What To Do....SO Frustrated!!!!!!!/Bit of a vent

Hi All...

I would love your opinions/input on this matter please.

I have had this one very difficult family since last fall. I was new to the home daycare thing and they seemed pleasant but a little "off" during the interview. They wanted to renegotiate many parts of my contract and while I did negotiate some items (my fee, a week off unpaid at Christmas, etc). However, I was unwilling to bend in other areas (unpaid vacations taken by them, not having to pay if their child is sick).

This family is let's say... challenging. Here is a list of some ongoing issues:

-Dcb is very needy and cries a lot, even when getting attention. He constantly needs to be entertained or he will nonstop cry, often until he throws up. Their solution to this is to give him a soother and let him watch Baby Einstein or Youtube because that is what they do at home and he is not fussy there. I don't allow this, as it stated in my contract that we have minimal TV time and soothers are only allowed at nap times (I have since caved and now allow him to have a soother on a leash that they have provided).

-Dcb usually arrives in clothes way too big for him (2T+ when he is in 18 mos -sometimes shirts are so large I can see his nipples). He has come in the same dirty clothes he was in from the day before. He often arrives in soiled diapers that he has clearly been in for awhile. When I have addressed these issues I am told "I will mention it to the other parent" but nothing changes.

-I have had many issues with them when needing new weather attire.
Example 1: They were sending him in knitted boots in winter and I had to request winter boots. They took a week and a half to get boots for him and they were 3 sizes too big so I sent them home and requested proper fitting boots, it took another week.
Example 2: I asked for splash pants and was confronted with "What's wrong with his snow pants? Can't he just use those?" It was 15C out.
There are many more incidents but I won't write them all.

-Dcd has an attitude problem and often has an accusatory tone with me. "DCB has bags under his eyes. Did you let him nap today?". This bothers me more because he is usually only rude to me when he notices my spouse isn't home. One time my spouse even parked our car on another street, just to listen to a pick up, and was shocked by the change in demeanor towards me.

-Dcb is very destructive and often doesn't want to participate in planned activities but will go off and break household items or rip pages in books. I have mentioned this to dcd and have been told "he doesn't do this at home, he just seems to have an issue here".

-Dcb is usually dropped off 10-30 minutes early and I have kindly not charged for that.

-Dcp do not seem to understand the sick policy or why I have it. I am constantly having to review the policy with them when their child is sick or unwell. They try to convince me via text to allow them to drop dcb off sick or not pick him up by saying "he was fine this morning" and/or "he threw up but he isn't fussy so why does he need to leave?". They have even asked if I would accept dcb the one time my child was sick, so they don't have to take work off.
*** [Sick Policy: Child will not be admitted to daycare with any one of the following symptoms: fever, vomiting, diarrhea (more than twice), or rash other than mild diaper rash or heat related rash. You will also be called at my discretion should your child clearly appear to be uncomfortable, regardless of whether other symptoms have appeared.]***

-I allow parents 1 warning when picking up late and as per my contract, any subsequent late arrivals result in paying a $5 late fee. Two weeks ago dcd was late for pick up. He texted me to let me know and before he left, I mentioned I would be charging him a $5 late fee, as per my contract. He disagreed with that and thought because he told me he shouldn't have to pay. That next evening, I was told and then emailed a 2 week notice of termination that May 20 will be dcb's last day.

So yesterday, dcb vomited all over himself. I cleaned him up, changed his clothes, then cleaned and disinfected the vomit. Afterwards, I messaged dcm saying that dcb was sick but that it was close to pick up time so I would just wait for him to be picked up, but he would not be allowed to return today. I received a message back saying that he could have overeaten we will see how he feels that evening and if he isn't sick again, he will come. I replied that unfortunately, I would not be accepting dcb today. This morning dcd tries to drop off dcb and I inform him politely that I would not be accepting dcb today because he was sick yesterday. Dcd became very irritated and confrontatonal saying how it was most likely just gas or overeating and a fluke that dcb was sick. Dcd said that "these things happen" and dcb was fine last night. Dcd told me sternly that he doesn't agree with this. I told him that this is my daycare and I have this policy to keep myself/my family and the other children/families healthy. He says "Fine. I think this is ridiculous". Then dcd goes to his car and puts dcb in his carseat. Dcd then returns and POUNDS on my door, I open it nervously, and he lashes out at me - demanding that I go get the copy of this contract he signed, RIGHT NOW (raised voice), in front of other children. I inform him that I am working and I will email him a scan of his signed copy when I have time.

I am so beyond frustrated with this family that it is effecting my mental health and my love of my job. Dcb only has 2 more days here but I do not want to deal with any more confrontation or rude behaviour from dcd. I'm DONE with dcd's poor and disrespectful attitude. Is it rude to email dcd & dcm a termination letter effective immediately? Am I in the wrong to do this? What would you do?

I am so fed up I want to cry. Any advice/opinions would be greatly appreciated!!!! Thanks :)

Oh you poor thing....Thank goodness it is nearly over. Do you have a clause in your contract allowing you to terminate without notice? I do for this exact reason and dcd's actions would warrant this policy being applied effective immediately. I would also be putting in writing that should there be any further incident of aggressive, threatening behaviour I would be reporting him to the police and he should not set foot on my property again.

