When I first started a daycare, I did not expect to see how many families would just leave their kids with me just because I was open and had an opportunity to go home without them there.
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When I first started a daycare, I did not expect to see how many families would just leave their kids with me just because I was open and had an opportunity to go home without them there.
I have from time to time had parents drop kids off while they took a sick day or holiday but I have to say, for the most part, my parents have always kept their child home with them when they could. I offer a discount ($10 less/day) if they let me know before payment is due if they are going to be doing this. I have found the times that they do send them is when they have already paid and an unexpected day off comes up. I understand, they are paying for the service, so it's up to them to decide how they want to deal with it. If a parent takes a day to themselves from time to time, I am okay with it. However, when a parent is home often and still sends their child, I feel sad for the child. But this is my job and they pay me to do it so what can you do? I try not to waste my time worrying about what others do anymore...makes life so much more enjoyable :)
I also state in my contract that parents should be picking their child up shortly after their shift has ended and not waiting until my closing time if they do not need too. For quite some time, I was done work an hour early because all parents followed this suggestion/rule. Today I have a new child and they need care right until the last minute so my early days are over but that is okay too. I knew my early days wouldn't last forever haha. I am a daycare provider, not a babysitter and my parents know they are paying for the service not the hours.
You think that's bad?
I had a pair of daycare brothers who's parents took a week or so in the summer and the 2 weeks at Christmas, off work and sent them to me every single day...and wouldn't even pick up early!! Not to mention that to shut the kids up when they knew mom and dad weren't going to work and they wanted to stay home, dad would bribe them saying that when they got home from my house he would have a treat waiting for them! I would try to drop subtle suggestions, like "oh, they are the only ones here today(or this week), because the other parents took days off to do fun things with them", or "I remember when I got time off work before I did daycare and I cherished the extra time I got to spend with my kids". They totally didn't get it :no:
I've gotten parents like that all the time over the years. I still get miffed when a mom would drop her child off with mom still in her sweats and tell me that she has the day off but she just wanted to go home and back to bed. Hell, I would love to be able to do that too, but unfortunately I have parents that rely on me every day!!!
I totally understand what you mean adaycarelady! Unfortunately, some parents view it as a day they are paying for and not the service. I make it very clear that I am not a babysitter and that this is daycare. I am not with an agency so I fortunately don't have to worry about parents complaining about me. If they don't like the way I run things they are free to leave though.
I wouldn't go as far to call it neglect....just a different parenting style. I've been in the daycare business for a long time and have seen many different types of parenting and sometimes there is real neglect and that is painful to see and when actions need to be taken. Leaving their child with their dcp that they are paying is not neglect IMO.
It's sometimes frustrating to see parents do things so differently than we do or would do but we have to ask ourselves...are they neglecting/endangering their child or just doing things different than me? In the end, these are their children and there are probably a lot of things we do that parents don't like either but unless the child is being harmed, we sometimes just have to deal with it, both the parents and the providers.
I used to get upset/frustrated/annoyed with things (and trust me, I still do from time to time!!) but I have learned that there are some things I don't get to have a say in or control. As long as the child is happy, well cared for and loved that's all that matters! Fortunately for me, I have a great fiance and bff that allow me to vent about some of the crazy parenting styles I have seen! LOL
It is sad, very sad when parents are on vacation and bring their child to daycare every day. It breaks my heart! But I am here doing my job and the parents pay for their space and are entitled to use their days. There is no use getting upset, but give that child an extra hug! I can't imagine being that kind of parent but there are a lot of them out there I've discovered.
So now, I don't judge at all. If a parent needs a day to themself or to get a lot of work done around their home without their child, what difference does that make to me? Usually they will use a short day. But I had a parent on vacation last month who used their usual 9 hour days every day and I have a very different opinion of that parent now, I admit it.
Oh I totally agree!! I have a few just like that! I had one mom today with the day off who had a doctor appointment. I imagine her doctor appointment was only an hour or so not the 7 hours that I had the girl. The same mom took a week holiday in the fall and I also had her daughter 3 days out of the 5.
