How does being a daycare provider effect your own kids?

Hello!
Ive been running an ahdc since my son was 6 months old. I have two kids 6 and 8 and I feel me running this business has been a double edged sword a bit.

On one hand they both have learned how to share very quickly and they both love babies and the new ones that come in. They make friends easily and can have a play date anytime they want because I am home for them. Sick days are not a problem here. Your sick and dont want to go to school fine not an issue. :yes:

On the other hand they have had to sacrifice so much. Their toys are played with, their rooms are used for naps and their clothes are often borrowed. They get attached to the dc kids so when they leave, they feel like they've lost a sibling and often are upset. At times of a hard day they come home to a stressed out mom and feel the responsibility to "help out". :blink:

I guess I was wondering if others have the same feeling as well?

Quote:

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Originally Posted by lotssoflove

Hello!
Ive been running an ahdc since my son was 6 months old. I have two kids 6 and 8 and I feel me running this business has been a double edged sword a bit.

On one hand they both have learned how to share very quickly and they both love babies and the new ones that come in. They make friends easily and can have a play date anytime they want because I am home for them. Sick days are not a problem here. Your sick and dont want to go to school fine not an issue. :yes:

On the other hand they have had to sacrifice so much. Their toys are played with, their rooms are used for naps and their clothes are often borrowed. They get attached to the dc kids so when they leave, they feel like they've lost a sibling and often are upset. At times of a hard day they come home to a stressed out mom and feel the responsibility to "help out". :blink:

I guess I was wondering if others have the same feeling as well?

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I feel it as well and my little one is only 3, been doing this a year! Please there must be way more positives? Do me a favour and ask your kids what there favourate things are and what are there negatives! Report back if you can!

I just wrote a whole post and it dissappeared!!

Anyhow, Positives - being at home with my kids; being my own boss etc, etc. I belive there is a whole thread on this! LOL! Which I totally agree that all of the points listed in that thread are wonderful reasons to run a home daycare!

However, I hear you, I am experiancing the double edged sword at the moment as well. At first my daugther (3 when I started) was jealous, however, once she got over that, both my kids LOVED having the daycare kids here (they are all about the same age); besides that I needed the income, it was my number one reason why I would keep doing it, b/c my kids loved it. However, I suppose the novelty of that eventually wore off, they started to get upset that younger kids were napping in their rooms, that they couldnt have their school friends over or go on playdates of their own bc I'm always busy with a housefull of other kids. They have expressed to me more times than I can count that they wished we didnt have daycare at our house and both quite often will spend a good chunk of time playing alone in their rooms (their choice). And most recently bc I've lost most of my dcks due to my upcoming mat leave, they are devestated that their friends arent coming anymore. I've also found that my son's behaviour is very influenced when a certian other dck is around.

I feel that my kids have been so affected by the daycare that I'm considering taking the fact that I've lost most of my dcks as an opporunity, motivation (or a sign LOL!) to come up with another way of earning an income from home. My kids are so unhappy right now and it breaks my heart.

I think at times my kids hate daycare but I explain to them that I do this so they don't have to go to daycare. I ask them what they would rather...come home to play outside with THEIR friends and THEIR toys or go to daycare where they are forced to be around the same kids (whether they like them or not) every day, not be able to play with THEIR own friends of THEIR choice, or play with their own toys. They choose for me to do daycare EVERY TIME!

It's hard for them and me. My day is long with kids so I get irritable in the evenings sometimes from being "on" with kids for so long and sometimes my family takes the brunt of that. I try not to but it happens. I make way more money doing this than if I went to work somewhere. so we all suck it up and do our best.

Thank you for this post OP. It gave me an opportunity to see the whole picture. I don't have a child yet therefore, I don't have this problem yet. Thank you again for making me think about the future when i have my own kids.

