HELP! I have a hitter!

I have a 22 month old DC girl who has been with me for 8 months. She's always been a bit of a challenge, but nothing too serious or nothing that I couldn't handle.

But! She's starting hitting. It started with normal behaviour. She isn't talking too much yet, so this is how she expresses her frustrations. I worked with her and taught her gentle touching ect. And she improved slightly. But now... it's full out hitting, scratching, and today she took the tray from the dolly highchair and hit another child with it. She's just plain aggressive!

I've had this family for 8 months and although they aren't always the best family, they pay on time and have good hours. I would hate to terminate, but I need to get the aggression under control as I have 2 little ones starting soon.

Any suggestions?

Well what EXACTLY have you done so far? I don't want to give you advice for things you've already tried.

Have you JUST taught gentle touching? any consequences?

when she's aggressive enough to hurt someone she's seperated from the group for 2 min. We then go back, say sorry, give hugs and try again. I've talked to mom about big brother being a factor as he tends to play rough at home. She says she is assissting in stopping that behaviour between the siblings. I have spent days at a time directly by his side correcting immediatly and consistently and teaching "gentle"

I'm at the point where I keep her with me at all times as I'm starting to not trust her with the other kids. It's no fun for me and certainly no fun for her.

When I've had a hitter, I make a BIG DEAL out of the child whose been hit. I run up and say, "oh noooo, dck, are you ok? You don't like being hit, do you? That wasn't nice. Poor dck, that hurt!" I have totally found (started it with my own kids) that you can evoke sympathy and guilt from the perpetrator by doing this, when otherwise they mightn't give a flying fudge.

Put an end to touching as much as you can. One of the things I would not do is the go back and give a hug - I would be teaching the child that she is not allowed to touch her friends because until she learns not to hurt them. Schools have a hands off policy - in theory.

I don't do a time out as such but more a turn away. Meaning your friends don't want to play with you when you hurt them so go play somewhere else, then turn her around and steer her in the other direction. After two hits in the same freeplay session she plays alone for the rest of the time. Each day she gets to "try" being social, is reminded at the start of freeplay that we don't hit our friends and if we have a problem we come and get my help.

Take note if she is feeling threatened by the ones she hits - if a child is close enough to be hit then they are in the personal space of the hitter so something to consider. Was she afraid they were going to take what she was playing with, was she being ignored by the child she was trying to play with. Not that that means the hitting is ok but at least you will have found the trigger to work on.

Sometimes it does come down to teaching the other kids to keep their distance as in they bring it on themselves by getting in her space.

Hitting tends to give more warning than biting so that is one good thing. What is the opinion of teaching the other children that it is ok to defend yourself from a hitter or biter by pushing them away. I know not standard curriculum but it is also true that a bully will target those they know won't fight back.

As the words come the hitting usually stops so that is one eventual positive. Actually teaching the child to put their hands on their hips and say no, or me mad or something they can say when they are feeling like hitting - gives them the physical release they need, keeps the other child from getting hurt and warns them of the child's anger, gives you time to get there to interceded and use the incident as a teaching moment rather than coming in after the fact as the referee and calling a 2 minute penalty.

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Originally Posted by playfelt

Take note if she is feeling threatened by the ones she hits - if a child is close enough to be hit then they are in the personal space of the hitter so something to consider. Was she afraid they were going to take what she was playing with, was she being ignored by the child she was trying to play with. Not that that means the hitting is ok but at least you will have found the trigger to work on.

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My own daughter hit dcg today and I was shocked! I firmly said NO we dont hit and removed her from the playtime into the kitchen with me. As she went back to play I was hearing dcg whimpering....I stood in the back doorway to "spy"...well dcg was trying to force my daughter to sit next to her, my kid was pushing her away over and over again until wack! I went over and again said that hitting isn't allowed and to say NO I don't want to or to call me ---- then I turned to dcg and had a talking with her too. You cn't MAKE ppl do things (she has a bad habbit of being a "boss" directing others, barking orders that would come from an adult etc.)

So yeah I'd try to figure out why...

Thank you playfelt. You've given me a different direction to look at.

This morning she was trying to get by a child. She started by says "GO" loudly, when the child didn't move she picked up a toy and hit her with it. 2 weeks ago the same little girl pushed a child off the slide because they wouldn't move. I'm concerned that the aggression is more then I can deal with... or maybe should deal with.

I will try your suggestions and see how it goes. My frustration is that it's gone beyond normal 2 year old hitting.

But! No biting! (know on wood) Thank goodness for that.

I agree with Playfelt.

I have 'carpet squares' and 'hula hoops' to define space for children ... if a child is not playing sociably they go to the carpet square and have to play alone within that area so it is not a 'time out' but rather a 'time in' they can still engage in PLAY but they are done playing with others for a bit ... good visual for other kids do not bother someone when they are on a carpet square cause they need some alone time I have children who choose a 'time in' so to speak on their own they just need that break from being 'social' but still want to be able to play!

I use timeouts, but not 2 minutes for a 22 month old. I have a little boy who is 23 months old, not aggressive, but he hurts the others because he is just so tall and strong. This is the second little boy I've had in care like this so I know that this type of child just doesn't realize their own strength and has to be taught to be gentle, so hugs for his friend after about 30 seconds sitting out with me repeating a few times in a stern voice what he did wrong is working.

If the child in your care is having personal space problems, way to go playfelt, then I hope that solves the problem.