I have another mom who had today off. I asked her last week if I should expect her daughter today. She said she would let me know as she wasn't sure yet. She said she really would like a day to herself but was debating on whether she was going to feel like getting up and dressed to bring her daughter here today. She ended up not coming. I just shake my head though...sure it is nice to have a day to yourself but I have her daughter from 8-5 everyday then on weekends she pawns her daughter off on grandma a lot. Poor kid!!
One dad who picked up today picked up in his casual clothes and not his uniform. Not 100% sure but I assume that he was home from work today as well being Easter Monday.
I just don't understand it. I would like nothing more than to spend a day with my own child.
I had only one here today as well. I try not to be bothered by it, but the funny thing was that she was dropped off because dcm said she had to do yard work... Which is exactly what I had to do. And did do. With her kid and my two! (And don't worry, nothing dangerous!)
Wow...it's a little harsh in here! No one actually knows, in all cases, what these parents are doing with their bit of free time while the kids are at daycare. We all know from our own busy lives that sometimes it's just easier to get things done without the little gaffers around. I'd probably be taking advantage of that time to do the bigger jobs I couldn't do with toddlers swinging from my apron strings....or...god forbid...take a day to myself. I've sent my own off to care (before my own daycare days) when I really didn't need it. I was a stay at home mother and my 2 went for the mornings at a local daycare centre. If I'd been able to afford it, they would have stayed for nap too! I don't think that makes me a bad or inattentive parent. It makes me someone with some free time to get stuff done without stopping every 2 seconds. Bless all of you who love juggling a pile of kids while doing your yard work, home renovations, house work, what have you. Not all of us love that and if there's a daycare space there, paid for and available, then why wouldn't a parent use it? I love my kids but have never had qualms about leaving them in care if I needed some time. And to this day, though I love my kids, I also have no qualms about leaving them behind and taking off for a vacation for a week by myself. I also love my sanity. I'd be so offended if I was a parent reading some of these comments in here.
I agree that alot of parents don't seem to want to be around their children during their time off.
I have parents who send their children on their days off, some the entire day, some pick up early. They send them for various reasons, appts, wanting to clean (I agree with the other poster completely about cleaning around your kiddos - I still manage to get my cleaning done while running a daycare, its called FREE PLAY LOL!) etc.
That said, I have just re opened after a 3 week maternity leave, and being home with my 2 year old and trying to keep him busy was trying to say the least and I completely understand now, and will no longer judge those moms who still send their kiddos while home on maternity leave.
Why not get help for kids once in a while for a home renovation, or another project that could be even dangerous for the kids to be around, but every single vacation time and being the first one to be dropped off and last one to picked up ??? God forbid to spend a little extra time with their child! I just read in another forum about a family taking a week vacation overseas and leaving the older boy at daycare and with care of family of friends and family and taking the 10 mos baby with them. Dad is a pilot so budget does not look to be a problem there. What else can it be other than considering the older one a burden during their vacation time.Quote:
Originally Posted by cfred
After experiencing with that kind of parents myself it does not get me as it used to be any more. I feel bad for the child, but there is nothing I can do about it.
This gets my goat, too. I don't begrudge parents time to themselves but there is no way they need to leave a child, from open to close, every time they have a day off.
In my case, dcg2 is left here for almost 11 hours a day, whether mom and dad work or not. They never pick up early and I can count on one hand how many times they have kept her home willingly in the year and a half she has been coming.
This child is also pawned off on grandparents on weekends.
Guess who has the most behaviour issues?
I feel badly for the kids and for the parents. One day they will realize what they missed out on. Maybe.
