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DisneyPrincess ''Discipline'' the child when... 01-24-2013, 07:24 AM
Inspired by Reggio My house, my rules and until... 01-24-2013, 07:40 AM
JennJubie When I had my son in daycare... 01-24-2013, 04:04 PM
kidlove you werent "firm" you were a... 01-24-2013, 07:45 AM
Inspired by Reggio Well now that the behavior is... 01-24-2013, 07:48 AM
DisneyPrincess Yah when I tried once to... 01-24-2013, 07:59 AM
Inspired by Reggio I personally do not use time... 01-24-2013, 08:17 AM
mimi Oh geez stories I could tell... 01-24-2013, 08:24 AM
Inspired by Reggio I have the same rule ~ if a... 01-24-2013, 08:34 AM
DisneyPrincess I have patio door, very... 01-24-2013, 09:56 AM
daycarewhisperer Naw it's not because they... 01-24-2013, 10:48 AM
bright sparks I think a lot of parents are... 01-24-2013, 10:56 AM
daycarewhisperer I don't allow parents to... 01-24-2013, 08:31 AM
bright sparks I am greatful to your... 01-24-2013, 10:52 AM
daycarewhisperer It's a process. First the... 01-24-2013, 11:39 AM
mimi Reggio, it is a Big rule in... 01-24-2013, 08:43 AM
DisneyPrincess OMG LADIES THIS MORNING... 01-25-2013, 07:11 AM
kidlove disney: i have used timeouts... 01-24-2013, 08:45 AM
DisneyPrincess Wow you ladies have guts... I... 01-24-2013, 10:04 AM
Inspired by Reggio Just imagine us all standing... 01-24-2013, 10:12 AM
daycarewhisperer It's not guts for me. It's... 01-24-2013, 10:40 AM
kidlove I do agree in part with you... 01-24-2013, 10:54 AM
bright sparks The people who raise their... 01-24-2013, 11:05 AM
kidlove if I let every child who hit... 01-24-2013, 10:58 AM
bright sparks Exactly!! :):) 01-24-2013, 11:05 AM
kidlove funny one for ya! i saw one... 01-24-2013, 10:20 AM
Inspired by Reggio Because we parent out of the... 01-24-2013, 10:31 AM
DisneyPrincess OMG kidlove - the boy the... 01-24-2013, 11:58 AM
kidlove agreed Reggio. I do recognize... 01-24-2013, 10:48 AM
DisneyPrincess Daycarewhisperer, you are... 01-24-2013, 12:16 PM
mom-in-alberta My handbook states that once... 01-24-2013, 03:50 PM
DisneyPrincess OMG I did it ladies ! Thanks... 01-24-2013, 05:35 PM
kidlove Good for you! Just... 01-24-2013, 06:42 PM
mom-in-alberta Great job!! :) 01-24-2013, 10:16 PM
Inspired by Reggio Oh wow ~ that totally sucks... 01-25-2013, 07:30 AM
mimi Disney you were proud of... 01-25-2013, 07:35 AM
Inspired by Reggio Agreed Mimi ~ in fact I would... 01-25-2013, 07:47 AM
kidlove yuck! this is a prime example... 01-25-2013, 07:48 AM
DisneyPrincess You know the worst part is... 01-25-2013, 08:07 AM
Inspired by Reggio I have had clients in the... 01-25-2013, 01:10 PM
DisneyPrincess Yes I realized that I should... 01-25-2013, 08:06 PM
daycarewhisperer What the Mom needs to GET is... 01-25-2013, 01:38 PM
kidlove live and learn disney. There... 01-25-2013, 08:19 AM
Momof4 We've all had difficult... 01-25-2013, 08:26 AM
mom-in-alberta Aw, Disney; that STINKS and I... 01-25-2013, 12:14 PM
Mambia I have a dcb who is great all... 03-19-2013, 03:28 PM
daycaremum It comes down to bad... 03-20-2013, 10:48 AM
PPF123 It's a test. They are seeing... 10-24-2013, 11:40 AM
  1. #1
    Euphoric ! bright sparks's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by daycarewhisperer View Post
    I don't allow parents to parent under my roof. I am the leader until they are off site. I also don't allow ANY violence in my home so when the child hit the parent it would upset me so much that I couldn't have the kid anymore. It's a deal breaker here. There's no amount of money worth me watching violence in my own home. It's not about them.... what's best for them... their needs... their child... their ways. It's just about ME and what I need in MY house. No judgements... I get that there are a lot of parents who are perfectly comfortable with that kind of violence... but I'm not and my dc kids sure the heck arent. Some of them have been here for four plus years and never seen anything violent happen here. I wouldn't want them to witness it or my other clients either. Too risky and too upsetting.