If you do not have a clause in your contract I advise you to write an email in addition to calling the mother stating that as a result of dcd's actions he is not permitted to drop off or pick up for the remainder of daycare days. It is in your best interest and the safety of the children and I would have zero tolerance for this. If he shows up to drop off, do not answer the door, and if he comes to collect, do not answer the door. I understand that the latter would result in with holding their child which is tricky, so then your alternative is to have the child ready with his belongings and to pass the child to the guy and close the door immediately. Putting it in writing also makes it clear what you are doing and why, while leaving the ever important paper trail. I also wouldn't engage in back and forth with the mother or father.

With any luck, they just won't bring him back for his last two days.

Best of luck...have a cry and get it out of your system, glass of wine after hours, bubble bath...whatever it is that makes you feel good. It is times like this when it is even more important to administer some self care. :flower:

OMG!

Does your contract say anything about immediate termination for aggressive behavior? If not make sure you add it in asap! I would email both parents today and tell them that due to their inability to follow your contract and after today's behavior that they are no longer welcome in your home. Pack up the child's things, write out their receipt and arrange a time where mom can pick it up as Dad is no longer welcome on your property.

I also want to add that going forward stick to your contract from day 1. Some people will take advantage the second it is allowed.

Yes terminate immediately if it's in ur contract due to disrespectful behaviour and raised voice to you Infront of the children. If u don't have it in the contract ull have to bear the next two days and add it in for new families.

Don't bend ur rules not even slightly it gives the parents the feeling they can bend anything they want as u can clearly see here with this family.

Also in future don't let those issues or other issues go so far. If they are disrespecting u, yelling at u, saying paying a late fee is stupid, if they aren't fixing problems like clean clothes, crying, behaviour....just terminate . U don't need that stress. Find another family that will love and respect u as u deserve.

Unfortunately I dont have anything in my contract stating I can terminate immediately for reasons x,y,z. (I will 100% be adding this in tonight for all future clients!) Could I still terminate and refund the 2 days? What could be the repercussions of doing this? I don't want to deal with dcd at all any more.

If I am unable to terminate, I plan to inform both dcp that I will no longer allow dcd to pick up and drop off for the remainder of dcb's time with me. I will note that I am uncomfortable with him being on my property due to his disrespectful and confrontational behaviour. If they choose to send dcb and dcd does any pick up/drop off they will receive an immediate termination notice and I will not refund any of their days. I will also make sure my spouse is home Friday just in case he decides to show up on the last day and try to cause trouble.

Dcd needs to understand that he cannot make me feel unsafe in my own home and I will not tolerate this behaviour.

Thank you for the replies and support/encouragement ladies. I am so exhausted by this family. So happy the end is in sight!!!

Poor you !!f you do have to do the 2 last days then have the phone with you so if there is any trouble at the door you can always say that you feel unsafe and ready to call the police
Enjoy your long weekend :)

Oh my goodness.
Honestly, I think it's a huge liability to let that family come back for even one more day.
I would terminate effective immediately and tell them you'll mail the 2 day refund.
Keep your door locked. If he pulls up and bangs on the door, yell through the door that you're calling the police.

Due to a general air of disrespect to towards myself and my daycare today will be johnnys final day at "the best daycare ever" enclosed is your refund of $xxx for the unused days that were prepaid. I wish you all the best in the future.
Sincerely "the best daycare provider you just lost"

Have two copies and make him sign your copy before handing him the money /cheque

Can your spouse be there for pick ups the next 2 days? What about a neighbor? Generally these bullies like to target one person as they feel they have the power...adding another person can mute the situation.

I don't know that you can terminate without notice since it isn't in your contract and I would worry that would just anger him and make the situation worse. As much as I would not want this man anywhere near me and the daycare you might not have the choice I think your best bet is to not allow him entry (have child ready and send him out the door, close and lock the door. Bring in additional adults. Anyone you can just to be viewed and present and to be witnesses to anything said/done. If you can't be inside with another adult present can you be outside in the front yard where there is more of a chance others are around?

I hope it goes smoothly for you :-(

I hope it went well!
Let us know that you're ok too!!

dreadful situation. I not good at threatening behaviour so for me, I wouldn't not have opened door with him pounding but would have called police.

I think even without termination policy for aggressive, I would send him back fees for final days and let him know they not welcome, that safety of other children more important.

Yes, terminate immediately. Crayon kiddies had a fabulous response. You don't need to put in your contract that if you fear for your safety that your contract is over. Document EVERYTHING in case they do take you to small claims court. People like this tend to be too busy bullying other people to bother with a law suit.
Without the abusive part, this sounds a family I'm terming - complaints about everything and renegotiating my contract repeatedly to fit their life. I put up with it for 9 LONG months. Next time, will save myself the headache and terminate the first time someone is blatantly disrespectful. Life is too short to put up with turkeys on a daily basis.

How did it go??

Sorry for my delayed response my weekend was crazy busy!

Update:
I sent both dcm and dcd and email telling them that this behaviour was inappropriate and won't be tolerated. I informed them that for the remaining 2 fays I would not allow dcd to pick up/drop off. I said if they had an issue with (dcm not being able to) this that I would issue them a refund and they could pick up their childs belongings on the weekend.

I received an apology email from dcd for his actions. Dcm emailed and said this wasn't possible and they will take the refund.

I was sad that when dcm came she brought her older child and didn't bring dcb. I feel like I never even got to say bye....I just spent 9 months with him and then I'm gone. Made me sad. :(

I will say that I am very relieved not to have to deal with this family anymore. Good riddance!!!!