New DCK - At a loss...advice?

So little Miss. C has been with me since last Tuesday, making this her 5th day here. She cries constantly. She is just 12 months old. To make matters even worse, she cries even when held! As I have mentioned in earlier discussions, I am more than willing to hold/sling a child who needs it, but what to do when this makes no difference? She pushes me away. In the wrap, she pushes away from me so far that I have to hold her so she doesn't flip over!

It's almost as though crying is a natural state of being for her. She cries while playing and she cries while eating. Nap time has been a complete nightmare. I try to rock her or bounce her to sleep, but no dice. She quite literally pushes away from me. I have resorted to sitting beside the pack n play while she cries. Today she has napped for a grand total of twenty minutes. I have NEVER seen a child like this before. Even the most stubborn of one year olds will pass out after a good crying jag. My son was a very "high needs" baby, and even he would be calmed when I held him. I have tried music, motion, feeding, chatting...you name it.

My house is loud and unpleasant, and my nerves are frazzled. I am getting a headache.

Poor you :( (((HUGS))), I would just keep at it...it's good that she's full time because she will adjust faster than every other day or otherwise. I find (especially with babies/toddlers) that it takes a good 4 weeks before they are perfectly comfortable. She WILL get there, it's just a daunting/frustratng process. Hang in there, you're doing great!!!!!!!!!!

Thanks Lisa! I honestly truly and seriously cannot imagine going through this every day for two more weeks! lol

Anyone have any tricks that they're willing to give up?

I'm not sure what your stance is on this...and I'm ducking in advance for the rocks that may be thrown at me for this suggestion but have you tried TV/Videos? Maybe throw on a baby eistein vid when/if you start to get frustrated? It can't hurt if it helps her to relax, and gives everyone else a break from the noise. I had a 2 yrs old start in October and there were always tears throughout the day at first, especially at drop off...I started putting on a Barney movie at drop off and it helped her transition SO much!

Sending strength your way! It's so tough with a crier like that! My only advice is to just do some visualization to calm your nerves and let her cry. Sometimes I imagine I am on a beach and the crying is actually the sound of waves crashing on the shore...corny I know, but it helps to get through it ;) I have had one year olds cry for the entire naptime for a week or two before they start sleeping...I thought the same as you, he must be tired, why isn't he passing out? Some of them are tough! Since the rocking and holding isn't helping, I wouldn't bother with it. Just stick with your routine and hope that she gets the hang of it soon and starts feeling more secure. What do the parents say about it? Do they hold her a lot and rock her to sleep or do they put her down awake?

Hugs to start ... other than what you are already doing - I SING to calm my own nerves and it generally serves to calm theirs as well - I will also 'swaddle' a screaming/sad child and than either put them in the wrap/sling if I need my hands free or hold them so they cannot 'slap' at me while I sing and sooth and remind them they are SAFE ... I find that swaddling also helps them to 'calm' cause it mimics that being back in the womb sense of safety. I also go for LOTS of walks when I have a newbie cause the stroller seems to really help 'soothe' them and if not the wind carries away that stressful crying.

If nothing is working - is it possible she is in pain? I ask cause I had a newbie who started several weeks ago and his crying was getting 'worse' instead of better after the first few days and than he spiked a fever and turned out he had ear infections in both ears....once that was treated he started making positive progress again and than decided to get some teeth :rolleyes:

I have also had infants in care who cried ALL THE TIME who turned out to have a food intolerance to dairy and were in pain from trying to digest their bottles / food and when they eliminated the dairy source - happy well adjusted child emerged with just the 'normal' amount of crying for an infant.

I hear you Alphaghetti! I just had two munchkins start this March and one of them I am a bit worried about. He is the youngest, 11mths, but boy does he know how to scream and seems very bossy! (Who would have thought this young!)I hope this will change because the mom is so so nice to work with. And my other little one, she started in January, she's a screamer too! She got better for a while because i would just use my firmer "mommy voice" to say no, we don't scream here. There is no need. Nothing bad is happening. I am just going to get the snacks ready, etc....but then she's been away for a week because she had croup, and today she is back and all the progress went down the drain! She used to scream when I went from one end of the room to another. So at least its not back that far I guess! She's a screamer in the stroller too though! Cause she is used to her daddy carrying her on their walks while he faces her and talks to her the whole time!!!!