    She would be told that it's never to happen again and I wouldn't allow her inside my house with the kid. I would have her deliever the kid to the door step and I would bring her in over the threshhold and receive the child at the outside of my house on the door step. If they made a scene from the front door to the car... then they would have to go. My neighbors wouldn't like that deal AT ALL and they are way higher priority in the food chain than any day care clients or kids. Day care kids come and go but my neighbors are here for decades. I want THEM to live in peace too.
    I am greatful to your contributions to this forum daycarewhisperer and find that quite often you present a different angle through your opinions on different subjects. I am interested in your comment about how if a child hit once that you would no longer accept them into your daycare. I was just wondering why you wouldn't work with a family and child to rectify this behaviour? I understand that you said that it is your need to have a violent free home, but I know that so many children act out physically and it isn't acceptable behaviour under any circumstances but I struggle with the idea of not doing anything about it other than sending them off to somebody else to deal with. I'd love to hear your thoughts on this as I know there has to be a line drawn when enough is enough but surely every child deserves a second chance and speaking for myself as a caregiver, investing my time in these children through good and bad is part of my role in the children's lives.
    Last edited by bright sparks; 01-24-2013 at 10:53 AM. Reason: Typo

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    Quote Originally Posted by bright sparks View Post
    I am greatful to your contributions to this forum daycarewhisperer and find that quite often you present a different angle through your opinions on different subjects. I am interested in your comment about how if a child hit once that you would no longer accept them into your daycare. I was just wondering why you wouldn't work with a family and child to rectify this behaviour? I understand that you said that it is your need to have a violent free home, but I know that so many children act out physically and it isn't acceptable behaviour under any circumstances but I struggle with the idea of not doing anything about it other than sending them off to somebody else to deal with. I'd love to hear your thoughts on this as I know there has to be a line drawn when enough is enough but surely every child deserves a second chance and speaking for myself as a caregiver, investing my time in these children through good and bad is part of my role in the children's lives.
    It's a process. First the parents contact me and read my website where I have this: We have little behavior issues with our kids. They don't hit, bite, fight, or be mean to each other in any way. The love each other and treat each other with respect and admiration.


    During the interviews we talk extensively about it. I let them know that I don't allow ANY violence. I tell them I WILL discipline their child in my home when they are here at drop off or pick up. If the kid is mobile I discipline them during the interview if they do something I don't allow so the parents see that I am VERY comfortable correcting their child in my house.

    So the parents of older babies or toddlers know that I don't have violence so if their kid hits, figths, bites they don't hire me.

    Next phase is to address the pre-violence behaviors which include any physical resistance, bucking/flailing while in the arms of the adult, pulling/grabbing on clothing, putting their hands to the face of the adult in a clapping motion, bycycle kicking during diaper changes as a resistance or flipping during a diaper change, pulling their hands away when the parent purposely has them clasped, and grabbing at hair. When they start that stuff as infants I address it with the parents and show them the techniques I have to get them to stop it.

    I tell the parents THIS is the stuff they do before they start whacking at you... kicking you... pulling hair etc. I work with the parents to stop it at THAT level. With each interaction I have the parents know I mean business.

    I say phrases like "I can't have that here" "he can't do that" "I can't have him kicking at me" "I can't have him grabbing my glasses" etc... when they are really little... like seven to twelve months.

    By the time they are walking the parent knows the line. They are also talked to about these pre behaviors and I tell them pretty frankly that if the kid does that to THEM at home they need to TELL me so I can nip it in the bud here.

    I also watch them from car to door. If the kid starts acting up on my property I open the door and SAY something. I don't let anything slide. I say "stop it", "knock it off", "NO", or whatever to get the kid to know I'm watching and the parent to know I mean it. I don't want my neighbors having to listen to a badly behaved kid a few feet away.

    If I see an older baby grabbing at their moms (it's almost always the mom) I SAY something right there "NO johnny... leave it..." and show the parent how to turn the child away from them and put them on ignore or "shun" while we continue to talk.

    Bit by bit they get it. The parents don't want bad behavior here and as their child ages they love the fact that they are safe to know they won't get hurt here. Their friends and family who have age mate children are getting hurt at day care and they proudly say their child doesn't act like that and they have NEVER been bit at their day care.

    It's a process but it works. I'm never afraid to take over and I discipline them right in front of their parents. I let the parents know that I can't manage it and if they want this deal they have to be on the same plan. I've never had a kid raise their hand to me... not once in my 34 year career. They KNOW better from day one. The parents know I not only will not allow it towards me or the kids but I won't allow it between them and their kids under my roof.

    One other thing.. is that the discipline/corrections with child and parent are VERY short and quicklike. I say what I have to say and then in a flash... I'm over it. I don't do therapy sessions. I don't do "I'm sorry's". I don't make a big deal of it once I've corrected or said my peace. I just MOVE ON to the next thing and act as if nothing happened. I am a super quick forgiver and I don't make too much out of it.

    The parents know over time that I TRULY love love love love love their kids. I love them with every bit of my soul. I would give my life for them. When they really GET that you are coming from a pure heart and not any other place but what is best for yourself, the other kids, my kid, my property, and their kid they have an intrinsic trust. They may not LIKE every correction or redirection but they know for sure that it aint personal and I dig their kid. It's just my ways and the results are excellent.
    Last edited by daycarewhisperer; 01-24-2013 at 11:52 AM.
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