Yeah, I can see the point on the open to close thing. But other than that, I'd have no issue with it. I have a client who had wanted to keep their child home on their day off, but he pitched a fit as he wanted to come here. Personally, that gave me the warm fuzzies :) Of course, it HAS happened, on occasion, that everyone was home but one kid and that kind of bugs me....not for the child but for purely selfish reasons ;)
I'm with cfred....I don't care and it's none of my business what parents are doing while their kids are with me! I have more than enough going on to get my knickers in a knot over this. If I am open, come on in! The more the merrier for me, I don't find it easier to have less kids...my group is easier when everyone is here!
And that's the thing I find funny. I can get so much done with a gaggle of children with me including yard work, weeding the garden, doing laundry. Heck, on the Fridays, in the summer, when my family is getting ready to go camping, I can pack, get the trailer packed, make food while the little ones are napping and be ready as soon as the parents come. I also have taken daycare babies with me to numerous doctors appointments just so parents don't complain about having to take a morning off!Quote:
Originally Posted by 2cuteboys
I too, don't understand how these parents can't seem to do menial tasks with one child that I can get done looking after 4 or 5. :rolleyes:
I have a problem with it for a few reasons. I rarely close, take max 10 days off here and there throughout the year all because I hate inconveniencing my families. I know this is my own doing and my fault but sometimes it would be nice to have a break from the kids too. I would love to actually be finished work early on occasion too. I don't have a problem if a parent has the day off and has an appointment, is painting their living room etc. but there is no need for them to be here the minute I open and the last to pick up minutes from when I close. It really makes me feel taken advantage of sometimes.
I have started offering a $5 discount to families who give me one month's notice of day's their child will be away. It is working for the most part! More parents are taking advantage of it and taking time away with their kids. It is nice for the other kids too when I only have 1 or 2 because we go on field trips that we wouldn't normally do as I can only fit 3 in my vehicle.
Pretty sad day when the child would prefer to spend the day at daycare instead of home with the parent. That should be the parent's first clue!
Not sad at all! They're wonderful parents and very attentive. The kid just loves me, that's all. He also sees me outside daycare (as all the kids do on occasion). As I've said in the past, I'm close with many of my families and this is just an offshoot of it. I spent New Year's Eve at this particular boy's home and he came with his parents to visit me following my surgery. Even with my freaky scarred face, he still ran up to me. There is always (ALWAYS) a grand reception from him when he catches sight of me. It's flat out adorable! I think you've missed the mark there....sometimes they just really enjoy daycare and it's an extension of their family, which is a lovely thing to behold :)Quote:
Originally Posted by mickyc
I think it is so important for a child to spend time with their parent when they can especially if the parents are home. I think it is great the kids love you so much but they need that time with their parent first and foremost IMO. I have my daughter with me everyday with all the daycare kids and there is still nothing better than a day off together. It makes me sad that parents don't want to see more of their children.
I guess it just all stems from the fact that my husband is divorced and barely got to see his kids grow up. Now they are grown up and those years are lost.
and QUANTITY time, too! I agree with your post.Quote:
Originally Posted by adaycarelady
Quote:
Originally Posted by mattsmom
I understand what you mean. However, most of us choose this profession because we enjoy kids and are good at what we do and are capable of multi-tasking. There are a lot of jobs that my dc parents do that I know I couldn't. I have been told by many that what I do takes a special person but I think lots of jobs require special people and that's what makes different personalities so great :) I had one mom who told me that she is a better mom because of dcp's....she knew her son was in good hands during the day while she worked and than she was able to enjoy her children in the evenings and days off because she wasn't stressed. She knew that she couldn't be a sahm and I respected her for this. I know quite a few sahm's whose children would benefit so much more in dc. It might be harsh but for some families, it's reality IMO.
I also totally understand when kids want to come to dc rather than staying home. I don't think it's bad on the parents part....most (but not all!)kids would rather play with friends than stay home IME. I have a coupe kids who don't want to go home at the end of the day and I know it's not because home life is horrible, just that dc life is so fun!!
I have only had parents send them on the odd day off, I have never had parents on holidays and still send their child. The reduced fee probably helps this but I think for the most part, the parents truly do want to spend time with their kids. I totally agree with how some kids and parents just don't get along tho! Lol. I can see why they might want a few days to themselves!
