Are they all like this? Will it get better?

[lunademiel]

I've posted about this before...

I just opened my dayhome this month. My first DCG is 12 months (mature 12 months). She is having a terrible time adjusting. She gets dropped off at 6:15 so wakes up at 5:45 every morning. She was used to waking up at 8. So I think this is part of her behaviour problems.

SO these are the problems I'm having, please tell me if this is all normal:

Hits, bites, stands on toys, climbs, chews EVERYTHING, sticks her fingers so far down her throat she vomits, etc. The more I redirect or tell her to stop the more she misbehaves. For example while on our walks she drags her hands in the snow, now I know this is normal but her arms fold back and I'm afraid of her hurting herself because she almost tips over. Once she even did a faceplant in the snow because of it. I bring her arm and as soon as I let go of her arm, it's back out. I ask again and again but immediately her arm is out. She undertands what I am asking...

I honestly cannot look away for a second. Most of this behaviour occurs when I am prepping breakfast or lunch. Basically if I'm not paying enough attention to her. She is an only child. The whole family lived with the grandparents until recently so I know she's having a hard time being in a multi-child environment where she is not the center of attention anymore.

During storytime, circle time, etc I cannot finish a song/book ever because I am constantly "No A**, please don't do that". It is so disruptive.

This morning she took the VTECH learning laptop and smashed my 10 month old in the head while I was prepping breakfast. My kitchen and living room are open so my eyes are always on her (even when trying to cut fruit, I seriously can't turn away from her).

She has been sick for a week and a half out of the 2 and half weeks she's been with me.

I know that this is hard for her... I am trying to remember that every time she hits or bites my children. BUT OMG it is so hard!!! Right now it is only my children, what happens when I have more DCK's? The parents are going to be so mad to see bite marks and bruises everyday on their children.

I have been doing my best to redirect, teach her soft, gentle. None of that is working. I tried using the fisher price chair to strap her in when she misbehaves. Yesterday I finally brought out the playpen and place her in there for a time out for a minute.

I've had to start segregating the kids while I'm in the kitchen, by a gate.

I'm not sure what else to do. Mom says she isn't this way at home.

Are they all like this? Is this normal? Will it get better? My kids are NOT aggressive at all. This is new to me!

Thanks
S

[playfelt]

First of all I would hope you are putting her down in her playpen for a nap/rest when she first arrives as some of the behaviours could be because she is overwhelmed due to being tired - that his 3 hours of sleep she is missing out on and if anything is going to bed at the same time or later now that mom only has evenings with her.

Make use of a playpen or play yard for her right beside where you do circletime. Then she is in there to stand/sit and listen - can't touch anyone, can't wander off, has limited playthings so no tossing and disrupting just listening from a confined space. High chair or booster seat with tray on the floor can be used in the same way.

The agressiveness is almost like a defensive thing - instinctively fighting anything or anyone that threatens her and because of her lack of social experience with other kids - anyone in the vicinity is a threat. Keeping her near you either high chair or whatever would probably be a comfort to her than seen as punishment because all she knows is adult company. You will need to teach her how to relate to other children.

And yes a large percentage of them are this way. Just when you get this one settled in and finally coming around you will be ready to add another one year old to the mix.

[lunademiel]

First of all I would hope you are putting her down in her playpen for a nap/rest when she first arrives as some of the behaviours could be because she is overwhelmed due to being tired - that his 3 hours of sleep she is missing out on and if anything is going to bed at the same time or later now that mom only has evenings with her.

Normally once she arrives we snuggle, play until my children wake up, which is shortly after she arrives. I change my kids diapers, get breakfast ready. They eat breakfast then right up to bed she goes by 8-8:15 until 10. She eats a FULL breakfast, she's very hungry when she gets here. Do you think I should just put her right to sleep instead of giving her breakfast first?

If this is the way they all are, I may not make it in this business! When my son was in daycare the provider always said he was great! Now I'm wondering if she just never bothered to tell me LOL.

[playfelt]

Has she had a bottle or a drink at least before coming or just gotten out of bed and brought. I probably would hold her and give her a bottle or drink from a cup and then right into bed - ie by 6:30 or so. Then let her sleep till she wants - hopefully around 9ish. Then she gets breakfast ( big snack with dry cereal, toast, fruit and milk) while others have snack. That way too she will be ready to sleep right after lunch for a long afternoon nap.

I certainly would try the nap when she comes to make up for the 5-8 that she is now missing. Over time she will need that less and less or she may continue that and for now still need a nap from 10-11 but give that up over time.