Oh, Alpha... so sorry to hear.
Like the others said, is there any way to keep her "busy" by going for walks, etc? Even if she shrieks the whole time, at least you'll be out of the house and it might be easier to deal with?
I know that you practice attachment parenting and caregiving. But if you walk away, just for a few minutes to give yourself some breathing room, maybe it will be easier to come back to and deal with. I don't mean leave her to cry for hours. But if it's naptime, go to the kitchen and get yourself a cup of coffee or something. You need to recharge, too. Then you can give her some more time and attention, and be better for it.
I dunno, other than time and patience. But we are all hoping this gets better for you, and QUICKLY!!

Oh no Alpha, hold onto your sanity sweetie! I've been in those shoes with a little girl who started at 10 months old and screamed and made herself vomit and she screamed for 7 months! She's been with me for 3 years now and once we got her through her horrible phase she turned into the most wonderful little girl and gets better every year. I wondered if she was in pain all the time but she isn't allergic to anything.

Then I had a little boy start with me last Nov. and he screamed for 4 months and I thought from the beginning that he seemed like he was in pain, but a good experienced friend of mine wondered about a milk allergy. He DOES have a milk allergy and now that the parents finally took my suggestion to try to take him off milk he is a very happy little boy.

Yikes ~ that is so tough. Hang in there!!
Does the little one have a routine at home? I had a little one just scream non stop and even bummed her way to the front door to see out my front window to see when Mom was coming back to get her!! She did the same to me, upset all the time. Nap time was horrible until another provider told me about swaddling and it worked on this little one and she did end up sleeping (thank goodness) and her Mom started doing it at home too!
Turns out that Mom had her on no schedule at home ~ napped when ever, bed time wasn't constant. Also..her feet hardly ever touched the ground and the separation from Mom was too much for this little one.

Is the little one in your care prepared and ready for daycare?

She does have a schedule at home, and her parents assure me that she is your average little girl. When they were here for the interview, and again when they came to sign on (they were here almost an hour both times), she was completely fine. She sat on the floor and mouthed toys the entire time.

Let me ask you this guys...

Is it "normal" for a 12 month old to:

- only vocalise by cooing (no consonants)
- be unable to crawl, scoot, shimmy, commando or anything else to move around
- be incapable of pulling up to standing
- unable to cruise on furniture
- unable to get down to a sitting position when placed against furniture

My gut says she is physically "behind". If this is the case, and she is cognitively fine, as she seems to be, perhaps she's just massively frustrated??

ETA: she seems reasonably calm when we are outside, so I am desperately trying to be out as much as I can, but the other kids want to do their crafts, have their snacks, do their indoor routine as well.

Hi!

I can't comment on most of your concerns....except that my daughter was an extremely late 'mover'!! Other than rolling, she did not really move at all until she stood up in the middle of the floor and started running...at almost 17 months!!!! She could hold herself up if we leaned her against the sofa but would not move.

I hate being inside so something I do sometimes is just grab paper and glue sticks and let my kids run around the backyard collecting 'treasure' to make pictures with. They then just make a collage type picture while sitting at the outside table!

I hope she settles soon....I'm sure you are exhausted!!!!!!

I have a 13 month old who cannot pull himself to standing although he does commando crawl (he started that at around 11 months). He does vocalize quite a bit and can repeat things sometimes, but physically he seems behind to me. However, I've always put it down to the fact that he sleeps a lot...5 hours of napping during his 8 hours with me!!! More sleep means less time to practice moving around. Also, he is very happy in an exesaucer, so I suspect his parents put him in one a lot. I've also been wondering if his physical development is normal. However, he is very happy and NEVER cried from day one (unless he gets hurt etc), so I wouldn't necessarily put it down to frustration. Probably it is a harder adjustment for her for whatever reason

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Alphaghetti

She does have a schedule at home, and her parents assure me that she is your average little girl. When they were here for the interview, and again when they came to sign on (they were here almost an hour both times), she was completely fine. She sat on the floor and mouthed toys the entire time.