I think it's easy for everyone to judge the parents staying at home but none of us have all the facts necessary to make an accurate judgement on the where and why of things. How does anyone ACTUALLY know that the parent sat on her ass all day and ACTUALLY thought "thank god I have the day away from my child" ?? A lot of what has been said on here does imply that this is what is thought of those parents or could easily be interpreted as so, but the fact is none of us know. Perhaps yes the doctors appointment is only for an hour but maybe the parent can get a lot of other things done while they are out which would be slowed down if their child was in tow. What about those parents who struggle to keep themselves together and self-care needs to prioritized for their mental well being. This actually makes them better parents and is in the best interest of the child and the child is left with a daycare provider who has an educational program, is helping their child develop well and providing a safe environment for them while the parent does what they may have to do to keep themselves together, all be it that for some, this may simply be lying in bed all day.
I believe that it may be a shame for the child to be dropped off at opening time and picked up right at closing time, but how about instead of being passive and tip toeing around the situation, you state with confidence that you would like the parent to pick up and drop off at slightly different times to make the day shorter for them. It's your business and if you don't like the way a parent is acting then say something. If you don't feel you can, then IMO the chances are that it's because it oversteps the boundary of a daycare providers role and just highlights the fact that this is simply a difference in parenting styles.
People leaving one sibling with grandparents and not the other while they go away is something that I could never do and taking two weeks off and not spending any of those days with my child is again something I would never do, but this isn't about me and there is nothing I can do to change these people so it's wasted energy getting angry about someone else's actions that do not effect me. I also doubt it will scar the child for life enough for them to be an alcoholic....if you actually research causes for addictions this wouldn't necessarily stand out as a common cause? Also the child at this age would be happy as long as they are loved by someone, and children don't even form long term memories until approx 3yrs old so I don't think we need to over react about. How is it any different TO THE CHILD, if they don't see a parent all day because they are at home or if they are at work? The kid, at least for our general age group, are none the wiser and aren't any worse off as long as who they are with loves them and cares for them.
Not all the time, and not from open to close, but if I had the opportunity to have a day to mself to rest and relax and do NOTHING your damn right I would take it! I'm not just a Mom, I'm not just a wife or a dcprovider...I'm ME and investing a little time in ME is healthy for everyone in my life, my children included.
Next weekend I'm going to NY for 3 days. Is it selfish and bad parenting of me to not bring my children along and that I found safe and enriching care for them for when I'm gone? Nope. I'm sorry for you if you think that.
It doesn't happen often, but when I parent drops off their child and says "I'm just out and about running errands so you can reach me on my cell or at home", I say "Sounds nice! Have a great day!".
It doesn't really bother me. Would I like to have 1 less kid? Sure. But I've been a working mom, and I get it. I felt like I was constantly running. Dropping my kids off at daycare as soon as she opened and racing to work to get there on time, leaving at 5:00 on the nose every day to battle traffic and get there at 5:29 everyday, looking at the clock every minute worrying I was going to be late. Getting home at 6, and having to throw dinner on the table, hopefully give them a bath, and get them to bed by 7:30 so I could clean the kitchen, make lunches, throw a load of laundry in. I use to do my grocery shopping/errand running/ whatever, on my lunch break or after the kids were in bed. I had absolutely no me time, and I was miserable.
In the summers, we use to get every friday afternoon off because we took reduced lunch hours all throughout the year. I went home, grabbed lunch on the way, and sat on the couch for 4 hours catching up on my DVR shows. I picked up my kids about 1/2 hour early. I felt an incredible amount of guilt, but it made me a better mom. I looked forward to that time all week, and it kept me going.
Time with your kids is important, but it isn't always about quantity. Because I was able to recharge, my time with them was also quality time.