Cocoon

I have seperate toys books etc for my dc this way i dont have to worry about my children getting upset if something gets broken My kids get along great with the dc children only 1 of my children are home during the day the rest are all in school so this way my youngest has someone to play with and they teach each other new things as well

I do worry about my children and the psychological effect that having the daycare might have on them.
My son is older and seems pretty cool with it most of the time. Occassionally the kids do touch something he accidentally left out and I hear "I wish they weren't coming to our house...I hate the daycare" etc. BUt that is few and far between

My daughter is 5 and is a bit more sensitive. She loves having the kids here and having them play games but she gets very upset when the toddlers want to play by themselves and not with her or when other kids call me "mommy" by mistake or they come and hug me. I can just see the gears turning in her head and her feeling bad about herself or inferior just because I hug or say something nice to another child. I try to give her extra love during nap times or after daycare and tell her she is my favorite girl in the whole world but who knows whether it is enough.

I also agree with the person who said that sometimes by the end of the day I am more curt with my own kids and feel like I need ALONE time to hear myself think and sometimes can push my kids away because I feel like I am on children-overload. That isn't good either

From my experience of providing in home daycare for 26 + years and having children at home, I can only speak in regards to my children and yes, I feel that having an at home daycare did affect my kids and some more than others. I have 3 grown daughters and now that they are older and facing having their own children, they often tell me that they felt a bit left out when it came to the daycare children. When my own children were sick with colds, etc. I had them up in their rooms, but when daycare children were here with colds, they were allowed to play with everyone. They said they sometimes felt that the daycare kids were more important (which of course they were not) and I did try to explain that I had chosen this occupation so that I could stay home with them and not have to take them to someone elses house. I never got to experience a school play, or school activities because I was always watching others children (even though they got to see their childrens school activities) I remember going to the school finally when our daughter was in grade 7 for an interview, I was stopped in the hallway and asked why I was there, I explained and the woman actually said OMG there is a mom, well happy to meet you finally. I laughed, but it struck hard. So you do have to find a way to balance the daycare children and your own. If able to go back, I would make sure to take a couple personal days so that I could have went to school functions which was very important to my girls.

I have only been doing this for just under a year, but so far, I only really see the benefits to my own children. Not only that they get to be home with me, but that they get to learn how to share, cooperate, get along with a group of children. I think this is something that has been kind of lost in our society as everyone focuses on the individual and kids learn young that is all about "me me me" and "mine mine mine". I have three kids (16 years, 3 1/2 and 1 1/2) and they are all okay with the daycare because they do not have a choice. I cannot even imagine feeling guitly about doing something that benefits them all financially, emotionally, etc. Even my 16 year old does not complain about smoe of the sacrifices he makes for the daycare (ex. kids napping in his room). He understands that families must work together to get ahead and this means sacrifices on everyone's part as well as benefits for everyone. I think it is all in how you approach it. If you feel guilty and bad about it, then your kids will pick up on this and feel that it is not a good thing. So far, none of my kids has said anything negative about the daycare or the dck's and if it does happen, I will explain to them just what I just explained in this post. Kids complain about all kinds of things...anything they don't like at the moment...that's why parents make the decisions for the family, not the kids. I don't see sacrifice and comprimise as negatively affecting children...I see it just the opposite, even if they complain.

Same here, kanga. My kids love the daycare. However, my kids are 12, 9 and 7, so the dck's don't use anything of theirs, and they are old enough to understand that I love them first, and that I am doing this to be home for them.

I found it interesting monty, that you said you felt your home daycare stopped you from going to your kids' school. I feel like most working mothers don't get a chance to go to their kids' school for any reason. I mean, how often would you tell your boss that you were taking a day off to volunteer for a school trip or to see your kid accept an award at an assembly? Probably never. I think that having the daycare actually allows for me to be around my kids' school more. I can take the toddlers with me to pick my children up from school, or to drop by at recess on the way to or from the playground. I have also gone on a field trip to a conservation area with the dck's in tow (with the parents' permission, of course).