Let me ask you this guys...

Is it "normal" for a 12 month old to:

- only vocalise by cooing (no consonants)
- be unable to crawl, scoot, shimmy, commando or anything else to move around
- be incapable of pulling up to standing
- unable to cruise on furniture
- unable to get down to a sitting position when placed against furniture

My gut says she is physically "behind". If this is the case, and she is cognitively fine, as she seems to be, perhaps she's just massively frustrated??

ETA: she seems reasonably calm when we are outside, so I am desperately trying to be out as much as I can, but the other kids want to do their crafts, have their snacks, do their indoor routine as well.

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I swaddled her, and stayed in the room with her (still in here w her), and she's been asleep for over an hour! YAY! Thanks Reggio. I think it was you who suggested swaddling? I just didn't think it'd work, as she always pushes away when I try to hold her tight, and because my own kids wouldn't tolerate being swaddled after a few months of age. Thanks to all of you for the support.

Now. Let's see how this afternoon goes.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Alphaghetti

Let me ask you this guys...

Is it "normal" for a 12 month old to:

- only vocalise by cooing (no consonants)
- be unable to crawl, scoot, shimmy, commando or anything else to move around
- be incapable of pulling up to standing
- unable to cruise on furniture
- unable to get down to a sitting position when placed against furniture

.

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I would be a bit concerned....and I'd try to see if parents have mentioned this to Dr.?
My daughter was a very slow mover, (slow everything lol) started walking at 16mos but walking-walking by 18mos....she only started to move/crawl at 11mos. Our Dr. said as long as she's moving in SOME way by the time she's 1year it's ok. By the sounds of it she's not moving at all.....I would look a little deeper on that if I was her parent.

Is this a FIRST child for these clients?

Cause with first kids it is not uncommon for them to be 'late' developers .... if a child is held a lot as an infant they do not have the time and practice to develop the muscles to MOVE ... infants need lots of time on their bellies to develop upper body strength to crawl and without upper body strength they cannot WALK either even if they can 'sit' ... you need to have the upper body strength developed from pushing your head up off the floor, than up onto your hands and knees and so forth to BALANCE to pull yourself up to a stand and so forth.

Same with talking .... the more a babe is talked to and sang to in infancy the earlier t hey will take and babble and so forth cause the more 'exposure' they have had.

She very well could be frustrated in daycare seeing all the other children MOVING and not being able to do it herself, she could also be overwhelmed by all that 'action' and feeling like a sitting duck cause she cannot move out of the way and so forth so it could be anxiety as well?

I would start with some 'history' of how much time she has spent on her belly as an infant - if it is minimal cause she did not 'like it' cause that is often the excuse you hear cause some babes 'cry' cause they cannot SEE you ... I would start by getting the parents to work with you on developing upper body strength so she can 'catch up' .... google exercises for babies upper body strength for ideas on what to do to help.

As for lack of language - I too would talk to the parents 'I notice that little X is not really repeating alot of the noises when we read or sing - how is she at home when you read and sing with her?' ... if they are NOT reading or signing with baby than I would suggest to them that they START cause they are the precursers to language development ;)

Agreed that many, many first-time parents don't realize that most of the time, you need to "teach" these things a little bit. I mean, if you don't sit your baby up, allow them to slump over a little and then correct themselves, how will they learn? Veeerrrrryyyy slllloooowwwwlllllyy yyy. Hahaha.
Same goes for crawling, walking, etc. My oldest daughter didn't crawl until 10.5 mos, didn't walk until almost 16 mos. I was getting worried, but I could tell that it wasn't that she COULDN'T, she just WASN'T. I don't know if that makes any sense? I mean, I would stand her up, she had the strength etc in her legs, she just didn't seem to want to. So we were constantly encouraging by holding her hands to help her, etc.
The same goes for language. Personally, I would watch her in the coming month or two. If you have seen NO improvement whatsoever, then I would begin to worry about a developmental delay.