With the exception of 2 families (that I know of), all of my DCF have times when they are home but still send their kids to me. There was only one family that I was bothered by. Mom was early one time, and when she realized, she stopped at the local hardware store to wander around until pick up time. Dad from the same family was also laid off (construction job, it happened every year), and DCG was brought to me every day for almost a month. Open to close, save 15 minutes. Even on her birthday. That one got to me, but I think it was more because the kid was a nightmare and drove me to drink most nights. :)-
I'm guessing this is directed at me since you randomly brought up "we go on family trips" after I just posted that I am going to NYC next week. Are you suggesting that I do not value quality time with my children because I dare go on a solo vacation with my cousins for the first time ever? And that I should feel guilty because I am not bringing them along? If so, that's laughable. My kids are my life, anyone who actually knows me knows that. And of course we go on family vacations, and spend quality time together. Parents CAN give their children a wonderful, fulfilling life AND take time for themselves you know.Quote:
Originally Posted by adaycarelady
I am also one who would never vacation on my own. My sister is always wanting to go on a trip to Vegas and I keep refusing. I would rather take my husband and my child and Yes I do find it hard to understand why she doesn't want to do the same.
I was one of those women who thought I would never have children and struggled many years before having my daughter. I think it gives me a different perspective on spending time with my daughter.
I didn't struggle to get pregnant and I absolutely adore my 3 children, who I've raised alone for most of their lives. Everyone has their own struggles and muddle through because they value their children, but it doesn't mean they have to be glued to their sides indefinitely. I can tell you why someone like Lou or myself might want to travel without them once in a while......because it's bloody fantastic, that's why! I travel every year alone...and have done for years. I've also taken my children on family vacations. Traveling alone is a momentary opportunity to be just me...not mum, not provider...not anything to anyone but myself. And when I'm backpacking, EVEN BETTER!!! Kudos to anyone who wants to dedicate every single moment to their families. That's great! For me, I like to spend a little time on myself and it's not strange, or show that I don't love my children. I love to backpack, meet new people, see the world and enjoy some quiet moments. And, I have to say, the ability to spin in a circle, arms outstretched on a white sand beach without hitting any children is the bees knees :)
This is not aimed at any specific individual, it is relative to everyone. Each to there own, but don't be so judgemental of those who do things differently than you.....it does not make a mother a better mother because she is with her child more than another person. Majority of people who don't eat together in the evenings don't have the luxury of choice most of the time. I am with my children more than anyone else and I adore them more than I could possibly put into words. They are my whole world and I always put them before myself. As a result of this I am on the brink of being a lesser mother than I could potentially be. Because I have cared for them at the expense of myself, I risk not being the mother they need, because I have been surrounded by people who have told me that it is WRONG to put myself first, to take care of me, to be an individual and that when I chose to be a mother that nothing else mattered. I wish I had been influenced by people who practiced a balanced lifestyle where taking care of myself was encouraged along with taking care of my family. I won't allow judgey judgey types with ABSOLUTLY NO CLUE of what it's like to be in my shoes act like because I do things alone and leave my children with others that I am somehow less of a parent. I am actually doing my children a service by giving them opportunities to interact with others and build independence without helicoptering around them. I always did everything with my children and essentially lived for my children. Focus your energy on your own families, not judging others when you know nothing about what their life looks like, only what you presume and judge from where you are stood.
Why be so concerned with a life that is no concern of yours. You may think because the parent has regular alone time that it is detrimental to the child, but is the child sad? Quality care and Quantative care are different things. You can't possibly know that the parents constantly disregard their child, neglect them or dislike them. Those are assumptions and not fair to make. Maybe spending less time with the child allows for valuable self care for the adult, and better quality time when it is family time. Less chance of being taken for granted too.....Why because another person takes alone time, maybe even regular consistent alone time without their child are they being labelled as less than adequate parents and not caring? Are they judging the parents who have their children glued to their hip and constantly decline invitations and opportunities to do things as an individual?? Let's be compassionate to people and spend less time coming to our own conclusions on what they are like when really we have NO CLUE!!
