Are they all like this? Will it get better?

wow, don't panic yet... I don't think this is normal and no , they are not all like this.
My advice would be to do the playpen thing and have her nap right away in the morning as well. A tired kid is a problem. Draw a line in the sand and let the parents know they need to help with the bottle thing and by having a regular bed time.
She is like this for a reason. If things don't improve you may have to term in the end.
As you said, the other parents are likely to be even less patien with her hitting and biting.
Good luck and keep up posted!

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Originally Posted by Judy Trickett

Put her down to nap the second she gets there.

BUT, IMO, that type of behavior (hitting, biting, slapping, making herself vomit) is NOT normal 12 mth old transitioning behaviour. Quite frankly, kids who start here like that are terminated before the end of the first week.
It is one thing to be scared and cry and clingy when you are first introduced to daycare. It is quite another to act out aggressively at that age. Not acceptable at all.

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I agree with Judy ~ this is not the 'norm' an I also would put her down for a nap. It might take her a bit to get used to her new routine. This sounds horrible and I've never had any of my daycare kids react this way.

and now that I"ve said that my next one will give me a hard time :laugh:
Let us know how things are going after she adjusts to her morning nap with you. You might just see a different kid

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Originally Posted by Spixie33

It sounds like this child is way over the top in terms of transitioning.
Transitioning usually means crying and being scared to move even 2 inches from your clutches until they feel comfy with the surroundings and get used to routines. Other transitioning things are constantly wanting to be carried and just being unable to play independently for even 30 seconds.

Vomit is where I draw the line every time. If a kid would cry to that point then I would head for the hills. Vomit is just so gross and extreme that it is a red flag

Are there other people who you could interview and give the spot to? This child may take a loooong time to transition and I would be scared that the behaviour might not improve before your trial period is up and then it is harder to get rid of them.

Good luck though. I feel for you !!

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She doesn't cry... Doesn't cling to me... And honestly it has just gotten worse. She did way better her first couple of days here then she's doing now. I guess she realizes that this is permanent.

The vomit disgusts me... Especially the forceful, hands down her throat vomit.

I would have absolutely no problem filling the space. I actually have a wait list for this age. Seriously there is NO childcare available. This is the problem, I feel way too bad to terminate because I KNOW the parents will NOT find childcare! Most waiting lists are 2 years long.

AND... Like you all have warned... these are acquaintances. My husband has to work with the Dad every day. Leaving them stranded would be difficult. So I'm determined to make this work! But not at the expense of my own children. My 10 MO flinches when she goes near her. I can only handle a couple of more bruises on my babe before I give up!

Oh olivetree, what a great start for you! I had insanely problematic children in my first year of care too and I ended up terminating a couple of families. But you know what? I should NOT have taken them on in the first place but I didn't know better at that time. I have had really bad transitioning problems in the 3 years after that, but nothing like with my first few.

So what I'm trying to say is that it DOES GET BETTER! You get more relaxed and learn to spot the red flags at interviews and the children get more relaxed as your experience with keeping them busy and content gets better.

All the other ladies gave you wonderful advice.

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Originally Posted by olivetree

She doesn't cry... Doesn't cling to me... And honestly it has just gotten worse. She did way better her first couple of days here then she's doing now. I guess she realizes that this is permanent.

The vomit disgusts me... Especially the forceful, hands down her throat vomit.

I would have absolutely no problem filling the space. I actually have a wait list for this age. Seriously there is NO childcare available. This is the problem, I feel way too bad to terminate because I KNOW the parents will NOT find childcare! Most waiting lists are 2 years long.

AND... Like you all have warned... these are acquaintances. My husband has to work with the Dad every day. Leaving them stranded would be difficult. So I'm determined to make this work! But not at the expense of my own children. My 10 MO flinches when she goes near her. I can only handle a couple of more bruises on my babe before I give up!

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Yikes - having a personal connection to the parents does make it ten times worse because it makes you worry what they will think and how it will affect the relationship.

I think - honestly though - if I had a 10 month old who ended up with bruises then I would show them to mom and say you have to think of your child first....she should be able to understand that as a mother and apologize profusely and give them 3-4 weeks notice and say also that you are worried about the vomit and that your child may touch it etc. Or tell them you are willing to try another 3 weeks and see if it gets better but after that time you might have no choice but to let them go if things don't get better.

It sounds awful. I feel your pain

So yesterday Dad called in sick so LO wasn't here. Today I tried putting her down as soon as she got here and she's still awake in her crib!! I KNOW she's tired. I'm not sure if I should continue to leave her there so she knows this is now her new nap time or if I should just go get her and try again in a half hour when she normally goes for a nap here. She's not crying, mostly just talking and whining but I feel terrible leaving her in her crib by herself for so long. Although she's a VERY stubborn little girl, if I give in, I'll pay for it! She could probably go on much longer then me LOL!

If she's not crying, just leave her in the crib. Quiet time doesn't have to necessarily be sleep time. Even if she cry's a little that's fine. You have to give it some time, for her to develop a routine, won't happen on the first time in the crib. Good luck.

Thank you, I did leave her, and she ended up falling asleep! We will see how she is after her nap! Hopefully not too aggressive today!

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Originally Posted by playfelt

First of all I would hope you are putting her down in her playpen for a nap/rest when she first arrives as some of the behaviours could be because she is overwhelmed due to being tired - that his 3 hours of sleep she is missing out on and if anything is going to bed at the same time or later now that mom only has evenings with her.

Make use of a playpen or play yard for her right beside where you do circletime. Then she is in there to stand/sit and listen - can't touch anyone, can't wander off, has limited playthings so no tossing and disrupting just listening from a confined space. High chair or booster seat with tray on the floor can be used in the same way.

The agressiveness is almost like a defensive thing - instinctively fighting anything or anyone that threatens her and because of her lack of social experience with other kids - anyone in the vicinity is a threat. Keeping her near you either high chair or whatever would probably be a comfort to her than seen as punishment because all she knows is adult company. You will need to teach her how to relate to other children.

And yes a large percentage of them are this way. Just when you get this one settled in and finally coming around you will be ready to add another one year old to the mix.

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Those are fantastic ideas. I really like the playpen/high-chair idea for whenever you have to get anything done (changing diapers, making food, even circle time, etc). She won't be isolated, but she *will* be contained. I've been really lucky - I've had five daycare kids come and go over the years and NONE of them were anything like that...they all adjusted really well - except for the one who had never been to a daycare before. He was also 12 months old, but he had older school-aged siblings. His issue was not aggression but rather accidentally playing way WAY too rough for preschoolers. Like, football tackling them into the wall every day - yikes!