My mom ran a day home out of my childhood home for 18 years. It didn't bother me a bit that she ran a day home. My mom had a rule that I had one or two toys that were "special" I got to keep them in my room and I did not have to share them with the day care kids. That being said I wasn't allowed to play with them when the other kids were there if I wouldn't share. I liked to have those toys that were just mine it made me feel special. I don't have any bad memories of "growing up in a day home".

Rather than look at the negatives of what your kids have to tolerate think about what it would be like for them if you didn't do daycare and instead went out to work. How often do you let them sleep in a bit longer in the morning compared to the dc who are up, fed , and driven to your house? In someone else's home they would only have the playroom to be in, no bedroom to be alone in, they wouldn't have access to their own toys all day just those of the caregiver. They would have to go to school unless really really sick cause you can only take so many days off before getting fired. You are not there when they run in from school with special news, or forget something and need it taken to them..... the list of benefits far outweighs the negatives.

Just as we expect the daycare children to adapt to the new reality of daycare our own children will too. The less we try to make it up to them the less they will feel there is anything to be made up. Our guilt can be the cause of issues sometimes.

Two of my four kids were born into the daycare and the others were 18 months and 4 months when I started so for the most part have known nothing else. As they got older were there a few issues yes. Mostly it had to do with them forgetting what it would be like if the daycare kids weren't there and instead I went out to work. And if I didn't go out to work what they wouldn't have - the extra clothes, pizza for supper, whatever. Once they put it all into perspective they usually settled down.

I am expecting my first child and have been running my ahdc for about 6 months. I could see how constantly sharing your space as a young child may be very frustrating-so I have kept the daycare completely separate from my family's living space (for my sanity as well) :) . I have toys and books, nap room, bathroom and small kitchen that are all on one floor that is designated to the daycare. However, I do realize that this isn't possible for everyone and feel fortunate, especially after reading these posts that I have been able to keep my business separate from my household.

My kids would complain, sometimes. But tough. I think they would have complained a lot more if THEY were the ones going to daycare. As others have said, we make small concessions, for the greater good. We explained that to them many a-time.

As we work for long hours, we were not able to connect with our child. But the day care centre lady update us about her whole day in daycare. So even if we are not in contact with them for 9 or 10 hours a day, they make up our children and their social mind well. Sometimes they gift them some nameplates as well for their activities.

Wow! Thank you everyone for your honesty and for even posting this thread. I have been thinking about this A LOT too. Especially since I have been noticing more and more behaviour from my own child that I don't like and he only exhibits it when certain children are here (and surprise surprise these are the children who are the ones who regularly behave that way). I've been asking myself if my son is benefiting from this or not. And truth be told, as much as I don't like some of the things that he is learning and yes I admit that at the end of the day I am drained of patience for children and can be a bit snippy to my own family. I know what happens at day homes and I would prefer this stuff to happen under my supervision rather than someone else's. Plus, when I lay everyone else down for their naps I go back into his room and we cuddle and he gets his own special story read to him. It's at that moment that despite all of the frustrations and questions/doubts that I have about this career path go away because I know that I wouldn't be able to have that moment with him if I was working outside of the home. I do think that the longer I do this job (it will be 2 years this July) that it has been getting easier the more that I learn about myself, other children, what works, what doesn't. I also think that a huge thing to learn is to take care of yourself and that changes a lot of the atmosphere too.

My children love that I am home for them after school, they are now 17,13 and 10 and they EXPECT me to be here after school to provide snack (I bake a lot) homework help and just have the ability to have some down time which they would never get at a before/after school program. I never expected them to share their toys, anything special was in their rooms and for naptimes little ones are always in play pens so as not to get into my kids stuff. I don't use my kids clothes for daycare kids, if the parents don't send stuff for their own child that's just a shame. I do not keep toddler sized clothes for everyone. Yes I have missed daytime school functions but my husband or his mom go to make sure our family is represented and for the really important stuff I will take a personal day to attend, that is why I put 5 paid personal/sick days in my contract because life happens. Maybe your kids aren't thrilled right now but they will understand as they get older I'm sure. Good luck and don't give up unless it is really right for your family