I agree it likely gives you a different perspective, but not a better one. My mother had 3 miscarriages and both my brother and I are adopted. Like many people, but definitely not all and likely not the majority, when trying for a child for many many years, sight can be lost of why a person wanted children in the first place. Struggling to conceive does not make a person more likely to treat their child any better than someone who conceived easily. I suffered severe neglect as a child and it was down to the individuals that were my parents, but not reflective by the fact that "initially" I was a more wanted child, apparently. I wanted my children as much as anyone who struggled to conceive, but that doesn't effect how I parent my child or how much time I choose to spend with them growing up.Quote:
Originally Posted by mickyc
I think a lot of the problem with feeling frustrated about not understanding another persons choices and actions is this prenotion that we need to understand. It's not our life, essentially none of our business, and we don't need to understand, just respect the wishes of others and try our best not to be so judgemental of those who choose to do things differently than us. Most of the time, we don't have all the information to make a proper call anyway, and without being in that persons shoes, or in their head space we don't see a situation for what it truly is. I shake my head at things others do, but If it doesn't effect me, or hurt anyone then I really would be doing myself a favour by getting over it.
I never said my way is right. I have many life experiences that have made me the way I am. I had a rough upbringing, witnessed my husband's struggle of missing out on his children's upbringing and struggled with infertility and miscarriages for years before our daughter came along. These are the reasons that I choose to play an important role in my daughter's life. I want her memories to be of fun things we did while she was growing up. I am as far from a helicopter parent as can be.
No I don't understand why a lot of parents don't want to spend more time with their children. I do find it sad for the kids who would have loved to have a day at home doing something special with mom/dad on their day off. All my daycare kids love coming to daycare but I feel it so important that in a world where parents work all day long, only get to see the kids a few hours in the evening and possibly on weekends (if they aren't pawned off on grandma!) that it is so much more important for a parent to MAKE the time to make special memories with the kids.
I have no issues with parents being busy doing something like appointments, home renos, cleaning house etc but there is no reason a child needs to be at daycare from the second I open to the second I close just because they are paying me. I totally agree that there needs to be a balance of time with your children and time without but they are small children! This is when they need their parents! When they are pre-teen and over then they can have more freedom.
Also we are all humans and we judge people everyday! That is what we do. This is a forum to express our feelings - I thought that is what it is for. I certainly don't tell my parents that I think they should spend more time with their child even though I do. We come on here to let our feelings out.
At the risk of sounding like the odd man out here... I am going to venture out and say that I specifically schedule time without my child. Each Saturday he has playdates, Karate etc and Sunday he is at t ball, and swimming. (with his dad) I am with him as part of my daycare group Mon-Fri, as well his dad works 2 other jobs, so I really hardly get any time without him or children present.
I too struggled during my pregnancy, and he will be and is my only child.
I think this is rather apt.
http://www.umbrelr.com/young-mother-...ont-blame-her/
And before you jump on me saying that is part of parenting I say, part of being a good parent is having my own identity separate from that of my marriage and my family. Does that make me selfish......? No. I don't think so. It makes me me.
Have a great day ya'll.
Wow, I wonder if anyone else is feeling as mind boggled as me, lol.
This is the first trip that I am taking away from my kids, ever. 3 days. 3 freaking days. I'm excited about it, and believe I have the right to be! It feels absolutely crazy to me that others would be judging me as a parent for this. So, I'm curious about what people think the detrimental effects to my children are going to be? And in the grand scheme of their entire lives, how me getting out and having a little fun one weekend a decade deserves a head shake?
I agree with the annoyance that there are a certain type of parents who seem to dislike parenting. I'm assuming that this thread had those type originally in mind, but there are a lot of general statements going around that somehow fit in anyone who takes a little time for themselves as a negative thing. Saying things like "Why wouldn't you want to be with your kids?" is such a judgmental statement...it's saying that anyone who spends even an hour out getting a pedicure, is selfish.
Obviously, we all love our kids to the moon and back, heck most of us quit our jobs to change into this low paying, high stress, long hour job so that we could be there for our children more. And I'm going to boggle your minds even more......wait for it.........
