and makes unsafe messes all day long like knocking the gates over, moving table and chairs around in the other kids way.
Do what's good for u. I've learnt u have to do what will make u happy and love ur job everyday. Not all kids fit into our group and if ur stressed and the other kids are too and ur attention is solely on this one busy kid then I'd term. Ur other option is to keep him and train him. Time outs or removing him when he destroys things but that's a lot of work and following him around all day. Good luck!

Wait...your 11month old DCK moves BBQ's and tables? Hahahaha, so sorry I am picturing a green little child ripping his clothes off (Hulk).

I think you are in a position where terming is understandable. The child needs more attention than you can give in a group setting. It is not fair to the child to be restrained all day and at 11months they are just too young to really understand most consequences or reasoning for moving BBQ's around the deck.

Write up a letter, note the impacts on you and your program (less care for other children etc) and the impact on their child (needing to spend too much time in the highchair so you can tend to other without furniture being moved and note the safety concern (furniture being pulled down etc). Be positive noting the child's qualities but make it clear you just can't manage it in a busy group setting.

I will note though...the next child might end up being the other extreme, not moving furniture but not sleeping and crying all day. So keep that in mind....not sure which is better!

Yup, BBQ's and 6 seater wooden tables!!!
I'd hate to give it a label so young, but I've never seen anything similar with a child this age!
I know what I'd call it if it were an 18 month old LOL! Wow, is all I can say... Thankfully my shelves are anchored, but how do I anchor the kitchen table or BBQ LOL???? Yes I guess I should be thankful that the child isn't a screamer.. I guess I should pick my battles...

I think if the other kids in your group have a positive working dynamic then terming this infant may be for the best. I've hung on to kids and worked really hard to help them only to either end up with the child not settling in and the rest of the group being negatively effected, or the individual does eventually settle in but at the expense of another child due to the neglect they have endured due to an individual needing one on one care.

A new child may be a screamer and not sleep, but that usually doesn't last once transition, and I wouldn't let any future possibilities that you can't possibly foresee determine how you handle this situation. Not to mention, this child sounds like they not only pose a risk to themselves, but to the other children in addition to high chances of damaging some of your property.

Just as a side note, in my contract I give examples of reasons for termination but I do not limit it to anything. I make it clear verbally and in writing that parents and provider can terminate care at any time for absolutely any reason as long as the appropriate notice period is given. The only exception is immediate termination without notice and loss of initial deposit, and that is in very specific instances.

Your post made me think of this:

http://mamaot.com/40-heavy-work-activities-kids/

Its for Occupational therapy, but some of the ideas might be helpful. Does this child just need more "heavy work" to burn off some energy?

If he's moving the kitchen table, can you give him a wet cloth to clean the floor while he's down there? :)

Do you have smooth floors anywhere, ie. no carpet? I have a large bed sheet for the kids to play with and among other activities, they love to pull each other around on it, through the kitchen to the living room. Your dck is maybe too little to pull another child, but could he manage something lighter? Is there something he could be allowed to push? I have a large Rubbermaid toy bin, (the one with rope handles) and often the kids like to push/ pull each other around in that too. Could he push another child in something?

You mention a superyard. I have one too and have moved it around many times to suit different kids/ playroom layouts. Can you attach yours to a wall or a railing? If he can't knock it over because it is secured, can he climb yet? I would try this, to find a place where he could be secured but not neccesarily in a highchair where he can't move around at all.

Personally, I would try to see if I could get him doing something productive first, before terming. He is still very young after all. It also sounds to me like he "gets away with" this stuff at home and it's all very cute and wonderful there. Can't imagine that he's NOT pushing mom's kitchen table around too.

I imagine a baby Hulk too lol

I'd be tempted to keep him a few more months and work on his behaviour. Things that are against the rules and unsafe would be reason for time out here. It could just be a phase he's going through and I'd hate to term an otherwise good kid for someone who may be worse!! haha

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Originally Posted by 5 Little Monkeys

I imagine a baby Hulk too lol

I'd be tempted to keep him a few more months and work on his behaviour. Things that are against the rules and unsafe would be reason for time out here. It could just be a phase he's going through and I'd hate to term an otherwise good kid for someone who may be worse!! haha

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Would a time out work with an 11 month old though? I mean this child isn't even a year old! I get it being a phase and being something to work on if they were older, even just 18months but 11 months is still pretty young and I don't believe they would relate a time out to moving furniture! Maybe a really mean loud NO every time they start to scare them from doing it...but that would be exhausting and likely kinda unnerving for all the other kids that are happily playing!

I am curious how this plays out...will the child out grow the need to move large things around or will they just build on this and advance to some other level (job with a moving company instead of daycare???).

