Unsettling temper outburts!!!

Hi …I would really appreciate some input. We took on a little boy about two years ago. He is a nice little guy, but a tad dramatic. Not unmanageable at all, just required a bit more attention, especially when teething. The family is terrific 95% of the time, but over the years, the father has been quite unpleasant 4 times. He first lost his temper when he thought we shouldn’t send his son home when he was ‘just’ teething! The mom quickly apologized and told us to call her first in the future. This isn’t always sensible because she is a surgical nurse, nonetheless, things settled down for another year when they started their second son (who is not dramatic!)
The father came in one day and because he heard his little boy crying, he mistakenly assumed my daughter (18 years) had left him cry for 2 hours of the nap. He did not allow her to explain that he had just wakened, had been unwilling to be picked up, had been left for a few minutes to care for a child who seemed unwell (and who proceeded to vomit almost immediately.) He was very angry and intimidating and informed her that he would be calling her later to deal with the situation. I am usually on sight but was upstairs at the time so missed this but was really distressed that he would behave in this manner. I talked to the mom and once again she seemed open to our explanation…especial ly as she did the pick up the next day…and another child vomited. She, being very sensible, sat down with her son and the other children and read them a book while my assistant that day was able to clean up in a calm manner. She explained that her husband had had a truly horrible day the day before.
He came in the next day to talk to me and explain his perception and why he had been so angry. I asked him to speak to my daughter and allow her to hear his explanation. He refused to look at her but we did manage to explain how sometimes things appear one way, when in reality a care-giver has made the best choice in a difficult situation. We extracted a promise from him that he would come in one day for a few hours so he could see how we managed our child care and better appreciate our responsibilities….th at was several months ago and he has not come in for that visit.
The most recent incident was this week. He had been allowing his little boy to bring in a toy every day and was deaf to our gentle, but infrequent (our fault ...should have been firmer), hints that this made things a bit difficult for us, especially the day before when we had temporarily lost the toy and the little guy had to go home without it. The next morning I made a ‘request’ that the little guy leave all toys in the car for a little while. The dad exploded. He grabbed the toy from his son's hand, shoved it in his pocket, told me he was sick of hearing a lecture every time he came in. Then he told me I was in for ‘something’ with the child….and wouldn’t explain. Finally, he announced that we were not to call him if we thought the boy was sick, because he wasn’t. He was just fussy. Although he was able to manage that day, the little guy was off sick the next three days.
Help. I really like this family (esp. Mom) when they are ‘on their game’, but these temper outbursts of the father, are really unsettling. The rest of the time he is calm, pleasant, smart and funny.

Sorry I would terminate based on his absolute rudeness and the fact that your always walking on eggshells with him!

Is there anyway you could only deal with mom? If not I don't know what I would do honestly it definitly would be unsettling to have a man throw a temper tantrum in front of me

He would be GONE. It is one thing to deal with a child who has behavioural issues it is quite another with a parent.

If ANY parent EVER yelled at me or was otherwise blatantly disrespectful they would be gone. NOT cool. Would he do that at Walmart? Would he speak to his co-workers like that and keep his job? The answer is NO! Then why should he be permitted to speak to YOU like that?

YOU and only YOU accept that behaviour from him. If you don't want parents yelling at you then don't allow parents to yell at you. Period.

I know! My family and staff really like these people so this is an uphill slog. I will leave things for the holiday and try to work something out...maybe asking him to stay off the property and having mum take care of drop off and pick up. Hmmm...we'll get it sorted out...hopefully with NO DRAMA! Thanks a bunch to all for your input.

Yikes. Sorry you have to deal with this. This would be pretty awkward and hard for me to deal with. I hope you can find a good solution.
On one hand you like the kids and mother and would be losing two kids incomes but I can see where it is a struggle to have to deal with angry and disrespectful outbursts. That is just not right or healthy for anyone.
Good luck:)

I would terminate immediately. He has no right to talk to you or your daughter in that manner, especially in your own home. This man has no respect for you or your business so get rid of him. There is no reason you should have to put up with that kind of treatment and if he treats you that way, I have no doubt that his son will start treating you that way as well.

Don't you have a termination clause in your contract that states that you will terminate in case of any verbal or physical abuse by parents or children? You deserve respect in your home and your business and no matter if there is a chance that you can help this little boy's behaviour or not, the father's behaviour screams abuse. So sorry you had to go through this, but demand that he behaves like an adult in your home or else. Start advertising.

Yes, we do have a clause for exactly that purpose. The biggest problem is that we have become attached to this family...even my staff and daughter (the one to whom he was very rude!) wants me to keep them on. She believes that if we just make the relationship more business-like, we won't have any more problems. This may prove to be quite a 'life lesson' for her because I believe the father will misbehave again, and/or, they will find a new day care despite our efforts. I will keep my eyes open for new children while this works itself out because I'm pretty sure we will be dumped....rudely!! Thanks everyone!

The challenge with attempting to only deal with mom is that, chances are, that won't work for them! Sometimes parents absolutely have to split up the kid pick up arrangement. And if you refuse to deal with dad, I think it likely that they will be gone.
I would give a firm and final warning and remind them (although it shouldn't be necessary!!) of how you expect to be treated. And then no more "friends" with dad, strictly business, as you mentioned. If he feels like he is on that "level" with you, he will feel more comfortable taking out his crappy day on YOU. Ugh, what an uncomfortable arrangement for you. Perhaps you will be able to outright discuss this with both mom and dad present (I don't think you should just talk to mom, messages get mixed up that way sometimes) and save this. Otherwise, I would say goodbye, even if you love the majority of the family. It's not worth worrying if today is the day he's going to yell at you or your daughter or staff again.

^^^ Exactly what mom-in-alberta said. I'm so sorry you have to deal with this! If it were ME, they'd be gone.

I would agree... I would let them go too... :( eventhough you are attached to them.