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.......... I send my 3 1/2 yrs old to preschool 2 days a week. *GASP* And guess what? It doesn't mean I love him any less than you (general you) love your children. And it doesn't mean that he thinks I don't want to spend time with him. Sad? Heck no! He gets to enjoy the company of his other friends in another cool environment, with other fun and loving adults. It doesn't mean jack about my parenting, nor will he look back on his childhood and ponder "my, how I wish I didn't go to that fun school 2 days a week when I was 3..." DIFFERENT experiences make up a child's memories, and they don't always have to be with you. And they will still be great, and loving, and warm memories. And when I'm gone for those measly 3 days, my kids will be here with their Dad and their Grandma is coming over to sleepover...so, if they remember cuddling with their Lola or playing hide and seek with their Dad over the last game of Wok and Roll they just played with me, then that's fine by me. As long as they were good memories :)
I think what frustrates some of us is not the parents who occasionally take their day off to themselves, but the ones who constantly do it. Also, when it comes to say, Christmas holidays, when you have almost all your dc families taking days off and actually spending time with their kids versus the parents who will take the whole 2 weeks off and throw it in your face that they are off and don't even think of coming to pick up even a half hour earlier.
There is nothing wrong with taking the afternoon to do some shopping or get your nails done, if your paying for it. I have been a working mother as well, for years, when my kids were little....I totally get it. But I'll be damned if I spent every single one of my days off or holidays without spending some time with my children. Now that one of my boys is grown and moved out and the other is approaching his teens, I think back and realize how fast they grow up and how important it is to spend those younger years with them..
Well I'm late to the party but I have to chime in here...it's funny how everyone sees things differently. When my dc parents have the day off I always say something along the lines of " good for you! Enjoy some time to yourself" just because I find them incredibly lucky for being able to take some time off without their child every so often. I don't have that luxury because we don't have family in town to babysit so we have to pay a teenager what seems like a small fortune every time we want to go out. If my kids were in daycare and I had the opportunity to drop them off for yes, the ENTIRE day while I do whatever I want, whether it be chores or errands or just having a movie marathon, damn straight I would do it! There is nothing wrong with that! Everyone needs time to recharge, and recharging is pretty much impossible with little ones around, at least for me. Yes of course there are "those" parents who drop their kid off even when they are on a 2 week vacation but honestly, how do we know that maybe things are not that great at home, maybe they have struggles with depression or any mental disorder. How do we know that maybe these parents desperately need the time off to work on their marital relationship? WE DONT KNOW. And part of me feels that those who hold grudges against parents for doing this are actually the ones who need a vacation the most and just don't take enough time to take care of themselves.
BRAVO...I agree completely and that's exactly what I was getting at too.Quote:
Originally Posted by Fun&care
I beg to differ....Quote:
Originally Posted by adaycarelady
When my child was in lic. care, and the only child at home I sent him to play with others, and later when I first opened I sent him to preschool. Not because I was lazy or aloof, or disliked him...It was because i recognized his needs, and the fact that he needed to get used to other authority figures.....
Even now he is in daycamps this year because my oldest dck is 1.5 years younger than he.... He is at an age where he has his own friends and interests.
Was I wrong to open my mouth...
My very good friend came for a visit with her two young kids this morning. We were talking about getting the girl friends together for a visit and she said she finds it hard when we try to plan kid-free get togethers because she only gets 2 days a week to spend with her husband and kids, and doesn't want to go do anything for even a few hours away from them when she is off work. She has said this before and I held my tongue, but today I couldn't help and I told her that her situation is no different than any of the rest of us that balance working full time and having a family. Anyone that is working full time only gets the weekend to really spend time with their family.
I didn't say this part to my friend: should that mean that you never do anything other than work and be a mom?