Each provider will have a different policy/approach for disciplinary actions. For myself, kids under about 14-15 months get a "time away"....a force vocal reminder of the rule and than redirection. This is when we start to teach them the rules. They soon learn what they did isn't acceptable. Than by the time they're 15-18 months, they have a grasp on the rules and expectations and if they break a rule, time aways became time outs. By the time they're 2, I have such well behaved children :) ...always exemptions tho!! Lol

This child is BUSY at home too, but 2 parents are there to deal with one busy child. Not the same ratios here! I must clarify that the high chair is used for 2-3 mins at a time just to have my hands free, not to give him a time out. The rest of the group are in diapers, so in the time it takes to do the rest of them, he has topped toy buckets, got his hands in other peoples cream&wipes, pulled the paint/glue off the art table and smeared it on the floor, emptied other people's cubbies etc. I'm totally serious... During diapering time this child can easily destroy about 5-6 things while I've got my hands in feces. It's very difficult. He can climb couches and stairs, and my front/back outside steps easily. I'm familiar with high needs kids, both professionally, and personally. My school age son has ADHD, and the "into everything" behaviour, and extreme strength and no fear for personal safety looks very similar to me, only we didn't see it until about 15 months. He moves rediculously fast! I have the superyard outside on the deck with the extension kit, so it's a good size. I don't want to anchor it to the brick or deck, for damage reasons. He just pushes it right off the deck. My pressure mounted gates blocking off different rooms of the house(kitchen), he just shakes them violently until they loosen, and he climbs over it. Thankfully all my stair gates are screwed down. Not sure about the heavy work idea, as he only stays at one spot about 15 seconds, so actually getting him to hold something or do a task is impossible. I keep thinking about the weighted backpack idea that I was given for my son(but he was 2.5 at the time) This child is small for his age, so don't think that would work.
I'm so at a loss here. I can terminate for developmental reasons, so I do have an "out" if necessary. The attention to the other kids is suffering, and I feel bad for taking on this child so young, but I didn't imagine him to be this busy. It's draining...

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Originally Posted by Busy ECE mommy

This child is BUSY at home too, but 2 parents are there to deal with one busy child. Not the same ratios here! I must clarify that the high chair is used for 2-3 mins at a time just to have my hands free, not to give him a time out. The rest of the group are in diapers, so in the time it takes to do the rest of them, he has topped toy buckets, got his hands in other peoples cream&wipes, pulled the paint/glue off the art table and smeared it on the floor, emptied other people's cubbies etc. I'm totally serious... During diapering time this child can easily destroy about 5-6 things while I've got my hands in feces. It's very difficult. He can climb couches and stairs, and my front/back outside steps easily. I'm familiar with high needs kids, both professionally, and personally. My school age son has ADHD, and the "into everything" behaviour, and extreme strength and no fear for personal safety looks very similar to me, only we didn't see it until about 15 months. He moves rediculously fast! I have the superyard outside on the deck with the extension kit, so it's a good size. I don't want to anchor it to the brick or deck, for damage reasons. He just pushes it right off the deck. My pressure mounted gates blocking off different rooms of the house(kitchen), he just shakes them violently until they loosen, and he climbs over it. Thankfully all my stair gates are screwed down. Not sure about the heavy work idea, as he only stays at one spot about 15 seconds, so actually getting him to hold something or do a task is impossible. I keep thinking about the weighted backpack idea that I was given for my son(but he was 2.5 at the time) This child is small for his age, so don't think that would work.
I'm so at a loss here. I can terminate for developmental reasons, so I do have an "out" if necessary. The attention to the other kids is suffering, and I feel bad for taking on this child so young, but I didn't imagine him to be this busy. It's draining...

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Sounds like there is more to this than meets the eye. I've read the other posts about working on his behaviour, but your last post really makes me stick to my opinion. I think this kid is a massive liability and his age is a massive obstacle when it comes to communication barriers and effective disciplining due to cognition and comprehension development. How does he respond if you raise your voice or tell him off for these behaviours? Does he cry when you are stern with him? The speed in which he moves and is destructive as you describe, sounds like a clustered set of behaviours and given that you mentioned he is small for his age doesn't actually add up. I get that some kids are bruisers, but destructive behaviour at just 12 months isn't considered "normal" behaviour in my book. I have 2E child so don't think for one minute I use the word normal easily. But within the massive range of what is considered normal behaviour, this does not fit.

How about the word "no" .... Does that work ?

He looks at me if I use a stern "no" or "stop" and keeps right on moving. Don't know if he's processing it all cognitively at this age. He doesn't cry or get upset if I get stern with him.

I might add I found out this child met gross motor milestones like rolling/sitting/crawling about 2 months ahead of most kids(didn't find out until after he started) Also feels/looks like he has very high muscle tone.

I am drained just imagining it !!!! terminate him for your sanity :)