Im going crazy ahhh!

I have kids in my care right that are ages 4,22 months,21 months and my kids 2.5 and 5 yrs old. My problem is that my son and the 4yr old are to aggressive together and they dont listen and the little ones follow. Like for example yesterday was a very bad day I had them all playing in the playrrom while i was cooking lunch when the two older boys were playing rough with the toys so i put on a 20 min show just to get them them to relax. so i put the show on and go back into the kitchen to prepare lunch and i catch them jumping on the couch with the little ones. I am so fed up right now with there aggressions that i wish it was september already and they would go back to school. I think this is my last yr for school age and i think for my son i need to find summer camps for him. The 4 yr old and the 21 month old are brothers and they are a handful THe 21 month old hits, grabs your face, pinches, pulls hair, takes a fit where ever we go. for example we went to the dollar store to get a few things and i had to grab the stuff and go home because he was screaming bloody murder and everyone was staring at me. any suggestions keeping the older ones busy while i prep for lunch? Ive triend doing a table top activities (this is what i do with the little ones while they are school) but they dont seem interested. Ive also tried a show or a movie but they never sit to watch it. help! Any suggestions?

Hmmm ~ I do not do the aggression thing ~ first sign of that and they would loose their option to play around anyone for a long while anytime I was not right there to 'support' them in their play ~ they would have their space defined by a carpet square or a hula hoop and they could 'do something quiet' within that ALONE until they showed that they could be trusted to be with the group again by making good choices during the times I am there.

If they choose not 'stay' in their defined space and play during those times than they would have to come with me if I was doing something and not there to support them ~ aka hold the diaper while I change a bum, stand at the bathroom door and recite the ABC while I go pee and so forth ... if they are 'wee' than they would be in the playpen or booster seat while my hands are busy if they were in a stage of hurting others.

IMO if they were 'misbehaving' here ~ jumping on my couch and making poor play choices by disrupting the toys or equipment than they would have to earn back the trust to be able to do anything FUN while I prepared lunch ~ meaning they would be sitting at the table the day they had 'offending behavior' and be doing NOTHING but sitting quietly thinking about making better choices tomorrow ~ if they threw a fit about consequence than they would be on their BED instead cause I do not want to listen to that and when you remove the 'attention' they are getting it ends quicker. Next day they would be sitting at the table again with with 'books' to read or 'puzzles' and if they show me they can be trusted and respect that options than next day I would try them back in the livingroom to play with the group after 'reviewing' the expectations with them and if they 'misbehaved' again than it would restart with the day of nothing and than LONGER with having to stay within eye sight of me reminding them they have to 'earn the trust back by making good choices at the table' before trying again to be playing with peers while my hands are busy!

To me that is logical consequence ~ if you want to be within the group you need to be respectful of each other and the toys and equipment and if you CANNOT than you need to be 'contained' away from the group anytime I am not able to be right there to 'support and guide you' ... simple as that!

The expectation in the inside program here is to be respectful ~ be engaged in meaningful play ~ when you do that you pretty much have the freedom to be doing whatever you want however if you are NOT than there is an issue cause I just can not allow children the chance to hurt one another ~ I do not want to have to be explaining to clients at pick up time that little Johnny's gash on his face is because Bobby chose to throw a block at him cause it thought it would be fun or that Sally bit Alice while I was in the bathroom peeing!

I use timeouts over and over and over and removal of toys up on a high shelf if sharing doesn't happen. I tell them they are making me use my angry voice and my angry face and I don't like to do that and ask them to be nice. But when you speak to most children with a louder, firmer voice they usually take notice and know that you are at your limits. You have to be strong and ready to go crazy with doing it again and again for a few months until they understand but it's worth it, believe me! It worked with my own children and it works with my daycare children.

Can you do more food prepping the evening before? Can you put the children at the table with colouring while you cook? Experiment with different methods and find out what works best so your sanity stays intact. Been there dont that! Then, depending on the group I have as turnover happens, the personalities vary and different things work for different groups. You have to figure out what's best for you.

TIME OUT!!! Putting on a show is a)rewarding them for their behaviour, b)is only adding to the hyper activity and c)will not fix anything. If you do a little research on TV and the brain (please note: I am not one of those people who are against TV, I just use it "wisely" I guess you could say). It actually contributes to hyper activity. It uses a different part of the brain and once "released" it adds to a more hyper active behaviour. What I would do in your situation is take them into the kitchen with you and give them a book (triggers a more relaxed state in the brain) or allow them to sit quietly. If my kids ever got aggressive, it would an immediate time out. There is a difference between angry aggressive and playful aggressive, but because the other children are following, this behaviour should not be rewarded. If they want to wrestle, they can do it outside, but not in the house.

JMO

oh man!!!! do i ever know how you feel. Been there a million times. :) and at the end of the day I'm sure you may even question why you do what you do. like sometimes I envy the parents that "get to" go off to work for the day and leave their "troubles" :) with us!!!! ha ha. no, obviously we love what we do or we wouldn't do it right? still entitled to bad days now and again! have you ever tried the "higher expectations" game? while you are making lunch, call the older kids in the kitchen...real secretive, say..."sshhh! I have an idea" lets play a game. lets see who can show the little ones the best way to behave. no jumping, no yelling just quiet talk and quiet play, i will be watching and whoever plays the best gets to help later with snack or pick out a show to watch. whatever works. BRIBERY goes a LONG way with kids. Hay if that doesn't work threaten to call DAD!!! :) good luck!!!!