It just makes me feel like she thinks they're in some kind of special situation, where in reality every single one of us has a couple kids and a husband too. I enjoy the time that I get to spend with my friends that doesn't involve having to constantly be interrupted by requests for food and to resolve an argument about a toy - or to do something that isn't oriented towards the kids. I think it is a recharge to get to just be my own person for awhile, even if it is just an hour here and there. I know my own situation is different since I am doing home daycare, but my sister and my other friends all have kids and work and are happy to get together without the kids once and awhile.
Just leave her out of it then Amanda. It's her choice whether or not she can part from her family for a couple of hours. I don't get it, personally, because, since my divorce 14 yrs ago especially, I've been aggressively honing my selfishness. I felt so guilty for years about doing anything for myself that didn't include my children. Yep, those days are long gone now! In fact, I'm researching flights now for my next trip...woo hoo!!!! Then there'll be one with my boys after that (2 weeks camping in Puerto Rico)...they've already been to Turks and Caicos, Florida, England, Wales and Spain. I do include them from time to time :)
I don't think it's strange for you or any parent to find time to do things just as adults. When I booked our last Mothers' Dinner (night out with my clients) at a new gastro pub in town, those women couldn't get there fast enough! They were absolutely thrilled to have a night out with just us ladies....no men, no kids. It was lovely :)
I mentioned this in a PM between another member and myself but wanted to comment here...
Isn't it funny how the dad's seem to have no problem having "alone time" yet the mother's are always the one who feel guilty or are made to feel guilty when they want some alone time?
How many dad's run to the hardware story by them self, go for a round of golf, have a few drinks after work, spend hours in their man cave/garage "fixing" things, etc etc etc. Definitely a double standard! lol
It seems that society feels that once a woman becomes a mother, she is no longer nothing but that and a wife. So many women forget who they were and become so lost in their children's lives that they don't take time out for themselves! It's sad :(
I think finding the balance between work, parenting and being a PERSON can be difficult but it is something that is needed to be done so that a person doesn't burn out.....or find themselves not knowing who they are once their children move out and move on with their own life!
This is exactly what I am faced with right now. I was a mother at 18, married at 19 and had both my kids by 20. I am turning 32 in June and amongst my cargo ship of baggage lol, it is quite possible that because my entire adult life so far has been as caregiver to others, that I am unable to cut loose my baggage and have a life outside of the role of caregiver. It is all I know and a huge part of it is because society plays such a big role in telling us what we should do and criticizing us when we don't do things the stereotypical way. As women the stereotypes placed on us are bad enough but as caregivers even more so. I now strive to make time for me, and it is difficult as habits are hard to change after leaving myself out of the equation for so long. Every new venture I take, or try to take are tainted with self doubt due to neglecting my fundamental needs throughout life because I only focussed on being a caregiver, and now I am paying the price. Being a mother, a wife and a caregiver should not be the only things that define who I am, but right now they are. For those without my sense of identity crisis, it is still easy to get lost in the day to day and then before you know it there is just you. I will not allow anyone to make me feel bad for looking after myself, at least I am not criticizing those who are, which makes me a better person straight away. It is one thing to judge others which is absolutely human, but it's quite another to make strong judgemental statements at large about people we do not know in the slightest, about the choices they make as parents.Quote:
Originally Posted by 5 Little Monkeys
BS, my mother was similar to you. She was married at 17 in Oct, turned 18 in Dec, had myself in Feb and than my sister the following Jan when she was just 19. I also have a brother who is 8 years younger than me after she had a few miscarriages in between my sister and him. She was such a young mom and a had a lot of pressure on her. She ended up having a midlife crisis when I was 18 and divorced my dad the summer I graduated. She felt like she never had a life because she went from being a teenager to a mother of 2 and than eventually 3. Unfortunately though, the person my mom is today is someone who I don't even know or care to know. I often wonder if things would have been different had she been older before having kids or at least taken time out during our childhood to remember who she was, not just a mother to us.
I wish you all the best in your new chapter and hope that it is everything you want it to be!! I think it is absolutely fantastic that you looking out for yourself and realizing that there is more to you than just being a wife and mother!