Potty Training ~ Am I Being Unreasonable?

Hi there,

I have a soon to be 3 yo dcb who has been out of diapers for about 5mths now. Mom just shows up one day informing me that he is in underwear. I explained to her my policy of children remaining in diapers/pull ups until they can fully communicate with me that they need to go. She protested, and long story short, I decided to give it a go her way. Anyways, he has yet to communicate with me when he needs to go, he just holds it until it's potty break. He is vocal with his parents, but not with me. I take the kids regularly to the potty and there have been minimal accidents. This is only with pee though....with poops, he goes when he needs to, and 9 times out of 10, it's not on the potty OR in his diaper that he still wears during nap time. He doesn't go poop here everyday, for the longest time he was doing his business at home before going to bed at night, so it was a non issue for me. But lately, his schedule has apparently changed and he's now going here, in his underwear. Yuck. Anyways, today was the last straw for me, (he went twice and both times he was JUST ON THE POTTY), so I told his parents that if he hasn't gone poop at home that morning, I will be putting him in a diaper until he goes. Not only is it time consuming for me to have to wipe this child down, but it's also a sanitary issue. Today his poop came out the back a bit! The parents were not happy with this, thinking it was going to cause him to regress and start peeing in his diaper again. The Mom got defensive, and accused me of not taking him to the bathroom enough! And they totally didn't understand the sanitary point, at all. It ended with them reluctantly agreeing to do it my way until dcb is able to let me know his need, but they weren't pleased whatsoever. Am I being unreasonable here?

Do you rinse out his underwear? I ask because I have a "no rinse" policy myself, and I think it helps to discourage parents from putting their child in underwear prematurely. If they have an accident it gets put in a bag and the parents can deal with it. Personally, cleaning out poop from underwear makes me gag, and most parents totally understand my not wanting to do it, and again, I think it discourages them when they realize they have to deal with it themselves, at the end of the day after it has sat in a bag for God knows how long!

Otherwise though, if he is having too many accidents I don't think it's unfair that you ask he be put in pull ups. it sounds like they are anxious for him to be potty trained but that shouldn't cost them their providers sanity. He's not ready. Plain and simple. Pull-ups back on until he is pooping on the potty consistently.

Thanks, Fun&Care. I also have a no rinse policy....it all goes in a bag ready for the parents to deal with. It obviously isn't discouraging them. Dad would just make excuses for why he thought it was happening. Mom, like I said, would usually comment that I wasn't taking him to the bathroom enough times. Honestly, I am surprised I didn't completely lose it today after the second poop he did in his pants, or after the reaction from his parents after telling them that I can't do this anymore.

The fact mom is saying you aren't taking him to the bathroom enough tells me that he doesn't tell the parents at home all the time either but they take him regularly which could be as often as every 20 minutes who knows. IF he was telling you when he needed to potty there wouldn't be accidents. My policy is pullups till I say otherwise. My rule is a month of no accidents and dry for a month at naptime before we do underwear at nap. I am not going to clean and wash bedding every day. No rinse policy here either - underwear and poop goes in a bag as is.

If you are having to take him to the potty all the time, and he is not telling you himself when he needs to go, then he is not truly potty trained. A potty trained child is able to vocalize the need to go and often can go the bathroom by themselves with little assistance.

I myself only take the kids to the bathroom twice in a day. 1) before outdoor play and 2) before naptime. If a child needs to go outside of these times they need to tell me, and I can help if need be.

You not taking him to the bathroom is not the reason he is having accidents. He is having accidents because he is not truly potty trained yet and the parents need to work on it at home for a little longer.

Sorry to hear the parents aren't taking it well though...it's not fair of them to expect you to clean up after him all the time.

I've been helping to train a near 3 yr dcb and I find he seems shy to tell me he needs to go do his business. After the second accident a couple of weeks ago, i told him just say the word 'washroom' to me as the special word and i'll open the gate to go. Just seemed like getting a whole sentence out when all he could concentrate on was not leaking seemed too much At first I'd still see him get squirmy needing to go but not telling me so I'd say 'looks like u need to say that special word so your underwear don't get dirty'' and I'd have him say washroom with me the first day or two.

By the third day he had it down pat on his own. 'm going to ask him next week to try and use full sentence. For a BM though he didn't get squirmy trying to hold it, he'd get quiet and go stand in the corner so I'd tell him to say the word when he feels that happening too. It's worked out so far and he seems happier. Hardest part is me hearing his soft-spoken voice amongst the louder kids.

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Originally Posted by Fun&care

If you are having to take him to the potty all the time, and he is not telling you himself when he needs to go, then he is not truly potty trained. A potty trained child is able to vocalize the need to go and often can go the bathroom by themselves with little assistance.

I myself only take the kids to the bathroom twice in a day. 1) before outdoor play and 2) before naptime. If a child needs to go outside of these times they need to tell me, and I can help if need be.

You not taking him to the bathroom is not the reason he is having accidents. He is having accidents because he is not truly potty trained yet and the parents need to work on it at home for a little longer.

Sorry to hear the parents aren't taking it well though...it's not fair of them to expect you to clean up after him all the time.

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I totally agree. And for them to tell you that you aren't taking the child to the bathroom enough is insulting. we are doing our jobs, and that is to support YOU, the PARENTS, when they have had success with potty training at home. We are caring for multiple children, and sometimes, there is more than one child potty training. We can't be in the bathroom every 20 min. because your child isn't telling us he has to go, and we certainly don't have time for poop accidents all the time.

I am curious to see how this works out for you, FSD. I meant to respond over the weekend....i would have sent a msg telling parent that dcb needs to come in pullups until he is communicating that he needs to use the washroom. I would say that we have set time when children may use the potty, morning, before lunch, before nap etc. And if child is having BM accidents right after his opportunity to use the washroom then it is not something you are able to accommodate due to the sanitary reasons and your attention needs to be on ALL the children, not taking dcb to the potty every 10-20 minutes.
It should not be YOUR fault if child regresses after being put back in pull-ups. This child is simply NOT ready!

Agree with everyone!! Pull-ups (not diapers though) should be sent. I also don't rinse, all goes in bag to go home. I have in my contract that I reserve the right to request pull-ups if there have been too many accidents.

I like that...I will add that to my contract as well, mickyc! Thanks!