1 1/2 y/o.... driving me bonkers!!

Okay, gals.... I am running lower on patience these days it seems. I have a question about the behaviour about a child in my care.
He is a little over 18 months old. I have been caring for him since he turned 1, so a while now. He was a p/t, now f/t. He has ALWAYS been a very busy boy. Pushing buttons, into areas he has been told repeatedly "no", making messes, etc. Not "naughty" or mischevious, just always so busy. He can be surrounded with toys and will instead choose to go over to the kitchen cupboards and dump out the contents, even though he knows he is not allowed to do it. His verbal skills are a little behind, but I know that at this age, they UNDERSTAND almost all of what you say, even if they are unable to communicate back.
Lately it seems as though his behaviour has been getting more and more contrary. If I ask him to come put his shoes on, he runs the other way. If I say, "time to come off the trampoline", he lays down and stares at me, so that I need to come in and get him (that's super fun at 9 mos pregnant!) and so on. I have never seen this kind of stuff in a child this young. I find that this behaviour usually starts a couple years later?
Mom is an awesome lady, very involved parent, and we have a great relationship. I think the challenge is just that she is sooooooo easy-going that she's not teaching him the importance of..... well, for lack of a better word, obedience!! Hearing them come up the steps to the house in the morning sounds like this: "Come on, buddy. Come on. Come on, buddy, let's go. No, put that down, please. Put it down. Put it down. Come on. Let's go, buddy. Put the (whatever) down, and let's go...... " and more.
So what the heck do I do, to instill "listening skills" as I usually call them, before I go totally nuts?? I have been praising his good behaviour, and when he does listen I give him a very positive reaction. "GOOD JOB, ______, THANK YOU FOR LISTENING!" *big happy face*
Any other tips? I do understand that this is the age that they begin to push the boundaries and so on, but as I said, I have only dealt with it in this degree at an age when I was able to rationalize a little more with the child.

I deal with many children with behavior issues. Kind of got known for that through word of mouth. Lucky me. :( With the children that have these behaviors there is not one time that I have not seen a passive parenting style at the cause of it. I see parents begging the child and saying please five times thinking that it will work better than the first time did. This is a child that is used to being in control of other people, and as child get's older the behaviors get worse.

I focus on teaching the child control over themselves only and encouragement when they have been successful. I speak in the same tone all the time no matter what I am saying or asking. I ask only once and then take firm but gentle action. A child of 1.5 years has an incredible memory. They remember that they are not supposed to touch it, but emotionally can't resist. I get down to the child's level and let them know it is a no touch zone. I ensure they have heard me. After that when the child goes back, I do not ask again, but remove them. I remove them to a cool down area. Once there the child is in control of when they come out. That takes a while to aid them in learning to read their own emotion, but once accomplished it works very well. Consistency is key. Lack of listening skills is not the problem I don't think. The acting out is a negative way of feeling in control which is an inviting feeling to a child that really isn't in control of much in their lives.

It is important to make it inconvenient for the child to misbehave to deter it.

On the flip side, I provide choices and create situations where choices can be made. I do not allow the child to choose if they are going to wear socks, but if they will be green or yellow for example. I say "Good job" when they choose whatever color. The choices are risk free of consequence or the ability to make a poor choice at first. I just want to get the idea of choices over themselves first. Then we move on to other choices that involve others and work with that. Diversion, praise, encouragement and fun is stressed.

Changing the way you do things is bound to make things worse before they get better. This child is using mom as a doorbell, and trying with you too. When we go to a door and press the bell, we press again if no one answers. We may knock and press again. Maybe they didn't hear the bell we sometimes think. He is pressing the button in many different ways as he has learned the most effective way of getting what he wants. When the reactions to that changes, he will press the bell harder as things are not going the way he is used to. With consistency, in a short time he will quit pressing the bell and start to enjoy the new control he feels, but over himself instead of others. This child will now be praised for the feeling of control he has and the control will be in a positive manner.

Sounds like Clep has some good advice! I just wanted to add that I really hate it when parents refer to their kids as "buddy"! I know it is the trendy thing to do, but it drives me bonkers! My children are not my "buddies" they are my children and I am the parent, not their friend. I think parents have lost this concept all together! I don't refer to my daycare kids as "buddy" either for the same reason.

Getting parents to realize that it is their behaviour that is causing the issues is one of my pet peeves. When I ask a child to do something I expect it to be followed to the letter. So often a parent says get your shoes but then the child asks for a hug and gets one. The parent of course doesn't see the problem until it gets pointed out. Depending on the parent when I see this about to happen at pick up I will say something with the idea of childA you were asked to get your shoes. You need to do as you are told. Then I will turn to the parent and tell them that I am working on important skills such a staying on task, listening and then following through.

I have an 18 month old who does the same and he gets time outs in the play pen. When he misbehaves I tell him "no thank you" and give him 3 chances to stop & or come if he doesn't listen he gets a time out! Even if we are at the park he goes in his stroller. After 2 weeks of time outs all it takes now is to say want to go on a time out? He usually stops and says "no" LOL.

You need to also make sure his parents are on the same page for disipline as if they don't do it the same it just makes it harder for us!

Good Luck!

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Originally Posted by playfelt

Getting parents to realize that it is their behaviour that is causing the issues is one of my pet peeves. When I ask a child to do something I expect it to be followed to the letter. So often a parent says get your shoes but then the child asks for a hug and gets one. The parent of course doesn't see the problem until it gets pointed out. Depending on the parent when I see this about to happen at pick up I will say something with the idea of childA you were asked to get your shoes. You need to do as you are told. Then I will turn to the parent and tell them that I am working on important skills such a staying on task, listening and then following through.

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I completely get what you are saying. The parent fails to recognize the diversion tactic being used. When that one works, other tactics are used too, such as ignoring, denying, minimizing, lying etc as the child grows up.. You put that very well to the parent and child. You are more diplomatic than me with the parents. Thank you for aiding me in learning a vital skill.:D

Thanks very much, everyone. As I said, I am sure it is just bothering me more lately because I have been very run-down and lower on patience than usual.
I know that he is just pushing all his boundaries. I am continually reminding him of our expectations, and I know that it will all come together eventually. Too bad I am starting a month of mat leave soon... I know that I will have to retrain all the kids when they come back, SIGH.
I think I will try that tactic of saying in front of mom "_______, we LISTEN to mommy please." Nice and firm, but kind. Perhaps she will see that it's something that can be worked on, not just a phase to get through.
PS> I know it's not "just me" as my mom was over today and busted a gut laughing at his antics today. All she could say was "better you than me!!". :)