[Bugaboo]

My son was also 12 months when I opened my day home. He also had a very hard time adjusting. It took about 2 months to get him used to sharing his house, mom, toys but we did get there. He was aggressive towards the other kids and throwing temper tantrums. When he did something like pull hair I got down on his level and looked him in the eye and said "We do not pull hair" in my stern "mom voice." For the temper tantrums I put him in a pack in play in a different room and I told him he could come back and play when he was ready to act like a decent human being. The consistancy worked and he is back to being his pleasant, well mannered, well-behaved (for the most part) little boy.

[Mamma_Mia]

This is what Im thinking - a) mom is lying or b) she hasn't been around enough kids for mom to even know that she is like this!
I agree with what you're saying..she is not used to being in a daycare setting and the fact that she's been there a month but sick for two of the weeks means it's way too eary to expect "normal" behaviour. You're lucky if you have a 2yr old sit for a whole story let alone a one year old! Ignore her as long as she's not hurting anyone...she'll come around when she isn't getting your constant attention. Since she's awake so early is she having a morning nap? I would make sure she naps at around 8-9am for about 30-45min...that should help! 5:45am - noon is quite a long stretch without a nap.

Now the biting & hitting isn't allowed - I would also do the playpen thing but it'll take a few days to "kick-in" oh and if you have a lot of free-play she might be bored. Keep her busy with new things and her attention will be focused on that rather than what the other kids are doing/touching.

[Sandbox Sally]

Yes, I agree with playfelt. I would give her a bottle/snack and put her down in a playpen, maybe even in a main room until everyone else arrives or your kids get up. It's very possible that she might be tired or hungry. I know I am a ROYAL B myself if either of things are going on w me, and I am a full grown woman! LOL

Do you know what time she is going to bed at night? Good luck. This sounds awful!

[lunademiel]

Has she had a bottle or a drink at least before coming or just gotten out of bed and brought. I probably would hold her and give her a bottle or drink from a cup and then right into bed - ie by 6:30 or so. Then let her sleep till she wants - hopefully around 9ish. Then she gets breakfast ( big snack with dry cereal, toast, fruit and milk) while others have snack. That way too she will be ready to sleep right after lunch for a long afternoon nap.

I certainly would try the nap when she comes to make up for the 5-8 that she is now missing. Over time she will need that less and less or she may continue that and for now still need a nap from 10-11 but give that up over time.

I'm not sure if Mom and Dad give her a bottle, it sounds like they wake her up, dress her and get her into the car. I will definitely ask, but she actually goes to sleep with a bottle. I know it's bad... but this was the parents request and I didn't have the heart to say no. I have asked them to work on it though but I don't think they have tried yet.

I am going to try tomorrow putting her down as soon as she gets here. Hopefully she sleeps for a little while. My 10MO old goes down at 9:15 for her nap then at 10 when they both used to wake up I would give them a snack. So it sounds like I'm going to be putting them all to bed at different times and different snack times! They all go back to sleep around 1-1:15 in the afternoon. I am wondering if she will make it from 9 to 1? It sounds like a long time.

[Crayola kiddies]

I was going to say the same thing regarding the naps .... I had a 14 month old that would arrive at 630 I put her straight to bed and she would sleep 2 1/2 hours the get up and have breakfast and then another 2 1/2 - 3 hour nap after lunch ..... Maybe put her in the high chair with a few cheerios whole you get lunch ready.... And I agree use a Playyard for when she misbehaves... When I first opened my dayhome my own 18 month old was the problem biting and hitting I just kept on him and now he's as good as gold ( almost)

[lunademiel]

You're lucky if you have a 2yr old sit for a whole story let alone a one year old! Ignore her as long as she's not hurting anyone...she'll come around when she isn't getting your constant attention.

Now the biting & hitting isn't allowed - I would also do the playpen thing but it'll take a few days to "kick-in" oh and if you have a lot of free-play she might be bored. Keep her busy with new things and her attention will be focused on that rather than what the other kids are doing/touching.

I don't expect her to sit for circle/story time. I do this in the play area and let her wonder and play. But while she's playing she is disrupting everyone, I still have to stop every 2 seconds to ask her to be nice!

Free play is in the morning when she arrives while I change the other kids diapers and prep breakfast. After breakfast while I clean up and change diapers. Then it's nap time. Diapers again if needed. Snack time. Outdoor Play. Then free time again while I prep lunch. Then again while I clean up lunch. Then it's diaper changes, story time and nap time. Then wake up, diapers, snack, free play/singing and dancing. Does that sound ok?